Uncategorized

Finding My Reason to Meditate

This meditation stuff is having a good effect on me.

I was out on the Flathead River for what was going to be a whitewater rafting trip. However, the water levels are low and when offered the choice to go for whitewater or float – I was all for FLOAT.

You need to know that is not usually my style. I like a little adrenline rush or at least a way to actively participate. I had a wonderful time. No issues just socializing with old friends and new friends; letting our guide, Luke, take us down the river.

This is not a one off experience. I find, be it golfing or biking, I’m much more interested in enjoying the whole exerience and not getting caught up my score or hitting my move goal.

Also I don’t get as tight and cranky about traffic or summer season challenges, no place to sit outside or a long line to get into the park.

These changes may not seem huge but really they are.

As someone who has operated with a lot of hyper-vigilance and tension around time and space, these shifts are very significant.

So is it meditating that’s creating the shift?

When I made my decision to dive into the Dr Joe work so I could be set up well for our Advance Retreat in Cancun, I did commit to daily meditating, anywhere from an hour to three hours a day.

Now back I am still doing Dr Joe work and integrating in breathing and other forms of dealing with stress. Primarily to gain greater conciousness and awareness of my habits and unconcious behaviors.

It’s that last piece that really seems to be helping. The idea that 95% of my life is habitual and unconcious really hit me.

I learned about presence and being real a long time ago. It’s definately a concious muscle I’ve been building day to day ever since I realized how easy it is to creat dis-ease without a concious commitment to breathing, communicating, being curious and connecting.

I, also, think the mediation has helped me appreciate an expanded energetic connection to the world around me and mostly it has helped me notice where I still go to reaction.

Sometimes when I read the paper or hear about another tragic accident, I do falter. It is really hard to understand murder, suicide or drunk driving that takes the life of a mother, a child or anyone. Hate crimes and attitudes towards choices and differences in religion, sexuality or life style – I don’t get.

I also believe that much of the reactivity, pain and hatred in today’s world is due to stress. Our world keeps speeding up and without awareness and undertsanding of trauma, pain of isolation. loneliness and separation, we do crazy things.

I often think fewer drugs, medical interventions & recreatioanl) and more space to pause, breath and be together would help AND it would be very uncomfortable.

It’s not easy to slow down and sit with myself, without expectation, some mutual mission or some outcome as a reward. Yet, that’s what meditation and presence really is all about.

There’s no promise I’ll be healthier, wealthier or live longer – just a moment of fullness and peace.

I do think there’s another bonus. I live more moments in gratitude and awe, even in the uncertainty.

That’s a pretty neat perk.

Uncategorized

The Dolphins Nudge

Wait for it!
Here we go!
Dolphin Nudge!

Wow! Being here in Cancun and a part of an event involving 2000 people interested in energy and evolving collectively is amazing.

Some key take aways for me:

It’s my work to take care of my consciousness and well-being. I am always connected and when I forget, it’s me that has to re-member. No one else is going to do it for me.

Not new and yet as a non-enlightened being having this journey on earth, I forget. I get nudges and whispers when I am losing my way. Usually, I return to familiar paths for reconnecting – Haven, horses, breathe, communication.

However, CrisMarie wanted to give Dr Joe a try. I was not as in as she was, but I got on board, and I am glad I did.

I am now sitting poolside after an amazing morning.

Back in Montana, planning our post Dr Joe days, I wanted to find a way to swim with dolphins. I confess I was invested in this awesome wild, open water swim, encircled by dolphins. So, when I saw the options nearby our Cancun resort, I was judgmental and convinced that was not for me.

Then I spend a glorious seven days getting my energy right. The Advanced Retreat with Dr Joe was quite wonderful. I would never have believed I was going to be okay in a ballroom of 1800plus people, mediating basically 8 to 12 hours a day.

I was wrong. I willingly, and with excitement, got myself up at 3:00AM to do a 4.5hr meditation. I had no idea we were mediating for 4.5 hours and honestly would have come back and done it again.

There was much I loved about the weeklong and I am not going to write about all that. That’s for me to live forward and embrace.

I do though want to share the last day. In one of the last mediations, I had a magical moment with dolphins (energetically). I shared my experience with the man next me and he shared his connection to dolphins as well. He was also very excited that he had signed up for a swim with the dolphins before coming. He was so thrilled about the chance. In that moment, I was so openhearted and full, I went right back to my room and signed us up.

Of course, the next morning the meditating guy was there in our small group. Magic! Remember 1800 people, the odds we’d be in the same group of five – not that great.

I LOVED the energy of the people that were the dolphin guides. The woman trainer was so connected to her dolphins. I wasn’t in her group and our guide didn’t speak a lot of english – but he too had such a big heart.

The package I had signed up for included having two dolphins giving us a ride. However, the magic of simply giving them belly rubs, clapping and getting kisses – was so sweet. Our pod of eight people was perfect – young, old (me), international. Our youngest, did not successfully get his ride on his first try. But our guide let him go again and the joy on his face when he met success – priceless.

I got my instructions on how to let the dolphins give me a ride. I had to surrender control by putting my legs behind me, ensuring they stayed straight, the dolphins pushed me up from the bottom of my feet, through the pool. The energy just shot through my body. So much joy.

I am glad I said yes! That I didn’t let my judgements or doubts stop me from that experience.

I will have judgements and doubts continue to surface. However, I do believe I am even more committed to taking responsibility for my energy.

I got the tools, the upgrade and more than a little nudge from the dolphins; living this forward is totally up to me.

Life Experiences, Women

A Time To Cleanse: My Path To Courage

Time To Reset

I am about to embark on a 3 week cleanse. It’s needed and what better thing to do after a couple months of busy travel, intensive work experiences, Covid and then a cold that was even more challenging.

I loved all the client opprtunities and the two weeks delivering Haven programs AND I realize I didn’t space or pace myself well.

In March I traveled to Portland, LA, Phoenix, Atlanta and Denver, ending with Covid. April kicked off with a trip to Ohio and Haven for two weeks, then the cold.

So I decided I needed to do a reset. Cleanse, clear and rejuvenate my body, mind and spirit. That started today.

It seems CrisMarie and I do some version of this almost every year. Before I would say the focus was on dieting, losing weight, and fitting better into my clothes.

But even when my body agreed to that plan I found dieting exhausting and filled with self-hate, willing myself to be different. So not a pleasant process of ease and grace.

Though I will say when CrisMarie and I approach this as a shared project the relational part is always worth it.

I am sure this cleanse will not be all ease and grace. However, I am wanting to be in a curious, open-hearted place with myself.

Plus I have an event happening at the end of the cleanse and I honestly believe the process of cleansing, listening and relating deeply with my body is going make that event even better.

I’m going to be a speaker at a one day women’s event, Path To Courage. The plan was to deliever my talk through Zoom. But I took a look at some of the other presenters and decided a road trip to Calgary would be much more fun.

So May 27, I’ll be stepping out on the stage to deliver Crazy, Cracked, Warm and Deep: A Path to Wholeness 2.0. I have no doubt my cleanse and my intent to travel with my good friend, Robin Kelson, will simply add more to what looks like a great day exploring courage and connection.

However, that’s down the road – today the cleanse bigins.

Connection, Life Experiences, Vulnerability

Covid and Trump

Just when I thought Covid was background after a few years of playing havoc in our lives, it’s shown back up loudly in my world.

I never got sick during the first three years and about three weeks ago after lots of travel, I had what I thought was allergies. I tested postive. It was a bit of a shocker, and a bit rough for a day or two, but I moved through and went back to testing negative and moving forward.

Then CrisMarie had it and that resulted in me going to a two day off site without her.

It all worked. However, I was pissed at Covid.

Come Alive

I headed off to Haven for a Come Alive. I had a full group and great team. One day in and I was heading up to group and got informed one of the participants had some symptoms and had tested positive.

I have to admit it was a jolt. COVID again!

We’d been together as group and I knew there were likely to be concerns. I wasn’t sure what to do. Yet there we were.

It became a great opportunity to face uncertainty and dialogue. We each had to address how we would deal with our uncertainty. Some put on a mask. Some asked to test. Others were fearful and just spoke to their concerns. Our now quarantined member, couldn’t leave the island, so we had them join on Zoom.

All things considered Covid did disrupt, but also gave a great moment for deep dialogue and self-responsible relational living.

The Come Alive ended well and even our Zoom member reframed their Come Alive experience amazingly well. My heart was warmed by how everyone worked with all that came up.

Next Couples Alive

Couples Alive starts today and already Covid is in the air. One couple couldn’t come. CrisMarie is still not well and not able to join. One of the assisting couples had heard about the CA and has their own journey with Covid beliefs and concerns, causing them to cancel.

Suddenly I was confronted again. Covid isn’t going away. It almost seems louder than in those silent days of being at home.

Covid and Trump

Covid reminds me right now of Trump. I thought he’d for sure be gone by now too. But much like Covid, he seems to keep rearing up and stirring up fear and polarized opinions.

I really want to blame Covid (and Trump) for what seems like a horrble thing. Yet I get it’s not the virus or Trump that’s really the biggest problem. I think it’s the fear, the division, and the lack of conversation that is the real issue. Actually I think that fear may be keeping both much more alive and influential than either would be if we could learn to talk and share better.

Covid like any virius is going to keep surviving. I believe our job is to not to let it’s existence tear us a part and cause us to live in fear and righteousness.

Maybe what Covid offers is a chance to self- define, listen, and be curious. Do our best to be relational and make choices that honor ourselves and others.

Rules and regulations are not going to rid us of the virus. Just like court cases and votes don’t get rid of Trump.

Somehow we have to learn to live better together and not let our fears be what spreads dis-ease.

Seems I have to be curious and relational with Covid and even with Trump.

Communication, Connecting, Leadership

Come Alive

Downtown HarborAir Terminal

Sitting at The HarborAir terminal downtown Vancouver waiting for my flight to Nainamo.  Heading over to Gabriola for a Come Alive followed by a Couples Alive.

I bought along my copy of Being, Ben and Jock’s book edited by Toby.  It’s still a great read and much like Come Alive so relevant to living, loving and being on this human journey.

I am partially reading it now because I am the primary leader for this Come Alive and though I have an incrediable team around me, I feel somewhat responsible for ensuring I am grounded in the models and able to teach the foundational pieces that make this program great.

Over the years, I have led with grit, with force, with my own agenda and counted on my co-leader to make sure I didn’t get to caught up in standing out or being too rigid.

For those unfamiliar with the term standing out, I’d say it falls into the category of trying to achieve, be perfect, lead from the front or just a role.

Sometimes that’s might be needed but usually leading involves standing forth. Coming from an inner strength and knowing, the right mix of being personal, real and relational while also providing some structure and confidence in the path set forth.

So I’m reading Being. As I read, I am feeling warmth and gratitude for Ben, Jock, Joann, and the many, many mentors and friends who have been a big part of my own journey.

I’m also reading through our recent scripts for The Beauty of Conflict because that too is a translation of the learning that I believe has ensured my on-going commitment to aliveness, intimacy and relationship.

So I wait for my seaplane and reflect. I watch the various clouds passing – from threatening storms to fluffy white puffy bubbles.

I am reminded of Ben’s story of the train station. How often people wait for the ‘right’train, assuming that they’ll somehow know when that ‘right’ train arrives. Sadly they often waste time waiting and miss getting on a train.

That’s kind how I feel about Come Alives – I signed up for this one and I am already fully on the train (well planes in this case). Enjoying the journey and discovering as I go who will be joining me for the ride.

As I take my journey I am aware of various moments from the many, many, many Come Alives I have taken – all the way back to the one I stepped into with my sister, Penny, over 30 plus years ago. All amazing and all hold a piece of the trapestry of me I’ll bring to leading this one.

Should be a blast.

Uncategorized

ZuZu Sure Heals Faster Than Me

In her frilly turtle next!

The last day in January I was out for a beautiful walk in woods near our house with Rosie and ZuZu. Walking in the state lands is pretty much a daily, if not twice daily experience.

This evening walk had been awesome and as I was close to finished we walked towards another gentleman and his dog. All seemed well, until his dog went after ZuZu – not once but three times.

I was trying my best interupt. However, even when I got ZuZu, he was not able to get his dog and the dog would come after ZuZu again.

It was horrible. I felt horrible.

End result ZuZu had surgery that very evening, got a drain tube and stitches.

I guess I was fortunate I did not get bitten but I had a super hard time getting both dogs back to the car.

Here’s the deal. ZuZu slept, rested – slept more, rested. Handled her recovery exceptional well. No cone – only dog hoodies and sweaters. Rosie was pretty great as well. She started wanting to apply her own healing energy but once we ask her to stop licking, she did.

I, on the other hand, have taken a longer route to recovery.

I probably needed to sleep, rest and drop out of stress mode. Feel.

I still avoid walking the trail I was on. Even after a few weeks I get anxious when other dogs are coming to say hello.

ZuZu, she’s good. Seems to have her own inner guidance on who to approach, who is open to play and when to let the big dogs do a few run arounds.

It just reminds me how animals are so much better at allowing their systems to heal from a traumatic event. How us humans, or at least this human, tends to armor up and think that’s the best otpion.

I know better. I am slowly doing my own work. But the event has just reminded me how inportant it is to rest, sleep and allow for recovery.

Things happen. Sometimes bad things. It’s important to allow our nervous system to regulate and heal.

Just take a lesson from the animal world.

Animals shake. Animals sleep – a lot. Animals heal. We can too. But not until we drop in and feel.

Also check out my new programs link: Susan Program and Events

Life Experiences, Uncategorized

Skiing The Bumps

Me Skiing the Bumps!

I am back in Wednesday Ladies Ski Class. Enjoying another season on the mountain.

This year it’s skiing the bumps or moguls.

I am often surprised by how what I am learning in ski class seems to also apply to life and relating.

What stands out to me in skiing bumps is how it’s important to not let a bump become it’s own mountain.

On a good day, I am looking ahead and anticipating the next bump further down the hill. I ski into the bump and around, focused on the next pole placement and letting the mountain pull me in the right direction, down the hill.

However, I am also very familar with getting a touch nervous about my choices. Instead of moving down the mounatin, suddenly I am going across the mountain or worse I lean back on skiies and the skies fly forward and down I go.

In those moments the bumps become their own little mountains. They seem huge and the troughs around them make them loom even larger.

My focus becomes narrow and I am working super hard.

That same thing happens in life. Life can be like a mogul run. You might even be the type that likes the challenges. Indeed, it can be fun. When you can see further ahead and down the path and stay with your line, it can even seem easy. But if you get to focused on one bump or the obstacle right in front of you , it might overwhelm any forward momentum.

Often when I am engaged in a writing project I can get stalled staring at a plank page or trying to think of the right word. The one idea I am trying to articulate or get across becomes like one of those bumps, a mountain.

It’s best when I can pull my focus out and see that one concept or piece of a story has become way to important, it’s own mountain.

Often in those moments, I just need to stop and take a moment to see the bigger picture. Usually, I can find a line and my flow comes back.

Be it skiing, writing or just dealing with life – don’t let a bump become it’s own mountain.

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It’s All Going To Be Maginificent

My 2023 Mantra, from a song introduced to me on a Christine D’Ercole (Peloton playlist) – Maginificent (She Says). However, I knew it was my 2023 mantra after taking part in a recent Passionate Ease workshop. I had a profound openning in the weekend. I knew IT IS ALL GOING TO BE MAGIFICENT and with my arms open to the world I was ready to live that forward.

This isn’t about perfection or super wonderful, awesome and positive. It’s about embracing and having complete experiences. Sometimes that is finding or living the exquiste in grief, pain, rage, conflict.

Ultimately it is about trusting in the universe and in being as fully in whatever is unfolding.

As I move into 2023, I find myself wanting to be much more present, openhearted and at ease with myself and the world.

Some 2022 Highlights

Last year was an amazing year. I finally got my book out into the world. Crazy, Cracked, Warm and Deep got it’s wings and legs.

We had some incrediable work experiences and loved being able to get back out to work in person with teams. We had some great times in Austin, San Franisco, Chiacgo, Seattle, DC (well actually the team was together in DC, I was on the screen in our office and CMC had Covid), San Diego and Boulder. Even did some rowing!

Getting some team tips from The Olympian!

We also found we could do some great work right here in Montana. Lots of coaching, working with Glacier National Park, Leadership Flathead and enjoying the mountains, the trails, the lakes, the theater, music, dancing and much, much more.

There were magical moments with family. My sister calls and book club with my mom. Celebrating Bill and Julia Campbell’s 70 wedding aniversary.

We had a couple weeks up at The Haven, I was eading a Come Alive with Carole (it’s been a couple years) and another great Couples Alive. followed with CrisMarie.

We did some solid podcsting and the best part was producing our brain series. It was so fun interviewing Dr Jill Bolte Taylor (twice), Annie Hopper, Annie Thoe, Irene Lyon and Jenifer Fraser and Dr Lawrence Conlon. That was special and I do hope you got to enjoy their wisdom. (You can use the link if you want to give it listen now)

There was much to be grateful for in 2022.

Now moving into 2023, I want to continue to embrace the moments.

I’ll be kicking things off this week with a webinar for Crazy, Cracked, Warm and Deep. On Jan 5, a one hour introduction to how you can live and apply Crazy, Cracked, Warm and Deep to your life. If you are interested let me know.

We’ll both speakers at a great event outside of Calgary, New Year, New You. This is an amazing day of inspiring women speakers – available in person or online. Shifting from people pleaser to cowboy confident!

We’ll be doing an in-person event for 24 women on day two. Want more information here’s a link and share!

We have a few other public events lined up. I am scheduled for a Come Alive in April and both of us will be up at Haven just after that for Couples Alive.

Out biggest launch for 2023 will be coming later as we work with Rali to release our journey on The Beauty of Conflict for teams. Right now we are in the script writing process and will be filming in late March with a release hopefully by June. It’s exciting. This is an amazing group to be joining and partnering with as we continue to work to get the message out that there is BEAUTY in conflict.

So much is in the works and on this first day of the year, I wanted to reach out. I could have gone to the mountain but it seemed more important write and share.

A Little Gift for You

I’m sharing a link to my year end Spotify playlist: 2022 Favorite Tunes. These tunes were the ones I listened to most and not all new releases mostly ongoing favorites.

I do hope this finds you embracing life as we start 2023. I encourage you wake up each more with some breathing and if you don’t have a mantra – try mine: It’s All Going To Be Maginificent!

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Swimming In The Paradox

Photo by Virgil Cayasa on Unsplash

I love to stack up books and when an opportunity presents itself; read.  Recently, I found myself reading two different books.  One, The Myth of Normal the other, Scaling Up 

For a taste of the former,  here’s paragraph in the opening chapter:

Much of what passes for normal is neither healthy or natural… to meet the criteria of society is to conform to requirements that are profoundly abnormal for our natural needs – which means unhealthy and harmful on a physiological mental and even spiritually level.

This is a physician speaking, Gabor Mate,  who has spent years in a medical model that paradoxically advances our ability to eliminate illness while doing it in a way that is compartmentalized and  potentially causes more harm than good.

Then there’s Scaling Up which is a book about how companies must manage the four major decision areas every company must get right: People, Strategy, Execution, and Cash. 

I sort of feel as a jump back and forth in these books I am swimming in the paradox that Gabor Mate is referring to in the The Myth of Normal.

It’s true as a therapist and business consultant I often feel like I am torn between worlds and caught in a paradox within both.

As a therapist, I have gathered a deep understanding of the impact of stress, trauma, neglect, pressure, perfectionism, absent parenting, bullying, abuse and systemic ‘isms’ on us humans trying to survive.

As a business consultant and executive coach, I also have a deep appreciation for people who focus their lives on rising their family, acquiring wealth, keeping thousands of employees paid during challenging times and coming up with new gadgets, widgets,  and toys of all sorts. Some that thrill, some that save, some that connect and bring people moments of joy.

I have seen the best and worse in both systems: healthcare and business.  I may have been the best and worse at times over the years in both worlds.

Sometimes I feel crazy and I admit I rarely feel ‘normal’ these days.  I’m okay with that. 

Yet it is hard.

In business, I often find the drive and need for cash, execution, and market share exhausting.  If I am honest that rarely motivates me.  However, I know these people are impacting the lives of so many and often are motivated by success, market share as well as the people that are doing the work that makes that possible. 

I want their conversation to be relational and real.  I want them to see themselves and others as humans that are messy, vulnerable and make mistakes.  That part of my work is rewarding.

Of course, there times when I lose it with a client and we may choose to go our separate ways.

When I am working with individuals, couples, or teams I am deeply motivated to stop the blame and shame and move people towards experiencing their agency, compassion, and kindness for others, which generally has to start with oneself.

That is not always easy. 

Truth be told my own journey from victim to human (being) took years (decades) and frankly I am still on that journey.

I sometimes act like I think people should get it at one team off site or on personal/professional development program.

It’s not really that I expect that of them or me.  It’s that I feel helpless when that doesn’t happen and blame and shame runs the room.

It’s a capacity issue.

I don’t like feeling helpless. 

However, sometimes it’s just the way it is.

Reading and gaining new tools and perspective does help.  However, the bigger challenge for me is how to take the lesson and live them day-to-day.

How to build my capacity for feeling helpless AND still carrying and loving on.

That’s where breathing, moving, and dropping the words for sounds and music comes in handy.

I do enjoy and am grateful for my mind AND I know it’s my body, breath and energy that truly connects me to the wonder of the world around me.

I prefer to live in wonder than just in knowledge or answers. What about you?

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Cathy’s Living Forward Ernie’s Final Gift

https://haven.ca/programs-index/11830/lunch-with-luminaries-ernies-final-gift/

Ernie McNally was a wonderful human being. He was friend, a colleague, an amazing musician, a great Haven facilitator and much, much more. He left the planet too soon and had a remarkable final year in how he decided to live knowing that he was dying.

I know Cathy McNally, has for years wanted to share more of the message and wisdom that Ernie continued to offer right up until he died.

That’s not easy to do. Pulling together those words, messages, and wisdom after losing your soul mate and partner.

But what I think was even more amazing was being alongside Cathy’s journey to not just keep Ernie’s loving alive but to also live fully in the new journey she was taking.

At one point, she had plans to put all this wisdom together shortly after Ernie left. A book of sorts. Well, that might have made living just too damn hard.

I know her desire in sharing Ernie’s Final Gift is to highlight the spirit and thirst he had for life, connection and loving and how he embraced all that through his final 17 months. I have no doubt that storyline will be powerful and profound for anyone facing uncertainty (or in his case terminal certainty).

I know Ernie and enough about his journey that he did what is so very hard to do – lived fully and lovingly through each moment. I also know Haven was the foundation on which that journey was possible. He knew it too. He loved the Haven and lived the Haven. I do believe his Final Gift is a wonderful invitation to anyone who hasn’t heard of the Haven or hasn’t made it a priority yet to go.

I’d say to any of you reading this, join Cathy McNally, Jane Geesman (Another amazing human). and the spirit of Ernie’s passion for life and loving. Listen and then sign up for your own Haven experience.

Life is way to short not to. I’d also say don’t wait for a crisis to make that happen.

I’d also encourage you to join on November 1 to listen to Cathy’s journey for another reason. Of course, it’s not easy to live fully knowing you are dying AND it is also not easy to be the one who is tasked with living fully well after you are gone.

That too is a journey with loads of wisdom.

Want to learn and discover what I believe Haven offers best: – Relational tools for loving and living through uncertainty. This lunch time talk will be a great window into that magic. Don’t miss it: Ernie’s Final Gift – November 1, 2022 Noon PT.

with Susan Clarke