Tag Archives: Reactive

Marketing Meltdown

I had a marketing meltdown yesterday.

I agreed to get on a call with sales and marketing expert who had FB ads figured out. Truth is I should have known better. But I said yes – I would jump on and listen.

What I didn’t fully realize was this was not a training as much an enrolling call. Thirty minutes into the dialogue I was so frustrated and thinking this expert is not getting me. Again I didn’t follow the nudge. Instead I stayed on and figured this was his process and I was sure there would be some value I’d get out of being patient.

Forty-five minutes into the call and he was making his mentoring offer. I honestly did not have one piece of original value proposition – that I understood to be new or different than any other marketing/sales idea I have heard before. All I got was a two month mentor option that was going to cost me $9800.00 and was promised to change my marketing life. Sadly at that point I was not happy.

This is when he asked what we thought. I answered.

Now, if I could do this all over I would have made a different call earlier. I may have opted for the tel-advertising approach. Stop him early and ask if this is just a sales call. Or I could have used the communication model and checked out my story and tried to clarify what and how this call was going to go. But I didn’t do that.

I was triggered. I actually thought I did an okay job of sharing what I had found difficult about the call and what didn’t work. Which I had interpreted as his request for what I thought of the call. However, I think my unhappiness and the fact that I was disappointed that I was not getting any new understanding of what made his proposition different – wasn’t what he was expecting from his request.

We were now caught in conflict and sadly I was more reactive at that point than responsive. I will say in his final explanation of his expertise and clarity in saying that I did not understand him and he would never consider working with me – he provided the best clarity of his unique position. I did try at that moment to reflect back that I was finally getting what I thought was the intention of the call and that the new information was interesting. My regret was that I had not spoken up sooner.

I also regret that I had not listened to my internal guidance earlier. I don’t like situations like that and yet I put myself right in it. He was just doing what he was actually intending to support me in learning how to do, I think. He wanted me to feel on the call that he was the path to getting the answer and support I needed – I would have to hire him. He referred to this as using emotional mirroring and fractal marketing to get client to believe there is an answer and you must have me to be able to get it.

Okay but let me share what I heard with that statement – emotional mirroring is a technique used in cults and brainwashing. That is a trigger right there for me.

Long and short I got off the phone and was angry, sad and incredibly frustrated that I had been totally responsible for putting myself into the situation!

I also was in a bit of despair that maybe I just am not cut out to be in marketing and sales AND my business does demand I do marketing and sales.

I know it’s hard right now because there is so much noice online and I do tend to believe right now being service is more important than the success of my marketing or sales. Still I would like to believe there is a backbone and heart path to being of service and selling.

If you have the answer – your answer- and you want to share it with me. Well give me a call. I know you may be a little concerned after this post – but I am willing to try again and hopefully this time if things aren’t going well I will speak up earlier!

Tools for a Highly Reactive Person – Access to Now

CrisMarie introduced me to a book, The Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) by Dr. Elaine Aron. Though I am not generally fond of labels, as I listened and learned, a great deal of the information fit CrisMarie and my experience of her.  I, on the other hand, do not think that I am a highly sensitive person.

No, I think I am more of a highly reactive person. Is there a book for that? There probably is.

Over the years, I have worked very hard to take responsibility for my reactivity. Early on I was determined to rid myself of it. I don’t want to say that effort was pointless, but it was somewhat heartless. Yes, I taught myself some self-management techniques, but I was making myself wrong more than helping myself. That approach isn’t sustainable over time.

There are so many books out there about how to be different, how to change and become better: more authentic, more productive, more alive, happier, healthier – better! Some of those books have great ideas. However, I do tire of hearing about how I need to change to become someone other than I am.

To tell you the truth, I am not so sure change is really possible.

For me, over time I have developed some self-compassion and discovered that my reactivity developed for a good reason and did serve me early in my life, and it even has some valuable information for me. In other words, my reactivity was not really my biggest problem.

No – it seems the biggest issue for me, and frankly, I think for most of us trying to live and thrive as humans, is finding acceptance and compassion for ourselves, whether highly sensitive, highly reactive, or any other label out there.

I have shifted the amount of time I spend stuck in high reactivity or making myself wrong through self-hate. Though let me be clear, I am still someone who can catapult myself into a spin of “compare and despair,” or flare when I interpret someone is acting without regard to their impact on others. However, I am much quicker to notice, to pause, and to acknowledge what is happening.

More recently, having just completed a program called Access to Now, with Sherrie Toews from Effortless Momentum, I have put into practice some simple, practical, and elegant tools, that help me re-balance when I hit a bump in my fast paced world.

Many of the situations I am in as a leader, coach, and facilitator demand that I shift out of my reactivity or self-hate quickly and get back in the moment. Once I am out of the immediate demand of the situation I can decide to go back and review something that happened and may even allow some more in-depth emotional processing, but I like that with the Access To Now tools I have a choice rather than just getting stuck.

Bottom-line, this human experience isn’t about becoming someone different. It’s about discovering ways to embrace, accept, and value who you truly are! When that happens choice becomes possible! With choice there is freedom!

Thanks, Sherrie!

If you are interested in learning more about Access to Now, Sherrie is starting her next program October 26, 2015. I highly recommend it, but more importantly, I recommend accepting yourself!