That’s what I shared as my intention introducing myself to the circle of Koelle Institute of Equus coaches and coaches-in training at the practicum taking place at Apache Springs, AZ last weekend.
Most of those gathered were there to fill in their learning gaps and get ready for their certification review.
I am already certified and could be promoting and working as an Equus Coach right here in Montana.
But I am not.
Instead, I continue to practice, volunteer at other Equus coaches workshops, and see clients for free.
Well, I spook myself when it comes to saying – “I’m a good enough Equus Coach, and I would love to offer you a chance to discover the magic in learning more about yourself and leadership through engaging with horses.”
I tell myself, this is because of my fear of horses, but that was true two years ago, not today. Yes, I still can spook myself when I am out there demonstrating some of the possible ways to interact and play with a horse, or when I see someone not be sensitive when they move in too close behind the horse.
I tell myself, I need to get beyond my fears before I really launch my own Equus Coaching practice.
But let’s be completely frank, this spooking business is a well-worn habit of mine.
I remember, over twenty-fives years ago, stepping in to lead my first Come Alive at The Haven. I was scared – terrified – on the inside! No horses there – just me and my fear of stepping into leadership!
But I did it and have been doing it ever since.
Even with all that leading under-my-belt, I can still at times feel that doubt and/or fear rise to the surface before the start of a Come Alive or Living Alive Phase Program. However, I have learned to acknowledge and work with my fear and self-doubt, not wait for the fear to be gone. No, my path is to acknowledge that place of self-doubt and lead anyway!
In many respects I actually like that place of vulnerability and uncertainty. I am more real and transparent when I work from that space.
Still, there are times when I wish I was always confident and had no doubts about leadership or what I have to offer as a person or as a coach. However, that would just be hubris and frankly not very effective.
Mastery is about riding the waves of my fluctuating self-confidence, having faith in both my own inner knowing and faith in not knowing and allowing the universe, my soul, to guide me.
I am best when I am transparent and acknowledge what I am really thinking and feeling – and sometimes that is the underlying fear and sometimes it is an inner sense of knowing and presence. It’s in the willingness to acknowledge both that I often discover I am not alone. In other words, I connect deeply to the world around me.
When I come from a place of hubris or over-confidence that connection is not there, instead, I am relying on what I know – not tapping into the greater resources of the universe! The same is true when I deny my abilities or wisdom as a coach or leader. Both ways I shut my connection to the energy from my soul, the universe.
But back to finding my mojo and bringing my work home to Montana.
Sure, I could wait until I become consistently comfortable and confident around horses. I could see if my confidence could rise and carry me out into the world as an expert coach and equine facilitator. However, that might take a little too long, and frankly, that’s all ego and has very little to do with what becomes possible when I don’t have to be perfect.
In fact, I just have to show up; vulnerable and real. The real me, a horse, and another person are quite enough for ensuring that transformation and magic can happen.
With that said, I am opening my Equus coaching practice here in Montana. I’d love to work with you. If you live here great, it will easy. If you don’t, well I am offering Leadership Mojo Intensives and those will involve horses and other ways of mastering your connection to yourself and the world around you.
I’m ready. I’m may still have moments of fear and I have my mojo.
Come discover yours and even if you discover it’s not that perfect, confident version of leader you might like – just know that the real gold is in the soft spots – it’s where you discover the power in connection!
What you may not know, leading is never a solo experience!