Category Archives: Life Experiences

Bridging Worlds: In & Out

I started this post, sitting in an Alaska boardroom about to head back to Whitefish. Before this, I had a fly-by visit in Seattle to celebrate my sister Penny’s 60th birthday!

Penny’s official birthday was November 19, and there were a variety of celebrations that started on that day and continued through the Thanksgiving holiday. When I visited at the end of the week, I was told it was the culmination of the celebration and was going to include all I love about her family, the Reids.

Penny's new Book!
Penny’s new Book!

Yes, there was going to be a party, and at some point the singing of the traditional birthday songs! But even more importantly, this evening marked the release of Penny’s first book, Bridging. Both Clarke and Carolina, my amazing niece and nephew, would be there too. Clarke planned to play music with a couple members of his current band, and Carolina was driving from Portland with my Mom. Rob, my brother-in-law, ensured me that the party would include awesome food. Plus, I had a bed to sleep in! Perfect!

Reflecting back, I have no regrets making the journey, even if I did miss Melissa, my other sister, who had made the trip for the official birthday date, and CrisMarie was just not able to fly over for just a 24-hour visit. (Someone had to take care of Rosie, right!)

Now sitting in the boardroom, I had an opportunity to read my sister’s book, Bridging; a book about one woman’s, my sister, journey to bridge two very different cultures while also dealing with a much more universal journey of living and dying. The book is touching, human and a great read.

It can be a bit of a scary proposition when a family member writes a book and you get one of the copies. Sure you want to be supportive, but what if you don’t like it! Plus, I opened the book while the Seahawks were playing on the big screen. I was not confident I would successfully stay focused.

But soon into the read, I was more deeply engaged in my sister’s journey than in the Seattle Seahawks!

It’s not that I haven’t known that my sister was a strong writer. She is. I have read various shorter pieces authored by her and know that she has a strong literary style. She has also been a strong supporter of my writing process. But I believed our writing was very different. She is much more poetic and literate in her style.

But as I dove into Bridging, I was engaged by the humble and real storyline of Penny’s efforts to become fluent in Spanish and emerge herself in a lifestyle so different than her own.

I loved reading the book. I read most of it on the plane and finished it the next day.

I enjoyed the team effort reflected in her decision to intersperse pieces written by others who were either family, friends or travelers like herself. I loved that the writing, mostly English with Spanish words and phrases weaved in, was able to reflect her own developing language ability. Toward the very end, there was much more Spanish. And yet even someone like myself was able to understand while also acquiring a taste of what it had been like for her.

I even enjoyed her references to religion, hope and faith even though I am on a much different path than her. I found myself connected and appreciative of the importance her faith and spiritual community is to her. I liked that she spoke about the challenge she faces as someone who works in education and values the importance of separating church and state.

But what was most surprising was what I interpreted as our deeply shared passion to not stay restricted and limited by our own story or narrative. It is so to easy live a lifetime thinking our story is the only story.

Her version of expanding her story was truly multi-cultural. It was literally about traveling beyond the border of America, listening to and appreciating the culture of others who have a completely different language, history and socio-economic experience. My focus is much closer to home. Yet, as I lived in the pages, I was touched by the similar deep desire to find a way to bridge beyond our differences.

I was also moved by the storyline that was not quite as obvious – her dealing with death and dying. I loved how the book weaved in my father’s process of dying, which for her had been such a profound journey. Then she closed with having to let go of Roxy, the family dog. Though Roxy did not have the same long-term storyline or heavy impact on her own making, Roxy clearly had a huge impact on Penny’s heart. Both connections for Penny, so profound, yet so different.

In the end, the weekend and the book, reminded me that our differences are both our greatest challenge AND our greatest opportunity.

I encourage you to go Amazon and get a copy.

I know I won’t likely be one who dives so deeply into a language or culture as Penny has done. But I get that her journey is not that far from my own.

I think we both long for the same possibility – a bridge that connects us through differences, and values the richness that comes from having the courage and faith to venture and explore both sides!

 

 

 

 

Tools for a Highly Reactive Person – Access to Now

CrisMarie introduced me to a book, The Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) by Dr. Elaine Aron. Though I am not generally fond of labels, as I listened and learned, a great deal of the information fit CrisMarie and my experience of her.  I, on the other hand, do not think that I am a highly sensitive person.

No, I think I am more of a highly reactive person. Is there a book for that? There probably is.

Over the years, I have worked very hard to take responsibility for my reactivity. Early on I was determined to rid myself of it. I don’t want to say that effort was pointless, but it was somewhat heartless. Yes, I taught myself some self-management techniques, but I was making myself wrong more than helping myself. That approach isn’t sustainable over time.

There are so many books out there about how to be different, how to change and become better: more authentic, more productive, more alive, happier, healthier – better! Some of those books have great ideas. However, I do tire of hearing about how I need to change to become someone other than I am.

To tell you the truth, I am not so sure change is really possible.

For me, over time I have developed some self-compassion and discovered that my reactivity developed for a good reason and did serve me early in my life, and it even has some valuable information for me. In other words, my reactivity was not really my biggest problem.

No – it seems the biggest issue for me, and frankly, I think for most of us trying to live and thrive as humans, is finding acceptance and compassion for ourselves, whether highly sensitive, highly reactive, or any other label out there.

I have shifted the amount of time I spend stuck in high reactivity or making myself wrong through self-hate. Though let me be clear, I am still someone who can catapult myself into a spin of “compare and despair,” or flare when I interpret someone is acting without regard to their impact on others. However, I am much quicker to notice, to pause, and to acknowledge what is happening.

More recently, having just completed a program called Access to Now, with Sherrie Toews from Effortless Momentum, I have put into practice some simple, practical, and elegant tools, that help me re-balance when I hit a bump in my fast paced world.

Many of the situations I am in as a leader, coach, and facilitator demand that I shift out of my reactivity or self-hate quickly and get back in the moment. Once I am out of the immediate demand of the situation I can decide to go back and review something that happened and may even allow some more in-depth emotional processing, but I like that with the Access To Now tools I have a choice rather than just getting stuck.

Bottom-line, this human experience isn’t about becoming someone different. It’s about discovering ways to embrace, accept, and value who you truly are! When that happens choice becomes possible! With choice there is freedom!

Thanks, Sherrie!

If you are interested in learning more about Access to Now, Sherrie is starting her next program October 26, 2015. I highly recommend it, but more importantly, I recommend accepting yourself!

Pioneering Living It!

Living It online! Yes!!
Our first session on Skype!

We launched the first Living It! September 11th, with a weekend in person at The Haven, with online sessions to follow! It’s been a year or more in the making. The initial plan, to launch a nine-month blended onsite and online Living Alive Phase I, did not make it out of the gates. However, we listened and tweaked the plans and came up with Living It!, a much shorter format, designed to give people a taste of a blended program.

I have to admit I expected a different collection of folks than the ones who arrived in the circle on the evening of the 11th. I was anticipating people who were adept and comfortable online or on computer. Not the case. In our opening circle it was clear some were newbies to the land of the internet and others spoke right up about their lack of confidence in the online part of the program.

Wow! Right at the outset we were confronted with a few challenges and some resistance to a core portion of the program!

However, living it was not called loving it – and I guess for a good reason!

We could have been discouraged or bagged the design. But no – instead we decided to make the most of just what was happening.

Truth is, I appreciated the honesty and I guess I’d be the first to admit living it for me has always had some significant elements of resistance, fear and reactivity!

So, instead of waiting for the online dates to start we built the online learning into our weekend!

What we discovered was the creativity that comes from diving into conflict, resistance and the potential of people choosing in, instead of opting out!

I loved how our computer literate members stepped up and partnered with those who were uncertain or new to Skype. Frankly, the lessons offered were way more patient and relational than I would provided if I had tried to get everyone up to speed myself.

I also loved that the people resistant or new, jumped in, even with fear and doubts. I found each courageous and developing computer chops much faster than I ever did!

One of our evening groups was done via Skype and the evening was filled with laughter, failure and a coming together (literally –six folks cuddled very closely together so they could be seen by others on the Skype screen, with Toby and I running between other rooms trying to invite, accept and add everyone to the party!). Yes, it was quite rich!

We also took full advantage of the circle and our time together in person to revisit and refresh some of the core models and bring them to life with breath and energy! I loved the commitment and willingness that folks had in stepping forward and sharing, listening and relating!

We weren’t certain how Living It! was going to go. It wasn’t, and isn’t, a set format. However, I am thrilled to be a part of the pioneer program and enjoying all those folks along for the ride!

If nothing else we all know now that indeed you can be personal, relate, laugh and learn online AND in person!

Indeed we are Living It! Thanks guys for making it happen and making it real!

Completion!

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Susie’s Unfinished Stuff

When I was young I would spend my summers at camp, which had a wonderful arts and crafts program.  Almost every day I would spend time working on a summer craft project.  I loved the feeling of  working with wood.  I started spoons, forks, a lamp, a duck, a fish, board games – I had such high hopes.  Alas, I believe almost all of my projects ended up in a box of in-completes, like the misfit toys.  I’d start with gusto, but at some point the wood would crack, something would look more promising to start, or I’d simply tire of the struggle and give up.

My memory is that box in corner stayed throughout my many years at camp and was labeled – Susie’s Unfinished Projects!

It’s possible I have dramatized and over-personalized that box of unfinished projects, but I do know that I was one of the primary contributors.

Over the years the memory of that unfinished crafts box, and my success in filling it, has indeed haunted me.  See, I am just not that great at finishing.  I am all about the excitement and possibility of starting and the joy of learning, but I can be a bit weak on crossing the finish line.

So today I am celebrating a completion!  A solid start to finish effort on my part!

At the start of the year I was wrestling with my father’s dying process and all the unfinished business I had with some of the pieces and history of my life.

Over the years, I have done a lot of work in reclaiming my life and have shifted from focusing on the past drama, to now becoming a healthy, thriving person, charting my own destiny.

Still I knew things were resurfacing from the past, during the last few months of my father’s life and  I wanted to see if I was ready to integrate these pieces and feel complete.

I decided to embark on a coaching/counseling project with a highly recommended therapist in my area.

I’ve got to say, I had some fears of explicitly revisiting the past.  I did wonder if I was opening some crazy can of worms that I might wish I had left unfinished.  But I also wanted to discover if I had the resources to stir up the past and in the process resolve some of the reactivity I knew was a big part of my current charm. Okay. I call it charm, but I know some of you reading might have other words for my reactivity!

Well today I sat with my therapist after eight months of consistent work on a series of events from my life that have haunted me, and as we talked, I realized I was complete.  We talked about my intentions in starting the project and I realized I had done what I came to do.

I also had just come home from leading a Come Alive at The Haven in which I had stayed in touch with my joy, curiosity, and love of the work and the people in the room.  I hadn’t gotten impatient, reactive, nor found myself hooked in an old story.  Was everything perfect – of course not – but life isn’t about perfect.

In addition, in the process of my eight month reclaiming project,  I delivered our TEDx Talk: Conflict – Use It, Don’t Defuse It!,  which was an on-stage opportunity to uncover my past and share it without crumbling.

Earlier today I also finished and published I written piece I am most proud of: How Surfacing Conflict Saved My Life.  For me it was a powerful experience of telling my story and not getting stuck or caught in how it would be received.

So today I walked out of my therapist’s office feeling complete.

As I drove home I remembered that incomplete crafts box and all those unfinished projects.  I thought about other in-completes in my life, like my book or relationships that no longer serve me. Things that I have started, but have not been clean, clear, or successful in crossing the finish line.

Today, I felt differently.

I am grateful for the journey and for my therapist’s reflection to me that my work with her is complete.

Wow!

So today I am celebrating!  It’s like taking a few of those incomplete projects out of the art box, finishing them, and placing placing them on the mantel, recognizing indeed they are done and are works of art – as is my life!

Come Alive – Self-Responsible Relational Living & Leading!

In May, CrisMarie and I had the chance to do a TEDx Talk: Conflict – Use It, Don’t Defuse It! right here  Whitefish.

It was a bucket list experience for me.  Yes, doing a TEDx talk was one piece of that, but being able to be on the stage with my life and work partner, CrisMarie, and sharing my own transformational experience from my first Come Alive at the Haven was the bucket list part.

When I arrived at the the Haven in 1984, I was dying.  When I left, I was awake and alive!  Of course, the journey really wasn’t a five day transformation. Yes, the tumors were gone, but that didn’t mean I had a clue how to keep living it!! What I did know was that something else was possible, and I wanted more of that!

I had an experience that woke me up to the possibility of living beyond my limiting story and circumstances.  In other words, I  was embracing the possibility of self-responsible relational living!  Now, that was, and is, a practice, and frankly, a spiritual one well worth pursuing!

That concept of embracing self responsibility was not easy.  I still have a quick twitch tendency to blame – either myself, others, God, or the universe.  That blame is an easy escape route from being connected to the world around me.  When I am unwilling to respond, I stay trapped in my reaction, or in a right/wrong place, and as a result, my world is isolated and quite small.

For me, the key was curiosity!  Getting out of that right/wrong trap is still a practice I have to embrace daily, however, now, it’s exciting and very enlivening!

The relational part took even longer to fully embrace and is big reason I was so thrilled to do our TEDx Talk: Conflict – Use It, Don’t Defuse It! together.  When you watch it you will see how relational it is. We start out personally. We make mistakes, sing a song, and a flub the very last line. It is funny and poignant. At least, we hope that is your experience in watching it.

To me, it was definitely real and relational.  It is that relational piece which  has made the lessons of Haven spiritual and sustaining.

Today, CrisMarie and I at thrive! inc., work with leaders and teams.  I am thrilled to be taking self-responsible relational living to self-responsible relational leadership!

I love that the roots of who we are in the world are grounded in that transformational experience I had years ago in a Come Alive. I also love that in many ways the concept is simple. Live and lead with vulnerability and curiosity – embrace our differences and use conflict to change/connect the world!

For me that is what Come Alive offers –  a wake up call to action.  A chance to change my world through surfacing conflict and using it as an energy source for transformation, creativity and innovation.

That is also the essence of becoming a self-responsible relational leader!

If you are stuck or frustrated in your life, I suggest taking a Come Alive!  Try on self-responsible relational living! Come join us for our Come Alive starting August 30, 2015.  (Next dates March 6-11, 2016)

And it if you are a leader, frustrated by your team’s results, give thrive! inc. a call and consider embracing self-responsible relational leadership!

Want to see the TEDx Talk Conflict – Use It, Don’t Defuse It!  Watch it, share and spread it! We think it is an idea worth spreading!

Wrestling with, I mean Raising Rosie

Rosie has been with us for five months now.  She’s 7 months old, meaning she as spent more of her life with us than with anyone else. We are her pack, and she is our family.

It is easy to say I love her.  She is so cute.  She is smart.  She is Sooooo PLAYFUL.

What’s not to love?

Well, let’s just say, we, meaning Rosie and me, have our moments.

My arms, bruised and scratched, bare proof of her desire to find a four-legged playmate and settling on me instead.

For all you alpha dog disciplinarians out there, don’t assume I am just too soft.  While there is some truth to that, I started reading Caesar on day one.  I signed up for a variety of trainings, including personal leadership and dog obedience ones. Lately, I have had a clear intention to not encourage wrestling with Rosie.

Rosie has a slightly different opinion.

My latest strategy is taking a water bottle with me when we go out in the yard to exercise/play.  It seems to be the best plan so far.  Either I am more confident, or Rosie is simply clear that anyone with a water bottle is an alpha!  It could be because Carol from Lucky Dog Day Camp, is an awesome alpha pack leader who carries a water bottle and isn’t afraid to use it!

I am encouraged with Rosie’s new found respect for me.  It’s not too hard to stay positive with a puppy like Rosie.  There’s more joy and laughter than “ouch!”

Since beginning to write this post while out on the deck with Rosie, I have gotten up twice to ensure that that “quiet, contented silence” is Rosie resting or playing quietly with her own toys rather than getting into mischief.

Score: Tied = Mischief 1, Quiet Contented Silence 1

She has visited me with a tennis ball to try to encourage me to play.  She has also dropped an old toy at my feet, that Sooke must have hidden, when the tennis ball was not effective!

I love having her around.  Even though some things like those non-working garden lamps have all been ripped up, chewed up, and spread around the yard, and the plastic deck chairs include some new bite marks, having Rosie around, as our dog, is worth it.

Mostly, I see potential in both of us, to get through puppy-hood and develop a great long-lasting relationship!

Sooke would be proud. 053(1)

 

The Power & Strength in Delivering at TEDx WF!

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Live on the TEDx Whitefish Stage!

We just participated in our first TEDx talk, right here in Whitefish!  It was an amazing experience.  In many ways a perfect topic for addressing the importance of integrating power and strength.

As a speaker it’s my job to make my great idea work within the time frame of eighteen minutes. Taking an idea and making it crisp, and clear in 18 minutes is tough enough.  Add to that the complexity of there being two of us, sharing this big idea, and I think you can see the challenge.

Our big idea: Conflict is an Energy Source for Innovation, Creativity and Transformation.

Use it! Don’t Diffuse it!

Be Vulnerable and Curious to Transform Conflict into Creativity in an Instant.

The two concepts: vulnerability and curiosity settle on the strength side of the Power and Strength Continuum.  If you are unfamiliar with Haven’s Power and Strength models, here’s a link for a summary (go to p 13).  Very short answer:

  • Power is all about dominating and controlling the external environment
  • Strength is about coming more from within

Both power and strength are choices we have for handling anxiety and our innate sense of helpless.  We usually have a favorite or a familiar choice.  Our work, as we become adults and more fully embrace our lives, is to value both and move between power and strength with flexibility as appropriate.

Preparing and delivering a TEDx Talk is a great way to test that integration process.

Getting our idea clear and concise in many ways involved a healthy use of power. (To be completely honest, we were a touch unhealthy at times. We are a couple!)  The message needed to be tight and not one that implied uncertainty.  We went through many stages of writing, rewriting, delivering, and redelivering, getting feedback, and incorporating that feedback. (Okay crying and screaming as well!)

We practiced our timing.  We practiced in our outfits. We practiced with our slides.  We did the talk super fast and then very conversationally.

This was all about taking our deeply personal, passionate message and framing it into a Powerful package.

The day of the dress rehearsal we delivered a very tight TEDx Talk well within the time limit.

Our speaker coach had this to say, “You guys have great material, but you are talking at us about vulnerability and curiosity and you need to actually be vulnerable and curious!”

“OUCH!”

Yes, the feedback did sting a bit!  Yet, it was so right on!

We had done some great work to control and package the message.  I believe that was invaluable.  However, to step on the stage and deliver that message, we needed to come from within – the strength side – to connect and show that vulnerability!

So what did we do?  We went home and practiced some more.  Why?  Because I think we both knew that if we really, absolutely knew our lines, we could let them go and embody the lines on the stage.  Meaning, choosing power can and does support, strength.

On the stage live, we delivered.  We connected.  We made mistakes, and we recovered.  We were vulnerable and curious.

For me, it was a wonderful experience of integrating Power and Strength.

I can so easily get upset with CrisMarie when she wants me to script or overly practice a model or a speech.  It can seem so non-organic and impersonal.  Yet, I get it.  One way is not right or wrong – good or bad.

It’s all about the choice, and knowing when it’s best to power over (dominate that script) and when to trust my strength (take the stage and breathe some life into our message, and be real).

This is true on stage.  It’s true in business.  It’s true at home.

Don’t make the usual mistake of getting fixated on one side or the other – dance and integrate the best of both in your life.

Want to learn more about The Next Step: Integrating Power & Strength into your Daily Life?  Join Toby & I in Part II of our FREE Webinar series on May 13 at noon PT.

 

 

 

Celebrating Success!

 A year ago when I started my journey in Equus Coaching, I found myself totally terrified about my decision to say, “yes”, to the nudge towards Koelle Simpson’s, Equus Coaching program.

Today I am traveling home after my year end review for certification.

I had a wonderful weekend.  I did some things I never thought I would feel comfortable doing.

Frankly, most of my angst and fear comes up catching horses and moving them between the pasture and the round pen.  Sure enough, I got lots of opportunity to work on that!  Yes, Scotty (whom some of my co-coaching folks will remember) had me circling for quite a while before I finely settled myself into the fact that no one else was coming to help me get him to and through that gate!  I had to take a deep breath and take the lead.  His follow pasture mates were no help as they simply persisted to hang out at the gate until I gave them a clear message to back it up!

I had a round pen session with a horse, Snowman, who simply wasn’t in the mood to demonstrate a walk, trot or gallop around the pen.  No, he pretty much just stood there. Yet, he gave me a wonderful chance to keep coming back to myself and my intention; stay present in myself and my own sense of ‘good enough’.

The coaching was the joyful part of the review.  Sure I can always get better AND I had one session that for me was magic, very fulfilling (not only that but we laughed a lot,  tears are not the only way to get profound and deep work done!).

Finally, yesterday as we each waited for our turn for feedback, I used the time to practice haltering horses for anyone wanting to practice in the round pen. I also, got a chance or two to dance with a horse and get some great coaching. (thanks Tj)

Did I get certified? No, I have work to do. Did I ‘pass’.  Yes!

I honestly wasn’t sure if I would continue if I didn’t come this time. Whenever I get back home from the incredible experiences at the ranch,  I seem to drown in my lack of self-confidence.  So I came, not to get certified but to get valuable feedback.  I did and I stayed open and curious about all the input that came my way!

The best feedback came from the horses.  They let me know I have come a long way and gave me lots of good input about ways to continue to grow and build my confidence!

This time returning home, I’d like to think I’ll do things differently.

However, for now, I simply want to celebrate my success.

I feel full and very grateful.  Thank you to all who took this journey with me! Especially the horses, who continue to sing and I continue to listen! 

 

The Fabric of Family

I keep trying to come up with a post to pay a tribute to my dad, Biking John Clarke. However, the words aren’t coming. Maybe because, in many ways over the past two years, I have been doing a variety of closing story lines and those probably speak best of our relationship.

However, what is coming up for me more is how my father’s passing seems to be shining a light on just how different each member of a family loves, laughs, grieves, and moves through this process.

All 3 XMAS 62I have two older sisters: Penny and Melissa. Each of us has a unique story and experience of my dad.

If you just listened to how we each saw and interpreted some of the events of our lives, you might wonder if we had grown up under the same roof.  You may even wonder if we were more fractured than fabric.

This weekend we’ll each be a part of a memorial service my mother, Bernie Clarke, is creating to honor his life. In many ways, the pieces that each of us are choosing to share, speak volumes to our unique stories and relationship we had with Dad.

For me, I will be pulling together pictures and music. No words.  It’s been the best way for me to understand, and connect, with my father. I pulled together a movie for his 90th birthday and it was an amazing project.  Virginia was my dad’s home from childhood, through rising his family, to being a school principal.  So my cousin, Trip Clarke , who still lives back in Virginia, partnered with me and went to various places to video pieces from the many layers of my father’s life there. I learned a great deal about my father by listening to messages from extended family, friends, and his various biking groups.

This time it has been different. Just me and photos. Still I get to see the many stories and layers of his life, giving my own story much more breath, depth, and meaning.

My oldest sister, Penny wrote a beautiful piece about the past couple of years, as she walked right along side Mom and Dad, as he was facing death and engaged in what he referred to as “hostage” care (Otherwise known as hospice care.).  I do believe Penny had a special bond with my father,  which comes through in her writing.  It also sheds a light on each of them, and just how important family is and has been in their lives. I originally thought her piece would be the final chapter for the next printing of my dad’s book, Sailing Thru. However, I understand Penny herself will be using it in a book of her own. It underscores just how important stories are to Clarke family fabric.

Finally, Melissa, my next oldest sister, will be playing the piano. Another wonderful way to share a story without the words, but with all the raw emotion and feeling. Which so fits Melissa. One of my favorite stories written by my father was one that he wrote about Melissa teaching (or trying to teach) him to play the piano. The piece spoke of her gifts when it came to music. It also highlighted their shared connection through teaching. The story speaks so well of their dynamics: that desire on each of their parts to play well together, and the challenges in doing so. Melissa’s musical story is real and raw. All of the chords and emotions are played and speak just as strongly to the rich fabric of this family.

I can in many ways feel oddly out of place in my own relationship to my dad. But it is through my sisters that I see and  hear the different heart beats, like threads, that my family has weaved into our family tapestry.

I also hear it in the words and stories of his grandchildren. Each of whom speaks of the love and connection they experienced with him in very different ways.

Suddenly, what has seemed  fractured, is more like a fractal.

Still, I may sit a little further outside the inner circle of my family, but the one note that plays through it all, and brings me much closer, comes when I am riding my bike. Whether I ride here, in the beauty of Montana, or as I will be this Sunday on my dad’s memorial day, riding his trike to an early breakfast with family and friends, that is where I connect to him.

IMG_0347There is where I know: We are family, and the fabric, and fractal is quite strong!

I have all my sisters and me!!

Living Alive Phase I: What’s In It For You?

418157_10150710434672628_1444113983_nA while back I wrote a blog requesting others to share their Ultimate Result from taking a Living Alive Phase I program at The Haven.

I loved hearing from so many people, and decided I wanted to share some of the responses (without revealing anyone)!

Here’s is what people got out of the Living Alive Phase I Program:

  • Faith in myself and my ability to connect.
  • Energy and purpose that I thought was lost.
  • The courage to identify when I am sticking myself, and to make a shift, while being gentle and compassionate with myself and others in my life.
  • Overcoming my desire to run because I don’t have the level of control I want.  Also, being able to hang in and not have to get control.
  • A path for communicating and appreciating people who think, feel, and want something different than me.
  • Discovering the value in someone giving me honest straight feedback, and discovering the impact I am having on others – not collapsing but appreciating the realness!!
  • Getting to see my patterns, work on them, and not change, but become compassionate and faster at self-correcting and moving forward.
  • A new love of life that isn’t dependent on someone else being different!!
  • Discovering my own voice and the value of speaking up and sharing my experience.

These are just a few of the wonderful nuggets I got back.

Many of these responses came from people who had taken the program two or more years ago and wanted to let me know the results were sticking!!

I believe in this program and I am thrilled it is going to be offered in a new format. I think the Integrative Living Alive Phase I will be different because it has a built-in method for integrating the learning as you go.

So often people at The Haven will say: “but this isn’t the real world.” Now, frankly, I don’t buy that line, but I do get it is a special place where most everyone is coming with a mutual purpose to learn and play in self-discovering. I also appreciate that taking that back into day-to-day life with folks who may not have that same shared experience or commitment can be hard.

That’s why the new format offers a different possibility.

Learn and Integrate Over 8 Months!

In the new format, for eight months, we will be together.  Sometimes at The Haven, working deeply, and other times back at home. Plus, there’s an online community and virtual programming piece.

The ‘real’ world meets the learning lab! Learn and test at the Haven lab, then go home and try things.  Use the online community to share and get feedback as you go. Wow!!

There are folks who doubt that the same depth of connection can happen online.  Let’s face it, one of the best parts of The Haven is the simplicity of sitting in a circle and the amazing connections that happen through the resonance of a group process. However, our world is no longer just happening face-to-face. Most of us spend a lot of time online. Sure, it’s easy to say that online is impersonal, but is that really a story worth holding on to anymore?

Times Colonist Article
Times Colonist Article

To the right is an article by Rachel Davey, Executive Director at The Haven,  printed in the  Times-Colonist talking about the importance of becoming more comfortable online and how Haven is ready to go there. Yes, we still love the simplicity and potential of a group process, but also do not want to stay limited there.

Haven wants to expand and include! I am looking forward to the new adventure!

If the any of those ultimate results above sound appealing to you and you are ready to step in, I’d love to hear from you.  Join Toby Macklin and I, in September 2015 to launch the new Integrative Living Alive Phase!!

Click here to find out more and fill out an application. If you are a fit, we will look forward to spending eight months with you, supporting you creating your ultimate results. That’s what’s in it for you!