Category Archives: Valuing Differences

Connecting, Leadership, Uncategorized, Valuing Differences, Vision

Why Kamala Harris Should Lead

As November 5 approaches, I find myself strongly hoping to see Kamala Harris become President. It’s not just about my fear of another Trump presidency, though I am genuinely terrified of that. More than that, I believe Kamala Harris is the right leader for this moment.

I understand that my thoughts might not change the outcome or influence decisions already made. But writing is how I process the emotions swirling within me during this time of uncertainty and angst.

Many people acknowledge Trump’s flaws but defend him on policy grounds, arguing he’s been good for the economy. Others doubt Kamala’s readiness or feel she’s too tied to Joe Biden. I disagree with both perspectives.

Kamala Harris doesn’t claim to have all the answers or push for blind agreement from those around her. Her understanding of leadership isn’t rooted in domination or control. True leaders in a democracy don’t impose their will—they collaborate, listen, learn, and connect. That’s what Kamala Harris has demonstrated.

Since stepping into the role, she’s shown her ability to rise to the occasion. She’s raised money, rallied people, faced tough questions, and listened. In my experience working with business leaders, I’ve seen that it’s not the smartest or most domineering ones who make organizations thrive—it’s those who understand how to manage differences, value their team’s input, and recognize both strengths and weaknesses. Great leaders know when to admit mistakes and make changes.

I don’t see that in Donald Trump. His lack of humility and accountability, combined with a seeming disinterest in people outside of his circle—especially those who aren’t wealthy, male, or white—is deeply concerning. While I might not fully understand him, his behavior signals a self-centeredness and a fear of failure so profound that he can’t admit any shortcomings, which is frightening to me.

Kamala Harris, on the other hand, has shown that she’s the better leader and, frankly, the better person. I trust that, when it comes to policy and making important decisions, she’ll surround herself with capable, smart individuals whom she will listen to and trust. That’s the kind of leadership we need—not just from a Democrat or a Republican—but from a leader of all people.

Communication, Connecting, Leadership, Valuing Differences, Vision

Bridging the Divide: The Power of Honest Conversations in Montana

What a week it’s been, and I was only watching from home! The energy, joy, and revitalized spirit of the Democratic Party in Chicago was palpable, even here in Montana.

I capped off the week on Sunday by attending The Blue Jam, a local event supporting Democratic candidates in the Flathead Valley. The vibe was infectious—speeches that were raw, real, and personal, with candidates sharing their reasons for running. No flashy rhetoric or attacks, just genuine conversations. Although the turnout seemed small, I later learned it was the largest gathering of its kind in the area for quite some time.

Love this song played at The Blue Jam here in Montana

Living in a predominantly red state like Montana, I didn’t expect such enthusiasm. Yet, the Democratic message from the National Convention resonated with me:

  • Public education for all
  • Affordable and accessible healthcare, including Medicare
  • The right to autonomy in healthcare decisions
  • A nation where hard work leads to a decent wage, homeownership, and a family-friendly life
  • Protecting LGBTQ+ rights

These ideals felt more aligned with Montana’s values than what I’d seen at the Republican Convention a few weeks earlier.

So, why is Montana such a strong red state? Personally, I lean towards a more “purple” approach—less about parties and more about people. I believe the issue lies in how we consume information: micro sound bites that polarize rather than foster meaningful dialogue.

At The Blue Jam, I repeatedly heard that when candidates take the time to connect with voters, even lifelong Republicans are open to voting for a Democrat—not because of party allegiance, but because of the genuine conversations.

This experience reinforced my belief in the importance of creating more opportunities for dialogue and connection. It’s not just about saving democracy; it’s essential for our collective well-being.

I want to understand why so many of my neighbors support a Trump/Vance ticket. I want to discuss public lands, healthcare, housing, wages, and education—not through the lens of political rivalry, but through real, honest conversations.

I realize that labels and assumptions—like associating a Confederate flag with racism or dismissing liberals as “taking over”—oversimplify complex realities. These snap judgments, while they may hold a grain of truth, do more harm than good.

It’s easier to hurl an attack than to engage in a curious, vulnerable dialogue. I’ve been advised not to display signs for my preferred candidates due to potential risks. Many avoid political discussions altogether, whether at home, work, or among friends. I even heard about a study from Harvard where students fear speaking their minds.

This is not healthy for our society.

We need to get back to talking with one another, understanding each other’s perspectives, and finding common ground. Only then can we truly move forward.

Join me at my next “Dialoguing for Democracy” event, Thursday, September 5th at 7PM MT, and let’s start creating healthier, more connected communities.

Communication, Connecting, Connection, Valuing Differences

Beyond Gold: Embracing Kindness and Dialogue in a Divided World

Amazing moment!

There’s a lot on my mind and in my heart these days. I’ve always loved the Olympics, not just for the competition but for the spirit of the games. However, I’ve sometimes been disappointed by the intense focus on winning and the pursuit of gold medals. This time around, though, it feels different. Maybe it’s because of Paris’ exceptional hosting. They’ve done a remarkable job. Or perhaps it’s because, after the isolation of the Covid Olympics, athletes are now able to have their families present, connect with teammates, and simply enjoy each other’s company.

Or maybe, in a world marked by fractures and conflict, these athletes are doing their best to show us a different way of being. Whatever the reason, it could also just be me. I find myself feeling more kind, open-hearted, and curious. I’m less driven by fear and more by love—love for myself, my family, friends, and even those I consider adversaries. I’m seeing the world through a different lens.

It’s intriguing to witness the care, joy, and cross-cultural connections unfolding in sports, especially when contrasted with the divisiveness and hostility often seen in politics. I believe Vice President Kamala Harris is bringing a new possibility to the table. Her team has certainly shaken things up. But as we look ahead to the next few months, I’m not entirely confident that the political environment will lead to significant change. True change, I think, will only come from us—the people—engaging in conversations and dialogue.

As I’ve mentioned before, finding unbiased coverage of issues can be challenging. But even with what’s available, we can still work towards understanding and making decisions that resonate with our hearts. When coaching executives, I often emphasize the importance of knowing your “ME”—understanding who you are, the beliefs you hold, and what you value. I also encourage them to move beyond being right or fixed in their views. Get feedback and listen without defending.

That’s essentially what I believe we all need to do. We need to understand the world we’ve built and seek out dialogue with as many people as possible. This helps us get clearer on what matters to our families, neighbors, and communities. Don’t just vote based on a soundbite or party affiliation. Do the work. That’s what democracy is truly about, and it’s what’s at stake.

Connection, Valuing Differences, Vulnerability

Too Much Noice, Rumi, and Being A Bright Light

Here’s my problem with our current political landscape:

  • A constant stream of text messages for donations or confirmation around who I will vote for in the November election. 
  • I start a polling series of questions, soon discover my answers will only go through to wherever they go, if I agree to donate money to a campaign.
  • I want to understand candidates’ positions, I read in the paper but there is no dialogue, conversation or engagement in listening to alternative perspectives or asking clarifying questions.
  • Debates are generally just attacks or an absence of key candidates.

 This results in moments of great fury inside me.  I want to attack and get angry.  Or I go to despair in sense of hopelessness.

I feel like a victim or a raging attacker.  I could say powerless of powerful – but both without any real connection or frankly consciousness.

I keep trying to figure out how I can take my power back and not be a victim or villain in this political cycle for the next 4 months.

What I do know is that the leadership I am seeing, hearing and participating in does not feel good or like a healthy, democratic process for the people.

I could almost compare this to moments when Covid broke out and suddenly I was tossed into the unknown.  Only that was better – there was silence.  I could and did shut off the noise.

There’s no silence in this political cycle and there is no clear, connecting message – just noise.

During Covid I wanted connection, and we started a Facebook live video every morning around 10AM – got named ‘The New Morning Show”.

I found that helpful.  I thought of trying something like that again – but I don’t want to just start another thread of hate – with friends or against my enemies.

I know what I want in leadership.  I want vulnerability, curiosity, collaboration and inclusive conversations.

This is what I believe politics should be about.  Not fixed positions and furious fighting between parties.  Not us against the world.  Not just conversations for those that have big dollars to get to the table.

I know I am not going to change our political system. 

I can only keep trying to have one real conversation at a time.

Listen with my heart open, particularly when I totally disagree.

That’s what I can do.  I also will keep sending out transmissions that shine my light and shift me from a place of despair or hate.

If you get this transmission and feel some of the same – reach out.  If you get this and think all is well and disagree – you can reach out, too.

Basically, I am looking for connection and a space that isn’t just filled with separation, fear, ego, and pain.

We really are in this together.  When I am in fear or fury, I can forget that our heartbeats are the same.  Underneath the color of my skin, the shape of my body, the stories of my life, my feelings, my desires is just a beating heart in a very vulnerable human, trying, doing the very best I know. 

There’s so much more that is out there then what I know.

Rumi wrote – there is a field (think energy/consciousness) out there beyond right and wrong – meet me there.

I know now that meeting you out there is not about changing you or getting out there somewhere.  It’s about cracking my heart open and letting all the light shine.  Letting light in and letting light out.  In other words, being the bright light, not the sharp sword.

Connection, Life Experiences, Valuing Differences

One Life Well Lived, Too Many Cut Short

I learned sad news last week while traveling. David Raithby, a fellow Faculty member at The Haven, had passed away suddenly.

I admit I was stunned by the news. David and I go way back. Yes, we have had our differences, our conflicts. But David was one of kind and someone who truly believed in the Haven.

He was a remarkable man and great facilitator who cared deeply about people and healthy relating. Even in our differences I respected his words, his heart and commitment to life, living and being human.

I so appreciated the piece he had written days before his death which was shared with the Haven community by his family. The piece spoke to what seemed like the freedom he had found in life and the fullness of a life well lived.

Now home for a spell. I find myself wondering. Why? Why are so many gone. Why don’t I feel sad in their passing. I do feel deeply for his family and their loss. But sometimes when a life seems so well lived, shared, and connected to all around, I don’t cry or feel despair.

While other deaths and tragedy’s leave me in deep despair.

I don’t know any of the children in Gaza that have died. But I have cried as I read stories of children screaming in pain in the bombed hospital.

I don’t know any of the Israeli families holding out to see the return of the hostages or who are sending their own family members into war. But I felt deep sorrow for the fear they carry for always living with a belief that they are targets of hate.

I don’t directly know anyone who has lost their home or family through the war there or in the Ukraine. Yet, those stories fill my heart with pain and deep sorrow. The loss of life so tragic and the situation so irreconcilable.

I do believe there is beauty in conflict. Even in what can seem like irreconcilable conflicts.

However, when the divide has become religious or political, the humanity seems to get lost and there are only sides, enemies, and righteousness.

People lives become numbers.
No time to bury the bodies.
To be together and honor a life too short or one well lived.

The pain just stays, and the conflict and divide grow deeper.
There becomes only agony and pain. Hate

This is why I don’t care much for religion or politics.
The right or wrong of the many paths all seeming to come from the same point of origin.

So many wars have been fought.
So many lives lost.

For what.

I know many will say for freedom.
But I can’t help but go to the words of Nelson Mandala:

“For to be free is not merely to cast off one’s chains, but to live in a way that respects and enhances the freedom of others.”

Not sure we’ll ever get there through religious or political beliefs.

Though I imagine based on David’s words – he got there.

Communication, Connecting, Life Experiences, Uncategorized, Valuing Differences

Things Are A Little Bit Crazy

Just a couple weeks ago,  I woke to a haze of smoke that blanketed my town of Whitefish.  For weeks we have been hearing about fires – to the south of us – to the north of us.  Yes, we have had days of smokey skies and very poor air quality. Then, suddenly everything started moving closer.  Parts of Glacier National Park and Lake MacDonald Lodge were be evacuated! That’s close!

Next our little town and Flathead Valley faced a school closure due to the threat of an attack on people’s children.  Apparently due to a cyberattack of some sort that resulted and parents and children getting very graphic and threatening messages.  After three days of school closures, games and events being canceled there still isn’t certainty as to where the threat was coming from.

This is just what has been happening in Whitefish – I haven’t even mentioned reading the national news headlines!

Damn – I say – this is crazy!!  Floods, hurricanes – fires and mother earth’s fury – plus crazy stuff like cyberattacks, white supremest and a President who regularly sends out insane tweets, talks smack and threats at the UN, really?!

What is happening?  Chaos and what can seem like a definite message to stop, pause and ….. wait for it…

PLAY!

Yes, I bet you didn’t think that was coming.

But really – I wonder if a little more play, joy and pleasure wouldn’t be the best remedy for us all.

I get it.  Life as we know it is spooking us!

We could wrestle with the reality or not – of climate change.  We could fight about healthcare, building walls or disarming North Korea.  But really wrestling with any one of these big issues s with the intent to determine right and wrong – seems like it just ain’t working.

Don’t get me wrong – I believe in climate change.  I think we owe Mother Earth a major shift in our attitude and actions, but I’m not into proving that point.  I will recycle.  Ride my bike when I can. I participate and vote for measures that support recycling, science and alternative energy!

I also don’t intend to stop speaking up when I think someone is being a bully – making statements that seem cruel, mean or frankly racist, sexist or just ignorant!  But I am not interested in fighting about it.

Instead, I think our best path is to play.

Over and over in nature, there are signs that when under attack – especially a vicious attack – the best answer is to engage in play.

Stuart Brown did a Ted Talk on this very message.  One piece was a video clip of a hungry polar bear coming for lunch where there were sled dog huskies chained up.  Those huskies knew they were going to be the polar bear’s lunch, but what happened instead was amazing. One female husky did a classic play bow and the polar bear’s whole being shifted.  Instead of a meal the two had a play date!  Now the polar bear makes an annual trip to play with the pups!

I know, when you are feeling under attack or you are facing threat and fear – the last thing that comes naturally is to rollover and play.

But maybe we need to get back in touch with our joy, our innocence and remember play can be just as important and life changing as any work, spiritual seeking or political activism.

What can you do to add a little play and joy to your day?  How can you invite and encourage others to join in!

Don’t leave you work behind just add more play into your day and notice the results.  Let me know how it goes!

P.S. Need some help playing, give me a call. I’m happy to help.

 

 

 

Connecting, Valuing Differences

FINDING THE FIELD BY RIDING THE WAVES

IMG_0621I wish I could say I was busy fighting for what’s right, taking a stand or working towards something that would somehow make a difference in what seems to be our country’s current trajectory.

I read the news and I am upset by what seems like a surreal demonstration of either a dictator in the making or a immature boy trying to puff-up and run the government. What is even odder to me than watching this wild display of immaturity and bullying is seeing others go right along with it – support it – and ignore the very people who our government is designed to represent.

Oddly though I am not compelled to protest, march or actively rage against the unfolding political path.

Why?

I am not sure but something in me just doesn’t think that is a solution that will work. I notice I find much more possibility and encouragement through engaging in diverse groups of people working towards creating a path forward in their community, organization or family.

I find myself listening more and discovering that there is a very deep level of discontent that has now surfaced through this election process and is even louder now that the administration has changed hands.

I have believed for a long time that there isn’t such a thing as righting a wrong done. It’s just not that simple. The very nature of the statement suggest that there is a right or a wrong – a black or a white. This, I think, is the biggest pain point of being human – polarization.

We keep trying to figure it out. To right wrongs or fix the problem. Oddly though that effort just doesn’t make the gap between you and me smaller or any less of a gap. I can not fix what I may have done to you. You can not fix what you may have ever done to me.

I can find peace but oddly that does not come from the outside. It comes from within – when I get beyond my own right/wrong thinking.

I don’t want to sound too Rumi-like here though I love that poem – beyond right and wrong – there is a field – I will meet you there.

I know that field is out there. I also know I live in this very human experience that is you, me and other.

Both things are true – we are one – there is not an other – and yet there is.

The paradox, the pain and yes, the pleasure of that very human dilemma is always present.

So though I don’t know that there are really victims and perpetrators – I do need to own that I am both if indeed there are and not simply try to rise above that agony – but tolerate the pain of being one or the other and both!

That’s really the only path through this current trajectory for me.

I can’t make Trump wrong. Because his very transparent display of child-like narcissism is simply a huge projection of my own narcissistic qualities.

I don’t like what I see and I really would like to rage against what seems like a mad man – but all that I keep hearing is that mad man is me.
Find my own intolerance and work with it.
Be in my world and listen, engage with my neighbor.

When I hear what I judge to be prejudice or bullying – speak up.
Not necessarily to say – “you are wrong”.
But to say – I don’t like that and stand along side with as much compassion and curiosity as I have to offer myself or another – instead of right or wrong.
That journey for me is much harder than fighting a monster on the front page or in a White House.

I know that isn’t the journey for everyone. Some are called to speak out and play on much larger stages.

It will take all kinds to somehow ride this wave.

But I am convinced building a platform of any type of righteousness isn’t going to work. Being ‘right’ isn’t going to get rid of ‘wrong’.
Frankly in my righteousness I believe I may just be making the wave bigger!

It’s time to ride the wave (s) – on a surf board, in boats, maybe a yacht or bigger vessel should you be so inclined or able. But don’t put down an anchor – not yet – stay open – listen and see those riding around you – see the water – not the difference between your boat or mine.

May be we’ll get through this. May be we won’t.

I want to believe we can make and we can do this together – let’s work to get to that field out there beyond right/wrong.

Connecting, Valuing Differences

Hold Your Fire, Please

My chest aches. I’m not finding much comfort in my furious friends who are ready to fight back. Which is odd because generally I’m the first person to fight for the underdog.

But as I listen to the anger, projected on the people who didn’t vote, the people who did but voted for Trump, I don’t feel good. I feel icky.

When I watch the American flag being burned by people in one of our ally countries – I feel sad.

I want to write my international friends be they in Canada, UK or Mexico and ask that they hold their fire, please.

Yes, we are a country in deep conflict right now. The full extend of the division of our united people is easily seen through the election where Trump won as a self-proclaimed racist, xenophobic, sexist white male by getting the electoral vote. However, Hillary won the majority vote of the people. One a neo-nationalist, Trump and one a neo-liberalist, Hillary.

I like Hillary. Where I may have failed my neighbor is not going below the vicious hate I saw being directed at her. I didn’t like the delivery and so just dismissed it without speaking up.

With Trump, I haven’t been able to get beyond the vile presentation – the bullying, child-like behavior whenever there’s negative feedback and a general lack of respect for the job is being asked to take on, the Presidency of the United States.

As a result, I did not hear the real pain of half of my country.
That’s on me.

I am getting an understanding of it now. There are people who sit in the middle of our country who don’t believe their opinions and views are being heard. They believe government is focused on programs for people other than themselves, and they are being asked to pay for those programs when frankly, they are not making enough money to do it.

There are people who carry guns and use them well and don’t want gun controls that will infringe upon their rights to responsibly bare arms.

There are people who live on the border of Mexico that have had to face and deal with challenges due to illegal immigrants, and worry that if they say anything they’ll be called a racist.

I think white men and yes, some white women, feel threatened by being told they’re privileged. These people are told to shut up, it’s no longer your turn and they just don’t understand the impact of their so-called privilege.

These are just some of the issues I think Trump spoke to and as a result this LARGE group of people felt heard.

Do I agree? Well, that is not the important point.
The real question for me to be asking is, “Did I even listen?” and “Will I listen now?”

We all want to be heard. Often we can live without getting our way if we believe someone has truly heard us and considered our point of view with real interest and regard.

I am not sure I have done that to those people, which is why my heart aches.

Because now I will be living with a President that did listen. I’m not really sure I believe he has good intent for those that he stirred up, but he did listen and did it better than most of us.

So for all my desire for equality and freedom for all – I failed.

I don’t want to keep failing. I also don’t want to see us lose the ground we have gained because we have made progress. I will still speak up to racism. I will speak up to sexism.

But I want you to know, if you don’t realize already, that racism, sexism is within each of us. It’s not relegated to privileged, the rednecks, or Trump.

In my opinion, we’ve got to start really listening to each other and not just fighting back and continuing the cycle of winning and fighting again.

Yes, be angry and find ways to express that anger responsibly and then get back up and relate to each other! Because “We The People” are ALL people – not just the ones who agree with me and even those people who hate me because of who I am. I know that is painful.

I’m not great at listening without defending myself especially when someone is attacking. It is hard to stay open and be curious. However, I can’t just keep saying my own point over and over again. Or run the people I hate out of town.

Frankly, I think the only way to break out of this hell we are now in is to actually try to listen. Not to the press, not to the media but to my neighbor, your neighbor who very well might have voted for Trump.

Valuing Differences

Dear Donald Trump

Dear Donald,

I have been wrestling with the best way to handle the mix of emotions I have coming up related to November’s election.  I doubt that writing and sending a letter directly to you would have any impact.  However, trying to have dialogue and debate with people supporting your ticket has not proven to be particularly productive either.

I am a believer in using dialogue to talk about difficult issues in order to avoid getting into right/wrong positions, working towards understanding people who live by different values than me.  Don’t get me wrong, sometimes I come into a dialogue quite heated and very unhappy with what I think is another person’s ‘deplorable’ position.

However, I have found that when I listen and make space for someone’s opposing views, I learn something.  Also, I don’t generally walk away thinking they are evil, narcissistic or a sociopath.  I have more space, compassion and even if I still disagree have confidence we can live together with our differences.

The problem currently is that I am having a very hard time thinking of you as anything other than militantly ignorant (In case you are not familiar with that term, read Scott Peck’s, People of the Lie where he provides his definition of evil), narcissistic and more recently have wondered about the label sociopath.

I must be wrong.

I hope I’m wrong.

I must be missing something.

At parties and dinner conversations I have attempted to make a case for where you might be coming from.  I admit most of my friends, family and colleagues, who are Democrats, Republicans or Canadian, are very put off by your bullying, ranting, raving style and your need to incite violence in a crowd of people who are already revved up.  So the conversations have been one sided, and people have at times been upset with me for even attempting to understand your position.

I can’t say I blame them.  The things you say you stand for make very little sense to me.  Building a wall along the border of Mexico, getting rid of all Muslims are just two that seem frankly, crazy.  If not crazy at least anti-social, mean and considering Mexico is a neighboring country and most Muslims are not terrorist, militantly ignorant on your part!  Around other issues such as foreign policy, taxes, the economy, I hear you say, I quote, “I am very, very flexible on many issues.”

Really?! What does that even mean!

I don’t know your position or believe you have one. In other elections, I might disagree with a Republican point of view, but this time, I don’t know your position, other than to inflame.  That really concerns me.

When I read the paper or watch the news, I am left thinking, you seem to like being overly aggressive, you cut people off when they are talking so you can make your own point,  you yell and scream frequently, and you say mean things about almost every race, sex or opponent who has crossed your path.

So I am left thinking…maybe you are a sociopath.

Definition of a sociopath: someone who can be defined as a person with markers of Antisocial Personality Disorder, which is characterized by a disregard for the feelings of others, a lack of remorse or shame, manipulative behavior, unchecked egocentricity, and the ability to lie in order to achieve one’s goals.

I sort hate to agree with what I have heard others say about you, but it fits what I see, hear and read regarding your run for President.

So what gives?  I think you must be a sociopath? Or tell me what you do stand for?

I don’t want a sociopath as a President.  But the biggest problem is a sociopath makes for a very difficult opponent to beat.  Because underneath, I don’t really think you care and you will lie and manipulate to achieve your goals.

What is worse is I believe you are very good at using the fear of people to get their vote.  That is what bothers me the most, because I don’t really believe you are on their side.  You just know that you can use their fears about the state of the world to get a vote and put yourself in office.

Maybe all politicians do this.  I hope not.

I know this letter sounds mean, but I don’t know what else to do.  I have not heard any information to refute this conclusion, and I’m looking for it.  When I listen to your strong supporters they are either screaming or also saying something  hateful about another group of people. That just doesn’t fit for me.

Okay you people out there who are voting for Donald, maybe you can help.  But I will just say up front, screaming back at me won’t be very effective. I want to hear something genuine, real and heartfelt.   Something other than a hateful reason for wanting to put this man in office.

I will listen to the debates, but unfortunately I doubt it will be any different than the ones I have already seen.  I am actually concerned these will be worse.

I can only hope I am wrong or that others will decide having a sociopath for a President is not helpful.

Hate and anger will never make America strong and those are the most consistent messages I have heard from you, Donald.

America or Donald yourself, please stop this madness.