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My Love for The Haven

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I am on my way home from the annual Faculty meeting at The Haven.  It is a long trip with added frustration this year due to Olympic security in Vancouver.  I had thought I would not make it.  Now heading home, tired and weary from the travel I am very grateful I made the effort.

As many of my regular followers know I have been engaged with The Haven for over twenty-five years.  I’ve been through all of the core programs a few times, been leading programs for over a decade.  I worked, lived there and in many ways grew up calling The Haven my home. Yes, arriving there many years ago thinking I was dying I was given something to yearn for when I didn’t really believe I had any good reason to live.  So it’s easy on a personal level to know why The Haven is home.

But it goes beyond personal for me.  I was reminded in many ways this weekend not just why I love The Haven but also why I truly believe the place is special and needs to always be there.  I won’t cover everything but I will address two key reasons I think more people need to know about The Haven.

This year’s meeting provided some back to the basic stuff for those of us who are long time leaders.  We started the first afternoon breathing with a partner.  Doesn’t get much more basic then that.  Fifteen minutes later I was reminded of how such a simple experience can be so transformative, grounding and connecting.  We then spent the next few hours taking the time to speak frankly, honestly and deeply with each other.  These conversations were one on one.  Some short,  some longer.  Again I was reminded of how easy it is to avoid being open and honest. Yet, when structure and time is provided,  defenses I didn’t even know were present drop.  I not only discover the person sitting across from me,  I rediscover myself.

After that it did seem easier to talk about some of the challenges we face and having some great dialogue about some issues that have gone unaddressed openly for a while.  We didn’t resolve everything.  But we were able to discover how we can disagree and still commit fully to going forward.

So the opportunity to walk our talk was awesome and that so many choose to do that with the time and structure provided was refreshing.  I don’t know many places where leaders really take the time to do that.

The second reason I was reminded of how much I value The Haven came through and evening presentation about the experience of folks who are dealing with Transgender issues.  I listened as someone I had known as a woman long ago who is now a man spoke about not just his own experience but a world that I fortunately have not experienced as harshly has many do.  I realized as I listened how grateful I was that I had lived and learned at The Haven how to be accepting of people.

I wasn’t really the most normal person growing up.  I had found a way through learning disabilities, being a minority, living through some darker aspects of life in my childhood and when I finally decided to deal with some of that I didn’t go for counseling, I went to The Haven.  I wasn’t labeled or alienated.  I was listened to and given a place that somehow made my crazy life seem normal enough.  I grew beyond all the crazy happenings of my past and realized that life was in the moment, not in holding on to my story.  In listening to the presentation I realized just how fortunate I was because many do get labeled, hated, alienated and walk a much lonelier path.  That path is is even called health care sometimes but it really sounds quite inhuman and not so caring.

I think I had wondered about the topic, was it the right topic for us?  Mainly because I hadn’t had lots of experience with transgender as a label.  But I so loved the way the presentation was so real and people’s response was so personal and affirming that indeed The Haven is a place to come with any label and be given the space to live where labels really aren’t that important.  Labels seem to just drop away, the so called good ones as well as the not so popular,  and people show up and relate and discover themselves beyond whatever label they came with.

I love that about The Haven and I am very grateful I have been reminded once again why The Haven so such a special place and why I keep going back even if it is a very long trip!!

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Winning Isn’t Everything

I remember years ago when Nike ran the ad; You don’t win Silver you lose Gold, I lost some respect for the Nike brand that day.  My heart sunk a bit when I realized that the marketing department was simply playing on one of the less than admirable traits we Americans seem to value: winning means everything.

Some might call me crazy or weak, but I just don’t think winning is everything.  Anyone who knows me, ( I think) would say this does not mean I am not competitive.  I love a good competition.  I enjoy winning.  I have also enjoyed losing.  My own way of judging the ‘game’ is not in the final score but in the quality of play.  Did I do my best?  Did I play fair?  Did I give 100% or more?  These all come before, did I win?

I get paid working in corporate America, and sometimes I am saddened by just how much winning trumps integrity, people and a good fight.  The price of this win-at-all-costs position is beginning to show up in sports heroes who are now known for doping, a banking industry that is riddled with fraud and international distrust and distaste for Americans.

I may sound unpatriotic but I don’t think so.  Our country was built not on winning but on freedom, personal responsible and integrity.  The Boston Tea wasn’t about winning.  It was about making a statement to the world that there was another way to rule, do business and make room for differences in religion and beliefs.

I want the best results but sometimes the best results are not the ‘winning’ results not if there are astericks next to the score that make it clear doping was involved or some other questionable means.

CrisMare won Silver at the World Champions.  Yes, the Romanians rowed across the finish line first, but to hear her tell the story it is clear her team won Silver and were thrilled at the results!!

I think I writing this because I just got back from working with another Canadian company in a different business sector and I loved it.  I loved working with a group of people who were competitive but equally humble.  I would hate to think that is just a Canadian quality.

I know folks poke fun at Canada at times.  They are not dominate or a superpower.  However, they are strong, good-willed, competitive and seem to being doing just fine.

I wouldn’t mind if a little of Canada rubbed off on corporate America.  I have worked with enough Americans executives to know some do feel the same way.

Winning isn’t everything and great results can come from playing hard, playing fair and being kind!!

Life Experiences

Back Online

I am just returning from a wonderful yoga retreat down in Mexico.  I haven’t been online or in touch with anyone outside of my other yogis for over seven days.  The retreat center does not have electricity in any of the open air living spaces and recommends  ‘disconnecting’ for the time you are there.  Last year I went and packed as many batteries and power packs as possible for fear that I would need to get online, watch a show or call someone.  I didn’t and it was great!  This year my bags were lighter without all the extra power cells and once again I loved being disconnected.

Of course that also meant no blogging.  So now I am back sitting in the airport on my way to an event in Calgary.  I downloaded the mess of email that had collected over the week and I will eventually get back to all of that.  But I wanted to blog before the ‘high’ from a week of healthy eating and lots of yoga wears off.

Some might be thinking that after a week of yoga I most really be loose, flexible and enlightened.  However, that is not yet the case.  I have made progress in my yoga but honestly I am likely never to be someone who looks or acts very ‘yoga’ like.  I am too paranoid, direct and hyperactive for a total transformation.  Still I am discovering some wonderful aspects of breathing and aligning through yoga.

Our group was quite the spectrum of people.  Most of us were coming from Montana and following our yogi master, Jodi Petlin.  We had beginner beginners, various injured folks, some immediate folks and some advanced beginners.  We also had folks who had never gone a day without an expresso or a burger and the food at Harmara is glutten-free, meat free, mostly vegetarian and no sugar. We were not the typical group that came for a yoga week.  Yet I loved the contrast, the ‘realness’ and the opportunity to watch a master (Jodi) deal with such a range and still manage to give each of us a path for advancing our own practice.

Of course I had my moments of trying too hard, forcing my body into poses without breath and forgetting this was suppose to be fun and relaxing.  I also had some wonderful moments of doing something I did not think I could (a headstand and backbend); laughing through a mediation (a full body laugh that felt great!), making new friends with folks who are part of my community back home as well as connecting on a deeper level with friends who had joined us for the week.

The time was rich and yes I would love to linger in the mellowness that was a part of being disconnected and offline.  But just like yoga is a practice that is designed to impact my day not just the one or two hours I am practicing.  This past week shouldn’t really be about staying offline or out of the choas, it should be about being calmer and more relaxed diving right back in.  I will let you know how it goes!!  For now I will breath and go get on a plane!!

Life Experiences, Vision

Hanging on To The Fire Hose!

I feel like 2010 is starting out a bit like a fire hose and I am trying to keep control without much success.  When I have had a chance to sit down to blog I have found my mind too busy to focus on any one subject long enough to write.  Sure I could tell you about the current Bailey challenges.  However, a dog’s digestive tract just doesn’t seem like a topic worth sharing.  There have been some really positive things happening.  We found an excellent trainer and are regularly going to class as well as puppy and dog social hours.  This has been time well spent because Bailey is enjoying a great variety of dogs of all ages and sizes and we are getting trained along the way.

Then there’s work which is picking up.  We had an excellent session with a team we had not been with for a while.  They have done some great work building cohesion and clarity based on some of the original work we did.  It’s neat to see what folks do with what they have learned!!  Now we are prepping for a much larger group.  Shortly we’ll be presenting in front of a group of 150 financial folks.  This will be bit more challenging because there is more of a speaker element to the day and we will be talking more to leaders then to teams.  I like the challenge and of course with anything new there is some anxiety.

Then there’s the Board that I am on for the school I am a part of here in Whitefish.  Last year was a year of significant transition for the school and though I think we did a good job of shifting from a founder as leader to a broader group of folks leading,  we are still dealing with some transition issues.  The founder hasn’t found the shift easy and there’s tensions that have yet to resolve.  Because the school is a centered around a spiritual community and focus there is a belief that the issues are somehow unique.  I am not so sure about that.  Basically the hardest issues the school faces seem pretty much the same as any business I have worked with – breakdowns in communication and silo’s activity that slows down overall progress.

Of course I also am trying to stay enagged in the various activities happening at The Haven.  As part of the core faculty there I like to stay as informed as possible.  I love the times that I am there leading programs.  Over five years ago The Haven went through it’s on transition as Ben and Jock stepped away from being involved in day to day operations.  That transiton was very difficult for me because The Haven was more family then buisness.  I struggled with the shift and at one point pulled way back. I have reengaged though not quite at the same level.  Some of that is because I moved to Montana and I am not at The Haven as much or in contact with folks who are there as frequently.  Some of it is because I have become more enagged in the community out here and don’t have the band width to stay fully present in both worlds.

So my life is busy.  I have no doubt everyone goes through their own version of juggling what’s most important in their lives.  It’s not easy to keep a healthy balance.

I do have a image in my mind of trying to control a fire hose with the water turned on full force.  Right now I feel like the hose is whipping around in too mnay directions.  I either need to get a firmer grip on the hose to control the flow or I need to expand the hose so the water has more room to flow.

Next week I’ll be offline at a yoga retreat. Lots of time to figure out which way I want to go!

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Invictus – My Holiday Best Film Award!!

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I am thinking I saved the best for last in terms of new holiday movies.  Though it appears from crowds and revenue that Avatar is the big hit, personally I think the best film is Invictus.  I have been a fan of Nelson Mandala for a long time primarily because of his book, A Long Road to Freedom and his beliefs about freedom. Mainly that freedom involves tremendous responsibility and that the oppressed is only as free as  his oppressor is allowed to be.  His views are a paradigm shift and the movie Invictus in my opinion demonstrated the shift I was looking for in Avatar.

May be it takes 27 years of imprisonment to get to that point.  However, I don’t think so.  Yes it takes that in the beginning.  Much like it takes monks years and years of mediatating to get their brains waves to a certain state.  However, those monks did the hardest work and now those of us that follow can reach that same state much easier.  Mandela changed his heart and mind through years of imprisonment.  He then came back into his world and through living and being in the world gave many a chance to experience that same shift simply by being in his presence and rediscovering/remembering their own heart connection.

Mandela’s courage and commitment to model and live what he believed was amazing.  There are so many parts of this film that are worth remembering.  But I don’t want to give away the movie I trully believe it is worthwhile for everyone to see.

I think why it worked was resonance and a collective emotional rallying cry.  Mandela was like a tuning fork walking through the world.  No matter what people thought or how many people doubted him he stayed consistent and spoke his truth.  I think people felt it and like with tuning forks began to resonant and remember the same frequency inside themselves.  The second gift he offered was the foresight to see an amazing opportunity to rally people around a common goal.  He saw his people’s love of rugby/sport and rallied the country around a team.  (I will not say more & that much is in the trailer!).

This is something we encourage leaders in companies to use instead of revenue and profit.  A rallying cry is emotional and touches the hearts of many.  It is short term (6months, nine months a year) and allows for collective focus, forward movement and relatively quick success.  This type of collective goal pulls people beyond their differences and allows them to forget or be distracted from their own pain long enough to connect and potentially jump to a new place – a paradigm.

I hope anyone reading this blog goes to see Invictus.  We are not all Nelson Mandela and likely most of us will not change the world as he did.  But resonance is not about being the loudest tone it is simply about being consistent and strong.  Resonance is the embodiment of : be the change you are wishing for.  If we can each do that we can and will impact the world – and the world can change!

Life Experiences, Vision

Reflections & The New Year

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Today’s the close of 2009.  For me this year seems to have flown by.  I think as I age the time passes quickly.  For many years my plans for new year’s eve involved The Haven and a wonderful program there called Reflections.  Each year the program started on the 28th and ran through the 1st of the new year.  The morning of each day  was spend with friends reflecting on the year and catching up and the afternoon was either free time or an opportunity to be a part of the fastest put together play production ever.  The play’s storyline was always the same – someone(s) is trying to stop the new year and someone(s) have to save the day.  Though the storyline is the same the characters are always new and developed by the folks participating.  Everyone gets to be the character they want which sometimes makes the play a bit wild.  Still on New Year’s Eve the play is the center of a great evening.  Along side the play is an awesome talent show.  Basically everything happens by 10pm and the rest of the evening is dancing and hanging out down in the lodge until midnight.  I always believed it was the best New Year’s event around.  By new year’s day there’s been enough reflecting and some imagining that the last morning’s sharing of the one word for the next year is magical and so much more fun then resolutions!

It’s been a few years now since I have made it to The Haven for Reflections.  Partially because it’s not an easy trip and I am generally going back later in January for a faculty weekend.  But I miss Reflections.  I try to create some of the same experience wherever I end up.  Of course the play is out; however, I do still spend time reflecting on the year and trying to come up with a word that resonates with the year ahead.  I’ve added a few things like a collage of images and words of things I want to fill my world with going forward.  This year I may even go and participate in a midnight meditation.

It’s a bit different this year because CrisMarie is in a place where she is grieving the passing of her brother, Tom.  We got so busy after he died that she never had the time to let her feelings surface and flow.  Now she realizes the loss and is working through her own process of letting go.  It is wonderful to be in support and I am aware that is also a process she needs to do at times alone.

Looking back on 2009, I am aware of some very exciting additions to my life.  Bailey of course.  Plus my blog.  Also I have become a yoga fan and even though I am not great yet believe I have reached a point where I can show up for a class anywhere and hold my own.  I did my own workshop – Living Life Full Out and had a positive experience.  We had some great work opportunities and created some excellent relationships.  I signed on as Chairman of the Board of JMSI and have been learning tons in that new role.  Some of the highs were going to the Harmara Yoga retreat, a wonderful Phase program in the summer (plus two excellent Come Alives!), finally making it to the Going to the Sun Road and discovering just how much fun it is to bike in Montana!!  The lows were my horrible winter cold, Tom’s passing, not being able to make to Spokane to visit with my family for the holiday and still not getting any skiing in yet.

Looking ahead I am excited about moving into my 50th year!  We are going back to Haramara for a the second annual yoga retreat and in June will head to Croatia for a bike trip.  It looks like there will be some changes in our work relationship to the Table Group and we are open to that.  There are many events already on my calendar for the year and I am sure there are many things that will pop up.  Last year my word was integration and I think the year’s reflected that.  Many parts of my world(s) came together and that was cool.

This year’s  word has not come forward yet.  I am thinking it has something to do with play, joy and wonder.  I know there are many challenging things happening in the world these days and fear and doubt are abundant.  However, may be it’s Bailey but my heart is light and excited about the possibilities.  When the final word surfaces I will let you know.  This blog has been like my reflections.  I haven’t heard as much from friends but invite you to share your own reflections and what you anticipate lies ahead.

Have a very Happy New year!!

Connecting, Uncategorized, Vision

Avatar

In spite of the crowds,  I did decide to go see Avatar.  It was a three hour film. One way I measure a film’s success is if I notice the length and in this case I found this film more engaging then Sherlock Holmes, a two hour film that seemed more like three.  I am sure part of the engagement was the wonder and color of the planet, Pandora.  I loved the idea of a people so in tune with the land that every step is linked to the life around them.

Okay so this is not an original story by any means.  Natives in any major continent all have histories of being linked into the land and natural rhythms of the earth and all of these aboriginal peoples have been dominated and killed for access to the lands.  There’s also nothing new about foreigners finding some precious metal, resource or nugget that is worth tons of money but would require the destruction of the planet to mine .  Finally the fight that eventually takes place is not new either.  Indeed Avatar is the same story we keep repeating over and over, for real and in stories like Fern Gully and Worship Down.  yet, we never learn.

Avatar means teacher, but I am not sure the lead character lives up to the title.  Maybe Grace did.  But she died.  Our main man did change.  But I was wishing for some other path then fight war with war.  I get he was only defending their home which by any human standard is perfectly acceptable, but isn’t there something else.  Here is a planet that is so interconnected that eventually all the animals come to fight off the bad guys.  What if instead of fighting them off that interconnecting link was used to shift minds.  I know it is not Hollywood but I am still looking for a new storyline.

I liked Avatar.  I was cheering for him and the natives.  But I left wishing there could have been a more unique and novel path for resolving differences.  I have to believe there is something – a paradigm shift that is available to us and all living beings. Often that type of magic arrives through remembering or imagining and then sharing the stories through the present day medium which in today’s world, is 3D film.  Avatar had many elements of that possibility; telepathy, interconnection, blending of different species and of course the age old ingredient love.  However, in the end the story still didn’t provide a new paradigm.

I am still waiting and will keep trying to remember and imagine that there is a path other then violence that leads us home!

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Holiday Habits: Movies & Dogs

Holidays, a time to kick back and enjoy friends, family, food and as many movies as possible!!  A few years back we started the tradition of going to a movie on Christmas day.  We found we were not alone!! I am always amazed a the lines and all the people who come to see a movie on Christmas.  I thought it was a Seattle thing.  But even here in Montana where generally a movie is not packed,  on Christmas day Whitefish broke all of it’s records for movie attendance.  For me the entire holiday season is a wonderful time to catch up on all the good movies.  So it starts Christmas day and continues through the week if there are enough good films to see.  I have to admit it is a bit harder here in Whitefish to find enough films but this year I am behind and so I do have a solid series.

Today we plan to go see Avatar.  A movie with a mix of reviews.  Of course the Sci-fi folks are thrilled, as are the lovers of special effects.  I have even heard from some more serious film types that the storyline is one that spurs the viewer to thoughtful consideration of the world we live in.  All I am really certain of at this point is that it is the sold out show here in Whitefish and Kalispell and that is not something that happens to often!

Yesterday’s movie was less popular.  Up In The Air, has been around a while.  Still I doubt it was ever a Montana favorite.  I liked it.  May be because my life keeps me up in the air a lot.  Although I rarely travel alone and I am not close to any major mile markers.  Still I was all too familiar with the insider travel talk as well as being someone often hired to tell someone bad news because someone else is not willing to do it.  What I liked about the film was the fact that it became obvious that Clooney’s character had no personal life; however, was amazingly real and effective in his job.  My favorite scene was when told the guy his kids should be disappointed in him – not because he was fired but because long ago he gave up his dream – french cooking.  That scene was awesome. He was real, honest and gave the man a path to get his life back.

In the end I liked the non-Hollywood conclusion.  He didn’t get a girl, nor totally transform to some new guy, instead he connected to his family through giving away miles, he gave the awesome recommendation that got the girl the ‘right’ job and went back to doing what he did better then most people. I’m glad firing or laying off people did not become an ichat process.  There were a lot of messages in that movie worth considering.   So far the best film of the holidays – but I still have the week ahead.

In case you are wondering what happens to Bailey with all the movies.  Bailey is spending every third day at Stoltle’s where he is having the opportunity to play with a variety of dogs who are all teaching him more manners then I had been successful at doing.  He seems to love it and sleeps like a baby afterwards!  Also Bailey and Sooke are slowing become better pack mates.  Of course Sooke still rules and must sleep on all the beds, steal the toys and get the first chew on any chew bone; however, I am noticing she sleeping closer and leaving things behind more freely for Bailey to enjoy.  I am confident they will soon be buddies!!  In the mean time I am going to the movies!!

Life Experiences

A Day of Complete Rest – Sounds Easy!

It is a time of year where I generally have amble material to write about.  The holidays stir up so many differences and traditions, family and relationship issues that I am rarely at a loss for a good rich topic to explore.  Maybe it’s this cold I have or maybe it’s Bailey; but this year I am just not rising to any thoughtful dialogue.  It’s true I have not read about fights of saying Merry Christmas vs Happy Holiday, or stories of airports having to take down Christmas trees because of religious unfairness so either the world is re-focused on more important issues or I have become a bit insulated here in Montana.

The biggest challenge I am facing this Christmas is a serious, unrelenting cold and a puppy that needs constant supervision.  Truthfully Bailey is learning faster then this cold is letting go.

The cold came on over a week ago now.  Every time I think I have turned the corner and I go to do some relatively simple activity like bringing in wood or walk in the woods,  suddenly I am back to square one.  The hardest part is at night, I can not stop the coughing.  Plus my mind kicks in and I start to wonder if this is H1N1 and  if I should go to the doctor etc., etc.

I have not had a bad cold in a very long time and I think that is part of the problem.  I am really no good at curling up in bed and resting, drinking fluids and otherwise doing nothing.  I told myself if the cold was back today that is what I was going to make myself do.  Bailey was going to Stolte’s for a play day and I was going to stay in bed and do nothing.

I do wonder why a day of complete rest so so hard.  I have never liked having to stay in bed.  I wouldn’t say I am an A-type personality.  Because a lot of my activity is not results oriented.  It is simply that I don’t like being sick, down, or may be the real word is helpless.  I do hate feeling helpless and being sick is just too close that feeling word for me!   Even when I was really sick (cancer, chem – sick) , I would force myself to put on my running gear and step out of my door as though I was going to run.  I never ran (likely walked a block or two)  but somehow I felt less helpless and in control if I could at least make the effort.  Even then being in bed all day was not easy.

Well it’s 6Am I woke myself up coughing and I went out to chop some wood and felt lousy.  Found enough already cut to come back in quickly.  All indicators point to me taking the day off.  I’m try to tell myself it’s okay to do nothing, especially if that is what will get rid of this cold!

I want to be healthy by Christmas.  I think a day of bed rest would help.  That means not even going out for lunch at the Green Tea House or deciding to run and pick up some needed supplies.  No my mission should I choose to take it is complete bed rest.  Movies, books and maybe a better blog then this will come out of it.  But most importantly allowing my body to totally focus on kicking this cold!!  Wish me luck!!

Life Experiences

Bailey’s Back

Bailey is back in our lives and this time for good.  Life with a puppy is exciting.  I find I have very little time to write unless I get up at 5AM when he is still sleeping.  Once Bailey is awake it is constant supervision!

I have read all the training manuals and checked out various websites to try and figure out what is the best way to ensure a positive adjustment for Bailey, for Sooke and for us.  Of course the data is endless and quite honestly not all that consistent.  Then add to the mix the number of people who once they meet Bailey provide tips or insights they have learned about boxers, or about helping older dogs get use to a puppy or about diet.

Let’s take diet.  There’s all protein, all whole grains, all raw – not to mention countless varieties and prices for something Bailey basically wolf’s down in seconds without any real interest in whether it is chicken, buffalo or pork.  Yes I want a healthy, gasless boxer and I have gathered from my reading that is a challenge.  But all the choices make it quite difficult to come to any clear decision.

Then there’s training.  Caesar says I need to be the top dog and that it’s exercise, discipline and then affection – that’s the right order.  The Boxer rescue folks are not too fond of Caesar and they suggest only positive reinforcement and never say Bailey’s name when angry.  That sounds great until I see him chewing on my leather boots and can not help but yell, “Bailey, No!!”.  So much for never yelling his name.

Then there’s is the little issue of Sooke.  The top dog in the house.  She’s nine an not so fond of the idea of sharing her world with the likes of Bailey.  She is trying.  She snaps at him and makes it clear she will decide when and if she is going to play.  They are best when outside with extra room.  However, temperatures in the single digits are making the time outside short.

So life with Bailey is exciting, exhausting and wonderful.  I have to believe that if we do a ‘good enough’ job of picking the right food, training and allowing the dogs to become pack – all will be okay. In the mean time the blogs will be shorter and likely focused on my canine world.  I hope the adjustment won’t take too long.

with Susan Clarke