The Fabric of Family

I keep trying to come up with a post to pay a tribute to my dad, Biking John Clarke. However, the words aren’t coming. Maybe because, in many ways over the past two years, I have been doing a variety of closing story lines and those probably speak best of our relationship.

However, what is coming up for me more is how my father’s passing seems to be shining a light on just how different each member of a family loves, laughs, grieves, and moves through this process.

All 3 XMAS 62I have two older sisters: Penny and Melissa. Each of us has a unique story and experience of my dad.

If you just listened to how we each saw and interpreted some of the events of our lives, you might wonder if we had grown up under the same roof.  You may even wonder if we were more fractured than fabric.

This weekend we’ll each be a part of a memorial service my mother, Bernie Clarke, is creating to honor his life. In many ways, the pieces that each of us are choosing to share, speak volumes to our unique stories and relationship we had with Dad.

For me, I will be pulling together pictures and music. No words.  It’s been the best way for me to understand, and connect, with my father. I pulled together a movie for his 90th birthday and it was an amazing project.  Virginia was my dad’s home from childhood, through rising his family, to being a school principal.  So my cousin, Trip Clarke , who still lives back in Virginia, partnered with me and went to various places to video pieces from the many layers of my father’s life there. I learned a great deal about my father by listening to messages from extended family, friends, and his various biking groups.

This time it has been different. Just me and photos. Still I get to see the many stories and layers of his life, giving my own story much more breath, depth, and meaning.

My oldest sister, Penny wrote a beautiful piece about the past couple of years, as she walked right along side Mom and Dad, as he was facing death and engaged in what he referred to as “hostage” care (Otherwise known as hospice care.).  I do believe Penny had a special bond with my father,  which comes through in her writing.  It also sheds a light on each of them, and just how important family is and has been in their lives. I originally thought her piece would be the final chapter for the next printing of my dad’s book, Sailing Thru. However, I understand Penny herself will be using it in a book of her own. It underscores just how important stories are to Clarke family fabric.

Finally, Melissa, my next oldest sister, will be playing the piano. Another wonderful way to share a story without the words, but with all the raw emotion and feeling. Which so fits Melissa. One of my favorite stories written by my father was one that he wrote about Melissa teaching (or trying to teach) him to play the piano. The piece spoke of her gifts when it came to music. It also highlighted their shared connection through teaching. The story speaks so well of their dynamics: that desire on each of their parts to play well together, and the challenges in doing so. Melissa’s musical story is real and raw. All of the chords and emotions are played and speak just as strongly to the rich fabric of this family.

I can in many ways feel oddly out of place in my own relationship to my dad. But it is through my sisters that I see and  hear the different heart beats, like threads, that my family has weaved into our family tapestry.

I also hear it in the words and stories of his grandchildren. Each of whom speaks of the love and connection they experienced with him in very different ways.

Suddenly, what has seemed  fractured, is more like a fractal.

Still, I may sit a little further outside the inner circle of my family, but the one note that plays through it all, and brings me much closer, comes when I am riding my bike. Whether I ride here, in the beauty of Montana, or as I will be this Sunday on my dad’s memorial day, riding his trike to an early breakfast with family and friends, that is where I connect to him.

IMG_0347There is where I know: We are family, and the fabric, and fractal is quite strong!

I have all my sisters and me!!

Living Alive Phase I: What’s In It For You?

418157_10150710434672628_1444113983_nA while back I wrote a blog requesting others to share their Ultimate Result from taking a Living Alive Phase I program at The Haven.

I loved hearing from so many people, and decided I wanted to share some of the responses (without revealing anyone)!

Here’s is what people got out of the Living Alive Phase I Program:

  • Faith in myself and my ability to connect.
  • Energy and purpose that I thought was lost.
  • The courage to identify when I am sticking myself, and to make a shift, while being gentle and compassionate with myself and others in my life.
  • Overcoming my desire to run because I don’t have the level of control I want.  Also, being able to hang in and not have to get control.
  • A path for communicating and appreciating people who think, feel, and want something different than me.
  • Discovering the value in someone giving me honest straight feedback, and discovering the impact I am having on others – not collapsing but appreciating the realness!!
  • Getting to see my patterns, work on them, and not change, but become compassionate and faster at self-correcting and moving forward.
  • A new love of life that isn’t dependent on someone else being different!!
  • Discovering my own voice and the value of speaking up and sharing my experience.

These are just a few of the wonderful nuggets I got back.

Many of these responses came from people who had taken the program two or more years ago and wanted to let me know the results were sticking!!

I believe in this program and I am thrilled it is going to be offered in a new format. I think the Integrative Living Alive Phase I will be different because it has a built-in method for integrating the learning as you go.

So often people at The Haven will say: “but this isn’t the real world.” Now, frankly, I don’t buy that line, but I do get it is a special place where most everyone is coming with a mutual purpose to learn and play in self-discovering. I also appreciate that taking that back into day-to-day life with folks who may not have that same shared experience or commitment can be hard.

That’s why the new format offers a different possibility.

Learn and Integrate Over 8 Months!

In the new format, for eight months, we will be together.  Sometimes at The Haven, working deeply, and other times back at home. Plus, there’s an online community and virtual programming piece.

The ‘real’ world meets the learning lab! Learn and test at the Haven lab, then go home and try things.  Use the online community to share and get feedback as you go. Wow!!

There are folks who doubt that the same depth of connection can happen online.  Let’s face it, one of the best parts of The Haven is the simplicity of sitting in a circle and the amazing connections that happen through the resonance of a group process. However, our world is no longer just happening face-to-face. Most of us spend a lot of time online. Sure, it’s easy to say that online is impersonal, but is that really a story worth holding on to anymore?

Times Colonist Article
Times Colonist Article

To the right is an article by Rachel Davey, Executive Director at The Haven,  printed in the  Times-Colonist talking about the importance of becoming more comfortable online and how Haven is ready to go there. Yes, we still love the simplicity and potential of a group process, but also do not want to stay limited there.

Haven wants to expand and include! I am looking forward to the new adventure!

If the any of those ultimate results above sound appealing to you and you are ready to step in, I’d love to hear from you.  Join Toby Macklin and I, in September 2015 to launch the new Integrative Living Alive Phase!!

Click here to find out more and fill out an application. If you are a fit, we will look forward to spending eight months with you, supporting you creating your ultimate results. That’s what’s in it for you!

Are You the Bacon or the Eggs?

IMG_0092.JPGHeading home from a trip that included facilitating a one-day Smart and Healthy Leadership Team follow up offsite with an Executive team in Seattle, and then joining a weekend at The Haven Faculty retreat. Now home, I am myself reflecting on my experience.

The biggest piece of learning for me came from a dinner chat about the difference between committing and contributing. Gary Dillon, another Haven Faculty member, and big Seattle Seahawks fan, and I were talking about some wisdom we had learned from football. We both agreed football wasn’t necessarily a major contributor to our spiritual purpose or living a meaningful life. However, we were each quite committed to our Seahawks and watching and cheering them on!!!

Gary shared nuggets of wisdom he had taken from a coach’s halftime speech to his players. The coach had asked his team, “Are you a pig or a hen? A hen is a contributor and a pig is committed. I want you to be committed!”

In case, that analogy isn’t obvious, as food pigs and hens end up as either the bacon or the eggs. But for a pig to provide bacon, he has to be all in. For a hen to provide eggs, that’s simply a partial offering.

I am not meaning to encourage that you, or I, must sacrifice ourselves and get sizzled. However, I get it. There are situations in which I contribute but really much like a hen, I drop an egg, or may be two, and off I go back to my world. And there are places that I am much like the pig. I am all in. I walk away having given ‘all of me.’

I’d say in working with a leadership team, like I was on Thursday, I am a contributor. At times, I think I may act too committed, more pig like, and need to be reminded, this is not my business. I am contributing to the team’s success. I do want the team members though to be committed. But if I am too committed, doing their work, I may actually be getting in the way.

Now, as a Haven Faculty member, I have chosen to commit. For me, I do that through being on The Education Steering Group and focusing on bringing people to core programs, or engaging in the Haven programming in a way that extends The Haven’s reach and voice.

As I sat in a circle with our Faculty, I believe I was in a room of people who represented both, those contributing and those more committed. I realize now that I have an underlining expectation that everyone be equally committed. That expectation creates a pushiness that may actually get in the way. Because The Haven needs both contributors and people who are committed.

I am also very aware the current way that The Haven operates does not make it easy to commit. It works for some, but for others their commitment may first need to be to their own livelihood, and one or two programs a year would not provide that.

I know even in my situation, I ask myself, do I have the right level of commitment to Thrive, our business? Am I too committed to The Haven? These are questions that I wrestle with, and CrisMarie and I power struggle about.

I found myself appreciating the clarity of some faculty who said, “I am a contributor and committed to something else, like my art, or medicine.” I also appreciated those who were clear about the area in which they were committed. Someone shared they were committed to assisting and leading smaller, non-core programs. Another is committed to creating three faculty engagements. This type of clarity helps me get clearer myself.

I know I often struggle when I don’t think people are committed – be it at Haven, on a team, or in their relationship. Yet, life isn’t always about being committed. There are times when it is best to contribute. Frankly, there’s no way to be the bacon everywhere!! Nor, is it appropriate.

These were the things I walked away wrestling with, AND what I love about being part of this faculty. I do come away from our gathering, thinking and often quite excited about something.

This time it is this question of where am I contributing, and where am I committed. Not simply as a faculty member but in my life.

As someone who lives in Whitefish, MT, how am I contributing to my community, and where am I committed?

The same question can be asked of my business, my relationships, my health, or my learning. These are rich questions and are taken from a football coach’s pep talk.

May be there is more to football than simply rooting for the Seahawks!!

What Was Your Ultimate Result?

Any of you who have been following my blog know that I am a big fan of The Haven and regularly lead a program called Living Alive Phase I (LAPI) .  I took LAPI 30 years ago as a participant.  I know that was a LONG time ago.

LAPI was a life changing event!

Flash forward to today, and I find myself continually trying to introduce this awesome 26 day intensive program to as many people as possible.  Unfortunately, people hear 26 days, and say, “Who can take off 26 days from their life to go do that?!”  Sadly, for many, 26 days is just not an option.

Until now!

This year The Haven is launching a new LAPI format – The Integrative Living Alive Phase.  This new program will take place over eight months and will combine onsite modules with ongoing online teleclasses, group experiences, and an online community for staying connected!

I am thrilled about this one format!

One, because I think one of the biggest challenges people face after having a transformational experience is integrating that experience back into their day-to-day life.  So the idea of having both onsite, and at home experiences, presents the possibility of integration as you go!

Secondly, this new format was partially inspired by my educational process through Martha Beck, who offers her coaching process over 9 months, which I took and thought worked really well. So I am really excited about offering this new format at The Haven, making learning available both face-to-face and online.

Also this is providing me, The Haven, and others, a chance to look at how we are marketing The Haven and possibly finding new avenues and audiences.

Thus the title of this post: the Ultimate Result.

Research: What Was Your Ultimate Result?

I am doing research.  I would love to hear from any of you out there who have participated in a Phase I program recently, or a LONG time ago.

Please email me and answer this question:  “What was your ultimate result from participating in your Phase?” 

For me the ultimate result was learning how to create more intimacy and connection with people.  I discovered in my Phase how my stories and history were so projected on the world around me that I really did not have any significantly close current relationships.  During the Phase I discovered what was possible when I stepped out of my story and got interested in the other person.

Up until that program, I had been living in a very scarey narrative.  It took the Phase, for me to realize the “war” from my childhood trauma was over, and I could be open and revealing of myself to others.  I could also be interested in them without having to constantly project that old story.

So that’s one example.  But I imagine there are a variety of ultimate results out there.  Share yours!  (There’s an easy form just at the bottom of this post!) I would love to hear it.

Also, if you are interesting in learning more about the Integrative Phase program, please contact me or call the Haven.  I’ll keep you posted as we launch our new program.

It is a whole new program. So even you graduates who would like to have a integrative experience of Haven, over the course of eight months, why not join us again?!

 

 

Welcoming Rosie!

Little Rosie!
Little Rosie!

2015 started with us making a long trek to pick up our new family member, Rosie!!

We had been looking for our new dog by visiting the local shelters often. I had hoped to find a great match for us there, but it wasn’t happening.

The dogs that seemed to be good fit were quickly taken, and it wasn’t easy going into the shelters and seeing some of the same dogs there time after time. Part of me longed to bring one of those dogs home, but I know I am not the right match for a dog that is too anxious, or aggressive, or needs extra help adjusting.

So we decided to try a different strategy for finding our doggie.  Instead of actively looking, we sat down and started discussing what we loved about Sooke and our other dogs.  What worked, and what didn’t, for us.  We created  some critical qualities for both of us.

  1. calm
  2. confident
  3. affectionate
  4. smart
  5. good with people and other dogs
  6. not too hyper or in need of constant exercise

We then called on Sooke, whose spirit we know is still right here with us, to help guide us to our next dog.

Well, let’s just say,  the results of this more energetic effort, were FAST!!

That same day, not two hours later, our good friend, Susa Holt, sent us an email and shared about her brand new Sheeperdoodle puppy AND that there was one more female in the litter needing a home. BTW, Susa mentioned that she was headed back to the breeder’s that very same afternoon, and could put in a good word for us and check out the available puppy.

We had never heard of a Sheeperdoodle, but had been interested in the “doodle” doggies previously.  We did some quick research and soon discovered the qualities were amazingly in line with our list.

  • smart
  • friendly
  • people oriented
  • playful but also calm

Without too much more thought, we called. Two days after putting our vision out into the universe, we received a beautiful, playful puppy, Rosie! (We forgot the part about asking for her to be close by. It took us two days to get her home and a total of 25 hours of driving over a three day trip. Whew!)

Aside from the long trip, this has been a significant reminder of the magic in practicing visioning, and aligning, to manifest what will come next – be it a puppy, a house (we’ve done that couple times now) or new business.

It’s all very exciting. I am aware that I want to avoid become a totally neurotic puppy parent.  There are some early signs that I will have to work hard to not let Rosie become a spoiled little one.  I want to stay on the path towards training, and establishing some solid boundaries and clear guidelines.

As I write, Rosie is sleeping in her gated play area.  There are probably too many toys inside, but she’s learning to settle in her own space, and we are learning to let her whine.

Unless you are a dog person like me, you may not be as interested in this post.  However, I am hoping that the real take away is to remember that if things are not happening quite the way you like, stop trying so hard to make them happen. Instead, pause, and spend some time getting really clear about what you want, the qualities, the way you want to feel, and for a few moments stop worrying about how it will happen.

Amazingly things start to happen when I stop thinking that I have to make it happen. Thanks for Rosie, Universe!

I am sure I will need to be reminded of these steps when I start forcing Rosie to comply to my will. I imagine CrisMarie will be all too willing to encourage me to – stop trying so hard, pause and get clear, let go of the how and wait. I imagine Rosie will get more from that tactic than she will through my forced compliance!

Watch this is a short video clip – listen carefully to me in the background – demanding accomplishments from a 10 week old pup. Not my proudest parenting moment!

IMG_0072

It’s time for some more house training! Got to go take Rosie outside!! Wish me luck!

 

Enjoying an Attitude of Gratitude

Life is good!
Life is good!

Filled with gratitude this morning.  Maybe it’s the sun shining through the windows.  Maybe it’s listening to streaming seasonal songs and singing along every once in while.  Maybe it’s the joy of knowing that I am very fortunate to have a wonderful relationship, amazing friends, and family (both right here in Whitefish, and a number of other places on the planet), and work that keeps me thriving and fully alive!

It’s not like it’s all bliss.  No, I am still fighting cold-like symptoms. I haven’t completed a number of things on my to-do list, and I am missing my BFF, Sooke.

However, I am grateful and that sure seems like something to write about.

This time of year is one that I enjoy.  I know many people struggle with the commercial side of these holidays.  Still, there are so many things I enjoy:

  • the lights – both inside and outside of our home!
  • the crazy decorating ideas and light of folks around the town
  • amazing Holiday celebrations – Yuletide, Crushmas (a new addition to Whitefish in the winter), the Whitefish Winter Stroll, holiday parties with friends – just to name a few!!
  • egg nog and various other holiday treats
  • watching movies like It’s a Wonderful Life, Love Actually, How the Grinch Stole Christmas and other seasonal favorites.
  • Skyping and chatting with friends far away
  • hearing how others celebrate
  • warming up by the wood stove and enjoying a hot-toddy
  • snow falling (okay not quite enough that – right now – but it will come!)

I am sure there are many more things I could add.  But really what I love about this time of year is that I regularly tear up and feel my heart thumping away with the joy of being human, being here on this earth with all the challenges – the good, the bad, the ugly and the beautiful.

A dear friend, Ben Wong,  once told me, when I was struggling with some dark moments and just wasn’t sure I’d ever be loveable, “Susan, you don’t need to be loved – simply feel your loving.” That’s just it. This time of year I feel my loving very loudly! Thank you, Ben!

Indeed, we are spiritual beings having a human experience!  It’s a gift, even when it’s hard and sometimes it’s the hard times that bring us closer together and invite transformation.

Merry, Merry! May you find your moments of joy and gratitude throughout this holiday season and well into the new year!!

I would love to hear what brings you joy and gratitude this time of year – even through your struggles.

 

 

Bah Humbug to First Impressions!

Humour

This post all started when I was investigating some leadership development sites.  Various post kept pointing to programs like,  Dale Carnegie, How to Win & Influence People and another program about the importance of the first impression and how one most smile and be positive. Slowly, as I read on, I noticed my inner gremlin rising. So, I plugged in a request to Google, “images for a grumpy person’s self-development,” the cartoon above was what came up.

I loved it.

Truly, I have never had any desire to beat someone to death with a chair.  I think my most violent act was in a high school basketball game, delivering a elbow to the face of a overly-tight defender.  I do believe she got a bloody nose. So maybe I am prone to wild, erratic elbow gestures in the heat of competition.  Also, when I did play Rugby in college, I discovered that I love tackling, especially in the mud! So there is a bit of a wild, woman in me.

Really though, I don’t have a death wish for anyone.

I do have a strong personality, well…apparently.  I am fairly certain that I generally fail at making the best first impression.  I tend to forget to look people in the eye, or reach out my hand to shake, or even smile, and if I try to fake it, well, that is just scarey. Often, if I am busy, or on a tight time frame, I forget the importance of common social gestures like, “How are doing?” or “Are you excited about the holidays?” This is also true in email. CrisMarie often reminds me to start with something personal or nice,  before I launch into my request, comments, or reply.

It’s not that I am intentionally mean or disinterested.  No – that’s not it at all.  I simply imagine that whoever is on the other end of my conversation, be it in person or in an email, wants me to get to the point.

So when I read these books or posts that seem to imply that my face and my first impression is going to determine my success in life, business and/or relationships, well, I get grumpy and am more inclined to be aligned with the Tasmanian devil above!

I believe too many people, that know how to win and influence people, or make a great first impression, are NOT the ones that will sit with me in a fire, or love me even when I am sad, fearful, or grumpy.

I am not saying grumpy people are the best choice either.

I don’t think that a successful life and/or relationship are built by first impressions, and that my best friends, business partners, and long-lasting connections have more often come from those people that took me a little longer to get to know and appreciate.

Some of them, I may even have had a few violent thoughts about, or they have had some violent thoughts towards me. Yet, in our willingness to check things out, and be curious, have discovered that first impressions aren’t always accurate. Thank goodness.

Overcoming Fire Flee-ing

3574001
My Ring of Fire

I am having a hard time creating my next blog post.  I think it’s partially because I don’t want to let go of Sooke.  I like seeing her picture whenever my blog site shows up, and being reminded of her ‘kind eyes’ and contented spirit.

I keep finding little signs of her all about the house.  There’s the obvious, hair.  (That will be with us forever.)  There’s also the toys.  I thought I had gathered up all the signs, but no.  Today starting my yoga practice, stepping back into downward dog,  I noticed her tennis ball stuck under the office cabinet.  I started to cry and downward dog collapsed into bout of sadness.

It’s odd how grief hits.

Like flames from a fire.

What might seem like a small flicker comes roaring up when it meets open air, and knocks me back or singes my hair.

Yesterday I published a new blog: To Skin or To Ski.  It was about how I was getting excited about my new winter community building project – skiing. You may have seen it briefly, that is if you looked quickly.

Last night, in the middle of the night, I trashed it.

Why?

Well, though it’s true that I am caught up getting ready for ski season, the post wasn’t a genuine reflection of me.

No.  It was a reflection of my desire to distract and move on, but not move through the grief I feel about the loss of Sooke.

Martha – that is Martha Beck – calls it fire fleeing.  Running from those deep emotions – like grief or despair.

I don’t like to admit that I am indeed a fire flee-er.

Run, Susie Run

It’s true. I sometimes like to run, Susie run from those less than comfortable feelings. In this case, it is ski, Susie, ski.  Frankly, I’m not even that good of skier. Maybe it is helpful that the the snow hasn’t arrived just yet!

It’s not just grief.  I am also flee-ing the left over feelings from my month up at Haven.

Prior to saying good-bye to Sooke, I had just returned from my annual Living Alive Phase program up at the Haven.

A month with folks is a long time. Especially when I’m with people who are sharing and inviting me into their darkness night. These people let me see their courageous steps to reclaim their voice, their heart, even their rage, and acknowledge their despair, and in a world that simply isn’t always kind or fair.

No, I don’t think I did such a great job of allowing myself to acknowledge and feel my own feelings that arise in holding a space for deep transformation for so many.

Sure, I am much better these days at working with what’s coming up inside of me all along the way.  However, a few things really touched me deeply during this Phase.

One that stands out, was the number of folks who were living day-to-day fighting the urge to quit life. Often there’s someone who is having suicidal thoughts, but usually it’s not so openly brought into the circle.  I was deeply moved by the times the group willingly invited, and created, a place for someone to step in and share the raw, real fight to live or die.  Equally touching was the response from others to not fix, but to feel.  To share their own anger, angst, and fear of what it was like to watch someone pull away and choose isolation, not knowing if they intended to come back.

So for me, at times, it was hard to hold, to wait, and let people find their way.  I do believe, though, that is my job as a leader.  To anchor in my belief that the greatest gift we can ever offer another human being is the gift to choose, and to have faith in their ability to make the right and best choice for their journey.  My job is to remain true and responsible for my own reaction or response, staying open and real, even when I don’t agree.  It’s not easy.

If I’m honest, I am rolling through various waves of feelings, (or flames.)   Some related to weaving the month of learning and leading.  Some from the waves of deep sadness that comes from letting go of my dear friend and beloved, Sooke.  Even other waves of the joy of being home with my honey and diving into making our work and world sing. I have to admit that does present it’s own flames as we adjust to coming back together.

There’s so much more to my life than snow and skiing! Still, maybe trashing that post was a bit harsh. Because it is okay to seek the bright spots, as long as it’s not to simply to avoid dropping into the fire.

This post, though not smooth seems more real. I’ll see if I can save To Skin or To Ski – if not just know one of those bright spots is seeing the snow fall on our mountain! Opening day is December 6 – until then – well no more fire fleeing.  (Okay, maybe just a little!)

Life is about being in it all – the good, the bad, the ugly and the beautiful.


 

Interested in working with Susan.  Check out her Oh Sh*T! to Aha Coaching   or sign up for one of her Haven Programs in 2015:

Programs with CrisMarie Campbell

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Letting Go & Carrying On

053(1)There are so many stories I could share about Sooke! She was an amazing best buddy to both CrisMarie & I. She arrived in our lives shortly after I made the move to Seattle in 2000, and she has been an integral part of our lives for the past fourteen plus years.

It wasn’t like things started easy for her. Yes, she was our clear choice when we went to visit a litter of puppies out in Issaquah. She made quite the mark with her calm demeanor and clear wish to keep her home tidy. (Even as a puppy she’d walk away and find an appropriate spot to take care of any business.) She slept peacefully in CrisMarie’s arms all the way home. However, we had a few moments of doubt about our skills to become puppy parents, and after a meltdown, called to say we did not think we could keep her. The woman who had so carefully screened us calmly said, “that would be okay, but we’d have to wait until tomorrow to bring her back.”

Well, Sooke I think knew we had doubts and that night slept peacefully in her crate for over eight hours! Not one peep or wake-up-cry in the middle of night. She won us over! We’ve never doubted since!

She’s remained solid and calm. I think she really only got rattled with metal gates, and was quite unhappy if we get into a loud power struggle. Over the years she’s learned to simply make her way to another room when we were fighting.  It’s clear she would not take a side and would only return once our differences were being dealt with in a more appropriate tone!

As a mutt, she had the challenges of taking all levels of puppy classes with only pure breed classmates. It never seemed to bother her in the least that she did not have a bloodline or paperwork to rely upon. She had enough personality and unique markings to make it clear she was indeed a breed and class of her own! (Although, we sometimes say, “Oh, she’s “Tibetan Timberwolf” to some of those pure bread owners!)

Since we are travelers for work, Sooke has always had her favorite second homes! In the early days, it was just day care and Teresa one of her favorites for years. Teresa had a standard poodle, Lily, who was always along for the day, and ever since those days, Sooke has loved all poodles that cross our path. For our longer trips, Sooke was generally able to tag along! She loved Gabriola and the various dog lovers who allowed her to visit their homes – Andrew Bing, Carole Ames, Harriet Cowan and others. She even joined me for at least one Living Alive Phase! Though once we moved to Montana, the trip was one that wasn’t possible.

Image 1
With her buddies, Nico & Dusty!

Sooke though took quite naturally to Montana! She introduced us to many of our best friends – Meg Wolfe and Steve Lull, the Stolte’s, Maria at Four Footers, to name a few.

Meg and Sooke were best of buddies. For Sooke, walking with Meg and Steve and their band of dogs – Vinny, Nico and Dusty – was heaven for a number of years! We simply called her visits to their place a trip to the Dog Spa!! And when Sooke wasn’t keeping herself entertained at the Spa she was totally adopted into the lives of the Stolte’s – what we called Doggie CAMP! Never once did she not jump from our car when we dropped her off for one of ‘hunting and gathering’ trips (otherwise known as WORK).

There is no doubt I am really writing this post for me – not for her. She is fine, I am sure. Me…I am left with a bit of a hole in my heart.

I know it was best. I know she was in pain and had been for quite a while. The much harder part was when her mind seem to be going. She seemed anxious and scared. Often simply standing and staring, like she did not know where she was, or worse, who she was. It is never easy to know when the time is right. I knew I needed a little time with her before I could say good-bye. It’s been a long time since we walked, or have been able to play freely out in yard. So I settled for sitting in the sun on our driveway. She loved the sunshine and would sit and wait for my return after a run.

P1010474So Friday, I ran and came back and sat for a while with her in the sunshine. It was a sweet moment.

It’s cold, wet, and snowy now, and I know these were the worse of days for her.  So I believe the timing was right. Still my heart aches.

I know she’s not really gone. She’s one of many paw prints that make up my heart.

Dogs have been the best of friends for me. Long ago my first dog, Appy, walked right along side me through cancer, and taught me to love.  Blackie was the best of buddies for many years, so loyal and loving. Then there was Bailey (aka I/O), who though only around a few years, left a forever mark. And now Sooke – she taught me so much about friendship, loving, and now it seems letting go and carrying on.

Loving you always , Sooke!

Oops! I Missed The Relational Part!!

Image 2It’s hard to believe I posted my blog about the Living Alive Phase 1 and somehow forgot to mention the most critical relational part.  This past month I have been working with Toby Macklin.  This is the first time we have worked together leading a Phase and it has been quite enjoyable!

There have been a few near misses due to both of us being more big picture and less detailed oriented.  However, we did find a way to ensure that all bases (well most bases) were covered. It helped that we had a great team and even a few with strengths in the area of process and structure!

We are different and I am certain that there were moments when Toby may have wished for someone a bit less chatty.  Just tonight at dinner with Wayne Dodge (another Core Faculty leader who also leads the Living Alive Phase 1 with Toby at times), I had to laugh,  as they dove into a rich dialogue about the  Latin roots of a word. No, I have yet to have that type of word play with Toby and enjoyed seeing the two of them banter.  I imagined their evening reflections on the day to be  slightly different then ours have been.  Which of cause is the real essence of relational.  Finding our differences, our similarities and accepting and working with and through both.   I like that we often had slightly different perspectives on something and yet our styles seemed to be complimentary overall.

In the end I discovered what might be our true common link – we both have a love for Harry Potter books and films!  How perfect is that!

I am enjoying laughing, learning and leading with Toby.  He even does an amazing impersonation of CrisMarie that wish I had captured on video!

 

 

 

 

 

with Susan Clarke