Tag Archives: Connection

Communication, Connecting, Embracing Unknown, Leadership, Voice

Refusing To Hide: Finding Strength in MLK

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How can I move forward and not hide.

I can—hide – because my life and liberty aren’t immediately threatened by today’s seizure of power.

But that doesn’t comfort me. It doesn’t erase the fear and pain my brothers and sisters are feeling.

I feel bile rising in my throat as I read the news from DC —I can’t even imagine hearing it spoken aloud.

What have we done?

I’ve been meditating daily, working through A Course in Miracles and following Dr. Joe’s teachings. But none of it feels like enough to carry me through this moment.

I want to move. I want to run. But not to hide.

I could hide. I could pretend that the deportations and disenfranchisement happening now are for the “greater good.” I could lie to myself, imagining that God sides with power and privilege—that Christ would support this madness.

But that’s not the truth. That’s not who we are, and I can’t betray what I know to be right. I can’t hide because I care.

I care about my brother, born to parents who crossed borders to give him a chance at life but are now being told they don’t belong.

I care about my sister, who might one day need an abortion to save her life—and the laws won’t protect her.

I care about this fragile planet that needs us to unite to save it.

I understand we have problems. I know the concerns of people in middle America are often overlooked or dismissed.

But Trump isn’t fighting for us. Maybe for himself and his allies—but not for us.

I’ve listened to his words today. There’s no humility. No heart. Just fear and division.

I hope I’m wrong—I’ve hoped that many times before. But time and again, he’s proven me right.

Tearing families apart and throwing people into detention camps isn’t justice. It’s cruelty. Ignoring the Constitution and appointing cronies to positions of power isn’t leadership—it’s dangerous.

And yet, here I am, unsure how to respond. That’s his greatest weapon—forcing us to react, to lash out in anger and fear.

But I won’t give in. Today, on Martin Luther King Jr. Day, I will remember his legacy.

I’ll stay nonviolent. I’ll hold my anguish close but let it drive me to action where I can have an impact and touch hearts.

I know I can not change minds with fury and force. But I hope I can reach hearts and that we can find strength again together.

I’ll refuse to hide.

Connecting, Embracing Unknown, Family, Life Experiences

Soul Searching With My Sisters

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Wow, it’s already mid-January—2025 is flying by! It’s funny how time feels so relative. Some moments rush by, like this month, while other parts of my day feel timeless. For instance, this morning, I didn’t even glance at the clock until noon and was shocked at how quickly time had slipped away.

Recently, I attended an Enneagram workshop called Know Your Soul. I’ve dabbled in the Enneagram before and found it intriguing, though I never seem to get the same result twice. But this workshop stood out from the start. It was my sister Penny who invited me, and when I found out on one of our regular sister calls that Melissa had signed up too, I decided to join. The workshop was held in person at St. Mark’s in Seattle, with a virtual option that made it easy for me to attend.

One unique aspect of this workshop was the pre-work. We were asked to retake the Enneagram test but answer the questions as we would have between the ages of 20 and 35. That twist sparked my curiosity. Adding to the fun, we were also asked to bring a photo of ourselves as 4-year-olds. My sisters and I had a great time sharing our childhood pictures during our sister call.

The workshop itself was rich, informative, and deeply meaningful for my current journey of leaning into the unknown. Answering the test questions as my younger self was eye-opening. While my memory of that time isn’t perfect, the results felt more aligned than ever before. For the first time, I could see a pattern—one type consistently appeared in my top three: Type 5. That felt significant.

What struck me most was how the Enneagram isn’t a static label. It’s fluid, dynamic, and tied to our growth. The workshop leader, who had decades of experience, shared his own challenges with identifying his type. He framed the test as an “ego personality test” because our ego solidifies in that 20-35 age range. But then he introduced the concept of the Soul Enneagram—how our deeper essence evolves as we grow in consciousness, beyond ego. That perspective resonated deeply.

I began to embrace my Type 5 in a new way. The idea of being a “hoarder” of knowledge hit home, as did the fear of emptiness that drives my thirst for understanding. I also learned how I disintegrate under stress into Type 7’s escapism but integrate into Type 8’s grounded leadership when I’m at my best. It all felt like pieces of a puzzle clicking together.

One of the most profound moments of the weekend was a meditation designed to reconnect us with our childhood selves. We were guided to draw our childhood homes, including the yard and surrounding environment. Sharing these drawings with my sisters afterward sparked deep, meaningful conversations. Despite our vastly different experiences of our shared past, we found new ways to connect.

This workshop wasn’t just about understanding myself—it also opened the door to reimagining my relationship with my sisters. The history between us has often felt dense and difficult to navigate, but through this experience, I’ve started to see it as a source of energy and wisdom that can evolve.

I’m still processing and integrating everything I learned, but one thing is clear: embracing the unknown doesn’t mean abandoning what’s known. Instead, it’s about allowing the known to surface in new ways, reshaping it, and using it to grow. This workshop was a powerful step in that journey, and I’m excited to see where it leads.

Communication, Connecting, Connection, Leadership, Life Experiences

When Old Patterns Pull You Back

There are endless programs, methods, and strategies for shifting from a victim mindset to one of growth. They’ve been around for decades—I know because I’ve been working on that shift for over 40 years. And it has truly been life-changing.

But here’s the thing: I still get caught in spirals. The crises may not feel as dire as they once did, but that almost makes it harder. Without the proverbial 2-by-4 of life smacking me, it’s easy to stay stuck in discomfort instead of pushing for change.

Maybe it’s a lack of steady clients or income. Maybe it’s tight jeans, restless nights, or feeling stiffer and less flexible. Little discomforts pile up until they feel like a wall.

And then, bigger waves hit—like elections. I want dialogue, exploration, connection. Instead, I often find polarization, fear, and attacks. There are glimpses of deeper conversations, but not enough to break the storm.

Post-election, messages pour in urging people to fight, resist, battle. And while I understand that drive, it’s all too familiar to me. Fear and rage, blame and combat—they’re paths I know well, but they aren’t where I want to go.

Here’s what I’ve been sitting with: We’re in a river of change and uncertainty. It’s bigger than any one election or person. I look at the government now and see a massive shake-up. Where it leads—democracy, autocracy, something else entirely—I don’t know.

But fear? That’s a choice. So is fighting.

What feels like a real change for me is staying present. Staying here. Meeting my community—neighbors, friends, strangers—with curiosity and care. It’s like stepping out after a storm, checking who’s okay, seeing where we stand.

These moments can forge deep connections if we let them. I want to meet them with vision, not old survival patterns. And yet, I feel that familiar pull: to blame, to rage, to scream. I catch myself in it. I take a breath.

Yes, we elected a bully. A liar. It’s infuriating.

And yet—stop. Breathe.

What if something can come out of this?

I think back to when my doctors told me there were no options left for me. That was a wake-up call. This moment feels like another quake. It’s clear now: the government—just like the medical system—isn’t going to fix me, my community, or our unique challenges. Systems don’t do that. People do.

Maybe I thought we were ready for big, systemic change. But real transformation isn’t something we demand and wait for. It starts in the daily work, the unglamorous trenches of our own lives.

Change means living more in the unknown than the familiar. It means choosing the present moment over old, comfortable patterns. It means staying open-hearted even when fear tries to take over.

So that’s the work: not on grand systems, but in my own day-to-day. Let me meet this moment with courage. Let me have the heart to do the work.

Communication, Connecting, Connection, Leadership, Vulnerability

Waiting For Grace

I don’t know.

I am in an unknown space between the lessons I thought I learned from the past and the stories I made up about the future I wanted.

My stories spook me about what lies ahead.  I don’t think that is helpful.  Because , I don’t know.

Years ago, my medical team gave me a very terrifying outcome.   Death in three to six months.  It’s been almost forty years.  I am still here.

Not because I got rid cancer.  I just decided it wasn’t going to be my focus.  I wanted relationships and living.  Not dying.

Let’s face it, we are all going to die.  At least this body, or vessel is, and it isn’t what defines us.  Our soul.  Our spirit.  Our consciousness.   Our connections. That is our legacy.

I know that and sometimes I still get wonky about an agenda I have.  Like my desire for equality.  My wish that we’d have a woman, President.  My desire not to elect a bully or be the bully. My wish that if I had unlimited resources, I’d pass them on and share the wealth.  That if someone was terrified, I would have the courage to see through the fight and hold a space and shine a light.

I’m still in this shell of flesh and bones. My own created box of stories, beliefs, values and experiences, walls that need to be cracked.

This election did that. 

I don’t like the results.  I can scare myself with the President-elect.  But I don’t want to keep living on fear and fight.

My cancer (s) taught me to be relational and not a victim to old stories.

I feel as though in some ways the cancer is back unless I can listen and be curious and creative instead of hateful and enraged.

Let me bigger than myself.  My ego. My story.

Let me be a fractal that simply keeps surrendering to the unknown and showing up with light shining through.

I may be more reflective and silent for a few days.

I recall Maya Angelou being silent for eight years so she could her find her voice. (and she did)

I don’t anticipate eight years AND I want to hold until I have the capacity to awaken down.  Waking to the wails, the fears, the pain and allow grace to rise and walk me forward. 

Beyond the duality of parties and politics.

I will wait before I judge.

Communication, Connecting, Connection, Life Experiences

Presence, Connection, and Co-Creation

This beautiful piece is by Leah Campbell Badertscher – it so captures co-creating

For me, life is fundamentally about relationships.

Why?

Because relationships ground me in the present moment.

Without this connection, I get lost in my mind, creating stories, planning, and believing that this is living. But it’s not. Real living happens when I step out of my thoughts and fully engage in the moment.

Achieving presence isn’t about effort or analysis; it’s about simply BEING—one breath, one sensation, one heartbeat at a time.

I honestly think this can only happen through connection.

Many people find it easier to connect with nature, animals, or even a place than with another person.

Why?

Because animals live in the moment. They aren’t worrying about the future or caught up in past dramas. They’re just BEING—not trying to look good, make money, or stay safe.

JOINING is our best chance to discover this sense of BEING.

We all crave connection, even if we don’t always know how to achieve it.

One of the most beautiful moments when working with horses without any equipment is when horse and human ‘join up.’ This happens when the human stops trying to control the situation and instead focuses on their own BEING.

When that shift happens, the horse often naturally comes closer, moves with the person, and stays in sync, as if linked by an invisible thread.

We long for that kind of connection with other people. But it’s harder with humans because we’re often focused on the external world, unaware of the stories and patterns we create to protect and control.

To truly connect with another person, we need to let go of that control and turn inward, taking responsibility for our part in the relationship.

It’s about listening intentionally, letting go of judgments, and moving beyond right and wrong.

When we do that, we invite ourselves into a generous, present moment.

This space is sacred, like hitting a reset button. It allows us to return to our true selves, leaving behind pain and old stories.

That’s when co-creation happens.

It’s easy to fall back into old habits, but staying present is possible.

This is the essence of Couple’s Alive Series that happen at the Haven—Being, Connecting, and Co-Creating.

I love leading this series. Being with other couples. We’ll be doing a Couples Alive II very soon. If you have taken Couples Alive Foundation – this is the next step and it’s focusing on Co-Creating.

Communication, Connecting, Leadership, Valuing Differences, Vision

Bridging the Divide: The Power of Honest Conversations in Montana

What a week it’s been, and I was only watching from home! The energy, joy, and revitalized spirit of the Democratic Party in Chicago was palpable, even here in Montana.

I capped off the week on Sunday by attending The Blue Jam, a local event supporting Democratic candidates in the Flathead Valley. The vibe was infectious—speeches that were raw, real, and personal, with candidates sharing their reasons for running. No flashy rhetoric or attacks, just genuine conversations. Although the turnout seemed small, I later learned it was the largest gathering of its kind in the area for quite some time.

Love this song played at The Blue Jam here in Montana

Living in a predominantly red state like Montana, I didn’t expect such enthusiasm. Yet, the Democratic message from the National Convention resonated with me:

  • Public education for all
  • Affordable and accessible healthcare, including Medicare
  • The right to autonomy in healthcare decisions
  • A nation where hard work leads to a decent wage, homeownership, and a family-friendly life
  • Protecting LGBTQ+ rights

These ideals felt more aligned with Montana’s values than what I’d seen at the Republican Convention a few weeks earlier.

So, why is Montana such a strong red state? Personally, I lean towards a more “purple” approach—less about parties and more about people. I believe the issue lies in how we consume information: micro sound bites that polarize rather than foster meaningful dialogue.

At The Blue Jam, I repeatedly heard that when candidates take the time to connect with voters, even lifelong Republicans are open to voting for a Democrat—not because of party allegiance, but because of the genuine conversations.

This experience reinforced my belief in the importance of creating more opportunities for dialogue and connection. It’s not just about saving democracy; it’s essential for our collective well-being.

I want to understand why so many of my neighbors support a Trump/Vance ticket. I want to discuss public lands, healthcare, housing, wages, and education—not through the lens of political rivalry, but through real, honest conversations.

I realize that labels and assumptions—like associating a Confederate flag with racism or dismissing liberals as “taking over”—oversimplify complex realities. These snap judgments, while they may hold a grain of truth, do more harm than good.

It’s easier to hurl an attack than to engage in a curious, vulnerable dialogue. I’ve been advised not to display signs for my preferred candidates due to potential risks. Many avoid political discussions altogether, whether at home, work, or among friends. I even heard about a study from Harvard where students fear speaking their minds.

This is not healthy for our society.

We need to get back to talking with one another, understanding each other’s perspectives, and finding common ground. Only then can we truly move forward.

Join me at my next “Dialoguing for Democracy” event, Thursday, September 5th at 7PM MT, and let’s start creating healthier, more connected communities.

Communication, Connecting, Connection, Valuing Differences

Beyond Gold: Embracing Kindness and Dialogue in a Divided World

Amazing moment!

There’s a lot on my mind and in my heart these days. I’ve always loved the Olympics, not just for the competition but for the spirit of the games. However, I’ve sometimes been disappointed by the intense focus on winning and the pursuit of gold medals. This time around, though, it feels different. Maybe it’s because of Paris’ exceptional hosting. They’ve done a remarkable job. Or perhaps it’s because, after the isolation of the Covid Olympics, athletes are now able to have their families present, connect with teammates, and simply enjoy each other’s company.

Or maybe, in a world marked by fractures and conflict, these athletes are doing their best to show us a different way of being. Whatever the reason, it could also just be me. I find myself feeling more kind, open-hearted, and curious. I’m less driven by fear and more by love—love for myself, my family, friends, and even those I consider adversaries. I’m seeing the world through a different lens.

It’s intriguing to witness the care, joy, and cross-cultural connections unfolding in sports, especially when contrasted with the divisiveness and hostility often seen in politics. I believe Vice President Kamala Harris is bringing a new possibility to the table. Her team has certainly shaken things up. But as we look ahead to the next few months, I’m not entirely confident that the political environment will lead to significant change. True change, I think, will only come from us—the people—engaging in conversations and dialogue.

As I’ve mentioned before, finding unbiased coverage of issues can be challenging. But even with what’s available, we can still work towards understanding and making decisions that resonate with our hearts. When coaching executives, I often emphasize the importance of knowing your “ME”—understanding who you are, the beliefs you hold, and what you value. I also encourage them to move beyond being right or fixed in their views. Get feedback and listen without defending.

That’s essentially what I believe we all need to do. We need to understand the world we’ve built and seek out dialogue with as many people as possible. This helps us get clearer on what matters to our families, neighbors, and communities. Don’t just vote based on a soundbite or party affiliation. Do the work. That’s what democracy is truly about, and it’s what’s at stake.

Business, Communication, Connecting, Connection

Soul Camp

Link https://equuscoach.com/soul-camp/for Soul Camp:

Okay so I signed up, booked my flight and found a TINY airbnb in Coronado, CA for Soul Camp – without much other than a desire to reconnect with horses and my Equus colleagues.

People asked me on my FB post – what is Soul Camp?  Now here I thought I should look myself.  Above is the intro and I love it.

In many ways I know I am following my heart’s desire and doing many things I love.  I also know any experience I have with the horses does help me listen on an even deeper level.

These days much of my work is not directly Equus related.  This is one of the reasons I wanted to reconnect with the human Herd of my Equus Training.  I couldn’t make the dates for Coaches so signed up for Soul Camp. (I admit three days at the beach San Diego was a big draw as well!)

We, meaning CrisMarie, me and our business Thrive, are always in some form of ‘what’s next’.  Maybe it’s related to new clients, or new programs, or simply upgrading and resetting ourselves – there’s always something ‘changing’.

This past year a great deal of the more personal aspect of that has been through doing various Dr Joe programs and more recently diving into a Course in Miracles.  This has stirred the pot so to speak for me.  Primarily because I do firmly believe life is much more about connection, consciousness, and joy than it is about ego, success, and surviving. 

Sometimes I get myself caught in either ‘fighting’ against the surviving and driving or I get drawn into fear and angst of what seems like the daily headlines and wallow in some simple pleasure-seeking addiction to make the pain go away.

In May and June, I tapped back into the work I love most.  We did a wonderful Couples Alive program that filled my tank in terms of creating intimacy and connection while also self-defining and be a whole person.

I came away realizing I want more of that in our corporate work.  I know it is much harder in business and even in just day-to-day living to tap into that level of intimacy and connection.  But when I do it is so powerful and meaningful, that I know it is better than any ROI in terms dollars and numbers.

What I want to reflect and work on during my Soul Camp program is what stops me from reaching out and finding those clients, leaders and team that have that desire.

I know there are people out there that want that intimacy and realness and don’t know how to possibly do work/business/life differently.  I also know I can shine and create spaces for people to tap into the power of connection, coherence, and intimacy in there significant relationships at home and at work.

So that’s my desire for these few days.  I want to work on communicating, articulating and shining a light out into the world that invites those people to connect so we can work together.

I’ll keep you posted on what I discover. 

Connecting, Leadership, Life Experiences, Vulnerability

A Good Run For My Heart

It’s been quite a run. Yet very little running was done.

Between May to now has been filled with leading Haven programs, Couples Alive, Come Alive and a special offering for Women in the First Nations community, combining their wisdom with some of the Haven essence.

Usually when I am leading, running is my path for balancing and clearing my energy. I believe it helps me stay connected to my heart. This month taught me there’s other ways and maybe better ways for open-hearted leading.

For me personally, this run has been amazing. Up north the team included my dear friend and colleague, Leona Gallant. We go way back. We worked together at Tillicum Haus teaching the Addiction and Family Violence programs. It was wonderful reconnecting for the First Nations women week.

Our trip didn’t go quite as planned and each day offered opportunities to surrender my ideas of how the program would unfold and go totally in the moment with who was present. There was a lot happening within the community, as well, smoke from wild fires, that made for a heaviness in my chest and lungs. However, each member of the team was committed and the women who came bought their hearts, tears, anger and stories forward in ways that lifted each of us and ended in beautiful moment of creating on canvas.

The Team Tracy, Me, Leona and Christina

Home again, I found I wasn’t able to do my normal running and exercising, my lungs just wouldn’t allow for that effort. The goodness in that may have been finding other ways to connect and balance my body, heart and mind before leaving for a couples weeks at the Haven.

Couples Alive came first. It was a wonderful experience. The team included Bob and Ruth, dear friends and long-time Haven faculty. They shared they hadn’t been up on the island for a number of years and it was awesome to have them back, sharing the wisdom from their relating.

I loved the dance of leading with CrisMarie. We learn and grow as we lead. It’s a definite experience of giving and receiving with the team and the couples who share so deeply.

Beautiful sunset last night of Couples Alive

Then Come Alive. Always a special experience, as it was the first program I took at the Haven and started my transformation in relating and responding.

There were moments again where things didn’t go quite as planned. However, that’s a big part of what I love about leading at Haven. I have to both lead and surrender. It’s an amazing dance between being in a role and being real and human.

The team with me was wonderful. As always we were doing our work to ensure we could stay present and support building and holding a space for self-responding and relational learning.

In the end, I left full from my time on the island. This time not as exhausted as I have at times been in the past. Maybe because i wasn’t running to settle my energy. Instead I found myself sitting, silent, walking and relating between sessions. Something to consider even as my lungs return to a more happy place.

Taking the stage as. Leadership Flathead Graduation Speaker

My reentry this time involved being the speaker for Leadership Flathead graduating class. It was an honor to be invited and I said yes just before starting my run. Wasn’t able to plan a thing until I returned home just in time to put it together. Again something I’d usually run or ride to get clarity before writing but this time I sat, I reflected and when I got a clear message I made some notes. I was vulerable and nervous but it worked for me. I just needed to get out of my ego space and into heart and that always works – living, leading or speaking.

I don’t doubt I’ll be back on my bike and taking runs in the woods. However, I want to remember that my body doesn’t need to be fit, trim and over-exercised to be a vessel for the work I am called to do. That work comes from the heart and heart health is more relational and real than looking good and making my MOVE goal.

Now relaxing after a cool evening bike ride! with my honey!