Tag Archives: susanbclarke

Life Experiences

Reflecting On Electing

It’s an election day and I realize I am totally unprepared. Up until this year, I have been voting in Seattle. Though not an overly-involved political person, I did take the time to review the issues, read through the voting materials and make sure I mail my ballot well ahead of the deadline. In Montana, however, I am not yet engaged in the local issues or even the bigger state elections. I imagine it will take a couple hours today to review the ballot before I am ready to head to the polls before closing and cast my vote. I read in the news about the Tea Party rocking and rolling the traditional party lines. This election will likely reflect a country angry and frustrated by a House and Senate that has still not made significant gains in healing the economic crisis or ending the current wars. I should be engaged, but really, though I am discouraged by the progress of this administration in some areas, I don’t think it is fair or smart to judge and radically change my commitment to the course that Obama set in motion just two years ago.

When trust has been broken in a couple or family, it can take years for the family system to get back on track. In organizations, one of the biggest factors in high turnover rates is burnout, fatigue and transition overload (meaning one change after another without addressing the psychological factors involved in shifting too fast and too often). Our country is like a big family or organization and trust had been broken. Though I might not agree with all of Obama’s decisions, I honestly do not believe Obama has done anything to further breakdown trust. As a matter a fact, I think he has been steady and clear in his direction; repairing international confidence in who we are, taking responsibility and accountability for a war he did not believe in from the start, recognizing that our economy is not a quick fix problem. We may not like him for his honest, transparent and non-heroic style, but in terms of rebuilding trust—well, that is what it takes. There are no heroic solutions for rebuilding trust, just disciplined, honest and vulnerability-based effort.

Tomorrow we may wake up and find our world has shifted. The voters will have spoken and there will be stories about the changes. It’s either a vote of confidence or a vote of no confidence. I would hope that whatever happens, Obama stays steady. He wasn’t making much progress with the House stacked in his so-called favor—so really, what would be different?

There are no magic pills or politicians that are going to solve our economic situation overnight, or get us out of Afghanistan, or off a terrorists’ hit list within the next year.  The best thing we can do is stop looking for the quick fix and stop blaming the other party.

That is why I haven’t been too excited about this election.  Like many, I am not satisfied with the current state of affairs.  I guess I don’t want to assume changing policy is really the root of the problem.  We are a country with shifting paradigms.  We are no longer Top Dog, just one of a pack. The Top Dog stuff shows up so clearly in our politics and it’s course in every election.  Are we Republican or Democrat?  Who’s on top and really does it matter?  Isn’t it time we stopped that game?

I don’t care who wins today. I am only interested in getting beyond the Top Dog stuff and getting back to caring about people and how we play together in our playground and out in the world.

I am ready to be part of the pact and work together. I am not certain that I will vote locally today but I will commit to whatever the outcome is. To me, that means working in my world to keep rebuilding trust, to be honest, humble and responsible for the choices and actions I take.

Connecting, Life Experiences

How Will I Measure My Life?

Last week I lead the Come Alive program at the Haven Institute.  When I arrived on the property and discovered the group was significantly smaller than I had thought, I found myself disappointed. I imagined the week was going to be challenging because sometimes, with smaller groups, there isn’t the same level of energy, and if there is any degree of resistance among participants, it can become even greater because one person’s engagement or disengagement has a greater impact.  Plus, I wanted to cover my travel expenses and though I hate to make leading programs about the money, it is a factor. 

However, once I got to know the folks in the room everything changed.  I loved the week. Yes, Carole and I were called to be more creative in offering experiences that engaged everyone.  We could not rely on the usual structure to fill the week. But this was great and I think we both liked the challenge.  Also, with a larger group, there is less demand for my own vulnerability and personal connections, assistants and interns becoming far more connected to folks than I.  So again, this past week offered me the chance to connect on a deeper personal level with each member of the group. In the end I realized it wasn’t really the numbers that mattered at all.  The group was special because they were engaged, committed and willing to step forward throughout the week. 

This brings me to the next piece for discussion.  What measures a successful, fulfilling life?  This question surfaces for me as a result of an article forwarded to me by a colleague.  The article is the most emailed article this year from HBR (Harvard Business Review).  Here is the link in case you want to read the article yourself:  http://hbr.org/2010/07/how-will-you-measure-your-life/ar/1.

I enjoyed reading the article and quickly realized that the way I measure my life is by my level of aliveness. Aliveness to me means engagement, commitment and willingness.  When these three conditions are high I have a felt sense of fulfillment, joy and success.  In thinking about these three conditions, I realize they are each something I have a choice in creating in the context of anything my life presents. Sure there are activities that naturally invite these elements because of my own likes and dislikes. But really, even is life is presenting some stuff that is not to my fancy, I have found that attitude adjustments related to these areas can make all the difference. The Come Alive was a relatively easy example.  Because I love and am generally always curious about people, I knew that once I engaged, the rest would follow. 

There are other areas and situations in my life that are far more difficult. I have been in groups where I have disliked the path we were taking or found members of the team or group very difficult to deal with.  In those situations, my level of engagement has declined. I become less committed to outcomes, and I suspect others in the room might call me willful and not at all willing.  The degree to which I let these barometers slide without notice or attention becomes a key driver in aliveness.  For me, the worst is not cranky or willful, no, the low of lows is when I become disengaged and apathetic.  When that occurs I can go without oxygen and there is a numbness and deadness that, once set in, becomes very hard to shake.

So in the end, how I measure my life becomes a daily opportunity—a moment to moment invitation. Am I engaged? Am I committed? Am I willing? If not, what can I do to adjust?  Generally speaking, the answer involves a revealing of myself.  There is something I need to say that I am withholding or there is something I am feeling that I wish not to expose or reveal.  Once I take care of that, my aliveness returns and though things around me might not change, I see and experience the world quite differently.  I am curious, I am able to connect, and I am deeply in touch with loving myself and others in the world around me.  That, to me, is success!

Connecting, Life Experiences

It’s Showtime Here In Whitefish!

CrisMarie is engaged in the local community theater again this year. She is once again playing the part of the family maid. This year’s production of Dividing the Estate, though billed as a comedy, has some quite realistic themes of fighting over money and other dysfunctional family dynamics that can cut close to the core. Her character, Mildred, the maid, gets a bit caught up in the “When do I get the money” theme of this Horton Foote play.

I have now seen the play three times. It has not been as easy to enjoy as last year’s zany comedy, You Can’t Take it With You, but I am beginning to appreciate Foot’s ability to show a slice of middle-American life.

I think we would all prefer not to recognize how we could be one of the members of this play. I hate to think I would hire lawyers and argue about the division of money and property the day my parents die. However, I have no doubt that if feeling desperate and fearful about my own security and livelihood, I too, would likely resort to unfavorable human dynamics in order to survive.

What is interesting for me during this annual theater experience and seeing the play so many times, is that I’m seeing aspects of the characters that I would otherwise never fully appreciate. Stella, the matriarch of the family, at first pass seems controlling and demanding. Three shows later, I am much more aware of her deep desire to have her family close. Though she doesn’t listen or connect to anyone other than Doug, the older servant, I get that she wants to give something to each of them. When one of her children is in trouble, she drops her crusty attitude and does whatever is needed. Stella’s unwillingness to divide the estate is much more about keeping the family together than holding on to money and land.

I could go on with each character, but unless you live in Whitefish and are around this weekend, you may never see this play. I don’t think it is one that shows regularly.  Still, I am reminded how much I like live theater.

In my many years at the Haven with Ben and Jock, I would always enjoy listening to them share their views of plays they would see in New York City.  Each year they would spend a week or more watching two plays a day, if possible, and come back using the stories from the stage as a connecting point for all of our lives.  For them, theater was so much like life.  Throughout the year at The Haven leading groups, these guys would work endlessly with the stories of peoples’ lives.  The hardships, the pain, the joy, the craziness—would be played out in group after group.  Ben and Jock were masters at directing people and assisting them in seeing how the choices they were making in their lives provided them with possible new interpretations on ways of living.  I loved learning from them.

I get it now. Each day of my life is like live theater, always acting with some objective in mind.  There is always a back story influencing each interaction. I have lines that I use and often forget.  I have a choice at all times to either respond in the moment and connect with the others on my stage or simply live life from the script without fully making an impact or connecting.

I get it and I am grateful for my annual community theater experience, and joyful that CrisMarie loves acting.  Maybe this year I will even make it to New York City for a week of seeing plays.  I know for sure that I will be at the Haven directing, assisting and participating in the rich and wonderful stories of others who join me on that stage.  Hopefully, I’ll do as well as Mildred and the others in Dividing The Estate at bringing all of me to the stage in whatever part is mine to play!

Connecting, Vision

Wag More, Bark Less Project

Wag More, Bark Less

I love this bumper sticker. Maybe it is simply that I love dogs. Or it might be that my own dogs are notorious for living by the wag more, bark less motto. Only recently have I committed to fully living this motto myself.

I would not really call myself a barker. However, I do have a reputation of being intense and have been fondly referred to as a pitbull that licks. So even if I am not a regular barker, I don’t believe I wag nearly enough. Sure, I have moments of joy. But to meet and greet by wagging my tail is not my usual. I tend to skip the “Hi, how are you” part of interactions. Also, when upset or deeply concerned about something tend to dive in and cut to the chase. These aren’t always bad qualities. But after spending the past six or seven months helping my boxer puppy, Bailey, learn how to play with all breeds not just boxers, I know I could use some tips.

Boxers playing with other boxers are very physical. They go right at each other and there is no need to keep four paws on the ground. I am sure this style of boxing must have something to do with the name. This rough and tough style of play at the dog park and with other breeds sometimes doesn’t make for the best first impressions (or second or third).  Bailey had to learn to keep his paws on the ground and make sure other dogs were up for the contact before going all out. He has done well. I love to see him with his boxer buddies playing rough but I am glad he has learned to wag first and bark less with new playmates.

In my effort to adapt to a more wag more, bark less lifestyle, I have committed to a few new projects. I have taken on yoga, working to gradually open my shoulders and heart more. I have known for a long time that my body took on a protective stance that served me well early in life. But it isn’t needed anymore. The problem is that character body armor is not easy to take off. Yoga seems to be one path. I like that I am working with someone who knows my bigger picture and story and is tailoring the yoga to fit what I need. I am also committed to more regularly getting feedback from folks that work with me regarding my style. I am committed to finding ways to wag more without withdrawing my passion or watering down my message. Finally, I am working more with my hands, meaning simply making more physical contact. I have always found this easy and rewarding with small children and pets. I am not a touchy type of person with friends and family. I am working on that.

I’ve put the bumper sticker on my car. I smile whenever I see it. I doubt I will ever be known as a softy, probably more like my boxer, Bailey, though I think I can learn to play better with all types. In human terms, I think wag more, bark less translates to be more open-hearted and less paranoid. I am willing to work on that!

Boxer Bailey with four paws on the ground!
Business

Stalled By The Shiney Object Issue

This morning I awoke to find my good friend Renée Safrata’s latest Blog/Vlog on The Big Picture, The Shiny Object and The Overwhelmed. It was all about the ‘stuckness’ that can occur when working on great ideas and projects. I loved it.

I am someone who suffers from not only the Shiny Object issue but more appropriately the Any Object issue. I often find myself piling on projects. I have one great idea which I start with great motivation and intention. However, it does not take much for me to get distracted. I can use the old ADD disorder excuse, but that does not get any project completed.

I liked Renee’s idea of breaking it down into smaller steps and feeding on the adrenal rush of small successes.

Like this blog. I wanted to try again to include images into my blog. Some of you got to see pictures of my Super Senior parents in the last blog, but many of you may have missed out because the original posting did not quite work. I had to get technical support to fix the problem. I saw Renee’s vlog today and had the idea to try sharing video this time. I knew the first step was to write my own blog. I got a bit distracted, of course, by other possible subjects and then other images to insert. But I stayed on task.

Hopefully you have been able to enjoy learning from Renée’s blog as well. Giving you a chance to identify which one of these trouble spots may slow down your projects!

P.S. It took me a week to get this blog completed. I wasn’t able to insert the video quite as easily as I had hoped, and truthfully, I got distracted by another project. At least I remembered and watched the video again. That helped me to get the job done!!

Uncategorized

Fireworks, Patriotism And Turkeys

With Canada Day behind us, and the Fourth of July tomorrow, my thoughts are on fireworks, patriotism and turkeys. If this were an SAT question about which word doesn’t fit, I am sure you could guess, turkeys.  

Every year at this time, the wild turkeys that roam around our yard have their little turkeys.  Usually this is not a huge issue, but this year Bailey is not quite as smart about the turkeys as Sooke and is going after the little guys. Anyone who knows turkeys can guess the real concern here is not for the babies, but Bailey.  Wild turkeys are serious about protecting their young. So far we have been able to stop any harm from happening. But any love I had for the wild turkeys is long gone. I just want them somewhere else.  

Besides dealing with Bailey and the turkey issue, this is also the first year Bailey has been around for fireworks. Here in Montana, fireworks are like guns, everyone is loudly shooting them off well before the 4th.  I am guessing there is some law that encourages (I say encourages because it is not that effective) folks to wait until the 4th for the big stuff.  So far the occasional pops are causing Bailey to bark and become alarmed, so I imagine the 4th might be a long night.

We don’t usually go anywhere. Our outdoor fire pit area provides an excellent view of the the various displays and a small circle of friends is much more appealing to me than the crowds and parties down by the lake.

This is the biggest weekend for tourists in our area.  It officially marks the opening of Glacier National Park’s Going to the Sun Road and folks start flocking to the park and the lakes that make this area very special.  It is the first summer I will be here. The last couple years I was heading off to Gabriola for the Phase.  I am excited about being home for what’s considered our best months and hopefully getting out to discover some off-road adventures.

I feel very fortunate to have two great nations to call home. On Canada Day I was a part of a wonderful event at The Green Tea House.  The event was a fundraiser for a Peace Garden.  It was very successful and seemed a perfect marker for me to celebrate Canada.  I do think of Canada as a peaceful nation. I doubt many there realized the importance of the date. But Canada seems to like a low profile, so that fits.

Not so with the USA.  Our holidays are big and generally known well beyond our borders.  Sure, sometimes the narcissism and  grandiosity is a bit much, but I am grateful to live here even with all of the issues and controversy.  

I am definitely of two nations and enjoy the opportunity to celebrate each during this first week of July!  

Now back to turkey patrol.  

 

Life Experiences

The Importance Of Integration

It’s been a while. I am back from Croatia and have been quite busy with work and other things here in Montana. I realized over the weekend that since my Dad’s 90th birthday, I have been traveling: I spent the month of May on Gabriola leading the Phase; got back for a day or so and was then off to Croatia; came home from that and headed into class for a couple days; took a trip to Columbus, Ohio to work with a client; and then over the weekend drove to and from Spokane to visit with my cousin from South Carolina for a few hours. Everything has been great but with so many significant events happening I have had very little time to integrate, write, or fully absorb any one of these events. The good news is that I believe I was pretty present, so I know I let things in and believe there is still time for needed integration.

Last night I went with some friends to hear Susan Gipson, a singer and songwriter, play at an outdoor pavilion just outside of Whitefish. Gipson wrote the Dixie Chicks’ song Wide Open Spaces—one of my favorites. She was awesome, a great storyteller and songwriter. Her songs are clearly like my blogs, a path for her to integrate life events and share them with the world.

With so much happening I feel like I haven’t been doing the sharing part. For instance, I missed writing about the wonderful Croatian guides we had on our trip, Marko and Matej, who were sort of opposites in personality but together they delivered such a rich passion, history and love for their country that I came away wanting to tell others about the people and the place. Then there’s the World Cup, what an amazing event. It’s not just about soccer. My favorite side story was about the grandmother’s South Africa soccer league. These woman started playing when many couldn’t walk and they definitely were not supposed to be out in shorts and sneakers. People laughed at them. But this league changed the lives and health of many of the women. I love stories like that.

Here’s hoping I can find the time to integrate recent events and write some blogs that let me share some of the special times. I am not always good at slowing down. Especially with so many exciting things to do. But listening to Susan Gipson last night reminded me of the value of finding a path to share the story—not just live it!

Life Experiences

Turning 50!!

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Today I am 50. I woke up feeling an amazing amount of grateful for my life. It helps that I am in Croatia on an awesome bike touring experience with the love of my life, good friends and some great new friends. The joyful experience of testing myself on the rolling hills here on the islands, and seeing breathtaking views while flying downhill, probably has something to do with a very high gratitude meter.

Today has been perfect. The first part of the day was beautiful and the ride relatively easy and fun. Then three of us added an additional challenge by taking the long way back, basically over the mountain. It was awesome. By the end of the day I had ridden every kilometer possible for my touring experience. I definitely felt like I lived up to my muchness. Indeed life is good. Now we have a few extra days to unwind in Hvar.

Though I am fortunate to be here in this place, I also know my gratitude meter is high because I do believe I am living my best life. I have a relationship that excites me, challenges me, provides me the opportunity to support, and is filled with aliveness and learning. I live in a beautiful place, in a home that is surrounded by color, with animals that are friendly and fill the place with life. I get to work with my partner and I do believe we change the world sometimes with what we do. I have great friends and family to dialogue with and share in awesome experiences. Yes, there is so much to be grateful for on this day. I don’t feel old, I feel fulfilled and ready for more. Yes, it is worth celebrating life!

Life Experiences

Celebrating Life: Muchness Vs. Shouldness

Jim and Renee arrived yesterday to join us on our big adventure. In honor of my birthday they created wonderful riding shirts for each of us. They had planned these shirts with my birthday in, mind but instead of simply focusing on me, the shirts broadcast celebrating life. I personally think everyone else on the trip will want one. They are great.

As always when we get together, we started chatting about everything and my latest blog on muchness came up. The concept was one that we all agreed was important especially in relationship to our trip and celebrating life. As we talked we realized life can as easily become about shouldness as well as muchness and that the real challenge is to recognize it when it occurs and to do something about it.

Most of us lose our muchness when we get to caught up in the shoulds and the obligations of life. It is easy to do. Whether it is a passion that becomes a job and suddenly instead of taking risks and learning the job, it becomes routine and lifeless. Or a relationship that slowly becomes more about doing what’s predictable and safe rather than what is desired, which thereby causes conflict or tension. We all make these small decisions and choices and though they may not seem that serious over time, the result is a loss of our muchness in exchange for shouldness.

It is what I like about being with friends like Jim and Renee. Together we talk about these things and confront each other about our patterns. Sure sometimes it can be uncomfortable. That is the problem with living with muchness, it can create anxiety and tension. Instead of being predictable, I am in the moment and may not do what everyone expects and thinks is ‘right’. When each of us is living that way, there is more potential for differences and conflicts. However, there is also more newness and possibility. So if I am willing to stay in that uncertainty and tension there is an aliveness and freshness to life that is definitely worth celebrating!

As we travel together for these next few days, I look forward to discovering where am I living my shouldness and how can I recapture my muchness and celebrate life by more fully engaging. This is a wonderful opportunity to discover and commit to the next part of my journey and be clear that it is not the shoulds that my life reflects but instead all the possibilities, i.e. my muchness.

Life Experiences

Tapping Into My Muchness

I love the part of the new Alice in Wonderland when the Hatter says to Alice that she has lost her muchness. Ever since I saw the show, that has stuck with me. When I have been a touch fearful or anxious I remind myself to sink into my muchness.

Today I am off on my great 50th birthday adventure. The planning started for this many months ago when I shared with CrisMarie that’d love to go on a European bike tour for my birthday. A good friend had once recommended doing something special for the major birthdays and 50 seemed like a big one. From there the travel planning took on a life of it’s own with various recommendations and numerous chats with our friends Jim and Renee who will be traveling with us. We finally decided on Croatia’s Dalmatian Coast and Vermont Biking Tours.

Now I am sitting on the plane heading to Frankfurt watching Alice in Wonderland. How perfect! I feel a bit like Alice, off on my great adventure. Now I just want to stay in touch with my own muchness.

I would really like to enjoy and relax into this trip. The challenge is that after spending so much time planning and imagining, it is easy to have lots of expectations. I think the voyage is a great dream, imagining and scripting what I want. However, there’s also the important part of letting go of those expectations once the moment arrives, being fully present.

Now the trip is here and I want to live it fully! I want to tap into my muchness and have a blast!