Three Types of Team Players!

Dogs are a huge part of my life. They are also great teachers.

As I got the chance to watch a series of dog agility videos today – all shared by friends. I couldn’t help but think about how each of these dogs shows up on teams.

There’s the Superstar – you know that performer – all in and intense – meet Pink!

Check Out Pink: https://youtu.be/oiySODkJbrU?t=12

There’s the Slow and Steady – no reason to get excited and sometimes slow is good!

Meet the Mastiff!

Check Out Rotti: https://youtu.be/GjqtwNUE148

And then there’s one always ready to play! Got to love the joy!

Then there’s ‘Charlie’: https://youtu.be/5iTTNRE-njM?t=50

In some ways I know I have some of each of these brilliant performers! Maybe I am dreaming that I could be like Pink. But I can be intense for sure!!

I can also relate to the Mastiff – especially when I am running along my Olympian partner in project mode!

But mostly I relate to the retriever – let there be JOY and PLAY.

Which dog are you on your team!

Happy Holidays – Finding Meaning In The Season

It’s that most wonderful time of year…..

I love the holidays. I love singing holiday tunes and walking about in our small town with the lights and families, friends and locals – all hoping that maybe we will have a white Christmas!!

It is hard to believe that we might not. Just a few days ago I was thrilled that we got a big dump of snow – opening the front side of the mountain!

Now four days into a spring-like weather pattern – the snow is gone. The mountain still has snow but it’s pretty scarce here in the valley!

CrisMarie has been away a few days visiting her sister and family. So this year our traditional night of Yuletide – ATP’s `(Alpine Theater Project) awesome holiday event) was just Paula and I. I am grateful that CrisMarie was able to have this time with her sister. I am also glad one of us (and maybe the one who appreciates musicals and the humor of Politically Incorrect Christmas Caroling) was the one here to whistle, rock and clap through the Yuletide extravaganza!!

I am so aware of the mix of emotions that come with holidays. Joy in celebrating our year and life together and tears for those not here with us this year. Smiles for the wonder and laughs that come with stories and reflecting. Fears and frustration with the pain that rolls through our life, the news and the headlines. Sometimes it is hard to reconcile the blessings and excitement that I have been fortunate to receive, knowing for many others it isn’t like that.

At times I don’t know what to make of Christmas being all about the baby Jesus. I wouldn’t call myself a religious person. It helps in year’s like this that Hanukkah will be happening right along side Christmas and there is always winter solstice and a new year to celebrate. I have always been a fan of Santa – or St. Nick – not so much because of Jesus, as savior – but the idea of sharing gifts, light and celebration even in the shortest of days. Plus I do love so many of the Christmas songs – beautifully sung and shared.

I enjoy signing off post, emails and letters with Happy Holidays – whatever the holiday may be for you.

For me, it is one that celebrates our humanity. It’s a holiday about joy and joy is an exquisite mix of love, pain, tears and sorrow.

This time of year reminds me that we all have dark nights and hopefully we all have bright spots, one’s we remember or just the light of a new day or a night sky filled with stars.

Many years ago – the holidays fell at one of the loneliest and darkness times of my life. I found myself alone on Christmas Eve and very sad and fearful about life. I traveled downtown back where I lived then and walked into a church service where I knew no one but the music pulled me in. I was welcomed even though the only white person. I wasn’t much of a church person but wanted human fellowship on a lonely Christmas eve. I remember being so moved by the welcome and the invitation to sing and dance along. I don’t recall anyone’s name. I doubt I ever saw any one of them again. I left shortly after midnight on Christmas – still singing those carols – with warmth in my heart and what seemed like a reason keep going.

That Christmas did teach me, I don’t have to know people to offer comfort and joy – a smile and song. It goes a long way to share those simple things. I seriously doubt they had any idea how they touched my life.

So this holiday may you be blessed to either be one who gets to share your joy with someone who needs that simple spark – or may you be fortunate to find what you need from someone else.

Merry and Happy Holidays and Humanity to all!

Merry and Happy Holidays & Humanity

Last Chance – Don’t Wait

There is so much good happening in my world. Our book launch experience has been quite exciting and fulfilling as our book is finding it’s words spreading out into the world.

Between the pages sold and the various podcast traveling out on the airwaves, I do think we are doing what we wanted – spreading a message that supports people have more honest, real and intimate (in-to-me-see) conversations.

All of our focus has been on the launch. I had a belief that as we launched the book, we’d also be able to get people intrigued and signing up to work in-person with us. Thus the decision to schedule and launch Couples Mojo at Apache Springs in AZ – October 25-28, 2019.

Today I am faced with the reality that even with all the good things happening – what isn’t happening is rush of couples signing up for our program.

It’s down to the wire and it is looking like we will have to cancel. Who wants to throw those words out on Facebook and into the world of social media.

I am wondering if this level of transparency and honesty is good for our marketing effort.

However, I don’t want to cancel until I have done all that I can. I think Couples Mojo is an amazing opportunity. One because I know what we bring to a Couples program.
I also know that adding and including the horses is going to be awesome.

Apache Springs Ranch is a gorgeous, luxurious retreat center that will nurture the soul, provide a safe and beautiful space for doing this most important work.

I don’t want to cancel. Not without one this last honest effort.

Maybe you have been thinking about it and just haven’t hit register.
Maybe you figure this will just happen another time so not rushing to commit.
Maybe you aren’t sure if have the time – or the money and are waiting for a sign it’s worth it.

Let me just say – don’t wait.

Big Sign here:

    YOU are Worth it and so is YOUR Relationship!

There have been times when I have thought:
• I don’t have time.
• I don’t have the money.
• This will come again and maybe it will be easier or a better time.

However, I know when it comes to ME and our WE – meaning my aliveness and health and our relationship passion, aliveness and connection – I don’t wait – I jump in and that investment has ALWAYS been worth – both for me and for us.

So let me know if you are close to committing. I am happy to talk to you about it – to you and your partner! But don’t wait.

Do it today.
This is the last chance.

The Beauty of Conflict for Couples Launches

September 15, is the day!

Our book, The Beauty of Conflict for Couples is officially launched.

This is book two and the first with a publisher, Tiny Press, which is part of Mango Press.

We’re excited. Of course if you are following you may be thinking that we are going all out to become Amazon best sellers.  You may hate Amazon or just wonder why we are so driven.

WHY Amazon?

Here’s the deal – for a book to get into book stores you need a great rating on Amazon.  Sure some large publishing houses can get their authors into the book store.  Our publisher has us on Barnes & Noble, Indie Press and is willing to go out push to bookstores where we have a following or have made a request.  But what gets books onto the shelves of book stores is online sells – and like it or not – Amazon is king.

I know a lot of writers don’t care for Amazon and I get it.  But I also want our book to get into the hands of people who could use a book that helps them ignite passion, connection and deepens intimacy.

I want that available and I believe our book offers some amazing tools, stories and wisdom that is worth getting out beyond digital land.

So yes, I am marketing and I am encouraging people to order the book through Amazon.

Shape & Great Day Hoston

Some of the marketing effort is quite fun.

We have been interviewed on 28 podcast so far AND I have loved laughing, learning and sharing with so many other people passionate about communication, couples, intimacy, growth and dealing better with our differences. 

We’ve had a couple feature stories put out into the world. The first one was about SEX – in Shape Magazine. Now I wasn’t expecting that – but you know I loved it.  Sex is one of the big challenges for couples and I’d love to generate more dialogue and conversation to broaden our cultural storylines about sex, sexuality – what’s okay and what’s not.  I have always been a believer that one of the prime reasons we have so much violence and sexual inappropriateness is because we don’t have a healthy way to talk about sex, our desires, our attractions and what works for us and doesn’t. So, no, we didn’t write this book about sexuality – we wrote to support honest and real dialogue and intimacy (in-to-me-see) between couples – AND we are thrilled that part of the launch includes some of our take on sex!

Just this best week we had our first TV appearance – on Great Day Houston!  It was a blast. The producer who reached out to us was fantastic.  She had us well prepared for the day.  Our segment was as she called it “a long one –  4-7 minutes”.  I honestly couldn’t grasp how that was long – but I soon learned just how fast a day show goes.  Probably my favorite part was being in the green room with the other folks going on.  These were the people I got to talk to and really share the message and moment.  The 4 minutes with Deborah was fun and I was grateful for the wee bit of media training we received because it does take a lot of effort to talk that fast and stay on message!

Click to see the clip

All this and the book is just set to launch on September 15.

I do hope we get the Amazon best seller banner at some point during our first few days.  No, we don’t indeed to do any crazy stuff to make that happen.  But we will ask and put ourselves and the book out there.

It’s worth it and do hope you’ll join us for some of the fun.

We’ll kick off with a FB Live on the launch day.  Our virtual launch party is happening on Monday September 16 – we’ll be on for 30 thirty minutes – share some stories and answer questions if folks are willing to join and ask.  We also have a webinar scheduled later in the week where we will do a deeper dive into the model.

Hopefully you’ll see us online and decide to join us and help spread the word.  I want our little book on the book shelves.  I also invite you to read it and write an honest review – on Goodreads, on Amazon – we’d be thrilled.

We really do need to get better at living well together and I honestly believe this book can support getting more real, honest and able to opt in to conflict/differences and hold for the tension and ambiguity it takes to get to a new possibility – one beyond right and wrong!

Let’s get relational – instead of getting righteous!

Our Book is Getting Real – So Am I

There are so many exciting things happening in my world.
This past week we got the author copies of our book, The Beauty of Conflict for Couples.
Loved opening the boxes.
Pretty cool experience.

I noticed a big exhale when there were no spelling errors on the cover. Of course there weren’t – we had editors and people watching our back.
However, I noticed until the book was in my hand I was anxious.

The book looks great and feels great.

Our days have been filled with podcast interviews. Only a couple have aired at this point. I am enjoying the process and I notice as the launch week approaches, I am feeling a touch exposed.

It’s funny I didn’t feel quite like this with our first book. Not sure why. Maybe because this one is about relationships, including our relationship! The last did tell some parts of my story and our story but it focused on our work with leaders and teams.

This one is closer to home – to me – to us.
Plus we are reaching further. We have a publisher. We have PR and marketing team.

Next week we’ll be on TV show in Houston!
We’re getting media training.
I’m saying I’m an expert in the area of relationships.

Here’s the deal.
I totally believe in what we have put out into the world.
I know this relational work as transformed my health, my relating, my world.

I know and have witnessed that same transformation happen in our programs and with couples and individuals I have worked with and I don’t doubt the work.

Still I am very uncomfortable calling myself an expert. My friend, Sherrie, tells me to redefine expert.

She ask me, “Are you confident in the work.”

“Yes!”

“Well – own it.”

She reminds me I am confident and clear that what I am saying is grounded in experience, knowledge and years of both living it and work and training.

What I am noticing is that I am standing forward. AND, on the inside I am aware of the tremble, the doubts, the dyslexic in me looking for the mis-spelled words.

Maybe I am not suppose to expose the insides as an expert.

However, for me without sharing the inside this feels incongruent.

Relating isn’t about being right or an expert. It’s about being real, sometimes raw and stepping forward.

Yes I hope people will buy our book, read it and try things out for themselves.
I want people to discover the beauty I have found in conflict.
Facing and wrestling with my own inner conflict
Learning and growing through relating with CrisMarie
Finding the beauty in our conflict.
The mess, the cleaning up and the transforming of ourselves – as individuals and as a couple.
Taking that same vulnerability and curiosity into the world around me.

I wish I could say it gets easier and maybe it does.
I don’t think I can sell that – because I am not sure it does get easier

Fuller and more alive
But not easier.

Living and loving takes courage and isn’t a pill a formula or a sure thing.

That much I do know for sure!
However – I won’t take the pill or certainty even if it was offered!
I hope you don’t either.

Mojo, Couples & MUCH MORE!!

Folks are arriving today and we kick off Find Your Mojo in Montana tomorrow!

I love this program we’ve created. I love seeing people tap into their Mojo. We have a blast getting things ready, showing off our great town, Whitefish, and getting to play and learn from the horses!

We have some new folks, some returning folks and some clients from our corporate work and some from the Haven world, coming to find their mojo!!

You can’t beat that!

Super Busy – Flowering

Right now we are super busy! Which is awesome. Some great things are brewing and flowering (our word for last year – and sometimes things take longer than expected!).

We are now working with our publisher, Mango Press, our new PR person, Cher, launching our Beauty of Conflict podcast in mid-June -all to pave the path to launch of our second book, The Beauty of Conflict for Couples coming out in September.

We also are speaking at FPA -NorCal Conference later this month and leading Couples Alive at The Haven in June!

Indeed life is full and exciting – AND at times, tense, uncomfortable and bringing up all my issues around visibility and standing forward in the world, owning my truth.

Riding The Wave

When I made my decision to step into my Montana Mojo and shift from doing what has been familiar and comfortable for me (leading Come Alive and Living Alive at The Haven) – I knew I’d be riding a wave.

It hasn’t all been easy. I have and still do deal with self-doubt and some grief. Yes, tons of good things are happening and I still miss being so much a part of something that fed my heart and soul for so long!

I do believe I made my big move at a time when I was being called to step into MY mastery and Mojo more.

Coming Back To The Island

I also see that Haven is rocking on and the core programs continue to thrive and transform people’s lives. That is cool!

In June I’ll be back up at The Haven leading Couples Alive Foundations with CrisMarie and I look forward to stepping back onto the island and leading.

So I breath every day. I feel deeply and sometimes spiral down into a hole. But overall I believe I way less reactive, much more open-hearted and for that I am truly grateful.

I don’t write here too much anymore because we are doing some much writing and programming through thrive!. Sometimes I miss just sharing the ride here – without much editing and simply celebrating life – the good, the bad the ugly and beautiful!

All Systems GO!

So it seems liked the perfect time to send out a post – stepping into Mojo and stepping out onto what seems to me like a much bigger stage. It’s not really – but it’s my stage and what I know to be true.

That is a little different. A bit more vulnerable and I am fully committed! All systems go.

Learning From Wild Mustangs

Going to the Wild Mustangs

I am heading off to work with the Mustangs. I find myself excited and curious.
The stories I have heard from earlier classes create some uncertainty. Yet as I reflect on my intention I find I settle.

I am NOT heading into this to tame a mustang.
I am NOT seeking to become a horse whisperer.

I AM seeking to discover how I can settle inside myself.
Let go of my attachment to outcomes without letting go of imagining and dreaming.

I am far less concerned about taming a wild mustang,
Than discovering how to quiet my mind.

I imagine I will judge myself.
I imagine I will frighten myself.
I imagine I will challenge myself.

I want to discover how to read the cues and signals
Without getting loud.
I want to connect without reservations,
Knowing my safety comes from within,
Knowing I can listen and hear the music.
I can step back and observe.
I can be held.

Yes, these are some of my desires.
I want to connect,
But more so invite.
I want to feel the vibration,
Mine and that of others.

I want to learn lessons from the masters.

Returning from Learning from the Wild Mustangs

So I wrote the intentions above on my way to the workshop. Now coming home I look back and smile. I have a felt sense of having reached for and lived my intentions fully!

I was willing to step into vulnerability and notice when a wave of reaction or separation rose to the surface. I didn’t flinch or run, but dropped in and felt. I worked to share, as best I could, through the awkwardness of my words, my message.

I noticed the moments when that message was received or responded too with something different in return. I didn’t lose myself in the feedback. I listened. I received. I remained sane and open to what did fit and what didn’t.

This lesson came through so clearly from Petey, the most wild one. He was the mustang that presented with what seemed to be deeply held patterns of fear and uncertainty. He was the one that presented with the greatest resistance to touch or connection. He’d nip or bite at his dearest companion, the one who knew him best, Max. He’d tuck down and move rapidly to avoid our hands. When touched he’d come out bucking and kicking. Yet with a break and time to release the fear and anxiety, he’d turn and follow Max back in for more.

Finally, he discovered the comfort of touch and relaxed. Until the next morning and the waves of his uncertainty came again. Only this time not quite as strongly or for as long.

In so many ways his willingness and curiosity was inspiring. I found myself more willing to trust and open. Knowing that there was nothing to be fixed or that I had to do right but that I could keep working at my pace. Some would not understand why some lessons didn’t stick – but some would and more importantly I would, showing compassion and kindness for myself, staying vulnerable.

Petey taught me to be okay in just showing up. Far from perfect. Not right. Real.

Max, on the other hand, was one of those beings who stepped into the moment and with each new door opening, stepped in. I imagine he will find his person and forever home first. That relationship is likely to come more rapidly and easily. Yet, his journey was not less filled with trauma. He simply let go with more grace and ease.

I have often longed to be like Max. Yet I found my mirror in Petey. Trust still does not come easy. However, trust does come. I believe Petey will also find a home, though it is not a given. That is part of the work, getting these wild mustangs to a place where they can find a home and continue this work of building relationships. This does require someone who is able to keep the training going. I hope it will someone with the heart and patience of trainers like Koelle and Kasia. I do believe he will be okay. He has a willingness to show up and someone will see that potential even through the waves of resistance, fear and uncertainty.

One night, I had a dream I was riding Petey. The dream was so vivd and real. I could feel the quiver, the power and the wild heart and spirit. I also felt my own heart beating in return.

We all have our journey. Some are more turbulent than others. My greater goal is to live with an open-heart – that may indeed be a cracked open heart – I’ll take the scars and I’ll relish when the light shines through. Just like Petey.

Not Broken. Not Alien. Human

My message today is this: we are wired to relate to connect and to bridge and live well together, using our differences, our pain and our stories to make contact and know we are human – not broken and not alone.

I’m an Equus Coach, for me that means that I partner with horses to support my clients in becoming more embodied (aware and utilizing ALL their resources – body, emotion, spirit and mind) and are congruent in their communications. and relationships (meaning the inside matches the outside).


Horses do this naturally. They are keenly aware of their environment and rely on their relational skills to keep themselves safe as well as all the other members of their herd. Horses are not about power and dominance – they are about building relationships that create a powerful network for each horse in the herd to stay alive and well.


Don’t you wish, we has humans did more of this?


For years, I have been engaged as a program leader, therapist, coach and consultant to encourage and help people develop stronger and healthier relationships with themselves, with their partners and out in the world. My journey in discovering how to relate through being more vulnerable and curious started in circles at The Haven, a personal growth center in Canada. What I learned there transformed my health and life. Literally I was dying when I arrived. ( that’s a longer story). I believed that my willingness to engage with vulnerability in curiosity allowed me to become more intimate (in-to-me-see) and relational with the world. The project was humbling, at times hard and is one that is never ending. Thus becoming a relationship coach was a natural way to not only support my journey but to help others discover the possibilities when we work to live well together.


What I know for sure is that the quality of my life is way better when I am not defending, protecting or simply surviving. Now I will be the first to say, I still struggle with being vulnerable. I resist. However, with the horses as I walk through a herd, I relax. My defenses drop. I become more present.


So of course it seems only natural to want to use the resources I have found most helpful in my journey to help people who may be facing some of the barriers and roadblocks i have faced. Like health challenges, childhood trauma, being dyslexic and wrestling constantly with the underlying belief I am either broken or an alien.
Having now been working with hundreds of people, I know I am not an alien. The many circles I have been in and stories I have heard that all have underlying similar themes makes it clear I am not alien – I am human. As humans, a big part of our journey is to discovery how to use our unique storytelling abilities to bring us together not take us a part. Oddly though we do seem compelled to make this very difficult.


Thus the challenge.
So why am I telling you this.


If you can relate to a deep desire to connect and struggle with something in you that stops that desire from being expressed fully in the world. I think I can help.


I’d love to hear from you. Sure you hire me as a coach or you can just write me back let me know your story and struggle.


I’m just wanting to work to keep finding ways to get my message out there. My message today is this: we are wired to relate to connect and to bridge and live well together, using our differences, our pain and our stories to make contact and know we are human – not broken and not alone.

Tapping My Joy During The Holidays

Thought I would try a video!  Hope you will listen and enjoy.
The main message is how important it is to find simple, easy ways to tap into joy.
Also I shared three things in 2018 I was very excited about that happened in my world and invited you to share what you loved about 2018!!
Finally,  here’s the link in case you want to join us for Get Unstuck starting January 8!

What I Know For Sure

This started as a ramble.  I have horrible cold.  I decided to write.  In the end,  I get to a valuable and important point…what I know for sure.  Hang in with me! 

I am feeling humbled by marketing.  In the past three weeks we’ve worked very intently to build our list and get the word out about our online program Get Unstuck, Build Your Mojo.

We’ve tried a variety of different approaches.  We ran a free  training and when our own efforts to market were not as successful as we wanted in terms of attracting new people.  We connected to a wonderful Facebook advertising person, who helped us create a new campaign.  Good news: we had an amazing response, our largest registration yet for our free training.  We actually had to upgrade our software because of the numbers. We were thrilled.

However, due to a crash of Customer Resource Management tool, the emails to ensure all could join the training, did not go out as scheduled.  Still, some people made it, but we realized we’d failed the folks who had taken that step and signed up.

We decided to provide an encore training, to make sure we provided those people an opportunity to connect with us live.  Long and short of it, not many people showed up for that training. We were disappointed because I believe the training was rich and worth the time. Again, our ROI was low.

In other words – if numbers and sign-ups are the success measure, we failed.

We also tried an Instagram photo contest.  Which got me a bit more up to speed and a few folks engaged.  But again, not what we had hoped in terms of numbers.

Now moving into the final days before Get Unstuck, I find myself a bit discouraged.

I really like the Get Unstuck program we’ve created, and I know each time we run it, the people engaged share the value they get from it.

However, as a pathway for pulling our tribe and finding our people, I am just not sure what we’re doing is working.  It is possible our tribe is finding us AND it is just small.  Well – small in numbers – not in heart!

During this time spent marketing, I have enjoyed building new relationships.  One with our new Assistant, Allison.  Another with Ana and her Facebook team.  In addition, all those folks who have signed up, showed up, and participated in the training and took a chance at the Instagram context.  I do value all of these connections.

Still,  today as I dealing with a bad cold, smokey wildfire weather (since when did this become a regular August event), and not having hit my goal for sign ups for the Get Unstuck – I am bit disheartened.

In the past few weeks,  we have also spent a lot of time with some of our corporate clients.  We’ve been engaged in few leadership development programs.  That too, has played a factor in my disheartened state.

In each situation, we had been bought in because of someone strongly endorsing the programs we designed and delivered to them over a decade ago.  In each situation, the impact those programs had on their careers was profound.  So when looking for a leadership design team to partner with their current companies they called us.

That’s the good news, which was both humbling and rewarding to hear.

However, even though we were hired because of our passion and commitment to build real relationship and ensure that relationships matter equal to results, we have had to wrestle and witness very high value pieces of our content get taken away or dismissed at the highest levels of these organizations.

For me, this too is incredibly discouraging.  I know we’ve done our best not to water down our content.  We’ve worked to partner and be honest and real when we did not agree.  I’m grateful for that.

But here’s the deal for me and where I am realizing I do have some things I KNOW to be TRUE!

When I was young and launching into my career – I fell.  I collapsed and was soon facing cancer instead of rising on my career path.  As a result of these health challenges,  I spent my early twenties trying to get back up on my feet.  My best entrepreneurial efforts were spent rallying my own efforts to turn around my health and creating a road ahead that had a better prediction then 3 to 6 months.

The path that generated the energy and motivation to walk that road was a clear and unwavering desire to be real, show up in relationships, face the differences, and find a way to be ME and build a WE.

That focus gave me the heartbeats and the will, day in and day out,  to breath and face the next mountain.

I wonder if I hadn’t had to take that cancer, medical journey then would I have realized that relationships are the foundation of health, wealth and community.

I fear that too many people in their twenties are looking up at super rich or super brilliant entrepreneurs and being motivated by that level of genius and success. I’m not saying that’s wrong, but it is missing something crucial.

I doubt many look at my life and say – wow – I wish I had learned that relationships matter as much or more than results, when I was young.

HERE’S WHAT I KNOW FOR SURE:

No amount of money, business success, or brilliance is as important over time as learning how to relate. Nothing.

Learning to be vulnerable in the face of what life throws at you is way more courageous than being brilliant!

Being curious even in the face of cancer or you version of hell – is much more life-enhancing over time than always winning and getting the numbers right!

This is what I know for sure.

CrisMarie often tells me I don’t say it enough that I do believe I have an answer for whatever ills you.    It is true I may not say it in a voice of hubris and over- confidence.

The problem for me is that the answer I offer isn’t easy or certain – it is a path riddled with uncertainty. However, it is a path of tremendous reward.

Get Unstuck as been built on that path.  If you are inclined to take a path towards relational health and have the courage to launch yourself into the unknown – may be only with a slither of a dream –  join us!

We start on AUGUST 21st!

 

 

with Susan Clarke