Category Archives: Connection

Inspired By Tracy & I am Not Alone

I am inspired by Tracey Chapman and this isn’t the first time.

Best moment of the Grammy’s was when Tracy Chapman joined Luke Combs to sing Fast Car.

That was a magical moment on so many levels.  White guy, county singer and black woman, musical legend. 

I watched the clip of Luke Combs talking about his reasons for redoing the song.  He loved the song, grew up listening to it and it was one of the first songs he played.  That’s something.

I’m not a music star, country or otherwise.  However, Tracey Chapman sure did influence my life and her song, Promise, was one of the first songs I sought to learn on the guitar. 

Tracy Chapman I believe has inspired many. Her songs speak to the soul and connect, across devides.

Now that this moment has happened, I am sort hoping Tracey may make more musical appearances. 

Sounds like she is a special woman who lives a life out of the public scrutiny.  Maybe not now.  With people just learning she lives in ________ (don’t want to add on so just ___) .  Her solitude might be shaken.  I hope not.

I have a story that she is still writing songs and music.  Maybe even playing for non-advertised audiences.

Her song writing and music remind me of my own writing – yes there are books and articles for press, public and broad consumption, but that’s not why I write and I am guessing never why she wrote, sang and shared.

I write because it’s sooths an ache or fills a deep need/desire to connect and not be so alone.

I don’t know for sure but that’s what I saw on that stage the other night.  Two amazing singers, worlds a part in many ways – bridging through a song.  All of us getting to share in that special moment.

I wish could invite her to the stage here in Whitefish, MT.  Wouldn’t that be cool.

Maybe that’s a LONG shot but in the meantime, I have gotten back out my guitar and I’m practicing my favorite Tracy tune: Promise. 

No worries I won’t share my version with you but here’s a Tracy version:

In The Spirt of Experimenting

Every year I like to come up with a word or phrase as a theme for the year. This year’s theme or word is EXPERIMENTING.

This word came out of a strategic session CrisMarie and I had for our launch of the Beauty of Conflict Journey. This has been a project started over a year ago and now moving out into the world

What I like about this word is that it implies a level of curiosity that I believe is critical for joy and aliveness.

Experimenting also has a touch rigor and practice implied as well. When I am experimenting, I do start with some assumption and then try things that may or may not improve or provide insight into where to go next.

We knew what was most important for thrive! and the new Journey was going to be successfully marketing and getting the message out.

However, sometimes marketing feels overwhelming. I don’t know how to cut through the noise. There are so many people saying to this, do that, be sure you don’t do this or that.

Measure, measure likes, new leads, thumbs, thumbs down, and if you are not getting results, (i.e. likes, sales or leads) do something different.

I am sure there is some nugget of truth in all the suggestions. Although I know I don’t live openhearted and inspired by tracking likes, leads, thumbs up or sales.

So, when one of us came up with the theme: Experiment marketing thrive’s Beauty of Conflict Journey, my heart relaxed, and my brain woke up with possibilities.

It seemed only natural then to use Experimenting as my personal word for 2024.

This word inspires me beyond our business. I am experimenting with a bunch of new community activities: contra dancing, Uke jam sessions, a book club and these all showed up as invitations just after I picked my word, and I said yes!

I also watched my niece Carolina, do this amazing Instagram Live when she found herself unable to run a cooking class because of blizzard like weather. In a short 20-minute Instagram Live she taught us how to make Savory Oatmeal. OMG – it was awesome. I was inspired.

Now I am going to give Instagram live a try. Once a week I am going to come online and share, show, practice some type of breathing, movement, or personal development tip.

I am sharing a short video here to kick off for friends, family and followers hoping some of you might join at: https://www.instagram.com/thriveinc/ when I go LIVE next week.

Join Me Next week live follow us on Instagram for notification: https://www.instagram.com/thriveinc/

I am still deciding on the day. I likely will be experimenting starting with Monday or Tuesday and I’ll send a post as a reminder on our site. Be sure to follow us.

Remember experimenting is a great way to be curious and vulnerable. Let’s have some fun together.

One Life Well Lived, Too Many Cut Short

I learned sad news last week while traveling. David Raithby, a fellow Faculty member at The Haven, had passed away suddenly.

I admit I was stunned by the news. David and I go way back. Yes, we have had our differences, our conflicts. But David was one of kind and someone who truly believed in the Haven.

He was a remarkable man and great facilitator who cared deeply about people and healthy relating. Even in our differences I respected his words, his heart and commitment to life, living and being human.

I so appreciated the piece he had written days before his death which was shared with the Haven community by his family. The piece spoke to what seemed like the freedom he had found in life and the fullness of a life well lived.

Now home for a spell. I find myself wondering. Why? Why are so many gone. Why don’t I feel sad in their passing. I do feel deeply for his family and their loss. But sometimes when a life seems so well lived, shared, and connected to all around, I don’t cry or feel despair.

While other deaths and tragedy’s leave me in deep despair.

I don’t know any of the children in Gaza that have died. But I have cried as I read stories of children screaming in pain in the bombed hospital.

I don’t know any of the Israeli families holding out to see the return of the hostages or who are sending their own family members into war. But I felt deep sorrow for the fear they carry for always living with a belief that they are targets of hate.

I don’t directly know anyone who has lost their home or family through the war there or in the Ukraine. Yet, those stories fill my heart with pain and deep sorrow. The loss of life so tragic and the situation so irreconcilable.

I do believe there is beauty in conflict. Even in what can seem like irreconcilable conflicts.

However, when the divide has become religious or political, the humanity seems to get lost and there are only sides, enemies, and righteousness.

People lives become numbers.
No time to bury the bodies.
To be together and honor a life too short or one well lived.

The pain just stays, and the conflict and divide grow deeper.
There becomes only agony and pain. Hate

This is why I don’t care much for religion or politics.
The right or wrong of the many paths all seeming to come from the same point of origin.

So many wars have been fought.
So many lives lost.

For what.

I know many will say for freedom.
But I can’t help but go to the words of Nelson Mandala:

“For to be free is not merely to cast off one’s chains, but to live in a way that respects and enhances the freedom of others.”

Not sure we’ll ever get there through religious or political beliefs.

Though I imagine based on David’s words – he got there.

Covid and Trump

Just when I thought Covid was background after a few years of playing havoc in our lives, it’s shown back up loudly in my world.

I never got sick during the first three years and about three weeks ago after lots of travel, I had what I thought was allergies. I tested postive. It was a bit of a shocker, and a bit rough for a day or two, but I moved through and went back to testing negative and moving forward.

Then CrisMarie had it and that resulted in me going to a two day off site without her.

It all worked. However, I was pissed at Covid.

Come Alive

I headed off to Haven for a Come Alive. I had a full group and great team. One day in and I was heading up to group and got informed one of the participants had some symptoms and had tested positive.

I have to admit it was a jolt. COVID again!

We’d been together as group and I knew there were likely to be concerns. I wasn’t sure what to do. Yet there we were.

It became a great opportunity to face uncertainty and dialogue. We each had to address how we would deal with our uncertainty. Some put on a mask. Some asked to test. Others were fearful and just spoke to their concerns. Our now quarantined member, couldn’t leave the island, so we had them join on Zoom.

All things considered Covid did disrupt, but also gave a great moment for deep dialogue and self-responsible relational living.

The Come Alive ended well and even our Zoom member reframed their Come Alive experience amazingly well. My heart was warmed by how everyone worked with all that came up.

Next Couples Alive

Couples Alive starts today and already Covid is in the air. One couple couldn’t come. CrisMarie is still not well and not able to join. One of the assisting couples had heard about the CA and has their own journey with Covid beliefs and concerns, causing them to cancel.

Suddenly I was confronted again. Covid isn’t going away. It almost seems louder than in those silent days of being at home.

Covid and Trump

Covid reminds me right now of Trump. I thought he’d for sure be gone by now too. But much like Covid, he seems to keep rearing up and stirring up fear and polarized opinions.

I really want to blame Covid (and Trump) for what seems like a horrble thing. Yet I get it’s not the virus or Trump that’s really the biggest problem. I think it’s the fear, the division, and the lack of conversation that is the real issue. Actually I think that fear may be keeping both much more alive and influential than either would be if we could learn to talk and share better.

Covid like any virius is going to keep surviving. I believe our job is to not to let it’s existence tear us a part and cause us to live in fear and righteousness.

Maybe what Covid offers is a chance to self- define, listen, and be curious. Do our best to be relational and make choices that honor ourselves and others.

Rules and regulations are not going to rid us of the virus. Just like court cases and votes don’t get rid of Trump.

Somehow we have to learn to live better together and not let our fears be what spreads dis-ease.

Seems I have to be curious and relational with Covid and even with Trump.

Celebrating Life: The Heart Beats & Connections

Love this Client gift AND the message – Speak Freely!

I don’t want to write about my reactions to headlines and stories of the madness that seems all about.

I do though want to connect.  To find a story or subject that resonates with my heart and possibly through simply sharing will resonate with you. 

Since my birthday is approaching, June 12 is the official day, I do want to take a moment to celebrate my precious time on this planet.

I have some fun planned here in Montana, a Pride rafting trip and the Downton Abbey New Era movie with friends. 

I’ve also added an extra day on a trip to Seattle, where I’ll be with family – Penny, Rob, Melissa, Melissa’s new boyfriend, Rick,  my mom, Clarke, Carolina, Janet.  I am hoping this will be an evening of music and fun.  Between Rob, Clarke, Rick, Melissa, Carolina – there’s plenty of musical talent.  

Want To Help Me Celebrate – Here’s one way – Bobbi’s Arena

These days it’s cool to have a way for people to share in a birthday through a charity or cause.  I know there are many big global options. But this year I would love to have you offer a donation to Bobbi Halls’ new arena.  She’s a special woman and I do look forward to being back out at the ranch for Find Your Mojo in Montana, happening October 6-9, 2022.  If you are inclined to offer a birthday gift, please offer a donation towards Bobbi’s new arena.  Here’s the link: https://gofund.me/6f08327d

Gratitude Does Come with Age and I am getting OLD!

I feel incredibly grateful for my life.  My amazing wife, CrisMarie and our two four-legged family members, Rosie and Zuzu.  Life is good.  Even with all the crazy.

Sometimes it’s hard to believe it’s been 62 years – damn, I am getting old.

I don’t really feel it.  Sure, I have the odd ache or pain.  My hair is grey (and I love it).  However, over the years life has simply gotten better – richer and fuller. 

This year did mark a big milestone.  I finally got that book out.  I’m pretty proud of my book, Crazy, Cracked, Warm and Deep.  At one time it would have been about the pain and loss. It also could have been longer and included other stories.  However, it’s short and makes the point I really think is worth making – Life really is about being relational – Not Right.

Heartbeats & Connection

As I step into year 63, I know time is limited.  However, life isn’t really measured in time. I think it is best measured in heartbeats and connections. 

I plan to make the most of those. 

I hope you do too.

Happy Birthday Lincoln – A True Bright Spot

Today’s is my great-nephew, Lincoln’s second birthday. (May 30)  This is little guy came into world at a time when things were not easy.

The world was in the throws of a global pandemic.  Our country was just day’s out from the murder of George Floyd.  There were fears, stress, hatred and much pain and grief.

In his own family, he was born not to long after his grandpa, Monte, my sister Melissa’s husband, had died after a battle with Pancreatic cancer.

However, this little guy has been nothing but a bright shining light!  Pretty much for all that get to visit and know him. 

I haven’t had that up close meeting yet.  But have stories and many pictures all showing the rays of sunshine he’s been radiating out for his first two years.

This latest birthday was celebrated with more bright spots.  I loved learning about his amazing joy in getting both a grilling tent and a small kitchen as his new favorite places to play.

Monte, his grandpa, was a great cook and griller.  No doubt some of that came through in the gene pool. 

You got love it when a little one takes to tee ball, golf, cooking and grilling.  Now that is a well rounded soul.

There is a lot of pain and sorrow in the world.  It’s hard to remember or find the bright spots.

Little Lincoln – he’s a definite bright spot.  So is all the loving and connection he and his family have shared together and via photos and Facebook with me and those of us not so close.

Happy Birthday Lincoln!!  Keep shining! 

So My Mask is off – Now What?

Mask Off

Here I sit.

Back at the coffee shop.

Last week everyone had on a mask.

Today, no one.

Now I am pretty sure everyone here in the coffee shop is not vaccinated. I might be wrong but statistics of our state support my prediction. It’s odd.

From mandatory to nothing. Overnight.

I’m comfortable enough. I am fully vaccinated and have found a table off in a corner. Plus, earlier this week I went to a evening musical event at the Great Northern. The place was BUSY. Myself and one other had on a mask. I kept mine on there partly because I just couldn’t quite shift from the all in to nothing.

Maybe it makes sense. In our state and area if you wanted to get vaccinated you could have done it by now. Plus there was already a strong segment of the population that was never going to get vaccinated, nor wear a mask.

I am working my way through the change. Bringing a mask and making my decisions as I go.

Are we heading back to normal? Is Covid now the new flu?

Then there’s all the bigger, may be even more critical issues that have surfaced. Social injustice, equity and poor public health and access to health care. What will happen with those issues?

I’d like to think we won’t just go back to the way things were. Yet if the ease at which we eliminated wearing mask is any sign – well I’m not so sure we’ll stay engaged without an ever present crisis. Let’s face for many out there – things may still be a crisis or a painful period of grief.

Am I glad that I am fortunate enough to get pick my vaccine – yes. Am I grateful I didn’t lose a family member to Covid – yes. Am I grateful if I get pulled over it is unlikely i’ll be assumed guilty or worse – yes.

Indeed I am grateful for being privileged and I believe that comes with taking some responsibility. Yes – I can take off my mask and return to some type of normal. I also want to listen and not just assume all is now right in the world. It’s not. We still have a lot of work to do.

Let’s get to it. Be grateful. Hug your grandchildren. Throw a party. Then invite the conversation that isn’t happening.

The world really could be a better place for more – not just some.

Maybe you care about the climate.

Maybe you care about equity and justice.

Maybe you care about inclusion.

Pick something and take a step to make a difference.

It doesn’t have to be loud.

It doesn’t have to be HUGE.

Just take a step and if we all do that.

Well I believe we CAN make the world better for more than just ourselves.

When I was wearing my mask over these past months – it wasn’t for me. I liked knowing there was something I could and was doing for others. The mask made that easy.

I still want to do that.

So yes – the mask is off and now comes the hard part. What will I do next?

What about you?

We Are All In This Together – Right? Right!

We’re In This Together

This has been a rallying cry for me since we stepped into Shelter-In-Place here in Montana and agreed to support the flattening of the curve. 

During this time period, though distant, I have felt close with various parts of the country, geographically scattered members of my family, friends and community as well as other countries around the globe facing this Pandemic.

At times it has been scary and for sure filled with uncertainty and questions.  It seems like each step of the journey has introduced new information, new elements that have tossed me into a cycle of change and transition.

However, the rallying cry, ‘we are in this together’ – kept me aligned strong and committed.

Now there is a new crack that has challenged my belief about being in this together.

Re-opening has started. 

This process of re-opening seems incredibly chaotic and disjointed.  I don’t see or feel the we are all in this together anymore!

Each state has is doing it’s own thing and there seems to be all sorts expert opinions that offer very differing perspectives on what is best or safest.

I believe here the biggest driver may economics and I get that this is a very serious concern.  Our economy is based on businesses small and large operating. People being able to spend and sell. 

There are also some mentions of why this may even be a healthy choice – though much like alternative medicine when it comes to health issues – these ideas are not the standard nor considered evidence-based.

The problem – we don’t have a great deal of evidence around a Pandemic and may be not enough data collected to know this virus.

So it’s all a bit of guess work.

Blown Away: AKA My oh Sh%T Moment!

Seriously this so reminds me of the day I discovered the treatment for my cancer wasn’t working. My doctor and medical team, informed me they didn’t have other options. I probably had 3 to 6 months to live. 

I was blown AWAY.  I was certain that as experts and leaders they were going to get me through this health crisis. In that moment, I got that was not the case. I discovered that really my medical team at that point was in it with me if I understood and traveled the road where I believed I was most certainly dying.

Oddly I as I moved out beyond the medical model I discovered many other ‘experts’ with differing strategies to offer me.  Some of which were possibly going to prolong my current life expectations. 

This is when the conflict really surfaced! 

These experts were not very friendly and did not agree. I did not experience being in this together! The next few years of my journey around my health were riddled with uncertainty and conflict. 

I did call my various ‘experts’, my team.  However, I would not say we were cohesive. I discovered some of these experts were very helpful in encouraging me to pull the diverse expertise and wisdom into my decision-making.  These ‘experts’ also provided me a language and a way to tap into my own resources and make simple decisions out of complex data and differing perspectives that supported me day-to-day in living my full life – not just a cancer storyline.

I am very grateful for those people.

I am so grateful that I rode the wave of conflict and uncertainty. That I stayed curious and as a result I think creative.

Back To Today

I am looking back now, thinking this is again a time to rally around diverse perspectives, conflict and find ways to make simple decisions that support my life, my family, my business and my community moving forward.

A want the rally cry to be we are in this together – however, I can only find that ground when I am willing to embrace the conflict.  Not make those different wrong but try to find the threads that can weave the fabric together.

I do believe it is possible.  I have seen, felt and lived through this type of crisis.  I want to be a lighthouse that shines a beacon for that possibility.  I am here and I am still with you – even if our navigational feedback is presenting a different path. Even in the uncharted and and potentially dangerous terrain each person, business, state and country is taking, I do still believe we are in this together!

Sharing My Whirlwind Relational Journey!

I so want to get in some writing!  There is much processing, shifting and integrating through my being!  Life has been a bit of a whirl wind!

Living Alive Phase

Selfie with Carole from the Phase!

Last Friday around this time Carole Ames and I were having lunch, laughing and unwinding from our Living Alive Phase 1 experience.  The month is always a very special and transformational journey for me.  This past month was no exception.  Having said that, each is unique and offers me many different lessons.

This month I was amazed at the younger people in the circle.  I found myself reminded of my first Phase when I was in my early twenties, trying to find a reason and way to stay alive and on the planet!  The stories of these folks was different but underneath the differences there sure were threads of the same desire to connect, to find purpose and somehow know that in those dark and painful places there’s a way through.

It was inspiring to be a part of the range of ages, careers and life experiences!  So much richness and depth.

Yes, the 26 days is intense and this year due to some additional meetings I only had one day off.  So when I was heading home, I was aware of my fatigue.  But hey, I wasn’t about to let that stop me from jumping in to celebrate my Mom’s 90th birthday.

Mom’s Big 90 Celebration

Mom Waving to the crowd at Blake Island after a Happy Birthday sing-along!

Fortunately I was not the composer or coordinator of all the activities!  That was my sister, Penny and her family.  They were awesome.  Plus, Melissa, my other sister, and her husband Monte, made the Friday evening I missed quite the party at the Northgate Plaza!  I just got the joy of being on the cruise to Blake Island and having some great moments with family.

I know without The Haven and the many lessons I have learned about relating, loving and finding a way to hold multiple storylines, I would never have been there celebrating with my Mom.  I am very grateful!

Speaker Session

Coming home hasn’t really offered much time to unwind.  CrisMarie and I have been wanting step more fully into speaking and had been introduced to an amazing woman, Renee Rogen, who is a speaker and now focuses on mentoring others in the business of speaking.  Renee arrived for a two day intense strategy session just after I got back to Whitefish!

I was very grateful she came to our town and our home.  I also was humbled by all there is to know and learn about speaking!  The two days were great for us.  I believe we have a path and a clear way to engage and make more of our speaking going forward.  I am looking forward to that AND was also grateful that though Renee did encourage to get started, she also suggested not to try to do everything at once!

Taking The Next Speaker Step

Of course, a great opportunity presented itself less than 24 hours after Renee left for me to step up on the stage here in Whitefish as part of a local event S{peck}: The Business of Mountain Living  (this goes to the FB Live feed) I had agreed to be a speaker before I left for Phase and this was going to be one of the few times I was speaking alone.  CrisMarie was already booked for a NYC trip so I thought I’d give it a go.

I had done a little prep with the leadership team while at Haven.  However, I decided to be a bit more personal and vulnerable from the stage after our two day session with Renee.  I was nervous but I am super glad I did it!!!!

My topic:  Business is Personal: The Challenges of Living and Working Well Together in a Mountain Community.  I think I was really speaking to the challenges of living and working well together in any community.

In our world today there is so much suffering, disengagement and apathy from what I believe is compartmentalization and fear of fully bringing all of me to everything I do.  We are so busy trying to do it right, be good, stay positive or create some type of work/life balance – that we don’t show up.  We manage. We let our stories control us. Instead of checking things out and sitting down next to someone who’s different or challenging, we don’t!  We believe our stories.  We miss the chance to share ourselves and to relate!  That’s deadly.

I learned that long ago when I was in my twenties.  The Haven taught me a way to do things differently!  I have been walking that path ever since – not perfectly and not without some additional scars, heartbreaks and the odd two-by-four to get me back to the basics – breath, be real, risk being messy and stay curious about those around me!

So I was happy that last night  I decided to share a few moments from archives.

In so many ways, I believed I had the circle Phase folks with me, my family and my friends.  It was special.

Find Your Mojo in Montana – Up Next!

SkyDancer and Promise Saying Hello!

I have this crazy idea now that I will have a few days of rest and recovery – but really I imagine life is going to keep going at a rapid relational pace!  Find Your Mojo in Montana is kicking off next Thursday and I am getting excited and reconnected with Bobbi and the horses!

Life is good!

What Makes You Click?

I am working on my Marketing mojo and I want to know – what makes you click?

I think I am suffering from a bit of marketing fatigue.  As a business owner marketing is my job!  Plus as newly published authors we are our marketing and outreach arm.  So I know it’s my job!  I also know I struggle.

I want to find a path that fits my values and is aligned with what might attract me.  However, I don’t generally click or download easy steps or simple solutions from Facebook.   I am guessing it is because I am not at all convinced that what comes easy is really what’s helpful!

Honestly I have tried various build-your- 6- Figure business programs. Most of these are offered by folks like myself, possibly more marketing types,  who have created solutions that when followed build your list or get more people clicking and signing up for programs.

Almost everyone of them speaks of the importance of identifying your clients pain points and being able to provide some direct simple solution for easing that pain.

However, when I have followed the steps:

Defining a niche.

Surveying to identifying my target audience’s pain points.

Following the latest FB ad guru’s template that offers a more personal story and reason for someone to sign up for our website.

Designing worksheets, webinars, videos, 3 Steps, 5 Steps – all offering value that I do believe works and is worth trying.

I haven’t found it particularly successful.  Yes, the list has growth – but not like the promise.  We get small, incremental growth.  I’ve also lost some people.  I have gained more then I have lost but still I am not getting those wild and amazing numbers talked about or apparently happening for some others.

I do believe we write material that adds value and is designed to support people finding their inner guidance and developing a strong mind-body relationship.

I know it’s not a quick fix.  It’s not going to be the formula that directly gets six figures into a  bank account or in 10 days shifts  your body so that you look thin, fit, muscular or lean.

Clearly though with all the noise and internet options that scroll through inboxes and across screens it takes something special to get someone to click.

Or may be just so much pain that someone saying – “I got just the answer for your ……… (fill in the blank).”  People click and sign up in ever increasing numbers.

People want that quick fix. (Obviously I want that quick fix when it comes to marketing!)

But do they really get it.

Am I that outside of the norm?  I generally do NOT get the quick fix.

Wait!   That is not quite true.

When I went to The Haven for a 5-day Come Alive back in the early eighties,  I had a miraculous shift in my health.  I believe due to my willingness to be vulnerable, breath, show up with my emotions, be curious and interested in other people and believe.  I actually wasn’t  aiming for a health turn around – but that’s what happened.

Now I will also say that miracle turnaround did demand a post-miracle commitment to keep living and breathing that way – AND that was not as easy as jumping into that five day program.

The post program integration was hard, slow, painful, engagaing, discouraging, amazing – it was work, disciple and a commitment to continue to be vulnerable, relational, breath and hang in through the rough spots.

I imagine I need to approach marketing like I do living and learning to be self-responsible and relational.

There are simple elements – just like Come Alive – breath, be honest, be curious and hang in.

In marketing it may be more like:

Keep putting myself and our message out there.

Ask for and listen to the feedback.

Don’t quit just because I don’t get the miracle numbers every time.

Don’t compare my numbers to someone else’s – we may not be playing the same game.

Breathe!  (This is always a good a good suggestion for any challenges!)

Because what I know for sure  is that whenn someone shares the impact our message has had on their life or how they have transformed their relationship, team or health trying on some of our ideas and making them their own.

Those moments are little marketing miracles – worth it and  better than just numbers or a bigger bank account. ( Though I’m happy to have some of that as well. )

So I am asking for your feedback.  Let me know what marketing works for you.

What Pain point are you trying to resolve?

Bottomline – What makes you click?  I really do want to know!