Life Experiences

My Love of Music

Music is the sensational experience of the heart.

What does that mean? Well, I know that music is the one thing that gets inside my walls and leaves cracks that let in enough light to change my story and open new ways of thinking.

Music gets me moving even when I am convinced that I can’t move. Slowly a rhythm will get my head nodding or my feet tapping. Before too long I am up dancing.

Music reaches across languages. I can listen to music from around the world, never understanding one word but fully connecting on an emotional and physical level to a message that is universal.

When I think back over the years there are songs that mark many of the significant events of my life. Some happy, some sad, some joyful and some still filled with pain and heartache. However, when the music takes me back to the many stories of my life, it’s sort of like watching a film or reading a great book. I find my way through, the notes and the cords allow feelings to flow and I seem to be able to let go and just ride the waves.

Though I enjoy the present moment. I am glad I have the past at my disposal to drop into periodically. The past reminds me there are reasons for these aches, pains, wrinkles and scars. So I collect the music that makes it easier to draw from my past. Music makes the sticky spots much more creative and fluid.

So music is a sensual experience. I feel music through every cell in my body. Music dropped me into a deep sound sleep for some necessary surgery. Music kept me focused on the present and a future when chemotherapy was burning through my veins. Music kept me company when I was not sleeping due to some flashbacks from the past. Music cracks open my heart when I pretend I don’t care and get caught in my old armor.

I have a new playlist blasting into my ear buds now. I hadn’t really planned on writing about my love of music. Actually I was getting pretty down about my writing. So I plugged in my ear buds and sure enough my heart started pumping and my body rocking. So once again music provides that crack that lets just enough light in to get a new post completed!!

Business, Valuing Differences, Vision

Steve & Me

I have found myself reading various articles about Steve Jobs since his death. Right now I am working my way through a biography written by Walter Isaacson. Why am I so interested? Because Steve Jobs seemed to be someone who was the best and the worst of humanity, a visionary and a jerk, rich and minimalistic, extremely emotional (breaking into tears) and cold. The book is long but interesting. I appreciate Isaacson’s effort to give a realistic, honest history of Steve Jobs – not perfect, not nasty – just a recipe of the many sides of this man who few can argue had a significant impact on our culture.

I have admired Steve Jobs because, well, I love my ipad and iphone. I appreciate Apple ads and like what seems to be the simple, yet artistic nature of all that Apple offers. I get now that it isn’t all the doing of Steve Jobs. Honestly, it seems as though the best of the engineering and anesthetic nature of Apple products was the result of others like Steve Woznick and Jonathan Ive. Still it is very clear without Jobs, Apple would not be the Apple it is today.

I have friends and colleagues who hate the guy because of his narcissistic style and mean, tyrant-like leadership. I guess I would argue that at least with Steve Jobs you knew where you stood. He may have had two faces (or more) but it seems as a leader everyone saw all of the options – the good, bad and ugly. I don’t think that is the norm. Most of us try to hide the ugly. Even though it might be less attractive, I admire the straightness and integrity of someone who is simply out there.

I have my own issues around the narcissism. I struggle with relationships where I judge someone to be so involved with themselves that others don’t exist. However, I am also very aware of my own narcissistic tendencies. I can indeed assume at times the world revolves around me.

I am also aware that a healthy does of narcissism makes for a great story-teller and leader. Of course, I want the positive qualities and would prefer to disconnect from the less attractive aspects.

Well, that is not so easy. I guess that is what I am appreciating about exploring Steve Jobs. As a public figure, he remained quite private. As a leader he was quite self-absorbed. As a creative wizard, he left behind friends. He was so human. May be that is what is so appealing to me. Here is a man he was for some was a hero, for some a jerk but willingly left us with a story that reveals the man behind the hero. It may not be pretty, or nice – but it does seem real.

I have a lot of Steve Jobs in me, minus the billions, the public persona and the great products. I am creative and a jerk. I can be loyal and mean. I cry and at times I appear uncaring and cool. I am human. I hope I can be as okay with myself as Steve Jobs seemed to be. He asked that his biography reflect only what was shared – that whatever his friends, his enemies and his family had to say, not be censured. That, I believe, is courageous and real. As a result some of my admiration has been wiped away. I see more of the man less of the hero. Yet in the end I like that. I myself prefer being human to being a hero. I believe it is a much harder path to follow and definitely a road worth traveling.

Connecting, Vision, writing

Why Write a Book?

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When I look back on the many lists I have made about things I want to do with my life, one thing has been a constant. I have wanted to write a book. What’s equally interesting about this constant is that I have really done very little to make that happen. Yes, I have taken writing classes, written tons of short pieces and started this blog. But nothing as committed to completing the goal as I have been to other things that would show up on my list, like a bike tour in Europe or moving to Montana, getting my Diploma in Counseling at The Haven or starting our own company, Thrive!. These I put on the list, saw them and did them. Some taking more discipline than others.

So I decided to hire a coach. CrisMarie had the name of someone who was known for coaching writers so I decided to set up a chat. Honestly, I had no idea what to expect but what I thought would be an easy call turned into something else entirely.

It isn’t that this writing coach said anything too harsh. She simply wanted to know why I wanted to write a book, and as I rattled off the many things that seemed like good reasons, she kept pointing out that my responses seemed to have more to do with what others wanted than what I wanted.

At one point on the call I started down the path of sharing that I wanted to write my story. The journey I had been on through cancer and through dealing with my history which was filled with stories that never could be confirmed as fiction or non-fiction. She was relentless in trying to re-focusing me on the question of “why write a book?” and “who is audience?”. I found myself and tears and quite fragmented by the end of the call.

So I wonder what is it about writing a book that remains untouched on my list of lifetime goals and causes such fragmentation with simple questions like why do you want to write? and who are you writing for?.

As I told the coach, there is some part of me that simply wants to say “I did it. I started and I finished.” I have a history of believing I am not very good at that. I tried making that I worthwhile reason for why on the call by sharing my childhood experience of having an unfinished box of craft projects that haunted me. The coach didn’t fall for that. She pointed out that that still wasn’t about my reason now for writing and would not likely carry me through the mess and hard work of completing a book.

She wanted to know why, if I enjoyed blogging, didn’t I do more and make that a path for my writing. I had shared that I loved blogging but was not as disciplined as I wanted to me. Again, I tried using the ADD, distraction excuse, but I was not going to get off that easy. So instead, I dug deeper and that is how I found myself talking about my history. Dealing with cancer and my memories from my childhood. The story came out quite scrambled in my opinion. At some point, I shared my fears of getting lost again in the past and the compelling possibility of wholeness I imagined might come from successfully accomplishing the task.

Indeed, I believe the chat did help me focus and find my reasons for wanting to write. I also think I understand why blogging fits my style more than writing a book. Blogging let’s me come up for air and step into my present. A book would be a path I imagine having to take alone. That terrifies me. What if I go back there and get lost?

It’s funny, my past is what makes me a great counselor and coach. In listening and being present with someone who is courageously stepping into their own mess, I am quite competent and able to hold a space for them. I am able to easily stay on solid ground with whatever comes up or gets thrown my way. I can use my own journey to keep the faith that even in the blackest moments there will be a path. I trust my ability without doubt to stay present for the traveler even when the traveler doubts themselves.

Yet I am terrified of my ability to hold that same faith and solidity for myself. I have equated the hard, long road of writing a book about my life as a path to holding that space for me, and I have been unwilling to commit as fully to that task as I have to other more relational goals.

Maybe that is okay. Maybe knowing why I want to write will ignite my will, and I will go forward. For now this blog is my first pass at taking a step.

May even become a way to take the journey without being so alone.

The coach did say she wasn’t really interested in simply being an accountability coach. She believed I could find other ways to create the structure I needed and a way to stay accountable. Maybe she was right.

Uncategorized

Learning to Lead from a Horse

So what do horses know about leadership. Well, it seems quite a lot. Recently I attended a weekend workshop at a ranch in Phoenix led by Koelle Simpson and Diane Hunter. The program was called Leading from the Inside Out. I am a big believer in the idea that I have to work on me before I can possibly be effective in influencing others. I am also a believer in the idea that to effectively work on me I need feedback; direct information about how I am impacting my world. What I didn’t realize was just how much louder, clearer and honest a big horse or horses can be in providing that mirror.

The workshop was just two days. We had many interactions with the horses. Koelle had us jump right into the first experience with very little direction. We were simply asked to step into the Round House (paneled, small coral) with a horse and establish trust and leadership. I volunteered to go first primarily because there wasn’t anyone else jumping up and I thought “go for it!”. Of course I had not yet seen the horse that entered the Round House ahead of me. As I was just about to head in, I heard the sounds of a very lively, large animal bolting around the space. I must admit at that point I wanted to bolt myself. I had all sorts of stories running through my mind about this wild animal on the other side of the door. Interestingly, I wasn’t thinking much about my own level of anxiety and just how that might be contributing to the craziness in the ring.

I entered. Though will confess not alone. We had been offered the option to take one of the leaders in with us. Koelle was right there at the door when I was wavering. From a leadership perspective I had some fears that I might be showing sights of weakness but I decided for once it was okay to ask for help. Once inside the horse continued to bolt around, at times coming closer than I wanted into my space. Koelle, simply stayed close by and her calm presence slowly and without words, became a bit of a beacon for both me and the horse. That is really all I clearly remember about my first pass with one of the horses.

We had two more opportunities to enter the Round House with a horse. Each time with a bit more information about how to read the signals the horse was giving and also with some background on just how horses work. As herd animals, they are looking for a leader. In nature, that leader is a mare. (now that came as a surprise to me). It seems the mare is the one who is best tuned into the greater environment, meaning herself, the herd and everything around. She is generally pretty calm and gives subtle signals that allow the entire herd to pick up the clues without a panic. Obviously I was not coming into the Round House with anything close to that level of inner calm or providing subtle clues of my discomfort. Pretty much everything was LOUD.

However, by my third trip into the round house, I was beginning to get the message. First, get in touch with me and from there be clear about my message without big, loud gestures or effort. My last interaction with one of the horses was awesome. I found ways of leading the stallion around the ring at various speeds, turning him with ease. But the best part was when I dropped the usual activities and invited him to move with me. At one point I was skipping and he was following without any fear of my ‘bigger gestures’. Needless to say, he wasn’t skipping but he had no problem keeping up. Interesting though how in that moment it wasn’t so much about him following as it was about me simply being me.

I know I am sort of a high energy, easily distracted type of leader. I often work really hard to tone myself down or stay focused. The horses taught me the value in being me. I discovered it wasn’t my high energy that was a problem it was my high anxiety, resulting from my inner fear of being too much. If I was simply high energy the horse was fine – thus the skipping and at one point running together around the ring. I also learned that one of the greatest gifts of the mare is that she too is easily “distracted”. She is tracking everything and that gift allows her to discover problems early, chart new paths and find what seem to be hidden options. May be distraction isn’t so bad after all.

In the end I came away from the weekend wishing more leaders had a chance to learn from horses. There is such an honest, simple way in which these big, powerful animals communicate what is working and what is not. We have the same potential but so often our words become our primary message and we stop really owning all the non-verbal messages that are being broadcast louder than the words on the surface.

There was much more that happened in the two days. I highly recommend anyone who leads people and is curious about discovering more about what messages they may be broadcasting to consider taking Leading from the Inside Out with Koelle and Diane Continue reading Learning to Lead from a Horse →

Life Experiences

Hunting Season – Really??

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I continue to struggle in terms of finding any regular time for blogging. There are so many reasons I could site for my lapse. We are very busy with work. I am traveling every week. Life in the here and now is simply too demanding for finding time to write. However, the truth is not much is sticking in my mind that seems worth sharing. In the moment life seems busy and important but when I sit down to share something with a broader audience, I am blank.

We are engaged in three quite large projects related to work. Two are with large companies that require us to say NDA’s (non-disclosure documents) meaning that even the interesting aspects of the work is best not included in my blog. The third project is interesting as well but we are just getting started and not really ready yet for prime time.

I guess I could write about the start of hunting season. Yes – in Montana that is a big deal. For me, basically it means pulling out everything orange I can find so that when I take the dogs out for a walk or run we are bright and obvious.

Hunting is one of those sports I simply don’t get. I had a cousin who was a bow hunter and I did come to believe that bow hunting is very, very different then using a rife. Plus he ate everything he killed. Somehow that made more sense to be. The skins on the floor and the heads mounted on the wall seem totally absurd to me. I have no doubt that are hunters out there that may be annoyed at my lack of understanding or support for their sport.

Hunting and car racing are sort in the same category for me. With auto racing I get the element of speed and risk. Flying around in a large metal machine has some clear challenges that might merit skills beyond the average Joe. But the fact this is such an incredible waste of fuel at a time when energy is an issue seems totally insane. Hunting – especially rife hunting – seems as crazy. Where’s the sport in aiming at an animal from so far away that the animal has no clue anything is happening and killing an opponent where the odds of your success are overwhelming. Wouldn’t it be more sporting to have to somehow face your opponent and use your own strength to kill it.

I am sure I am missing something. Still even as I sit here on my deck I hear rife rounds off in the distance. It isn’t rife hunting season yet so either someone is practicing or there is some illegal hunting going on. Personally I am rooting for deer, elk or quail.

I realize though that I live in a state that enjoys hunting season. I actually believe folks here at least attempt to make it a real sport. People actually really know how to use a gun or a bow. In general, I think most only kill what is allowed. Folks get a license and train younger kids how to stay safe while hunting.

I also have no doubt some things I believe and practice, others think are equally crazy. Still I stay a bit on my morale high ground because yoga, biking and personal growth groups don’t usually result in deaths. Still my righteousness is still just that. A way to stay separate. So all my desires for unity and oneness sort of go right out the window.

It’s hard staying open and compassionate to the choices of others. Especially during hunting season!

Life Experiences

Life Goes on

I realize it has been a long time since I last posted a blog. My last posting was in route to Portland to sit with my dear friend Jennifer and be with friends and her family. I doubt that I intended to stop writing until after Jennifer died; however, it seems that is what has happened. Jennifer died on August 28th. Still I have yet to start writing again.

The weeks since my visit have been extremely busy. I came home too opening night of The Nerd, our new local theater group’s summer production. CrisMarie was the female lead. The show ran for two long weekends. CrisMarie was awesome. We had family and friends through most of the run. I found myself totally caught up in entertaining, watching and supporting CrisMarie in her first major role.

In some ways it was odd because my heart was still heavy and I was very aware of jumping from one experience into quite a different one. Of course isn’t that how life usually goes.

Even now the show seems like a distant event. Because of the commitment CrisMarie made to fully participating in summer theater our work schedule was repositioned to take off just after the lights went down and the stage was dismantled. Plus with CrisMarie so alive and engaged I truly believe new doors and opportunities opened as a result. So now we have some very challenging and creative work engagements that are demanding and leaving very little space for dwelling or sentimentalizing about anything.

Again isn’t that the way life goes. If I want to live fully, with the brakes off, well there isn’t a lot of time for holding on to anything too long.

Life simply moves on.

Something sad happens. Something wonderful happens. I get engaged in work, in play, in whatever/whoever shows up that day. In many ways that works for me.

But today I am aware of just how busy I have been. There’s a frog that has settled in my throat and a tightness in my chest. Partially I am tired. I think also I am sad. There are many feelings that are running through. Some have been easier to let flow, others seem to get a little backed up.

I am hoping simply sharing something will bring me back to blogging and even feeling some of the lingering emotions that may be harder to let flow through. I think I stopped blogging (and likely feeling) because i thought somehow that would keep Jennifer with me longer.

Odd, the things we do to hold. I know when I have cried my connection to Jennifer has been the closest. However, with the tears has come the awareness that indeed she is gone. I can not hold on.

Life goes on.

Uncategorized

I Am of Two Minds

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I am off to Portland with a heavy heart.  My good friend Jennifer Sass is not doing very well.  Of course, knowing Jennifer she just might be around a lot longer than is currently predicted.  Yet, I knew this visit was better to not put off.  In the past few years I have had hints, little whispers before a storm, that came and took with it a close friend, mentor or loved one.  I have generally been writing words of my loving and awe of these friends after they were gone.

This time I would like to write about Jennifer before she takes that last breath.  I doubt she’ll see, read or even hear about whatever words show up here.  My blog is often more of a path for me to open my heart and let whatever feelings and thoughts need to surface, flow.  I think the decision to visit Jennifer, because I heard the whisper, and my desire to arrive with an open heart, for whatever the next couple days have to offer, are compelling me to write now!

Jennifer, Jennifer you are such a force of nature.  You have been an important part of my life for more than twenty years.  I first met you from a distance.  You and your band of merry friends, laughing and loving life during a month long Haven program.  I was bald and just barely finding my way through my own run with cancer.  You inspired me.  Not much was funny about my life at the time, but whenever I had the chance, I would walk with you guys and laugh.  Of course, this also was a time when you stepped into my shoes in a psychodrama and later shared that you had to go burn your clothes to find a way to rid yourself of some of my nightmare that you stepped into that day.

We have walked together through many things since then.  Now, my cancer is gone and you have been fighting with your own for a few years. Some might think I have fared better, being cancer free for several years.  But anyone who has walked this painful path knows cancer isn’t about who lives beyond cancer, but how one lives with it.  You have lived well my friend!!!  It might be cancer that takes you on to your next adventure, but it will never be cancer that defeats you!!!

Just yesterday, as I was sitting in meditation after some yoga, I believe I had a moment with your spirit, a blazing bright light that simply brought a smile upon my face.  You are already out there taking in what’s next, and I imagine fully realizing that letting go of this physical body won’t take you away from the hearts of those you love but may even bring you closer.

It might take a while longer for those of us you may soon be leaving behind to fully get that you are not gone!!  So you need to let us cry, wail and gather around you.

Your love of family is something that is truly inspirational.  You and Dick are like the poster people for Haven relationships.  Sure you have had some crazy times, and I am guessing a few of us have wondered, “Why are they still together?”.  But you both have stuck with each other through hell, heaven and everything in between.  Then there’s the rest of the family.  Anyone who steps into your home knows that family and friends are what matter to you.  The walls are a walking storytelling experience: the Bements, the Sasses, The Haven family over the years.  I love being in your home.  I see and feel the loving of you wherever I go.

Plus, if it weren’t for you I may never have interviewed my parents and discovered the richness of their lives. I may never have discovered the possible stories beyond my own nightmare versions of my past. You challenged me, both in terms of family history, and in terms of other relationships that shifted or changed in my world over the years.   I sometimes moved on, yet you always reminded me to look back with different eyes and possibly meet these same people in a new way. That is a very special gift I think you have offered so many.

There are many things I haven’t spoken of in this little blog. You are my friend, and right now, I prefer to briefly hold your hand even if you don’t know I am here, than wait to talk about you once you are gone.  I hope that’s okay with you.

If you are indeed ready to go, I support you.  If you want to hang around longer, that’s okay too.  As I said,  I am of two minds – one wanting you to stay so we can chat for hours once again – the other wanting you to let go of the physical limits of this body.  Either way your light will remain bright through the hearts of all of us that love you!!!  Relax and let that loving in!!!  I love you.

Life Experiences

I Wonder – What Is Enlightenment?

What does it mean to be enlightened or awakened? I am asking myself this question because soon a yogi master, Shri Mahayogi, will visit our yoga studio at Jodi Petlin’s invitation.  Shri Mahayogi is a man who was enlightened at a young age. He has mastered all forms of yoga and various teachings. In preparation for his visit, I have been reading his book, Satori. This is a series of questions and answers from Shanghas that have taken place over the years.

I am enjoying a great deal of the book, though I still wonder about enlightenment. Personally, the closest person I have known who I consider enlightened is Ben Wong. I say this because he has a presence about him that is profound, and when I sit with him or witness him working with someone, my heart opens in resonance with his ability to locate himself and invite the other to be fully open. There is always a moment of deep connection.

But is that enlightenment? As I read, I am learning that to awaken is to tap into the true essence of who I am. This essence is not related to any physical, emotional or mental state that I may or may not reach, but is rather, a vibrational resonance that is universal to all religions, practices and states of being.

I can not say that I have found that resonance yet through my yoga practice. Although as I focus more on lessons and classes, I am finding that my alignment is improving and my heart is opening, which is quite interesting. I am experiencing an energetic shift in my being. Not always and I would not say regularly—but there is a subtle, steady shift. I find at times I am uncomfortable with the shifting. I feel more vulnerable. This is a good thing but not always a comfortable experience.

Is this enlightment? Or on the path? I do imagine it is a part of awakening. To be vulnerable and live in the world with an open heart sounds inviting and worthy of effort.

Still, is that really the essence of everything? I wonder.

Weeks Later—After meeting with Shri Mahayogi

The opportunity to meet and be with Shri Mahayogi was quite wonderful. He had a sweetness and sincerity about him with a deep resonance in open-hearted moments. Listening to his simple wisdom struck a note deep inside me and though I was not always certain of the meaning, I felt the warmth and possibility that transcends words.

A few bits that really rang true:

There is one truth. Many paths lead there.

It seems like some of us need to try many paths while others follow only one and that is where most of the problems start.  If we could just remember we are all heading to the same place and that all paths are possibilities.

Grace is a moment when immortal essence meets pure faith.

This was my experience, completely, at my first Come Alive when Ben’s music, Jock’s accupuncture needles, Father Jack’s holy oil and everyone’s faith touched my cells. Cancer—gone. Grace!

Find a guru (a bright light) and commit fully.

For me that guru came through my Haven experience. I came to that place and I fully committed. The light is bright and I am still on the path to relational enlightenment.

What to do when in conflict: Speak honestly and let go of the outcome or results.

This last one may be the least profound but the hardest for me to live day-to-day.

In summary: My path is not his. However, as I return to chopping wood and carrying water, Shri Mahayogi’s light is still bright and so is mine as a result!

Connecting, Life Experiences

To Attach Or To Differentiate

It seems there is a great debate happening out there between therapists in Couples Counseling about the importance of Attachment and Self-differentiation. Here’s a link to one summary.

I believe this debate is like trying to figure out which came first, the chicken or the egg. I have my favorite which speaks more to my own story rather than to any significant truth. I like self-differentiation; I like to think of myself a independent or at least autonomous. Maybe I came out of the womb that way.

When we were designing the Couples Alive series for The Haven with our colleagues, the idea of attachment surfaced in our discussions. I immediately felt my repulsion to the idea, resisting the possibility of someone dwelling on the first years of life as an explanation for any neurotic and irresponsible patterns I carried into adulthood. I felt quite righteous and opinionated about my fight for self-defining and resilience as the more important developmental tasks for aliveness and connection in relationships.

However, when one argues too strongly for a point of view, there is usually something under the surface that is driving the righteous position. So there is little doubt that is/was the case here.

Some would say I am not particularly curious and gracious when I have a strong opinion. However, I often do find myself—after the fight—thinking through the alternative position. With a bit of humility, I often come back to the table or at least arrive at another table having redefined my position, influenced by all that I had argued so strongly against.

It seems this is the case with Attachment vs. Differentiation. I still favor self-differentiation. However, having done some reading and mostly some soul-searching after direct feedback from my partner and friends, I now believe in the importance and prevalence of attachment in couples.

I hate to admit the more helpless aspects of my own personality. The truth is, when I look beneath the surface, I am quite a dependent person. I may look tough or present as though I am not bothered by people disliking me. Yet, I totally crumble if that disliking person is CrisMarie (my partner). If I am honest with myself though, it has been CrisMarie’s willingness to accept and love me in the face of my own self-hate that has illuminated a path to greater self-compassion. Does this mean she needs to always embrace some of my less-than-wonderful traits? No. It just means there are moments when I may ask her to simply remind me that she loves me and is okay with my over-attachment to her. Then we can get back to our self-defining, arguing and enjoyment of our differences. I am willing to offer her that same moment of suspended judgment, that precious space where we can go in our darkest moments, knowing someone is there.

I don’t often reveal those moments to the world, thus my strong position for self-differentiation. I may have survived and even thrived at times on my ability to fight back and stand strong in the face of opposition, making an “I” statement in the face of “we”. But I have learned equally as much about loving and thriving by asking to be held and saying, “I need you to simply accept me in this moment”.

In my view, there is no winner in the great debate between Attachment vs. Differentiation. Both have an important role to play in my aliveness, in my loving others, and in my most significant relationships.

Valuing Differences

Celebrating Montana Style!

Another year of fireworks comes to a close here in Montana. Maybe it was the wetness or some signs of an improved economy, not sure the reason, but here in the great state of Montana, where buying and selling fireworks is a favorite pastime, the displays this year seemed longer and louder. At one point last night, while we watched the professional thirty minute fanfare, our surrounding neighbors sent off their own response. It was wild!

The hardest part for me was watching the impact it has on our dogs, and my concern that even with moist grounds there still seems a high risk for fires.

Poor Bailey, our two year boxer, has been wired to serve and protect all week. He heard the locals (meaning the houses at the end of our driveway) firing off rounds each evening. He ran to the edge of the driveway, barking and making every effort to chase off the unwanted attackers. As the week went on, with the help of melatonin and a thundershirt, he was a bit more relaxed. Of course last night was wild and we simply provided him with a chew toy and put him in his crate with some music once it got dark.

Sooke isn’t as geared towards protecting, but she clearly does not like the racket. She hides downstairs under my desk until we head to bed, where she curls up half under the bed to make sure she is still covered.

What is it about fireworks? I get that the big professional shows are sort cool to watch. But even that seemed way too long last night. We kept thinking, “this is the big final push,” and then there would be more. It’s okay and sort of fun, but it’s the home shows that I really wonder about. They seem a bit dangerous. We watched our neighbor setting off rockets last night. He actually does a lot to make sure things are safe. Still, there were a couple times when he was way to close, in my view, to the first rocket firing. Some of the other locals seem less geared to taking any safety measures. One neighbor just fires them off the back of his pickup truck and one of those came right up our driveway!

Long ago, I remember some wild times I had out on the lake sending off the 4th of July fireworks show for campers. I did think it was fun. However, I had the benefit of a big lake to dive into if anything went wrong.

Most of the states I have lived in have strict laws about fireworks. Not just anyone can buy and set off rockets and the bigger displays. Of course there are always a few folks that don’t follow those rules, but it’s nothing like it is here in Montana! These folks love their fireworks. It’s legal and once those firework stands go up, for at least a week we can all count on getting some sort of show each night!

Well, though I am glad to see the celebrations come to a close, I am grateful. I may think some folks are a bit crazy and don’t always agree with the choices they make. However, I am grateful to live where I have freedom to make choices. Even if does mean having to put up lots of noise and fireworks once a year for a week or so!