Communication, Connecting, Leadership

Reviving Lighthouse Coaching

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I am reviving my Lighthouse Coaching. More than ever, this feels like a time when we need to find our way and connect.

I like the idea of being a lighthouse. Someone who is willing to locate themselves by self-defining and shining their light out into the world. Inviting those who may be unmoored a way to navigate and find their way.

I know that I can be a lighthouse and I appreciate those who are and have been lighthouses for me.

Change can be seen as the next new adventure or it can see as the next crisis. How I interpret my travel is fully up to me. Sometimes I do feel tossed and turned. I believe I am a victim to the storm upon my path. But when I can breath and invite connection – grace – and know I am not alone – I realize I have agency and resource.

It’s not always comfortable or easy. Sometimes the best navigation I’ve been offered is when someone as shared their distance in defining themselves in relation to me. In those moments I’ve been given a gift that can help me locate and move out of just reaction and into clarity and curiosity.

Of course I like that best when delivered with kindness and care and I also know that I have choice even when it is not.

As a Lighthouse, I do my best to be straight and clear. When I am clear, I can be present and curious for whatever comes back.

My promise as a lighthouse coach is to hold you as able because that is what I want in relationship and life.

I return to those lighthouses who hold me as able because I know they will be clear and defined and in that I can find ME.

It is with this intent that I want to recreate Lighthouse Coaching. We’ll see what happens.

If you want to have a conversation and see if Lighthouse Coaching is for you – reach out.

Communication, Connecting, Connection, Life Experiences

Returning Home: Heart Full, Eyes Open, and Embracing the Unknown

Come Alive Team

Just returned from an incredible and deeply fulfilling time at The Haven. First, Couples Alive, then Come Alive—both filled with meaningful moments shared with dear friends and new connections. My heart is full.

Now, I’m settling back into life in Montana. Fresh snowfall made for some exhilarating powder skiing on the mountain, which helped ease the transition.

A special milestone—my mom turned 97! We celebrated with her siblings via FaceTime, sharing a brief but precious moment.

Tomorrow, I’m setting up a fun celebration for my love, CrisMarie—incorporating art, community, and joy.

In the midst of it all, I’m juggling work commitments, confirming dates, wrapping up our annual report, and ensuring all the tax details are in order.

I find myself moving between joy and uncertainty—holding both the beauty of life and the challenges of being an American in a time that feels so disruptive. Thankfully, music helps keep me grounded, open, and clear.

A few standout moments from Haven:

  • Couples Alive was incredible, with Bob, Ruth, Susa, and Bryan creating an amazing support team for 10 fully engaged couples—truly inspiring.
  • Come Alive had more men than women, a unique and powerful dynamic.
  • Several participants returned after working with CrisMarie and me, eager for more growth.
  • My dear friend Leona (86) was there as support, offering so much more than just her presence.
  • Singing and chanting together as a group moved me deeply.
  • Important clearings reminded me that connection often comes when we truly locate ourselves—even if that means acknowledging distance.

I know more will unfold if I stay present and allow the unknown to flow in. I have resources to help, and for that, I’m grateful.

Breathe. Listen. Locate myself. Stay curious.

This approach works for skiing, for relationships, and for life.

Loving it all.

Communication, Connecting, Embracing Unknown, Leadership, Voice

Refusing To Hide: Finding Strength in MLK

How can I move forward and not hide.

I can—hide – because my life and liberty aren’t immediately threatened by today’s seizure of power.

But that doesn’t comfort me. It doesn’t erase the fear and pain my brothers and sisters are feeling.

I feel bile rising in my throat as I read the news from DC —I can’t even imagine hearing it spoken aloud.

What have we done?

I’ve been meditating daily, working through A Course in Miracles and following Dr. Joe’s teachings. But none of it feels like enough to carry me through this moment.

I want to move. I want to run. But not to hide.

I could hide. I could pretend that the deportations and disenfranchisement happening now are for the “greater good.” I could lie to myself, imagining that God sides with power and privilege—that Christ would support this madness.

But that’s not the truth. That’s not who we are, and I can’t betray what I know to be right. I can’t hide because I care.

I care about my brother, born to parents who crossed borders to give him a chance at life but are now being told they don’t belong.

I care about my sister, who might one day need an abortion to save her life—and the laws won’t protect her.

I care about this fragile planet that needs us to unite to save it.

I understand we have problems. I know the concerns of people in middle America are often overlooked or dismissed.

But Trump isn’t fighting for us. Maybe for himself and his allies—but not for us.

I’ve listened to his words today. There’s no humility. No heart. Just fear and division.

I hope I’m wrong—I’ve hoped that many times before. But time and again, he’s proven me right.

Tearing families apart and throwing people into detention camps isn’t justice. It’s cruelty. Ignoring the Constitution and appointing cronies to positions of power isn’t leadership—it’s dangerous.

And yet, here I am, unsure how to respond. That’s his greatest weapon—forcing us to react, to lash out in anger and fear.

But I won’t give in. Today, on Martin Luther King Jr. Day, I will remember his legacy.

I’ll stay nonviolent. I’ll hold my anguish close but let it drive me to action where I can have an impact and touch hearts.

I know I can not change minds with fury and force. But I hope I can reach hearts and that we can find strength again together.

I’ll refuse to hide.

Connecting, Embracing Unknown, Family, Life Experiences

Soul Searching With My Sisters

Wow, it’s already mid-January—2025 is flying by! It’s funny how time feels so relative. Some moments rush by, like this month, while other parts of my day feel timeless. For instance, this morning, I didn’t even glance at the clock until noon and was shocked at how quickly time had slipped away.

Recently, I attended an Enneagram workshop called Know Your Soul. I’ve dabbled in the Enneagram before and found it intriguing, though I never seem to get the same result twice. But this workshop stood out from the start. It was my sister Penny who invited me, and when I found out on one of our regular sister calls that Melissa had signed up too, I decided to join. The workshop was held in person at St. Mark’s in Seattle, with a virtual option that made it easy for me to attend.

One unique aspect of this workshop was the pre-work. We were asked to retake the Enneagram test but answer the questions as we would have between the ages of 20 and 35. That twist sparked my curiosity. Adding to the fun, we were also asked to bring a photo of ourselves as 4-year-olds. My sisters and I had a great time sharing our childhood pictures during our sister call.

The workshop itself was rich, informative, and deeply meaningful for my current journey of leaning into the unknown. Answering the test questions as my younger self was eye-opening. While my memory of that time isn’t perfect, the results felt more aligned than ever before. For the first time, I could see a pattern—one type consistently appeared in my top three: Type 5. That felt significant.

What struck me most was how the Enneagram isn’t a static label. It’s fluid, dynamic, and tied to our growth. The workshop leader, who had decades of experience, shared his own challenges with identifying his type. He framed the test as an “ego personality test” because our ego solidifies in that 20-35 age range. But then he introduced the concept of the Soul Enneagram—how our deeper essence evolves as we grow in consciousness, beyond ego. That perspective resonated deeply.

I began to embrace my Type 5 in a new way. The idea of being a “hoarder” of knowledge hit home, as did the fear of emptiness that drives my thirst for understanding. I also learned how I disintegrate under stress into Type 7’s escapism but integrate into Type 8’s grounded leadership when I’m at my best. It all felt like pieces of a puzzle clicking together.

One of the most profound moments of the weekend was a meditation designed to reconnect us with our childhood selves. We were guided to draw our childhood homes, including the yard and surrounding environment. Sharing these drawings with my sisters afterward sparked deep, meaningful conversations. Despite our vastly different experiences of our shared past, we found new ways to connect.

This workshop wasn’t just about understanding myself—it also opened the door to reimagining my relationship with my sisters. The history between us has often felt dense and difficult to navigate, but through this experience, I’ve started to see it as a source of energy and wisdom that can evolve.

I’m still processing and integrating everything I learned, but one thing is clear: embracing the unknown doesn’t mean abandoning what’s known. Instead, it’s about allowing the known to surface in new ways, reshaping it, and using it to grow. This workshop was a powerful step in that journey, and I’m excited to see where it leads.

Uncategorized

Being, Connecting, and Co-Creating

For me, life is fundamentally about relationships.

Why?

Because relationships ground me in the present moment.

Without this connection, I get lost in my mind, creating stories, planning, and believing that this is living. But it’s not. Real living happens when I step out of my thoughts and fully engage in the moment.

Achieving presence isn’t about effort or analysis; it’s about simply BEING—one breath, one sensation, one heartbeat at a time.

I honestly think this can only happen through connection.

Many people find it easier to connect with nature, animals, or even a place than with another person.

Why?

Because animals live in the moment. They aren’t worrying about the future or caught up in past dramas. They’re just BEING—not trying to look good, make money, or stay safe.

JOINING is our best chance to discover this sense of BEING.

We all crave connection, even if we don’t always know how to achieve it.

One of the most beautiful moments when working with horses without any equipment is when horse and human ‘join up.’ This happens when the human stops trying to control the situation and instead focuses on their own BEING.

When that shift happens, the horse often naturally comes closer, moves with the person, and stays in sync, as if linked by an invisible thread.

We long for that kind of connection with other people. But it’s harder with humans because we’re often focused on the external world, unaware of the stories and patterns we create to protect and control.

To truly connect with another person, we need to let go of that control and turn inward, taking responsibility for our part in the relationship.

It’s about listening intentionally, letting go of judgments, and moving beyond right and wrong.

When we do that, we invite ourselves into a generous, present moment.

This space is sacred, like hitting a reset button. It allows us to return to our true selves, leaving behind pain and old stories.

That’s when co-creation happens.

It’s easy to fall back into old habits, but staying present is possible.

This is the essence of the programs I lead and the coaching I do. Want to more Being, Connecting and Co-Creating in life? Visit Come Alive at The Haven or Couples Alive. Or reach out to me. I’d love to help. I have so exciting new programs lining for 2025 some incuding the horses – more to come!

Communication, Connecting, Connection, Leadership, Life Experiences

When Old Patterns Pull You Back

There are endless programs, methods, and strategies for shifting from a victim mindset to one of growth. They’ve been around for decades—I know because I’ve been working on that shift for over 40 years. And it has truly been life-changing.

But here’s the thing: I still get caught in spirals. The crises may not feel as dire as they once did, but that almost makes it harder. Without the proverbial 2-by-4 of life smacking me, it’s easy to stay stuck in discomfort instead of pushing for change.

Maybe it’s a lack of steady clients or income. Maybe it’s tight jeans, restless nights, or feeling stiffer and less flexible. Little discomforts pile up until they feel like a wall.

And then, bigger waves hit—like elections. I want dialogue, exploration, connection. Instead, I often find polarization, fear, and attacks. There are glimpses of deeper conversations, but not enough to break the storm.

Post-election, messages pour in urging people to fight, resist, battle. And while I understand that drive, it’s all too familiar to me. Fear and rage, blame and combat—they’re paths I know well, but they aren’t where I want to go.

Here’s what I’ve been sitting with: We’re in a river of change and uncertainty. It’s bigger than any one election or person. I look at the government now and see a massive shake-up. Where it leads—democracy, autocracy, something else entirely—I don’t know.

But fear? That’s a choice. So is fighting.

What feels like a real change for me is staying present. Staying here. Meeting my community—neighbors, friends, strangers—with curiosity and care. It’s like stepping out after a storm, checking who’s okay, seeing where we stand.

These moments can forge deep connections if we let them. I want to meet them with vision, not old survival patterns. And yet, I feel that familiar pull: to blame, to rage, to scream. I catch myself in it. I take a breath.

Yes, we elected a bully. A liar. It’s infuriating.

And yet—stop. Breathe.

What if something can come out of this?

I think back to when my doctors told me there were no options left for me. That was a wake-up call. This moment feels like another quake. It’s clear now: the government—just like the medical system—isn’t going to fix me, my community, or our unique challenges. Systems don’t do that. People do.

Maybe I thought we were ready for big, systemic change. But real transformation isn’t something we demand and wait for. It starts in the daily work, the unglamorous trenches of our own lives.

Change means living more in the unknown than the familiar. It means choosing the present moment over old, comfortable patterns. It means staying open-hearted even when fear tries to take over.

So that’s the work: not on grand systems, but in my own day-to-day. Let me meet this moment with courage. Let me have the heart to do the work.

Communication, Connecting, Connection, Leadership, Vulnerability

Waiting For Grace

I don’t know.

I am in an unknown space between the lessons I thought I learned from the past and the stories I made up about the future I wanted.

My stories spook me about what lies ahead.  I don’t think that is helpful.  Because , I don’t know.

Years ago, my medical team gave me a very terrifying outcome.   Death in three to six months.  It’s been almost forty years.  I am still here.

Not because I got rid cancer.  I just decided it wasn’t going to be my focus.  I wanted relationships and living.  Not dying.

Let’s face it, we are all going to die.  At least this body, or vessel is, and it isn’t what defines us.  Our soul.  Our spirit.  Our consciousness.   Our connections. That is our legacy.

I know that and sometimes I still get wonky about an agenda I have.  Like my desire for equality.  My wish that we’d have a woman, President.  My desire not to elect a bully or be the bully. My wish that if I had unlimited resources, I’d pass them on and share the wealth.  That if someone was terrified, I would have the courage to see through the fight and hold a space and shine a light.

I’m still in this shell of flesh and bones. My own created box of stories, beliefs, values and experiences, walls that need to be cracked.

This election did that. 

I don’t like the results.  I can scare myself with the President-elect.  But I don’t want to keep living on fear and fight.

My cancer (s) taught me to be relational and not a victim to old stories.

I feel as though in some ways the cancer is back unless I can listen and be curious and creative instead of hateful and enraged.

Let me bigger than myself.  My ego. My story.

Let me be a fractal that simply keeps surrendering to the unknown and showing up with light shining through.

I may be more reflective and silent for a few days.

I recall Maya Angelou being silent for eight years so she could her find her voice. (and she did)

I don’t anticipate eight years AND I want to hold until I have the capacity to awaken down.  Waking to the wails, the fears, the pain and allow grace to rise and walk me forward. 

Beyond the duality of parties and politics.

I will wait before I judge.

Connecting, Leadership, Uncategorized, Valuing Differences, Vision

Why Kamala Harris Should Lead

As November 5 approaches, I find myself strongly hoping to see Kamala Harris become President. It’s not just about my fear of another Trump presidency, though I am genuinely terrified of that. More than that, I believe Kamala Harris is the right leader for this moment.

I understand that my thoughts might not change the outcome or influence decisions already made. But writing is how I process the emotions swirling within me during this time of uncertainty and angst.

Many people acknowledge Trump’s flaws but defend him on policy grounds, arguing he’s been good for the economy. Others doubt Kamala’s readiness or feel she’s too tied to Joe Biden. I disagree with both perspectives.

Kamala Harris doesn’t claim to have all the answers or push for blind agreement from those around her. Her understanding of leadership isn’t rooted in domination or control. True leaders in a democracy don’t impose their will—they collaborate, listen, learn, and connect. That’s what Kamala Harris has demonstrated.

Since stepping into the role, she’s shown her ability to rise to the occasion. She’s raised money, rallied people, faced tough questions, and listened. In my experience working with business leaders, I’ve seen that it’s not the smartest or most domineering ones who make organizations thrive—it’s those who understand how to manage differences, value their team’s input, and recognize both strengths and weaknesses. Great leaders know when to admit mistakes and make changes.

I don’t see that in Donald Trump. His lack of humility and accountability, combined with a seeming disinterest in people outside of his circle—especially those who aren’t wealthy, male, or white—is deeply concerning. While I might not fully understand him, his behavior signals a self-centeredness and a fear of failure so profound that he can’t admit any shortcomings, which is frightening to me.

Kamala Harris, on the other hand, has shown that she’s the better leader and, frankly, the better person. I trust that, when it comes to policy and making important decisions, she’ll surround herself with capable, smart individuals whom she will listen to and trust. That’s the kind of leadership we need—not just from a Democrat or a Republican—but from a leader of all people.

Uncategorized

Retracing Roots and Rewriting Stories: A Journey of Family, Memories and Reclaiming

Most of this trip was about family and celebrating the life of my Aunt Dot. When her service was planned for October 14 in Harrisonburg, VA, I knew I wanted to be there, representing my mom, who’s 96 and couldn’t travel, and our family. I was surprised at how committed I was to making that happen.

I connected with my cousin Kelly, who lives in Falls Church, VA, and stayed a night with her and her girls. Kelly also drove down to Harrisonburg with me, and it was wonderful to reconnect with her and, through her, with Joyce and Larry.

Driving down, I took the exit to Woodstock, VA—where I had the best memories of Aunt Dot, Uncle Dan, and my cousins. In Harrisonburg, I took an exit that led me right past my grandparents’ old home. I stopped for a moment, just long enough to take a picture and remember.

The service was at St. Stephen’s, surrounded by family—cousins, grandnieces, and grandnephews. It was so rich to reconnect in person after so many years. We’ve kept in touch over the past year through what we call the “Arey Facetime” call, started to connect the siblings—Dot, Don, Larry, and my mom, Bernie. I wasn’t a regular, but I really appreciated my cousin Erick’s effort to keep it going.

The service reminded me of Aunt Dot’s generous spirit and her lifelong commitment to helping people. I hadn’t been to a formal church service in quite some time, so the hymns, prayers, and homily felt nostalgic. The best part, though, was Forest, who’s about 9, rolling a matchbox truck across the pews. It warmed my heart—I remember doing the exact same thing at his age. I loved how warmly everyone received him.

The after-gathering was meant to be a bonfire and pizza, but the real surprise came when I wandered off track and found Kline’s Ice Cream—my father’s favorite. There’s a story behind that because he once requested that his ashes be put there. Naturally, I grabbed a couple of pints to bring to the gathering.

And it wasn’t just pizza. These were homemade pizzas, with hand-picked ingredients, cooked in the cutest little wood-fired oven. They were incredible. The bonfire, too, was perfect. We shared stories, and the evening felt rich with connection.

The next morning, a few of us gathered for breakfast before heading out. For me, the next stop was Charlottesville, where I went to college. I picked up some UVA gear and took a long, nostalgic walk down memory lane. I even visited Crozet, where I’d once lived on a friend’s front porch one summer. I loved finding that spot again.I didn’t linger long, though. I decided to head toward Richmond, not quite sure why.

As I got closer, traffic made me rethink my plans, so I veered toward Mechanicsville. Something urged me to check out Camp Hanover and reclaim that place too.

I did. And seeing those familiar spots felt like coming home, but this time, home was within me. Fear feels like a stranger now.

After that, I found a cozy hotel in Fredericksburg, where I’m writing this. No memories here—just a soft bed, morning coffee, and donuts. It’s the perfect place to reflect and let the stories of this trip settle in.

Sometimes, it’s sweet and important to rewrite the stories.

Communication, Connecting, Connection, Life Experiences

Presence, Connection, and Co-Creation

This beautiful piece is by Leah Campbell Badertscher – it so captures co-creating

For me, life is fundamentally about relationships.

Why?

Because relationships ground me in the present moment.

Without this connection, I get lost in my mind, creating stories, planning, and believing that this is living. But it’s not. Real living happens when I step out of my thoughts and fully engage in the moment.

Achieving presence isn’t about effort or analysis; it’s about simply BEING—one breath, one sensation, one heartbeat at a time.

I honestly think this can only happen through connection.

Many people find it easier to connect with nature, animals, or even a place than with another person.

Why?

Because animals live in the moment. They aren’t worrying about the future or caught up in past dramas. They’re just BEING—not trying to look good, make money, or stay safe.

JOINING is our best chance to discover this sense of BEING.

We all crave connection, even if we don’t always know how to achieve it.

One of the most beautiful moments when working with horses without any equipment is when horse and human ‘join up.’ This happens when the human stops trying to control the situation and instead focuses on their own BEING.

When that shift happens, the horse often naturally comes closer, moves with the person, and stays in sync, as if linked by an invisible thread.

We long for that kind of connection with other people. But it’s harder with humans because we’re often focused on the external world, unaware of the stories and patterns we create to protect and control.

To truly connect with another person, we need to let go of that control and turn inward, taking responsibility for our part in the relationship.

It’s about listening intentionally, letting go of judgments, and moving beyond right and wrong.

When we do that, we invite ourselves into a generous, present moment.

This space is sacred, like hitting a reset button. It allows us to return to our true selves, leaving behind pain and old stories.

That’s when co-creation happens.

It’s easy to fall back into old habits, but staying present is possible.

This is the essence of Couple’s Alive Series that happen at the Haven—Being, Connecting, and Co-Creating.

I love leading this series. Being with other couples. We’ll be doing a Couples Alive II very soon. If you have taken Couples Alive Foundation – this is the next step and it’s focusing on Co-Creating.

with Susan Clarke