Tag Archives: susanbclarke

Connection, Life Experiences

From Aunt Sarah’s To McDonald’s – From Biking To Triking!

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Finally, I can share more about the big project I referred to in my last post.  In putting together an iMovie for my Dad’s 90th birthday celebration, I had the great idea of soliciting my cousin, who lives across the country, into create video footage of some of my Dad’s best friends and bike riding companions. And my cousin did an amazing job.  However, that did require quite a bit more effort on my part to get all the pieces together in time. Like me, I believe my cousin is a Myers-Briggs ‘P’ and footage was arriving even past the last minute!

The party was this past weekend and the video was a success.  Actually the entire weekend was fun. I would say the best part for me was getting up early Saturday morning to join my Dad on the McDonald’s breakfast ride. Since I was five (may be younger), I remember my Dad getting us out on our bikes to ride for breakfast, though back then it was Aunt Sarah’s Pancake House. Saturday’s ride was shorter but quite wonderful. It’s awesome that my Dad still rides and has been willing to shift from his racing bike to a fancy trike, allowing him to stay riding.  I also loved getting to meet the others who were all were over seventy and equally committed to riding and building connections through biking and food.  They track the riders, the walkers, the drivers and they make all folks who make it feel welcome.

There is very little I can eat at McDonald’s but everyone else enjoyed senior meals, coffee and tea.  I think I threw most of them a curve when I ordered an Americano. I have never had so many questions asked about a drink.  The bottom line—this was a drip coffee and/or tea crowd.

My father’s life covers much more than bike riding.  I discovered a lot putting the pieces together for the video.  It was a rich journey.  Hopefully he will be able to enjoy the video beyond the party. There was a lot of footage that did not make the movie but I know both my Mom and Dad will enjoy watching. 

We had a great weekend. Between biking for breakfast, throwing a party for seventy or so friends and finally gathering as a family to play games and eat pizza, I left grateful for the Clarke clan and look forward to the century celebration in another decade! Though this time, I will be counting on a call from the President (I have been told he/she calls all centurians) instead of making another movie.

Keep on triking Dad!!!

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When Self-Awareness Becomes Self-Excuseness

I have a major project due for completion and I am struggling to get the job done. It’s not like I haven’t known that I suffer from procrastination issues. However, this is one of those times when awareness has not led to new behavior. This project has been looming for months and though I have attempted to pull the necessary pieces together so I could focus and get the job done, I have now waited until the last minute, blogging about this issue instead of doing the job.

So what is that about? I could tell you about my Myers-Briggs type.  On Judging/Perceiving I am a high ‘P’, meaning I like to put things off until the last minute.  Apparently I thrive on the rush of pulling the all-nighter (this might have been true in college but I am much older now and I doubt I would do well at all without sleep). I don’t like closure because I like to leave myself open to all possibilities. Still, there comes a time on a project when choices need to be made.

Even with all this awareness, I am still not moving ahead.  My Myer-Briggs also says I suffer from internal perfectionism, meaning sometimes I won’t do a job because I am too afraid of letting others down, so instead, I just say I can’t do it.  Well this might have been okay months ago when I could have said ‘no’.  But now I am need to overcome any internal concerns about failing and as Nike would say: Just Do It!

As I have mentioned before, I also have some ADHD symptoms and can be easily distracted.

I could probably dive into some other personality assessment or childhood experience that could offer an excuse for this behavior. It is amazing how sometimes self-awareness can simply become self-excuseness.

Enough!  It is time to quit making excuses and get to work.

Though it is quite nice outside—may be I should go for a bike ride!

Just kidding!

Life Experiences

Go Butler!

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Today Butler will play Michigan State in the NCAA Final Four basketball game.  Butler is a university with an enrollment of less than 4,200 students! I love it when a little school makes it to the Final Four.

I thought I had better write about Butler today because, generally, these magical rides do not make it to the Championship game.  Tomorrow Butler might be out and we won’t hear much about them again for a while. However, that does not mean Butler is a fluke.  Butler has a history that says this is no accident. They have made it to the NCAA tournament six times. That is more than many major universities.

It helps that Butler is in Indiana. Indiana is one of the smartest basketball states. Hoosiers love their basketball and know the game. Plus Butler plays in the gym where the movie Hoosiers was filmed. For those who don’t know the movie, it’s about a small high school basketball team taking on the giants and winning it all. I love that Butler has been soaking up that anything is possible energy every time they walk into the gym.

The other reason I am writing about Butler is because I’ve been reading so much about big college athletic programs. The money that goes into some of these programs is amazing. Too often the programs are not about academics at all, but about advancing the prestige of a school through star players who generally leave early to go to the NBA. I believe the last time North Carolina won a championship, four of their five starters (only one a senior) left to go pro. Something is just not right for me about that.  It’s more about going pro than being part of a team or school. So it’s fun when some little school comes along, proving that power and money doesn’t buy the championship.

Of course even if little Butler wins the NCAA tournament this year, it’s not going to stop the insane way we throw money at college programs and athletes in an attempt to win and gain recognition.  Maybe Butler will remind us that it’s not all about being big or living on the front page. Sometimes the small and unheralded, wins.

I am rooting for Butler!

Life Experiences, writing

Overcoming Trash

I have been off-line so long I can not seem to get back on track.  I have gotten a number of post started but not been satisfied with the content so sent them to trash.  I downloaded the latest upgrade to wordpress and discovered that the trash link is now highlighted and easy to use.  Not good for a blogger suffering from blogger’s block and/or some odd form of perfectionism.

I would not generally think of myself as a perfectionist.  However, I have discovered with writing and blogging I suffer from my own internal standards.  I don’t seem to have high standards related to spelling or grammer but I seem to have a content standard that even I can not articulate.  I want my blogs to be personal, cover interesting topics, get people to think about something differently than they usually  do and create connection.  My personal best blogs usually come after an experience I’ve had that touches me emotionally or after reading something that seems so paradoxical that I can help but write.

It’s not like my life has been without interesting experiences.  Yes, bronchitis wasn’t much of a topic for sharing, nor did crashing computers seem worth detailing.  However, there have been some great paradoxical headlines – like anything related to the insane healthcare reform.  Or my favorite was the Census note that gay and lesbian couples who consider themselves husband and wives can check that on the report.  Now isn’t that insane.  Many gay and lesbian couples consider themselves married but ‘husband and wife’ – that just seems wrong on many levels.  Still not enough to warrant a post.

Even now I find myself considering the trash button.  But I am going to stick with it though.  I need to get ‘back on the horse’ so to speak.  Even if this post does not live up to my internal standard for relevance I need to hit the publish button and move beyond this sticking point.

Oddly I received some of my best feedback just before taking this extended break.  Someone out there found my blog and commented on my unique voice in a sea of otherwise repetitive blog material.  Of course instead of just receiving the kind words I have put pressure on myself to live up to the standard with each new post.  Most likely the fan has moved on and will never know what post comes next.

Well I am not going to let my internal critic stop me today.  In moments I will scroll down to hit the publish button and even if that trash button is right there much bolder than publish – I will not be stopped!!

Life Experiences

A Boardroom Blog: Visiting Family

Another day in the Alaska Boardroom. I am traveling home after a day of coaching and visiting family. I must admit that one of our best investments has been this Alaska Boardroom pass. Who would have thought?  I almost enjoy getting to the airport for the required two hour wait because I can sit and get fast internet, not to mention free beverages, chips and fruit. So here I am again.

Yesterday I flew into town for some coaching and visits with clients. We had also intended to be here for a one day off-site that was postponed. With the extra time I decided to visit my folks, John and Bernie, who live about an hour from Seattle in Lacey, WA. I have been waiting for a chance to visit. My dad will soon turn 90 and even though I have no doubt he intends to live beyond that memorable number, I knew he had been dealing with a bad, unrelenting cold. I am not sure if I was worried more about him, or my mother, who often not only cares for him, but also helps with other elderly friends who are in various stages of moving on.

For many years I was quite distant from my family as I worked through some resolved childhood issues. During that time, my parents seemed to find their own creative ways of filling the gap. While I was doing tons of personal growth work, they were exploring Edgar Cayce’s, A Course in Miracles, and various other new age/energy type work.  When we finally reconnected, I discovered there were similarities between us that I otherwise would have never known. Like my mother’s interest and skills in working with energy, for instance, and my father’s desire to be known as the Cosmic Man.  Now, when we get together, I often am intrigued by their outside-the-norm lifestyle. Their current reading material is almost always interesting and includes some titles I make sure to write down. I can also count hearing some interesting stories about my mother’s Healing Touch work and my Dad’s latest athletic pursuit. At 90, he has just decided that he will shift from Ping Pong (which he’s done on a large scale in their community), to the Wii machine. I suggested he might like revisiting his tennis days without the need for an overhead serve. I can imagine on my next visit he will have created some type of round robin interactive Wii event for the Panarama folks.

I am quite amazed at the life my parents live. They are very engaged.  Next week they are heading up to Canada and will be visiting one of my favorite locations—the Wikkinnish Inn.

It is an amazing gift to me to be able to discover who my parents are as people. Not in the roles as Mom and Dad, but what makes them tick as individuals and what they choose to value and believe in. Sure, it has taken a lot of work on my part to get out of the old family patterns. Sometimes I can still get drawn in. But with this visit I just enjoyed connecting with them, listening to John convince me to read his latest book club book, The Elegance of the Hedge Hogs, and helping Bernie with a computer project.  As I worked my way through the cluttered harddrives my mother has created, which contain everything from pictures to poetry, finances to educational materials, I could tell I was indeed her daughter. My computer is just as crazy and I could hear myself saying the same things she does, “One of these days I will get this all in order”.  Sure she might, but what I liked was that she didn’t let keeping things organized and within control get in the way of compiling an awesome lifetime of experiences. Even John’s desk, which he too has been organizing, reveals the many layers of his life, kind of like a tree trunk.  Tidy but tons of rings.

I enjoyed walking through their world.  Knowing some bits and pieces of who they are as people and also confirming that, indeed, we are a family.

Well it’s about time for my flight.  So I’ll be on my way.

Life Experiences

Simple Moments Of Joy

It’s a gorgeous day here in Montana: blue skies, sunny, and the mountains snowcapped and magical. I know we need more snow and I know all of the reasons this spring-like weather might mean a very difficult summer. However, I can not help but enjoy the moment! It is days like today that make it clear why I love living here!

So the Olympic Games are over and what a wonderful ending. The hockey game was perfect—played hard right to the final second and beyond, with Canada celebrating and laughing at themselves. In the end, the own the podiumseemed to have worked; at least in terms of gold medals and specially in terms of the hockey gold!

What’s next? As I mentioned before, Montana is sunny and warm. Bailey seems to have gotten kennel cough, so I am keeping him away from other dogs. CrisMarie is under the weather as well. I have a bunch of projects that should draw my attention. But for now I am happily sitting in The Green Tea House, blogging.

There are many things I could be worried about. I realize the future can hold some scarey prospects. I am not really one to focus on the negative; I am also not one that lives by affirmations or always looking on the bright side. However, when I consider the future, and have to decide if I want to believe in, a doomsday scenario or something else, well—I pick something else.

I have no idea what will happen in 2012, or any year for that matter, other than this one. The best I can do is fully commit to this moment and make the best choices I can for myself, others, and the planet.

I feel fortunate to have learned somewhere along my path how to fully embody joy. I have these moments when I just vibrate with life. Today, the Montana magic inspires that joyful resonance in me; Sometimes it a simple moment with CrisMarie. My heart is open and I am deeply in touch with loving my life. It is really the simple things that provide the greatest joy: a song, a touch, a taste, a smell or a gorgeous day. Indeed, the senses do heighten my joy meter.

I watch folks struggle with the state of their lives: not having the job they need, the partner they want, the health they have thought would be a given or the opportunities they see others getting. It’s easy to get caught up in any one of those situations at some point in the day or week or month. I can spend many hours, days or weeks trying to change the bigger picture, totally forgetting the simple little moments.

Yet I have learned to tap into some little sensory moment that will wake me back up. It starts by taking a deep breath and becoming aware; aware of what I am doing and aware of how I am separating. Suddenly that choice is highlighted and I usually get it. Take the moment, feel the joy, and let that simple little reflection of all that is possible help me re-member; meaning becoming a member of the whole. When I touch that whole-ness, either inside me or all around me, I do, for a moment, resonate with oneness, the source—whatever you want to call that which is so much more then me.  That nano second of contact is enough juice to alter my cells.

That simple little moment is magical. Today I am very in-touch with the joy. Maybe later I’ll lose it, but for now I am soaking it in.  Tomorrow just seems okay from here and now! Maybe that is just as it should be.

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Wrapping Up The Games: Canada Vs USA

Today’s final hockey game will be last medal event and it seems fitting that Canada and the USA are competing for the Gold.  I have been torn for who to root for.  I started the Games writing about how proud I was being part Canadian.  I was thrilled when Canada won it’s first gold and I thought I could hear the singing of O Canada on Gabriola (quite a ways from Vancouver).  However, since returning back to the states and watching the hockey mostly from my computer (thanks to NBC’s strange coverage), I have not been all that proud of the Canadian fans.  Watching from the computer means I get to see the running text messages beside the picture.  The hatred that came from these posts towards the USA was hard to take.  I realize the USA upset the Canadian dream path to hockey Gold.  But I was surprised that it resulted in a meltdown.  Good thing that was mostly just the fans and not the players.  Team Canada seemed to have used the loss to get over their complacent ways putting together an awesome run of victories for a second chance.  They actually seem to be a better team now then last week.

My discouragement got worse when a friend shared how poorly they had been treated as a fan at a curling match while wearing a USA jacket.  I felt sad.  I was ready to just start rooting for the USA team. I shared my pain with one of my Canadian hockey fans.  He wrote back a story that balanced the scales.  Apparently a radio show up in Canada was asking folks to call in and share how much they hated the USA team.  A young boy called and instead of sharing his hatred, he asked the question, “Why do so many people want to hate a team that has made hockey so exciting?”  I love that.  My friend also shared a series of other stories like the ice dancers—USA and Canadian—who train together and hug after each  performance, regardless of who won.

So now I am rooting for the best game, the one which provides the excitement the young boy spoke about.  A game that somehow reflects the best of these Games.

I am not even a hockey fan.  But I do appreciate how much hockey means to Canada.  I also appreciate that the USA has not won the gold since Lake Placid and that was the “miracle on ice” experience.  These days the players out there are professionals, very different than the college team that won back then.  Still this USA team is young and passionate.  The Canadian team has the nation backing it and carries the weight of expectation.  It sounds like a great match-up and hopefully one that will make all of us proud!!

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Back to Mac

Today I am back to being a full time Apple person.  I tried the PC netbook because it was small and light.  Not to mention much less expensive.  For a year now I have given it my best shot.  But I have had my frustrations.

Back in 2000 I switched to a Mac.  Started with the ibook.  Loved the ease and grace.  Next I talked CrisMarie into switching over our Thrive! systems to Mac.  This wasn’t easy since she is a long time PC fan.  Though within a week she was in love with Apple.  She has tremendous style and I knew that alone would convince her once she got past her business consultant view that one most have a PC.

For years we have been happy Apple folks.  Even happier when it got super easy to pull up most documents on either a Mac or a PC.  So you may ask why did I ever go back to a PC.  All I can really say for myself is that I was cheap.  I wanted light, small and something that did not take up all my carry on bag.  The netbook did intend fill that role.

Don’t get me wrong there is nothing wrong with the Acer netbook.  In many ways it is a perfect little machine for email, surfing the web and blogging while traveling.  But I could never convince CrisMarie to logon.  So I was generally carrying her computer as well as the netbook.  The screen was small.  Also there were just things that were not as elegant and as nice.

So I have gone back to Apple.  I decided to try the MacAir.  It is light, elegant and I have no doubts CrisMarie will be happy to use this new machine on the road.  Honestly I am not even sure how long I will be able to call it mine.  The Air is so light and so far is fast and reliable.  (I have only had it for a day so reliable might be pushing it.)  Still I am happy to be back on an Apple.

I know this is not really a deep, reflective piece of writing.  But I just had to share my joy.  Plus this is my way of notifying some friends they my have to find me fresh on ichat and Skype.

Maybe tomorrow I will have something more significant to write.  For now I will just be playing on my MAC!!

Uncategorized, Vision

Breathe & Change the World!

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I put together a two hour presentation called, Wake Up & Breathe.  I had fun pulling together tons of information I had learned over the years.  Of course I had way more then two hours would allow, plus I had promised experiential and needed to build in time for that.  In the end, the two hours was a variety of tidbits and lots of  opportunities to breathe.  I was very pleased with how willing people were to try things and share they experience with each other.  I also learned myself just how easy it is too get caught up in all the interesting bits of information about breathing and never breathe.

The day after the talk I found myself running ahead of myself throughout the day.  I didn’t remember the most important piece of information from the night before – keep it simple and take the few seconds throughout the day to breathe!

I could easily say I big piece of the problem for me is having a hyper puppy demanding my attention.  I could also blame a busy schedule.  But I had in my talk given lots of ways that only took seconds and/or could be done easily with Bailey in my lap.  ( which he loves and he definitely beathes!).  So what makes it so hard to make the time to breathe.

I do believe there are two possibilities.  One is that when I breathe  I often bump into places where I am holding or begin to feel some feelings which I may or may not be so open to allowing.  That use to be the common cause of keeping the breathe shallow and holding on.  I am actually better at that now.  Of course I still get get caught avoiding feeling but at least I am more aware and can shift.

The second reason is a bit more surprising because it just seems odd.  These days when I am regularly breathing and stay present.  I actually find I feel more alive, joyful and quite content.  Now you would think that would be a pretty good motivator to remember to breathe.  But it seems I have some sort of speed bump around contentment or aliveness.  Some is great but too much just doesn’t isn’t okay.

I don’t think I am the only one who operates this way.  I know others who seem to wrestle with a similar set point.  Why is it that contentment, joy and aliveness are so hard to stay in.  I think most people would say they want that in their lives and most people stop themselves.

I have read the quote about our greatest fear being our greatest and our light not failure.  May be that does have something to do with it.  We don’t seem to have too much trouble dwelling in worry, doubt and all that is wrong with the world.  What about what’s ‘right’.  I can get to the idea of being present.  But I think there’s even more.  Presence taps me into unlimited possibilities and some type of oneness or wholeness.  I am much more then me and from that possibility anything is possible.  I guess I believe from that space we aren’t just present we are everything – the past, the present and the future – which means we can influence and shift ourselves and our planet.  To me that is worth considering.  We do it unconsciously anyway – breathing is the one function that is both voluntary and involuntary.  So way not  breathe conciously.  Just imagine what’s possible.  Wow!!

Today I started out taking some time to breathe.  Nothing too big but enough to get me vibrating and excited about life.  So far I am finding the day is going quite well.  I haven’t changed the planet but I also haven’t been afraid to imagine that I could – one little blog and breathe at a time!!

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Winning Isn’t Everything

I remember years ago when Nike ran the ad; You don’t win Silver you lose Gold, I lost some respect for the Nike brand that day.  My heart sunk a bit when I realized that the marketing department was simply playing on one of the less than admirable traits we Americans seem to value: winning means everything.

Some might call me crazy or weak, but I just don’t think winning is everything.  Anyone who knows me, ( I think) would say this does not mean I am not competitive.  I love a good competition.  I enjoy winning.  I have also enjoyed losing.  My own way of judging the ‘game’ is not in the final score but in the quality of play.  Did I do my best?  Did I play fair?  Did I give 100% or more?  These all come before, did I win?

I get paid working in corporate America, and sometimes I am saddened by just how much winning trumps integrity, people and a good fight.  The price of this win-at-all-costs position is beginning to show up in sports heroes who are now known for doping, a banking industry that is riddled with fraud and international distrust and distaste for Americans.

I may sound unpatriotic but I don’t think so.  Our country was built not on winning but on freedom, personal responsible and integrity.  The Boston Tea wasn’t about winning.  It was about making a statement to the world that there was another way to rule, do business and make room for differences in religion and beliefs.

I want the best results but sometimes the best results are not the ‘winning’ results not if there are astericks next to the score that make it clear doping was involved or some other questionable means.

CrisMare won Silver at the World Champions.  Yes, the Romanians rowed across the finish line first, but to hear her tell the story it is clear her team won Silver and were thrilled at the results!!

I think I writing this because I just got back from working with another Canadian company in a different business sector and I loved it.  I loved working with a group of people who were competitive but equally humble.  I would hate to think that is just a Canadian quality.

I know folks poke fun at Canada at times.  They are not dominate or a superpower.  However, they are strong, good-willed, competitive and seem to being doing just fine.

I wouldn’t mind if a little of Canada rubbed off on corporate America.  I have worked with enough Americans executives to know some do feel the same way.

Winning isn’t everything and great results can come from playing hard, playing fair and being kind!!