Tag Archives: Susan Clarke

Connecting, Vision

Wag More, Bark Less Project

Wag More, Bark Less

I love this bumper sticker. Maybe it is simply that I love dogs. Or it might be that my own dogs are notorious for living by the wag more, bark less motto. Only recently have I committed to fully living this motto myself.

I would not really call myself a barker. However, I do have a reputation of being intense and have been fondly referred to as a pitbull that licks. So even if I am not a regular barker, I don’t believe I wag nearly enough. Sure, I have moments of joy. But to meet and greet by wagging my tail is not my usual. I tend to skip the “Hi, how are you” part of interactions. Also, when upset or deeply concerned about something tend to dive in and cut to the chase. These aren’t always bad qualities. But after spending the past six or seven months helping my boxer puppy, Bailey, learn how to play with all breeds not just boxers, I know I could use some tips.

Boxers playing with other boxers are very physical. They go right at each other and there is no need to keep four paws on the ground. I am sure this style of boxing must have something to do with the name. This rough and tough style of play at the dog park and with other breeds sometimes doesn’t make for the best first impressions (or second or third).  Bailey had to learn to keep his paws on the ground and make sure other dogs were up for the contact before going all out. He has done well. I love to see him with his boxer buddies playing rough but I am glad he has learned to wag first and bark less with new playmates.

In my effort to adapt to a more wag more, bark less lifestyle, I have committed to a few new projects. I have taken on yoga, working to gradually open my shoulders and heart more. I have known for a long time that my body took on a protective stance that served me well early in life. But it isn’t needed anymore. The problem is that character body armor is not easy to take off. Yoga seems to be one path. I like that I am working with someone who knows my bigger picture and story and is tailoring the yoga to fit what I need. I am also committed to more regularly getting feedback from folks that work with me regarding my style. I am committed to finding ways to wag more without withdrawing my passion or watering down my message. Finally, I am working more with my hands, meaning simply making more physical contact. I have always found this easy and rewarding with small children and pets. I am not a touchy type of person with friends and family. I am working on that.

I’ve put the bumper sticker on my car. I smile whenever I see it. I doubt I will ever be known as a softy, probably more like my boxer, Bailey, though I think I can learn to play better with all types. In human terms, I think wag more, bark less translates to be more open-hearted and less paranoid. I am willing to work on that!

Boxer Bailey with four paws on the ground!
Business

Stalled By The Shiney Object Issue

This morning I awoke to find my good friend Renée Safrata’s latest Blog/Vlog on The Big Picture, The Shiny Object and The Overwhelmed. It was all about the ‘stuckness’ that can occur when working on great ideas and projects. I loved it.

I am someone who suffers from not only the Shiny Object issue but more appropriately the Any Object issue. I often find myself piling on projects. I have one great idea which I start with great motivation and intention. However, it does not take much for me to get distracted. I can use the old ADD disorder excuse, but that does not get any project completed.

I liked Renee’s idea of breaking it down into smaller steps and feeding on the adrenal rush of small successes.

Like this blog. I wanted to try again to include images into my blog. Some of you got to see pictures of my Super Senior parents in the last blog, but many of you may have missed out because the original posting did not quite work. I had to get technical support to fix the problem. I saw Renee’s vlog today and had the idea to try sharing video this time. I knew the first step was to write my own blog. I got a bit distracted, of course, by other possible subjects and then other images to insert. But I stayed on task.

Hopefully you have been able to enjoy learning from Renée’s blog as well. Giving you a chance to identify which one of these trouble spots may slow down your projects!

P.S. It took me a week to get this blog completed. I wasn’t able to insert the video quite as easily as I had hoped, and truthfully, I got distracted by another project. At least I remembered and watched the video again. That helped me to get the job done!!

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Fireworks, Patriotism And Turkeys

With Canada Day behind us, and the Fourth of July tomorrow, my thoughts are on fireworks, patriotism and turkeys. If this were an SAT question about which word doesn’t fit, I am sure you could guess, turkeys.  

Every year at this time, the wild turkeys that roam around our yard have their little turkeys.  Usually this is not a huge issue, but this year Bailey is not quite as smart about the turkeys as Sooke and is going after the little guys. Anyone who knows turkeys can guess the real concern here is not for the babies, but Bailey.  Wild turkeys are serious about protecting their young. So far we have been able to stop any harm from happening. But any love I had for the wild turkeys is long gone. I just want them somewhere else.  

Besides dealing with Bailey and the turkey issue, this is also the first year Bailey has been around for fireworks. Here in Montana, fireworks are like guns, everyone is loudly shooting them off well before the 4th.  I am guessing there is some law that encourages (I say encourages because it is not that effective) folks to wait until the 4th for the big stuff.  So far the occasional pops are causing Bailey to bark and become alarmed, so I imagine the 4th might be a long night.

We don’t usually go anywhere. Our outdoor fire pit area provides an excellent view of the the various displays and a small circle of friends is much more appealing to me than the crowds and parties down by the lake.

This is the biggest weekend for tourists in our area.  It officially marks the opening of Glacier National Park’s Going to the Sun Road and folks start flocking to the park and the lakes that make this area very special.  It is the first summer I will be here. The last couple years I was heading off to Gabriola for the Phase.  I am excited about being home for what’s considered our best months and hopefully getting out to discover some off-road adventures.

I feel very fortunate to have two great nations to call home. On Canada Day I was a part of a wonderful event at The Green Tea House.  The event was a fundraiser for a Peace Garden.  It was very successful and seemed a perfect marker for me to celebrate Canada.  I do think of Canada as a peaceful nation. I doubt many there realized the importance of the date. But Canada seems to like a low profile, so that fits.

Not so with the USA.  Our holidays are big and generally known well beyond our borders.  Sure, sometimes the narcissism and  grandiosity is a bit much, but I am grateful to live here even with all of the issues and controversy.  

I am definitely of two nations and enjoy the opportunity to celebrate each during this first week of July!  

Now back to turkey patrol.  

 

Life Experiences

The Importance Of Integration

It’s been a while. I am back from Croatia and have been quite busy with work and other things here in Montana. I realized over the weekend that since my Dad’s 90th birthday, I have been traveling: I spent the month of May on Gabriola leading the Phase; got back for a day or so and was then off to Croatia; came home from that and headed into class for a couple days; took a trip to Columbus, Ohio to work with a client; and then over the weekend drove to and from Spokane to visit with my cousin from South Carolina for a few hours. Everything has been great but with so many significant events happening I have had very little time to integrate, write, or fully absorb any one of these events. The good news is that I believe I was pretty present, so I know I let things in and believe there is still time for needed integration.

Last night I went with some friends to hear Susan Gipson, a singer and songwriter, play at an outdoor pavilion just outside of Whitefish. Gipson wrote the Dixie Chicks’ song Wide Open Spaces—one of my favorites. She was awesome, a great storyteller and songwriter. Her songs are clearly like my blogs, a path for her to integrate life events and share them with the world.

With so much happening I feel like I haven’t been doing the sharing part. For instance, I missed writing about the wonderful Croatian guides we had on our trip, Marko and Matej, who were sort of opposites in personality but together they delivered such a rich passion, history and love for their country that I came away wanting to tell others about the people and the place. Then there’s the World Cup, what an amazing event. It’s not just about soccer. My favorite side story was about the grandmother’s South Africa soccer league. These woman started playing when many couldn’t walk and they definitely were not supposed to be out in shorts and sneakers. People laughed at them. But this league changed the lives and health of many of the women. I love stories like that.

Here’s hoping I can find the time to integrate recent events and write some blogs that let me share some of the special times. I am not always good at slowing down. Especially with so many exciting things to do. But listening to Susan Gipson last night reminded me of the value of finding a path to share the story—not just live it!

Life Experiences

Turning 50!!

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Today I am 50. I woke up feeling an amazing amount of grateful for my life. It helps that I am in Croatia on an awesome bike touring experience with the love of my life, good friends and some great new friends. The joyful experience of testing myself on the rolling hills here on the islands, and seeing breathtaking views while flying downhill, probably has something to do with a very high gratitude meter.

Today has been perfect. The first part of the day was beautiful and the ride relatively easy and fun. Then three of us added an additional challenge by taking the long way back, basically over the mountain. It was awesome. By the end of the day I had ridden every kilometer possible for my touring experience. I definitely felt like I lived up to my muchness. Indeed life is good. Now we have a few extra days to unwind in Hvar.

Though I am fortunate to be here in this place, I also know my gratitude meter is high because I do believe I am living my best life. I have a relationship that excites me, challenges me, provides me the opportunity to support, and is filled with aliveness and learning. I live in a beautiful place, in a home that is surrounded by color, with animals that are friendly and fill the place with life. I get to work with my partner and I do believe we change the world sometimes with what we do. I have great friends and family to dialogue with and share in awesome experiences. Yes, there is so much to be grateful for on this day. I don’t feel old, I feel fulfilled and ready for more. Yes, it is worth celebrating life!

Life Experiences

Celebrating Life: Muchness Vs. Shouldness

Jim and Renee arrived yesterday to join us on our big adventure. In honor of my birthday they created wonderful riding shirts for each of us. They had planned these shirts with my birthday in, mind but instead of simply focusing on me, the shirts broadcast celebrating life. I personally think everyone else on the trip will want one. They are great.

As always when we get together, we started chatting about everything and my latest blog on muchness came up. The concept was one that we all agreed was important especially in relationship to our trip and celebrating life. As we talked we realized life can as easily become about shouldness as well as muchness and that the real challenge is to recognize it when it occurs and to do something about it.

Most of us lose our muchness when we get to caught up in the shoulds and the obligations of life. It is easy to do. Whether it is a passion that becomes a job and suddenly instead of taking risks and learning the job, it becomes routine and lifeless. Or a relationship that slowly becomes more about doing what’s predictable and safe rather than what is desired, which thereby causes conflict or tension. We all make these small decisions and choices and though they may not seem that serious over time, the result is a loss of our muchness in exchange for shouldness.

It is what I like about being with friends like Jim and Renee. Together we talk about these things and confront each other about our patterns. Sure sometimes it can be uncomfortable. That is the problem with living with muchness, it can create anxiety and tension. Instead of being predictable, I am in the moment and may not do what everyone expects and thinks is ‘right’. When each of us is living that way, there is more potential for differences and conflicts. However, there is also more newness and possibility. So if I am willing to stay in that uncertainty and tension there is an aliveness and freshness to life that is definitely worth celebrating!

As we travel together for these next few days, I look forward to discovering where am I living my shouldness and how can I recapture my muchness and celebrate life by more fully engaging. This is a wonderful opportunity to discover and commit to the next part of my journey and be clear that it is not the shoulds that my life reflects but instead all the possibilities, i.e. my muchness.

Life Experiences

Tapping Into My Muchness

I love the part of the new Alice in Wonderland when the Hatter says to Alice that she has lost her muchness. Ever since I saw the show, that has stuck with me. When I have been a touch fearful or anxious I remind myself to sink into my muchness.

Today I am off on my great 50th birthday adventure. The planning started for this many months ago when I shared with CrisMarie that’d love to go on a European bike tour for my birthday. A good friend had once recommended doing something special for the major birthdays and 50 seemed like a big one. From there the travel planning took on a life of it’s own with various recommendations and numerous chats with our friends Jim and Renee who will be traveling with us. We finally decided on Croatia’s Dalmatian Coast and Vermont Biking Tours.

Now I am sitting on the plane heading to Frankfurt watching Alice in Wonderland. How perfect! I feel a bit like Alice, off on my great adventure. Now I just want to stay in touch with my own muchness.

I would really like to enjoy and relax into this trip. The challenge is that after spending so much time planning and imagining, it is easy to have lots of expectations. I think the voyage is a great dream, imagining and scripting what I want. However, there’s also the important part of letting go of those expectations once the moment arrives, being fully present.

Now the trip is here and I want to live it fully! I want to tap into my muchness and have a blast!

Connecting, Life Experiences

Grateful And Fulfilled – Heading Home!

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I am on my way home, back in the Alaska Boardroom on the last leg of my trip.  I am thrilled to be meeting CrisMarie, Sooke and Bailey tonight and sleeping in my own bed again.  The month at The Haven has once again been rich and fulfilling.  This morning as we shared our last circle together, I had a chance to look around and reflect on my connections with each of my follow travelers, forgeting about the hard parts and the moments when I wished to be home. Instead, I felt touched and honored to have witnessed transformation.

I am soon leaving again, this time to celebrate my 50th birthday with a bike trip to Croatia. I realized today, in thinking about turning 50, that I have spent over half my life involved in programs and transformation at The Haven. I believe it was a May Come Alive that launched me on my journey many, many years ago. At that time I didn’t even think I would make it to 25, much less 50!  However, here I am turning 50, and though I will be officially celebrating in June, it seems right to have had a month at The Haven to test my aliveness, remembering what turned my life around back then and what still keeps inspiring me.

It’s really pretty simple.  People.  The power of two or more human beings opening and revealing themselves to each other—the good, the bad, the ugly and the beautiful moments of realness that happens over and over in the Haven session rooms. I did have a few moments in the past month when I wondered why I still keep coming. I questioned my ability to be like others had been for me: a mentor, a guide, personal and authentic. I caught myself putting up some walls and disengaging. And I called myself out, challenged myself to make a choice—to risk, to have some faith and trust the process. Much like the Grinch, my heart grew in size three or four times throughout a given day.

This time around I discovered the joy in developing a longer more intimate relationship with my co-leader. We have been doing enough together now that we have a way of working together that is smooth and connected. We can laugh, cry and clear things up. We know when the other is tightening and are willing to say something and hold each accountable to the task of staying present, curious and open.

I was touched when Carole pulled out a poem I had written after an earlier Phase and wanted to use it in our closing circle. I wrote those words to go with a closing song over a year ago and when we read it again, I was very glad she had kept it alive.

Sometimes writing is the easiest way for me to freely share my heart, writing a poem about touching a raw moment, and sometimes it’s writing a blog.

I am grateful for The Haven, for each of the many lives that have touched my own over the years, and for myself for sticking with it!

Life Experiences

Testing My Aliveness

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I am on my way to The Haven for Phase I. It is never easy for me to get ready for a month away. I intend to get things ready in advance and make sure I am not doing things at the very last minute.  However, I generally end up packing late the night before. I may have done better this time at making a list of things to get done and getting many of them checked off slightly ahead of deadline. But I was still washing and packing clothes well into the night.  At least this trip I left a day ahead to make sure I get arrive and get settle before jumping into to a very busy month of work.

I love The Phase program.  It is an awesome journey for all involved. Personally, I found The Phase program transformational when I took it many years ago. They say it takes twenty-one days to create new habits.  The Phase program is 26, which allows for habits to change and a bit of added time for discovering what some of those patterns might be.

There is a lot more to The Phase than just developing new habits.  There is a lot of the emphasis is on self-discovery and learning through interactive experiences in a group.  Some folks spend years in individual therapy, and though that, too, is focused on self-discovering; often I think the process is much slower because there isn’t the feedback and resonance that occurs in a group process.  In the Phase program there are anywhere from 15 to 40 folks all interested in some type of personal development.  People’s reasons for coming, along with their life experiences, are all vastly different which makes for a wonderful opportunity to broaden perspectives and to realize that reality is indeed relative.

Also, being together for 26 days means things are likely to get messy at some point. Putting that many people in a room day after day creates challenges, differences, boundary issues and any number of other opportunities for growth.  Of course that is part of the design.  Most of us can play nice for a few days and can often avoid our inner demons for brief periods.  But a month is a long time and at some point peoples’ surface-styles drop and deeper aspects of who we each are show up.

It happens for those who come to participate for the first time and for those of us leading the program. As leaders I think we often arrive with greater awareness of the process and hopefully the ease and grace in taking down outer defenses as well as being vulnerable and more personal with each other.  But still even as leaders there will be those moments that we could never have anticipated and will call us into the unknown.  That’s what makes it special.  The Phase isn’t a formula.  It’s alive, organic and deeply personal.

My friends at home wonder why I leave for a month at a time.  It isn’t easy.  I love my life in Montana: my partner, my dogs, my home and my friends.  But I also know each time I arrive on Gabriola for either The Phase or a Come Alive, I am stepping into a journey that will test my aliveness.  Some people travel all over the world searching for the next awesome high or adventure.  Me—I find that aliveness by being willing to be open, vulnerable and intimate with a group of people interested in self-discovery and self-responsibility in relationship to others.  For me it is the ultimate high. I have the opportunity to open my heart and broaden my world through listening and seeing the world through the eyes of others. It really is quite a unique and amazing adventure and a wonderful test of my own aliveness and willingness to live outside any self-imposed box.

Connection, Life Experiences

From Aunt Sarah’s To McDonald’s – From Biking To Triking!

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Finally, I can share more about the big project I referred to in my last post.  In putting together an iMovie for my Dad’s 90th birthday celebration, I had the great idea of soliciting my cousin, who lives across the country, into create video footage of some of my Dad’s best friends and bike riding companions. And my cousin did an amazing job.  However, that did require quite a bit more effort on my part to get all the pieces together in time. Like me, I believe my cousin is a Myers-Briggs ‘P’ and footage was arriving even past the last minute!

The party was this past weekend and the video was a success.  Actually the entire weekend was fun. I would say the best part for me was getting up early Saturday morning to join my Dad on the McDonald’s breakfast ride. Since I was five (may be younger), I remember my Dad getting us out on our bikes to ride for breakfast, though back then it was Aunt Sarah’s Pancake House. Saturday’s ride was shorter but quite wonderful. It’s awesome that my Dad still rides and has been willing to shift from his racing bike to a fancy trike, allowing him to stay riding.  I also loved getting to meet the others who were all were over seventy and equally committed to riding and building connections through biking and food.  They track the riders, the walkers, the drivers and they make all folks who make it feel welcome.

There is very little I can eat at McDonald’s but everyone else enjoyed senior meals, coffee and tea.  I think I threw most of them a curve when I ordered an Americano. I have never had so many questions asked about a drink.  The bottom line—this was a drip coffee and/or tea crowd.

My father’s life covers much more than bike riding.  I discovered a lot putting the pieces together for the video.  It was a rich journey.  Hopefully he will be able to enjoy the video beyond the party. There was a lot of footage that did not make the movie but I know both my Mom and Dad will enjoy watching. 

We had a great weekend. Between biking for breakfast, throwing a party for seventy or so friends and finally gathering as a family to play games and eat pizza, I left grateful for the Clarke clan and look forward to the century celebration in another decade! Though this time, I will be counting on a call from the President (I have been told he/she calls all centurians) instead of making another movie.

Keep on triking Dad!!!