Category Archives: Connection

Communication, Connecting, Connection, Leadership, Life Experiences

When Old Patterns Pull You Back

There are endless programs, methods, and strategies for shifting from a victim mindset to one of growth. They’ve been around for decades—I know because I’ve been working on that shift for over 40 years. And it has truly been life-changing.

But here’s the thing: I still get caught in spirals. The crises may not feel as dire as they once did, but that almost makes it harder. Without the proverbial 2-by-4 of life smacking me, it’s easy to stay stuck in discomfort instead of pushing for change.

Maybe it’s a lack of steady clients or income. Maybe it’s tight jeans, restless nights, or feeling stiffer and less flexible. Little discomforts pile up until they feel like a wall.

And then, bigger waves hit—like elections. I want dialogue, exploration, connection. Instead, I often find polarization, fear, and attacks. There are glimpses of deeper conversations, but not enough to break the storm.

Post-election, messages pour in urging people to fight, resist, battle. And while I understand that drive, it’s all too familiar to me. Fear and rage, blame and combat—they’re paths I know well, but they aren’t where I want to go.

Here’s what I’ve been sitting with: We’re in a river of change and uncertainty. It’s bigger than any one election or person. I look at the government now and see a massive shake-up. Where it leads—democracy, autocracy, something else entirely—I don’t know.

But fear? That’s a choice. So is fighting.

What feels like a real change for me is staying present. Staying here. Meeting my community—neighbors, friends, strangers—with curiosity and care. It’s like stepping out after a storm, checking who’s okay, seeing where we stand.

These moments can forge deep connections if we let them. I want to meet them with vision, not old survival patterns. And yet, I feel that familiar pull: to blame, to rage, to scream. I catch myself in it. I take a breath.

Yes, we elected a bully. A liar. It’s infuriating.

And yet—stop. Breathe.

What if something can come out of this?

I think back to when my doctors told me there were no options left for me. That was a wake-up call. This moment feels like another quake. It’s clear now: the government—just like the medical system—isn’t going to fix me, my community, or our unique challenges. Systems don’t do that. People do.

Maybe I thought we were ready for big, systemic change. But real transformation isn’t something we demand and wait for. It starts in the daily work, the unglamorous trenches of our own lives.

Change means living more in the unknown than the familiar. It means choosing the present moment over old, comfortable patterns. It means staying open-hearted even when fear tries to take over.

So that’s the work: not on grand systems, but in my own day-to-day. Let me meet this moment with courage. Let me have the heart to do the work.

Communication, Connecting, Connection, Leadership, Vulnerability

Waiting For Grace

I don’t know.

I am in an unknown space between the lessons I thought I learned from the past and the stories I made up about the future I wanted.

My stories spook me about what lies ahead.  I don’t think that is helpful.  Because , I don’t know.

Years ago, my medical team gave me a very terrifying outcome.   Death in three to six months.  It’s been almost forty years.  I am still here.

Not because I got rid cancer.  I just decided it wasn’t going to be my focus.  I wanted relationships and living.  Not dying.

Let’s face it, we are all going to die.  At least this body, or vessel is, and it isn’t what defines us.  Our soul.  Our spirit.  Our consciousness.   Our connections. That is our legacy.

I know that and sometimes I still get wonky about an agenda I have.  Like my desire for equality.  My wish that we’d have a woman, President.  My desire not to elect a bully or be the bully. My wish that if I had unlimited resources, I’d pass them on and share the wealth.  That if someone was terrified, I would have the courage to see through the fight and hold a space and shine a light.

I’m still in this shell of flesh and bones. My own created box of stories, beliefs, values and experiences, walls that need to be cracked.

This election did that. 

I don’t like the results.  I can scare myself with the President-elect.  But I don’t want to keep living on fear and fight.

My cancer (s) taught me to be relational and not a victim to old stories.

I feel as though in some ways the cancer is back unless I can listen and be curious and creative instead of hateful and enraged.

Let me bigger than myself.  My ego. My story.

Let me be a fractal that simply keeps surrendering to the unknown and showing up with light shining through.

I may be more reflective and silent for a few days.

I recall Maya Angelou being silent for eight years so she could her find her voice. (and she did)

I don’t anticipate eight years AND I want to hold until I have the capacity to awaken down.  Waking to the wails, the fears, the pain and allow grace to rise and walk me forward. 

Beyond the duality of parties and politics.

I will wait before I judge.

Communication, Connecting, Connection, Life Experiences

Presence, Connection, and Co-Creation

This beautiful piece is by Leah Campbell Badertscher – it so captures co-creating

For me, life is fundamentally about relationships.

Why?

Because relationships ground me in the present moment.

Without this connection, I get lost in my mind, creating stories, planning, and believing that this is living. But it’s not. Real living happens when I step out of my thoughts and fully engage in the moment.

Achieving presence isn’t about effort or analysis; it’s about simply BEING—one breath, one sensation, one heartbeat at a time.

I honestly think this can only happen through connection.

Many people find it easier to connect with nature, animals, or even a place than with another person.

Why?

Because animals live in the moment. They aren’t worrying about the future or caught up in past dramas. They’re just BEING—not trying to look good, make money, or stay safe.

JOINING is our best chance to discover this sense of BEING.

We all crave connection, even if we don’t always know how to achieve it.

One of the most beautiful moments when working with horses without any equipment is when horse and human ‘join up.’ This happens when the human stops trying to control the situation and instead focuses on their own BEING.

When that shift happens, the horse often naturally comes closer, moves with the person, and stays in sync, as if linked by an invisible thread.

We long for that kind of connection with other people. But it’s harder with humans because we’re often focused on the external world, unaware of the stories and patterns we create to protect and control.

To truly connect with another person, we need to let go of that control and turn inward, taking responsibility for our part in the relationship.

It’s about listening intentionally, letting go of judgments, and moving beyond right and wrong.

When we do that, we invite ourselves into a generous, present moment.

This space is sacred, like hitting a reset button. It allows us to return to our true selves, leaving behind pain and old stories.

That’s when co-creation happens.

It’s easy to fall back into old habits, but staying present is possible.

This is the essence of Couple’s Alive Series that happen at the Haven—Being, Connecting, and Co-Creating.

I love leading this series. Being with other couples. We’ll be doing a Couples Alive II very soon. If you have taken Couples Alive Foundation – this is the next step and it’s focusing on Co-Creating.

Communication, Connection, Leadership, Vulnerability

Beyond the Instinct to Attack: Embracing Choice

Attack mode seems to be everywhere these days. Why is that?

The usual explanations: “They started it” or “I had to defend myself.” Maybe. But let’s be honest—we’ve drifted far from the ideals of kindness or turning the other cheek.

I’m not here to recount biblical stories about how Jesus handled things. Those have been quoted and misquoted so much that if Jesus were still in the grave, he’d be rolling over by now.

Instead, I’d rather look at more recent figures like Martin Luther King Jr., Nelson Mandela, Peace Pilgrim, or Pema Chödrön—people who truly understood that nonviolence is a choice. Violence is a choice too. It’s up to us, and it’s never easy. Our decisions reflect the internal struggle of perception, interpretation, and emotion.

Nelson Mandela once said, “For to be free is not merely to cast off one’s chains, but to live in a way that respects and enhances the freedom of others.” We’re pretty good at enhancing our own freedom, but respecting and enhancing the freedom of others? That’s where we fall short.

It’s always easier to make the other side wrong. But the danger in blaming others isn’t necessarily that they don’t bear some responsibility. The real issue is that blame often blinds us to the role we play. Judging others isn’t the problem—our judgments can be creative or insightful. The issue is that we often don’t fully own the story we’re creating. We project it onto others and convince ourselves that it’s their problem, not ours.

What if our judgments are primarily, if not entirely, our own creation? If we truly grasp that, we can make better choices about whether to attack or not. When I realize that I’m the creator of my interpretation, I gain power over how I respond. If I perceive an attack or a threat, I can pause and reassess.

Take Michelle Obama’s famous line, “When they go low, we go high.” I see that as her response to perceived attacks. She steps back, views the situation from a different, higher perspective, where more possibilities emerge.

It’s natural to feel the instinct to attack or withdraw when faced with danger. But our minds, for better or worse, go beyond pure instinct. That’s the downside of being so analytical—we think we can interpret reality with precision. And often, in our attempts to do so, we make a mess. Or worse, we create war.

Communication, Connecting, Connection, Valuing Differences

Beyond Gold: Embracing Kindness and Dialogue in a Divided World

Amazing moment!

There’s a lot on my mind and in my heart these days. I’ve always loved the Olympics, not just for the competition but for the spirit of the games. However, I’ve sometimes been disappointed by the intense focus on winning and the pursuit of gold medals. This time around, though, it feels different. Maybe it’s because of Paris’ exceptional hosting. They’ve done a remarkable job. Or perhaps it’s because, after the isolation of the Covid Olympics, athletes are now able to have their families present, connect with teammates, and simply enjoy each other’s company.

Or maybe, in a world marked by fractures and conflict, these athletes are doing their best to show us a different way of being. Whatever the reason, it could also just be me. I find myself feeling more kind, open-hearted, and curious. I’m less driven by fear and more by love—love for myself, my family, friends, and even those I consider adversaries. I’m seeing the world through a different lens.

It’s intriguing to witness the care, joy, and cross-cultural connections unfolding in sports, especially when contrasted with the divisiveness and hostility often seen in politics. I believe Vice President Kamala Harris is bringing a new possibility to the table. Her team has certainly shaken things up. But as we look ahead to the next few months, I’m not entirely confident that the political environment will lead to significant change. True change, I think, will only come from us—the people—engaging in conversations and dialogue.

As I’ve mentioned before, finding unbiased coverage of issues can be challenging. But even with what’s available, we can still work towards understanding and making decisions that resonate with our hearts. When coaching executives, I often emphasize the importance of knowing your “ME”—understanding who you are, the beliefs you hold, and what you value. I also encourage them to move beyond being right or fixed in their views. Get feedback and listen without defending.

That’s essentially what I believe we all need to do. We need to understand the world we’ve built and seek out dialogue with as many people as possible. This helps us get clearer on what matters to our families, neighbors, and communities. Don’t just vote based on a soundbite or party affiliation. Do the work. That’s what democracy is truly about, and it’s what’s at stake.

Connection, Valuing Differences, Vulnerability

Too Much Noice, Rumi, and Being A Bright Light

Here’s my problem with our current political landscape:

  • A constant stream of text messages for donations or confirmation around who I will vote for in the November election. 
  • I start a polling series of questions, soon discover my answers will only go through to wherever they go, if I agree to donate money to a campaign.
  • I want to understand candidates’ positions, I read in the paper but there is no dialogue, conversation or engagement in listening to alternative perspectives or asking clarifying questions.
  • Debates are generally just attacks or an absence of key candidates.

 This results in moments of great fury inside me.  I want to attack and get angry.  Or I go to despair in sense of hopelessness.

I feel like a victim or a raging attacker.  I could say powerless of powerful – but both without any real connection or frankly consciousness.

I keep trying to figure out how I can take my power back and not be a victim or villain in this political cycle for the next 4 months.

What I do know is that the leadership I am seeing, hearing and participating in does not feel good or like a healthy, democratic process for the people.

I could almost compare this to moments when Covid broke out and suddenly I was tossed into the unknown.  Only that was better – there was silence.  I could and did shut off the noise.

There’s no silence in this political cycle and there is no clear, connecting message – just noise.

During Covid I wanted connection, and we started a Facebook live video every morning around 10AM – got named ‘The New Morning Show”.

I found that helpful.  I thought of trying something like that again – but I don’t want to just start another thread of hate – with friends or against my enemies.

I know what I want in leadership.  I want vulnerability, curiosity, collaboration and inclusive conversations.

This is what I believe politics should be about.  Not fixed positions and furious fighting between parties.  Not us against the world.  Not just conversations for those that have big dollars to get to the table.

I know I am not going to change our political system. 

I can only keep trying to have one real conversation at a time.

Listen with my heart open, particularly when I totally disagree.

That’s what I can do.  I also will keep sending out transmissions that shine my light and shift me from a place of despair or hate.

If you get this transmission and feel some of the same – reach out.  If you get this and think all is well and disagree – you can reach out, too.

Basically, I am looking for connection and a space that isn’t just filled with separation, fear, ego, and pain.

We really are in this together.  When I am in fear or fury, I can forget that our heartbeats are the same.  Underneath the color of my skin, the shape of my body, the stories of my life, my feelings, my desires is just a beating heart in a very vulnerable human, trying, doing the very best I know. 

There’s so much more that is out there then what I know.

Rumi wrote – there is a field (think energy/consciousness) out there beyond right and wrong – meet me there.

I know now that meeting you out there is not about changing you or getting out there somewhere.  It’s about cracking my heart open and letting all the light shine.  Letting light in and letting light out.  In other words, being the bright light, not the sharp sword.

Business, Communication, Connecting, Connection

Soul Camp

Link https://equuscoach.com/soul-camp/for Soul Camp:

Okay so I signed up, booked my flight and found a TINY airbnb in Coronado, CA for Soul Camp – without much other than a desire to reconnect with horses and my Equus colleagues.

People asked me on my FB post – what is Soul Camp?  Now here I thought I should look myself.  Above is the intro and I love it.

In many ways I know I am following my heart’s desire and doing many things I love.  I also know any experience I have with the horses does help me listen on an even deeper level.

These days much of my work is not directly Equus related.  This is one of the reasons I wanted to reconnect with the human Herd of my Equus Training.  I couldn’t make the dates for Coaches so signed up for Soul Camp. (I admit three days at the beach San Diego was a big draw as well!)

We, meaning CrisMarie, me and our business Thrive, are always in some form of ‘what’s next’.  Maybe it’s related to new clients, or new programs, or simply upgrading and resetting ourselves – there’s always something ‘changing’.

This past year a great deal of the more personal aspect of that has been through doing various Dr Joe programs and more recently diving into a Course in Miracles.  This has stirred the pot so to speak for me.  Primarily because I do firmly believe life is much more about connection, consciousness, and joy than it is about ego, success, and surviving. 

Sometimes I get myself caught in either ‘fighting’ against the surviving and driving or I get drawn into fear and angst of what seems like the daily headlines and wallow in some simple pleasure-seeking addiction to make the pain go away.

In May and June, I tapped back into the work I love most.  We did a wonderful Couples Alive program that filled my tank in terms of creating intimacy and connection while also self-defining and be a whole person.

I came away realizing I want more of that in our corporate work.  I know it is much harder in business and even in just day-to-day living to tap into that level of intimacy and connection.  But when I do it is so powerful and meaningful, that I know it is better than any ROI in terms dollars and numbers.

What I want to reflect and work on during my Soul Camp program is what stops me from reaching out and finding those clients, leaders and team that have that desire.

I know there are people out there that want that intimacy and realness and don’t know how to possibly do work/business/life differently.  I also know I can shine and create spaces for people to tap into the power of connection, coherence, and intimacy in there significant relationships at home and at work.

So that’s my desire for these few days.  I want to work on communicating, articulating and shining a light out into the world that invites those people to connect so we can work together.

I’ll keep you posted on what I discover. 

Connecting, Connection

AI – What Do You Think of Us Humans?

I’ve been developing my relationship AI. So I hought I’d ask AI what makes us humans unique.

AI Answer:
Humans possess several characteristics that set them apart from other species:

  1. Complex Language and Communication: Humans have developed intricate systems of communication, including spoken and written language, allowing for the exchange of complex ideas, emotions, and knowledge.
  2. Cognitive Abilities: Humans exhibit high levels of cognitive abilities, including reasoning, problem-solving, critical thinking, and abstract thought. This allows them to innovate, create art, develop technology, and adapt to diverse environments.
  3. Self-awareness and Consciousness: Humans possess self-awareness, the ability to reflect on their own thoughts, feelings, and actions, and to recognize themselves as individuals separate from others. They also have a sense of consciousness, allowing them to perceive and experience the world subjectively.
  4. Culture and Social Structures: Humans create and participate in complex social structures and cultural systems, including institutions, norms, beliefs, customs, rituals, and traditions. These aspects of culture shape human behavior and identity, fostering cooperation, coordination, and collective learning.
  5. Tool Use and Technology: Humans are adept at using tools and developing technology to manipulate their environment and solve problems. This capacity for tool use has enabled humans to adapt to diverse habitats and thrive in various ecosystems.
  6. Emotions and Empathy: Humans experience a wide range of emotions, including joy, sadness, fear, anger, and love. They also demonstrate empathy, the ability to understand and share the feelings of others, which fosters social bonds and cooperation.
  7. Capacity for Innovation and Creativity: Humans possess a remarkable capacity for innovation and creativity, enabling them to develop new ideas, inventions, and solutions to challenges. This creativity is expressed in various domains, including art, music, literature, science, and technology.
  8. Symbolic Thinking and Abstract Reasoning: Humans engage in symbolic thinking, using symbols, language, and abstract concepts to represent and manipulate the world around them. This ability underlies many aspects of human culture, communication, and cognition.

Overall, it is the combination of these characteristics—language, cognition, self-awareness, culture, tool use, emotions, creativity, and symbolic thinking—that makes humans unique among Earth’s species.

Okay – we are awesome – right? 

Makes for a great story.

I’m not as robust in my data collection as AI, so my answer to that question about what makes us unique is simpler:  story making and story-telling.

Our imagination and cognitive abilities have made us great.

It has also bought us to a point of possible extinction. 

I do know I personally am not getting out of here alive.  But I’d like to think humans could continue long after I’m gone.

However, I think it is going to take some humility and collaboration for that to happen. Not just with each other but with all living beings.

We tend tell our stories as though we are the greatest.  We likely have trained AI to make us sound that way as well.

That we can remember and tell stories over time is awesome.  However, the degree to which we believe our stories as truths can and does cause a great deal of separation, pain, and suffering.

Isn’t that often the case.  A super strength is also an Achilles heel.

But what if we could dial back our need to be right, win, dominate, compete.  I didn’t say get rid of – just dial back.

Maybe if we simply dial back our certainty. 

It’s not what is known that is going to create sustainability;  it’s actually embracing and stepping into what is unknown.

However, doing that demands letting go of control, safety, and certainty.

We humans, we’re not very good at that.

Maybe we could be.

Wouldn’t that be amazing.

Connecting, Connection, Vision, writing

Inspired By Tracy & I am Not Alone

I am inspired by Tracey Chapman and this isn’t the first time.

Best moment of the Grammy’s was when Tracy Chapman joined Luke Combs to sing Fast Car.

That was a magical moment on so many levels.  White guy, county singer and black woman, musical legend. 

I watched the clip of Luke Combs talking about his reasons for redoing the song.  He loved the song, grew up listening to it and it was one of the first songs he played.  That’s something.

I’m not a music star, country or otherwise.  However, Tracey Chapman sure did influence my life and her song, Promise, was one of the first songs I sought to learn on the guitar. 

Tracy Chapman I believe has inspired many. Her songs speak to the soul and connect, across devides.

Now that this moment has happened, I am sort hoping Tracey may make more musical appearances. 

Sounds like she is a special woman who lives a life out of the public scrutiny.  Maybe not now.  With people just learning she lives in ________ (don’t want to add on so just ___) .  Her solitude might be shaken.  I hope not.

I have a story that she is still writing songs and music.  Maybe even playing for non-advertised audiences.

Her song writing and music remind me of my own writing – yes there are books and articles for press, public and broad consumption, but that’s not why I write and I am guessing never why she wrote, sang and shared.

I write because it’s sooths an ache or fills a deep need/desire to connect and not be so alone.

I don’t know for sure but that’s what I saw on that stage the other night.  Two amazing singers, worlds a part in many ways – bridging through a song.  All of us getting to share in that special moment.

I wish could invite her to the stage here in Whitefish, MT.  Wouldn’t that be cool.

Maybe that’s a LONG shot but in the meantime, I have gotten back out my guitar and I’m practicing my favorite Tracy tune: Promise. 

No worries I won’t share my version with you but here’s a Tracy version:

Communication, Connecting, Connection

In The Spirt of Experimenting

Every year I like to come up with a word or phrase as a theme for the year. This year’s theme or word is EXPERIMENTING.

This word came out of a strategic session CrisMarie and I had for our launch of the Beauty of Conflict Journey. This has been a project started over a year ago and now moving out into the world

What I like about this word is that it implies a level of curiosity that I believe is critical for joy and aliveness.

Experimenting also has a touch rigor and practice implied as well. When I am experimenting, I do start with some assumption and then try things that may or may not improve or provide insight into where to go next.

We knew what was most important for thrive! and the new Journey was going to be successfully marketing and getting the message out.

However, sometimes marketing feels overwhelming. I don’t know how to cut through the noise. There are so many people saying to this, do that, be sure you don’t do this or that.

Measure, measure likes, new leads, thumbs, thumbs down, and if you are not getting results, (i.e. likes, sales or leads) do something different.

I am sure there is some nugget of truth in all the suggestions. Although I know I don’t live openhearted and inspired by tracking likes, leads, thumbs up or sales.

So, when one of us came up with the theme: Experiment marketing thrive’s Beauty of Conflict Journey, my heart relaxed, and my brain woke up with possibilities.

It seemed only natural then to use Experimenting as my personal word for 2024.

This word inspires me beyond our business. I am experimenting with a bunch of new community activities: contra dancing, Uke jam sessions, a book club and these all showed up as invitations just after I picked my word, and I said yes!

I also watched my niece Carolina, do this amazing Instagram Live when she found herself unable to run a cooking class because of blizzard like weather. In a short 20-minute Instagram Live she taught us how to make Savory Oatmeal. OMG – it was awesome. I was inspired.

Now I am going to give Instagram live a try. Once a week I am going to come online and share, show, practice some type of breathing, movement, or personal development tip.

I am sharing a short video here to kick off for friends, family and followers hoping some of you might join at: https://www.instagram.com/thriveinc/ when I go LIVE next week.

Join Me Next week live follow us on Instagram for notification: https://www.instagram.com/thriveinc/

I am still deciding on the day. I likely will be experimenting starting with Monday or Tuesday and I’ll send a post as a reminder on our site. Be sure to follow us.

Remember experimenting is a great way to be curious and vulnerable. Let’s have some fun together.