Category Archives: Leadership

Communication, Connecting, Leadership, Vulnerability

My Letter to Joe Biden

Dear Joe

I know you have a lot on your mind and that you are getting a great deal of pressure from many colleagues and follow politicians regarding what you should or shouldn’t do.

My voice is not likely to be one you will hear with all the noice.  But I still wanted to write.

I don’t have the answer.  You’ve been an okay President with a lot of stuff to deal with and honestly, I would never sign up for your job.

However, I don’t think you are dealing with this current situation very well. You seem very defiant and defensive about that horrible debate night.

People have concerns and most of us don’t really want to hear you say this isn’t going to be a problem.

It is a problem.  You are 81.  You show some signs of cognitive decline.  People working for you say you are good between 10AM and 4PM but you have a job that demands a lot longer hours.

I’m not saying you can’t be President.  But deal with your situation and address people’s concerns. 

You have always seemed like someone who is willing to have difficult conversations and talk across the table.  But you aren’t doing that in this situation.  At least not for the public to see and be a part of.  You seem hell bent on running.  At least dialogue and talk about the pros and cons. 

I am not sure I could ‘not vote for you’ because the alternative is a felon and that really is just wrong in my view.

But our country should have a better choice than an aging man in denial or a felon.

This isn’t all on you.  Shame on us for getting to this point.  We call ourselves a democracy, but we have been showing some serious cracks in that reality for a while now.

Still, you say your campaign is about saving democracy.  I think if that’s your platform you need to start listening to people and having the difficult conversations.  Talking about the concerns and addressing them.

It’s true, the people might want you to step down, but at least in listening and talking  with people openly, you are practicing democracy.

I think that shows courage and vulnerability.  Both things, I have at times seen in you.

Show up with that now.  Please don’t wait until is too late.

If democracy is going to be saved it isn’t about what happens in November but what we start doing now as people to demonstrate respect in the power and opinion of all people, not just our people, or politicians, or plays for power. 

We need to talk, listen and get real.  Otherwise, democracy is lost.

I don’t need you to write, but I do sure wish you would show up and be real.  

Susan

Connecting, Leadership, Life Experiences, Vulnerability

A Good Run For My Heart

It’s been quite a run. Yet very little running was done.

Between May to now has been filled with leading Haven programs, Couples Alive, Come Alive and a special offering for Women in the First Nations community, combining their wisdom with some of the Haven essence.

Usually when I am leading, running is my path for balancing and clearing my energy. I believe it helps me stay connected to my heart. This month taught me there’s other ways and maybe better ways for open-hearted leading.

For me personally, this run has been amazing. Up north the team included my dear friend and colleague, Leona Gallant. We go way back. We worked together at Tillicum Haus teaching the Addiction and Family Violence programs. It was wonderful reconnecting for the First Nations women week.

Our trip didn’t go quite as planned and each day offered opportunities to surrender my ideas of how the program would unfold and go totally in the moment with who was present. There was a lot happening within the community, as well, smoke from wild fires, that made for a heaviness in my chest and lungs. However, each member of the team was committed and the women who came bought their hearts, tears, anger and stories forward in ways that lifted each of us and ended in beautiful moment of creating on canvas.

The Team Tracy, Me, Leona and Christina

Home again, I found I wasn’t able to do my normal running and exercising, my lungs just wouldn’t allow for that effort. The goodness in that may have been finding other ways to connect and balance my body, heart and mind before leaving for a couples weeks at the Haven.

Couples Alive came first. It was a wonderful experience. The team included Bob and Ruth, dear friends and long-time Haven faculty. They shared they hadn’t been up on the island for a number of years and it was awesome to have them back, sharing the wisdom from their relating.

I loved the dance of leading with CrisMarie. We learn and grow as we lead. It’s a definite experience of giving and receiving with the team and the couples who share so deeply.

Beautiful sunset last night of Couples Alive

Then Come Alive. Always a special experience, as it was the first program I took at the Haven and started my transformation in relating and responding.

There were moments again where things didn’t go quite as planned. However, that’s a big part of what I love about leading at Haven. I have to both lead and surrender. It’s an amazing dance between being in a role and being real and human.

The team with me was wonderful. As always we were doing our work to ensure we could stay present and support building and holding a space for self-responding and relational learning.

In the end, I left full from my time on the island. This time not as exhausted as I have at times been in the past. Maybe because i wasn’t running to settle my energy. Instead I found myself sitting, silent, walking and relating between sessions. Something to consider even as my lungs return to a more happy place.

Taking the stage as. Leadership Flathead Graduation Speaker

My reentry this time involved being the speaker for Leadership Flathead graduating class. It was an honor to be invited and I said yes just before starting my run. Wasn’t able to plan a thing until I returned home just in time to put it together. Again something I’d usually run or ride to get clarity before writing but this time I sat, I reflected and when I got a clear message I made some notes. I was vulerable and nervous but it worked for me. I just needed to get out of my ego space and into heart and that always works – living, leading or speaking.

I don’t doubt I’ll be back on my bike and taking runs in the woods. However, I want to remember that my body doesn’t need to be fit, trim and over-exercised to be a vessel for the work I am called to do. That work comes from the heart and heart health is more relational and real than looking good and making my MOVE goal.

Now relaxing after a cool evening bike ride! with my honey!

Communication, Connecting, Leadership

Come Alive

Downtown HarborAir Terminal

Sitting at The HarborAir terminal downtown Vancouver waiting for my flight to Nainamo.  Heading over to Gabriola for a Come Alive followed by a Couples Alive.

I bought along my copy of Being, Ben and Jock’s book edited by Toby.  It’s still a great read and much like Come Alive so relevant to living, loving and being on this human journey.

I am partially reading it now because I am the primary leader for this Come Alive and though I have an incrediable team around me, I feel somewhat responsible for ensuring I am grounded in the models and able to teach the foundational pieces that make this program great.

Over the years, I have led with grit, with force, with my own agenda and counted on my co-leader to make sure I didn’t get to caught up in standing out or being too rigid.

For those unfamiliar with the term standing out, I’d say it falls into the category of trying to achieve, be perfect, lead from the front or just a role.

Sometimes that’s might be needed but usually leading involves standing forth. Coming from an inner strength and knowing, the right mix of being personal, real and relational while also providing some structure and confidence in the path set forth.

So I’m reading Being. As I read, I am feeling warmth and gratitude for Ben, Jock, Joann, and the many, many mentors and friends who have been a big part of my own journey.

I’m also reading through our recent scripts for The Beauty of Conflict because that too is a translation of the learning that I believe has ensured my on-going commitment to aliveness, intimacy and relationship.

So I wait for my seaplane and reflect. I watch the various clouds passing – from threatening storms to fluffy white puffy bubbles.

I am reminded of Ben’s story of the train station. How often people wait for the ‘right’train, assuming that they’ll somehow know when that ‘right’ train arrives. Sadly they often waste time waiting and miss getting on a train.

That’s kind how I feel about Come Alives – I signed up for this one and I am already fully on the train (well planes in this case). Enjoying the journey and discovering as I go who will be joining me for the ride.

As I take my journey I am aware of various moments from the many, many, many Come Alives I have taken – all the way back to the one I stepped into with my sister, Penny, over 30 plus years ago. All amazing and all hold a piece of the trapestry of me I’ll bring to leading this one.

Should be a blast.

Connecting, Connection, Leadership, Life Experiences

We Are All In This Together – Right? Right!

We’re In This Together

This has been a rallying cry for me since we stepped into Shelter-In-Place here in Montana and agreed to support the flattening of the curve. 

During this time period, though distant, I have felt close with various parts of the country, geographically scattered members of my family, friends and community as well as other countries around the globe facing this Pandemic.

At times it has been scary and for sure filled with uncertainty and questions.  It seems like each step of the journey has introduced new information, new elements that have tossed me into a cycle of change and transition.

However, the rallying cry, ‘we are in this together’ – kept me aligned strong and committed.

Now there is a new crack that has challenged my belief about being in this together.

Re-opening has started. 

This process of re-opening seems incredibly chaotic and disjointed.  I don’t see or feel the we are all in this together anymore!

Each state has is doing it’s own thing and there seems to be all sorts expert opinions that offer very differing perspectives on what is best or safest.

I believe here the biggest driver may economics and I get that this is a very serious concern.  Our economy is based on businesses small and large operating. People being able to spend and sell. 

There are also some mentions of why this may even be a healthy choice – though much like alternative medicine when it comes to health issues – these ideas are not the standard nor considered evidence-based.

The problem – we don’t have a great deal of evidence around a Pandemic and may be not enough data collected to know this virus.

So it’s all a bit of guess work.

Blown Away: AKA My oh Sh%T Moment!

Seriously this so reminds me of the day I discovered the treatment for my cancer wasn’t working. My doctor and medical team, informed me they didn’t have other options. I probably had 3 to 6 months to live. 

I was blown AWAY.  I was certain that as experts and leaders they were going to get me through this health crisis. In that moment, I got that was not the case. I discovered that really my medical team at that point was in it with me if I understood and traveled the road where I believed I was most certainly dying.

Oddly I as I moved out beyond the medical model I discovered many other ‘experts’ with differing strategies to offer me.  Some of which were possibly going to prolong my current life expectations. 

This is when the conflict really surfaced! 

These experts were not very friendly and did not agree. I did not experience being in this together! The next few years of my journey around my health were riddled with uncertainty and conflict. 

I did call my various ‘experts’, my team.  However, I would not say we were cohesive. I discovered some of these experts were very helpful in encouraging me to pull the diverse expertise and wisdom into my decision-making.  These ‘experts’ also provided me a language and a way to tap into my own resources and make simple decisions out of complex data and differing perspectives that supported me day-to-day in living my full life – not just a cancer storyline.

I am very grateful for those people.

I am so grateful that I rode the wave of conflict and uncertainty. That I stayed curious and as a result I think creative.

Back To Today

I am looking back now, thinking this is again a time to rally around diverse perspectives, conflict and find ways to make simple decisions that support my life, my family, my business and my community moving forward.

A want the rally cry to be we are in this together – however, I can only find that ground when I am willing to embrace the conflict.  Not make those different wrong but try to find the threads that can weave the fabric together.

I do believe it is possible.  I have seen, felt and lived through this type of crisis.  I want to be a lighthouse that shines a beacon for that possibility.  I am here and I am still with you – even if our navigational feedback is presenting a different path. Even in the uncharted and and potentially dangerous terrain each person, business, state and country is taking, I do still believe we are in this together!

Connecting, Leadership, Life Experiences

Learning From Wild Mustangs

Going to the Wild Mustangs

I am heading off to work with the Mustangs. I find myself excited and curious.
The stories I have heard from earlier classes create some uncertainty. Yet as I reflect on my intention I find I settle.

I am NOT heading into this to tame a mustang.
I am NOT seeking to become a horse whisperer.

I AM seeking to discover how I can settle inside myself.
Let go of my attachment to outcomes without letting go of imagining and dreaming.

I am far less concerned about taming a wild mustang,
Than discovering how to quiet my mind.

I imagine I will judge myself.
I imagine I will frighten myself.
I imagine I will challenge myself.

I want to discover how to read the cues and signals
Without getting loud.
I want to connect without reservations,
Knowing my safety comes from within,
Knowing I can listen and hear the music.
I can step back and observe.
I can be held.

Yes, these are some of my desires.
I want to connect,
But more so invite.
I want to feel the vibration,
Mine and that of others.

I want to learn lessons from the masters.

Returning from Learning from the Wild Mustangs

So I wrote the intentions above on my way to the workshop. Now coming home I look back and smile. I have a felt sense of having reached for and lived my intentions fully!

I was willing to step into vulnerability and notice when a wave of reaction or separation rose to the surface. I didn’t flinch or run, but dropped in and felt. I worked to share, as best I could, through the awkwardness of my words, my message.

I noticed the moments when that message was received or responded too with something different in return. I didn’t lose myself in the feedback. I listened. I received. I remained sane and open to what did fit and what didn’t.

This lesson came through so clearly from Petey, the most wild one. He was the mustang that presented with what seemed to be deeply held patterns of fear and uncertainty. He was the one that presented with the greatest resistance to touch or connection. He’d nip or bite at his dearest companion, the one who knew him best, Max. He’d tuck down and move rapidly to avoid our hands. When touched he’d come out bucking and kicking. Yet with a break and time to release the fear and anxiety, he’d turn and follow Max back in for more.

Finally, he discovered the comfort of touch and relaxed. Until the next morning and the waves of his uncertainty came again. Only this time not quite as strongly or for as long.

In so many ways his willingness and curiosity was inspiring. I found myself more willing to trust and open. Knowing that there was nothing to be fixed or that I had to do right but that I could keep working at my pace. Some would not understand why some lessons didn’t stick – but some would and more importantly I would, showing compassion and kindness for myself, staying vulnerable.

Petey taught me to be okay in just showing up. Far from perfect. Not right. Real.

Max, on the other hand, was one of those beings who stepped into the moment and with each new door opening, stepped in. I imagine he will find his person and forever home first. That relationship is likely to come more rapidly and easily. Yet, his journey was not less filled with trauma. He simply let go with more grace and ease.

I have often longed to be like Max. Yet I found my mirror in Petey. Trust still does not come easy. However, trust does come. I believe Petey will also find a home, though it is not a given. That is part of the work, getting these wild mustangs to a place where they can find a home and continue this work of building relationships. This does require someone who is able to keep the training going. I hope it will someone with the heart and patience of trainers like Koelle and Kasia. I do believe he will be okay. He has a willingness to show up and someone will see that potential even through the waves of resistance, fear and uncertainty.

One night, I had a dream I was riding Petey. The dream was so vivd and real. I could feel the quiver, the power and the wild heart and spirit. I also felt my own heart beating in return.

We all have our journey. Some are more turbulent than others. My greater goal is to live with an open-heart – that may indeed be a cracked open heart – I’ll take the scars and I’ll relish when the light shines through. Just like Petey.

Leadership, Uncategorized, Vision

What I Know For Sure

This started as a ramble.  I have horrible cold.  I decided to write.  In the end,  I get to a valuable and important point…what I know for sure.  Hang in with me! 

I am feeling humbled by marketing.  In the past three weeks we’ve worked very intently to build our list and get the word out about our online program Get Unstuck, Build Your Mojo.

We’ve tried a variety of different approaches.  We ran a free  training and when our own efforts to market were not as successful as we wanted in terms of attracting new people.  We connected to a wonderful Facebook advertising person, who helped us create a new campaign.  Good news: we had an amazing response, our largest registration yet for our free training.  We actually had to upgrade our software because of the numbers. We were thrilled.

However, due to a crash of Customer Resource Management tool, the emails to ensure all could join the training, did not go out as scheduled.  Still, some people made it, but we realized we’d failed the folks who had taken that step and signed up.

We decided to provide an encore training, to make sure we provided those people an opportunity to connect with us live.  Long and short of it, not many people showed up for that training. We were disappointed because I believe the training was rich and worth the time. Again, our ROI was low.

In other words – if numbers and sign-ups are the success measure, we failed.

We also tried an Instagram photo contest.  Which got me a bit more up to speed and a few folks engaged.  But again, not what we had hoped in terms of numbers.

Now moving into the final days before Get Unstuck, I find myself a bit discouraged.

I really like the Get Unstuck program we’ve created, and I know each time we run it, the people engaged share the value they get from it.

However, as a pathway for pulling our tribe and finding our people, I am just not sure what we’re doing is working.  It is possible our tribe is finding us AND it is just small.  Well – small in numbers – not in heart!

During this time spent marketing, I have enjoyed building new relationships.  One with our new Assistant, Allison.  Another with Ana and her Facebook team.  In addition, all those folks who have signed up, showed up, and participated in the training and took a chance at the Instagram context.  I do value all of these connections.

Still,  today as I dealing with a bad cold, smokey wildfire weather (since when did this become a regular August event), and not having hit my goal for sign ups for the Get Unstuck – I am bit disheartened.

In the past few weeks,  we have also spent a lot of time with some of our corporate clients.  We’ve been engaged in few leadership development programs.  That too, has played a factor in my disheartened state.

In each situation, we had been bought in because of someone strongly endorsing the programs we designed and delivered to them over a decade ago.  In each situation, the impact those programs had on their careers was profound.  So when looking for a leadership design team to partner with their current companies they called us.

That’s the good news, which was both humbling and rewarding to hear.

However, even though we were hired because of our passion and commitment to build real relationship and ensure that relationships matter equal to results, we have had to wrestle and witness very high value pieces of our content get taken away or dismissed at the highest levels of these organizations.

For me, this too is incredibly discouraging.  I know we’ve done our best not to water down our content.  We’ve worked to partner and be honest and real when we did not agree.  I’m grateful for that.

But here’s the deal for me and where I am realizing I do have some things I KNOW to be TRUE!

When I was young and launching into my career – I fell.  I collapsed and was soon facing cancer instead of rising on my career path.  As a result of these health challenges,  I spent my early twenties trying to get back up on my feet.  My best entrepreneurial efforts were spent rallying my own efforts to turn around my health and creating a road ahead that had a better prediction then 3 to 6 months.

The path that generated the energy and motivation to walk that road was a clear and unwavering desire to be real, show up in relationships, face the differences, and find a way to be ME and build a WE.

That focus gave me the heartbeats and the will, day in and day out,  to breath and face the next mountain.

I wonder if I hadn’t had to take that cancer, medical journey then would I have realized that relationships are the foundation of health, wealth and community.

I fear that too many people in their twenties are looking up at super rich or super brilliant entrepreneurs and being motivated by that level of genius and success. I’m not saying that’s wrong, but it is missing something crucial.

I doubt many look at my life and say – wow – I wish I had learned that relationships matter as much or more than results, when I was young.

HERE’S WHAT I KNOW FOR SURE:

No amount of money, business success, or brilliance is as important over time as learning how to relate. Nothing.

Learning to be vulnerable in the face of what life throws at you is way more courageous than being brilliant!

Being curious even in the face of cancer or you version of hell – is much more life-enhancing over time than always winning and getting the numbers right!

This is what I know for sure.

CrisMarie often tells me I don’t say it enough that I do believe I have an answer for whatever ills you.    It is true I may not say it in a voice of hubris and over- confidence.

The problem for me is that the answer I offer isn’t easy or certain – it is a path riddled with uncertainty. However, it is a path of tremendous reward.

Get Unstuck as been built on that path.  If you are inclined to take a path towards relational health and have the courage to launch yourself into the unknown – may be only with a slither of a dream –  join us!

We start on AUGUST 21st!

 

 

Leadership, Uncategorized

A Plug for Relational Leadership

I hear lots of people, colleagues and business leaders, talking about a desire to be thought leaders.

I have to admit, there was a time when it was also an aspiration of mine.

However, I have shifted. I’m no longer that interested in thought leadership. I am much more inspired and interested in relational leadership.

Even up at The Haven, over the years I know there’s been a desire to make Haven a thought leadership center.

Maybe that was the mission of the founders, Ben Wong and Jock Mckeen, at one point. It is likely that they were thought leaders. But more than anything else, I think they were relational leaders.

That is where The Haven shines!

When I arrived at The Haven, I did not really have a clue what it meant to be relational. I had spent most of my life defended and surviving.

I don’t want to be too harsh with myself about that. Through rocky, challenging times, I had come up with some pretty creative ways to make my way in the world. I didn’t have a clue just how guarded and protected I had become.

My walls and armor started cracking during my first Come Alive. I was in awe of what I witnessed. The compassion, the vulnerability, and the curiosity that I saw offered to each person in our circle was truly moving.

We all have judgments about what we see and experience. The Haven offered a path for sharing those judgements. Sharing those judgments through storytelling is used as a way of letting someone else know how they see the world. Judgements are not bad, judgements are simply stories worth checking out and using as a bridge to reveal how each of us put our reality together.

The key was a willingness to own my story-making and be curious about sharing that with another to see if they agreed or disagreed.

That shift was huge for me. I could be curious and get feedback. Sometimes I would, and still do, get feedback that I hurt myself. Feedback is like a location device. Instead of taking it all so personally, I allow myself to absorb the information as though someone were telling me in real time where and how they were connecting with me. I also understand that this is a path to locating myself.

Over the years I have come too discover that these relational tools are not thought-based. These tools—along with breath, attention and awareness—are spiritual and embodied.

I reveal my location in the world when I reveal myself, without proving, defending or fighting. This is incredibly vulnerable and very relational. You see, to me, this is relational leadership at its best. Locating ourselves with each other with openness, honesty and curiosity.

So that’s why I think thought leadership is overrated. What we need today is more relational leadership. Leading that is built around honesty, vulnerability, curiosity and compassion. Now that takes courage and, frankly, I believe that is a lot harder than just thinking of new ideas.

The truth is—leadership is all about relationships!

Do you want to discover how to be more of a relational leader in your life? Take a Come Alive, read our book or sign up for Relationship Mojo!

Try on sharing your judgements as a path of vulnerability and location setting (declaring where you are in any moment) . Get curious about how your inner story-telling came to be. Get curious about how someone else might be putting those pieces together very differently.

Get curious about really relating!

Leadership, Vision

Reflections From Living Alive

I’m at the halfway point in the Living Alive Phase 1 program on Gabriola and enjoying a break.

This is always a great time to reflect on what I’ve be learning and discovering during this 26 day journey.

Probably for me, one of the biggest joys has been in witnessing a group of people with diverse backgrounds, ages and stories – come together and be so willing to embrace each experience and support each other along the way.

Sure there have been some moments when I have wondered if someone will hang in or come back when it’s been too much or something deep has been stirred. However, I haven’t found myself losing faith in the process or the more importantly the person!

I like that I haven’t found myself pushing or thinking – “They have to get this NOW!!”.

Somewhere along the road of my own journey, I have become less anxious when I don’t have control or the contact I might want with someone.

I have less need to get them on the path I think is best and so have more willingness to let someone do their own thing while I am simply maintaining my location.

I’m thinking a lot of my willingness to stay located inside myself and less focused on an agenda for others comes from my work with the horses.

I think watching and learning from the herd has helped me trust the connections even when there’s distance or differences that appear to be big. I settle knowing the best path through a storm is to maintain my own location and be a beacon, the mare – not pushing or pulling but present and aware.

So far I find myself being less concerned about making sure everyone ‘gets it’ – whatever ‘it’ is – and instead tracking my willingness to be open, curious and clear.

I’m not there all the time, but much more than in the past. As a result, I find myself much more joyful and open-hearted.

Who knows what will be stirring as we step into Part B.

I do love this program because it such a wonderful opportunity to settle in and discover. Discover patterns. Discover new choices. Become more comfortable in my own discomfort and/or uncertainty.

Some may wonder, as a leader shouldn’t I be more certain about what might come next.

I know enough to provide the playing field, the boundaries and a path. I also know enough now to let the each person’s journey unfold from there.

Leadership

Leading and Following

The Movement Between

Sitting reflecting. I am a week into Living Alive Phase I, just after finishing The Haven Leadership Summit and I find myself reflecting on leading and following.

For some this may seem a bit to Haven focused. Bare with me, or better yet, apply to your own experiences with being deeply engaged in learning, work or some aspect of your life that has been very familiar and involves discovering that you as leader might need to grow and yet also stay in some ways the same!

During the Summit the idea of leadership and followership had come up and I was intrigued and reminded of how much my own journey as a leader has been about discovering the dance between leading and following. There is both an internal aspect and movement that occurs, as well as the external shift from being in a role as leader and as follower.

For me, as I have become more comfortable in my own skin, and to be clear this can be comfortable in discomfort, I find myself much more fluid in leading and following.

Of course there are moments when I am struck by my own strong agenda or vision for what I want to have happen. I like that about myself. I like having a vision and being willing to stand forth and offer a direction. It’s a bit like my belief about judgements. That I am judgemental, I like. I enjoy using my ability to imagine, assume and discern. I also enjoy meeting and ‘clashing’ with new information and someone else’s assumptions. I notice when I am okay in my beliefs, I am quite open to the bump of a new view and can integrate the new information. When I am not so okay with myself, I can tend to fight or flight in some attempt to stay right!. I am finding this is a similar dance in leading and following.

Over the years as a faculty member at The Haven, I have had strong views on what is important and foundational, what needs to stay the same and what seems ‘special’ about our way of approaching group dynamics, aliveness and energy. I recognize that I have at times been defended and quite unwilling to embrace something I judged to be outside of the playing field I called Haven.

I have shifted in more recent years. Some of the shift has come from my exploration of new ways of thinking and experiencing growth. Some of the shift, as been because I keep hearing that others want something different and as someone in a role of leadership I want to be open and receptive.

At the Summit, I noticed so many new faces, new voices speaking up about diversity, leadership, youth, eldership, training, counseling, educating and embodiment. I found myself integrating much of the input into my understanding of The Haven, filtering new theories or thoughts into ways of thinking and embodying that have been so useful to me over the years.

At times it was exciting and I could feel the expansion and inclusion happening both inside me and around me in the room and online. Other times, I noticed my own contraction and fear that there was too much desire for change or something new. At times I spoke of my resistance and at times I simply sat with myself and wondered.

Of course with the Living Alive Phase starting hours after stepping out of the Summit, I have had an opportunity to notice what am I including now as I lead and what might I have dropped.

In truth, I love the Living Alive Phase I format. I find both structure and freedom in what has been a core Haven program for well over thirty years. Yet, I also have moments of wanting to introduce something new or noticing someone is leading us into something new and I have that choice to follow or not.

I am aware of my tendency to get swallowed into my world of The Haven and lose contact with the much larger world around me. So on a day when I have some extra time, I enjoy pulling myself out of my Haven world of leading and following and checking to see what is happening in the world around me.

I would love to hear from you and what does leading and following mean in your world. Is leading a role? Is following a different one? Do you dance in your own life between the these concepts? Are there areas of your life that are working and could use some new and fresh ideas? How do you grow and keep what works?

I’d love to hear from you.

Communication, Leadership

Learning About Leadership From Horses

I love watching a herd of horses. There is so much going on and yet it can all seem so subtle.


Today, I sat and watched a herd of geldings for thirty or forty minutes. There were 15 in the herd. Their space had recently been downsized due to a need to seed an area for future use.

Thirteen of the horses were gathered in relatively small area. Most were standing with their front legs locked and shifting the weight on their back legs. They almost seemed asleep, were it not for the flick of a ear, usually directed at me. Yes, they knew I was watching as soon as I had moved towards the pasture.

I settled and took in the larger scene. Two of the geldings were off from the herd, grazing. Their ears were also trained on my position. It is amazing how subtle and keenly perceptive horses are to any movement in their environment.

When I first started watching horses I would hardly notice the little movements. Now, I was getting much better at picking up when one of the horse would make a very small shift backwards, pushing the horse behind him ever so slightly. Today, I could see that the signal was not at all subtle to the horse receiving it.

Pretty much everything about the arrangement was an intricate communication network where there were clear lines of dominance and order. Where boundaries were being set with minuscule gestures and smaller connections were well established even if undetected by the my human eye.

I realized as I was watching, I was learning a great deal about leadership. I have often thought of leadership in terms of dominance, who had the loudest gestures or offered the loftiest vision. We as humans tend to think of leadership in those terms.

But really leadership has a lot more to do with who amongst us is really the calmest, clearest and most embodied. In a herd of horses, there may be a dominate horse but that has little to do with the leader. No the leader in a herd of horses, is the horse that is calmest, and most embodied. It may not always be the same horse, in today’s gathering there was one gelding that stood slightly away from larger group between the cluster and the two grazers. If any of the others, made a slight move in his direction, his tail would swish and the advancing horse would move back. Nothing big, nothing loud, just clear. This horse was in many ways the most settled and defined – not through dominance – but just presence and space. I knew he was the one who would pick up any signal that truly needed the herd’s attention and would ignore any other type of intrusion.

Leadership can seem almost boring when watching these horses until my eyes adjust and I begin to see just how incredibly advanced and intricate the interplay and communication has become.

In the world of horses, leadership is about safety and living well together. It’s about ensuring that each member has a place and contributes. It’s about each member being able to express needs, desires and getting clear signals about what works and what doesn’t. It’s about making sure that when one horse is resting, other’s are aware and watching.

We could learn so much about leadership through observing and watching how horses and other pack animals communicate and live together.

Yet, for the most part we don’t. Wouldn’t the world be a better place if leadership wasn’t about who is dominate – but instead about who is calmest, clearest and is able to notice when real danger is afoot. Imagine a leader like that. Wouldn’t that be great!