Busting Loose FGCU Style!

I have been reading a book called Busting Loose From the Money Game, by Robert Scheinfeld.  CrisMarie picked it up from Martha Beck’s book list.  She has been trying to get me to read along with her and I, of course, was resisting.  Let’s simply say that CrisMarie is committed to learning and growing.  She reads books recommended to her, gets regularly coached and is quite disciplined about trying things that people tell her will help her in places where she is stuck.  Sometimes I think she is trying a bit to hard to fix herself because frankly, I believe her life experience and success rate is way higher than she gives herself credit.  However, I love that she doesn’t ever stop experimenting or assume she’s ‘got it’.

At this point, she would be reminding me that this blog should be more about me and less about her.  So I’ll say that I like to learn, but I am not as willing to accept the lessons from just anyone.  I can be quite judgmental and resistant to new ways of doing things, especially if they seem ‘too simple’ or ‘easy.’  I have been hard-wired to believe life needs to be hard.  Which brings me back to Busting Loose from the Money Game, basically the message I am taking away is challenging that very belief.

Apparently, life does not really need to be that hard. I am simply, in my infinite wisdom, creating that game to play.  You may think that Up hille Bikermy tone is a bit sarcastic, however, not really.  I totally believe that life is a game.  I also believe that I am quite attracted to lots of drama and strong emotional interactions in my version of the game.  I compare it to biking.  Lot’s of people enjoy hills.  However, if I ask most people, if they prefer riding up the mountain or cruising down, they tell me cruising down.  Not me, I don’t like going that fast. No, I like grinding hard and getting to the top.  I like the challenge and thrive on that moment, when I get through thinking “this is impossible” and realize – “I did it.”   In a way, my bike riding is much like my game of life.  I often take the hard road and like to face challenges that seem ‘impossible.’

This book takes the premise that life is all an illusion that we are playing. That we are each creating our world and everything in as a way to play the Human Experience Game.  The book focuses on the Money Game because it is one that most of us get caught up in.  However, the process and storyline apply to life in general, not just money. Basically, the concept is simple. There are two phases to the Human Experience Game.  Phase I is the total immersion into the illusion of limitation. This starts at birth and we really work to convince ourselves on all levels that the physical experience we are having is real and that we are separate beings. In other words, we give up completely our spiritual, non-physical oneness and connection to Source or all that is possible.

At some point, once fully in, we have a chance to shift to Phase II. Phase II is busting loosphoto copy 2e from all of the illusions and fully realizing that we are creating, through our expanded consciousness, everything about our physical experience.  Now, that is quite a storyline.  Yet, it is one that is told in so many different way, through so many different people and experiences, that I think this version Busting Loose from The Money Game  is finally the one that is cracking my resistant thinking. I think I have known for a long time that life is an illusion.  My reality has been shaken, stirred and stripped away enough times that I totally get that there is no ONE reality.  I don’t think though that I have been fully able to own my own power and connection to the Divine in creating my experience.

Maybe I could own a connection. When I am with others and there is an opening, I have a felt sense of the divine and the infinite power and possibility, I get we can create anything – it is all possible.  However, I still have lots of beliefs that stop me from fully owning that with or without the group, the others (all of which I have been creating for me to see); I AM the Source. The physical way I pull from my expanded consciousness is my reality game – it is all my own doing. I create the pain, the joy, the heart ache and every space in between.

It isn’t good or bad, right or wrong, it is simply the game I am playing.  It’s easy to think, “Oh now that I know that – I’ll create a ‘better’ game.”  However, that is still playing the judgment game – so not really in the busting loose category.   I have some slight glimpses of a totally different possibility.   The possibility of being in the joy of whatever I am creating, owning and taking responsibility for that creation and feeling everything fully as play my game. I am not quite there yet.

I get it when I watch NCAA basketball – March madness.  Every year it seems there are the predicted winning teams.  Those teams are not my teams. However, every year there is a surprise team.  This year it’s The Florida Gulf Coast University (FGCU) team.  Watching them play is like watching pure joy.  They are having fun.  I have no idea if they will go all the way to win the NCAA.  In the past, part of my Game was the underdog needed to win to prove it was possible.  Oddly, this year, I don’t think that matters, they are totally living in the moment and that is the to the essence of the Human Experience Game.  That is the prize – over and over – whether it looks like winning or whether it looks like losing. Being fully in it!! Go FGCU!!!

Doggy Facebook

sooke“World’s most awesome stick – take a right at the tree near the skunk trail – left it there for you!” – Dusty

“Long time – no word – you doing okay? Leave a trace – miss the chase!” – Nico

“Don’t even think of taking my treasure – deer bone is MINE!!” – anon

I am fairly certain now that this is what totally slows Sooke, my wonder dog, down when we are heading into the woods for a run.  She has to check Doggy Facebook.  The first 50 feet of trail are just like 6PM on Facebook.  Every dog has left some sort of post with details of their canine experience. Usually, once past the initial trail head, she settles in for the jog.  However, like my friends, she is not able to stay off Facebook for long.  I imagine much like the sound of an incoming new Facebook post on my cell phone, Sooke gets a strong hit of a recent doggy post through her nose, and off she goes. First, she checks out the latest news and then finds any reported treasures.

Sooke, unlike me, seems to enjoy posting as much as she does following her friends.  I have no doubt her frequent stops have less to do with need to relieve herself and much more to do with passing on important information to the rest of the canine world that frequents our woods.

I have never really given it much thought until I began to compare her need for gathering information and passing on her own personal notes, to my own current interest and experiences on Facebook.  I realize that dogs have been facebook’ing much longer than their human counterparts.  It’s clear that animals, and especially dogs, thrive on incoming input from their buddies, posting seems to be their way of life.

Often CrisMarie is bugging me to get off Facebook to chat with her or fix dinner.  I am thinking it really is no different than when I am yelling for Sooke to catch up.

“I want to run – hurry up, Sooke!”

“I want to post – you’ll have to wait!” – screams Sooke!

Facebook has definitely taken over the world and it seems the woods as well!

To Cry or To Laugh: One Traveler’s Choice

Travel Log:  Heading back to The Haven and reflecting on just how unenlightened I can be at times!!  It is now a few days later, but I thought I’d share the tale! 

I have the time and there are many, many stories swirling around me here at Chicago O’Hare Airport.  In this moment, my fingers feel slow and my mind has yet to absorb enough caffeine to totally commit to any one subject.  Still, I have a relatively quiet spot in an otherwise crazy, busy, loud, pulsing airport.  I want to take advantage. Travel Hell

Most of my travel on this excursion away from the Living Alive Phase program has been wrought with struggle.  Of course, this is mostly my internal mind, overly frustrated by delays and various blocks that have been in my path.  I have yet to fully utilize my new found skills in “oneness” as Martha Beck, author of Finding Your Way in a Wild New World, calls it.  It’s not like I haven’t tried.  It is odd to me how natural breathing and taking care of myself comes when I am settled in a room at The Haven, and how totally ineffective I can become making the same effort in a Hilton Hotel.  Instead of breathing or yoga, I find myself taking two breaths, a nanosecond after which, I jump up and think I should go to the gym or check my flight time again.  Now, in the airport terminal quite early, I am trying, amidst the chaos, to settle.  Maybe this will be easier.

Sure, I am hoping I make it back to my safe Haven by late afternoon.  However, that is about 8 to 10 hours away, and I do want this travel experience to be more settling than the hell I put myself through yesterday.

I thought I had it made.  The car pick up for my drive from Lake Placid to Burlington, VT was a few minutes early and effortless.  Let me just take a short excursion from this current track to say, I have no idea how 200 countries and their athletes ever managed to fly in and get to Lake Placid for the 1980 Olympic Winter Games.  Having now made that effort from a neighboring country, Canada, I am actually thinking it may have given the USA hockey team and unfair advantage.  Let’s just say it is NOT easy!!  But that is another story. Lake Placid

Back to the first leg, the Burlington, VT airport is not really designed for the traffic that comes through.  I think they are doing some construction, however, yesterday the food options where basically coffee (drip only) or chips.  I, of course, was there very early.  As my flight got closer, announcements emerged about delays.  First, just 18 minutes, than 50 and finally an hour after the time of departure, I thought we might get to board, when suddenly our gate person started looking for someone to step off the flight.

The initial announcement was friendly enough asking for a volunteer.  Soon it was clear no one was stepping up and her request got more directive.  Someone was going to lose his or her seat, and without volunteering, the promise of assistance was limited.  Still no one.  We all were caught in the pain, as we didn’t start boarding either.  As the clock was ticking, and connections were clearly going to be missed, the gate person printed the list, and a name was called.  The woman called was not happy.  A long conversion at the desk and volunteer popped up, saving the woman her seat.

Finally, boarding we thought we would be on our way.  But no, someone else had a seat issue.  This time most of us were already on the plane.  There was call for the same woman to come off the plane.  Well, that did not happen.  She was clearly not moving.  The gentleman without a seat was now standing at the front.  After another standoff, the gentleman agreed to leave the plane but only if they would get his checked skis out of cargo.  Wow!  Could this get worse?  Well,… yes!

After all of the people delays, next came the Captain’s announcement that O’Hare had put a ground stop on all United flights.  We were going to be sitting on the tarmac for 50 minutes.  By this time most of us knew our connections were missed and working on mobile phones to find rooms or alternative flights.

Finally, after the various delays we took off.  It wasn’t until after two beers and lots of very unenlightened comments about United, I settled.  Fortunately, I had my partner on the outside making a reservation for me at the Hilton Hotel.

In Chicago, I made my way to the Hilton late at night.  As I stepped up excited to get my room and sleep, I was confronted by a check-in line of at least sixty people and two folks checking us in.  Wow!  I think I was so surprised I could only laugh.  The wait of over an hour to check in to the hotel was at least funny as we shared all the odd stories we had been given by pilots and flight folks about why so many United flights were canceled or late.  It was strange that there was so little continuity in these stories.  But at least none of us were as hot. No, we were more amused, which was probably helping the line move relatively quickly, considering the demand.

Now, after a short night of sleep, I have booked myself on a direct flight to Vancouver.  No, I won’t be there as planned to start the day, but I am holding, imaging and forming a picture of my Haven room and some friendly faces sometime later today!!

Post Travels:  I am back and settled.  Since I don’t have lots of blogging opportunities I thought I would share the travel log. 

A Point of Reflection – Mid-Phase

The Living Alive Phase has begun!  I must admit as I was leaving home for the month, I was quite sad and wishing that the timing was different.  CrisMarie’s play, Private Eyes, was opening after my departure, I had just returned from a wonderful writing weekend inspired to write daily.  We also were only part way through our web site design.  So the timing was less than ideal for me.So I was a bit distracted when I arrived.

As the first evening begun, I did wonder how would I get myself fully engaged.  Of course I enjoyed seeing Carole Ames (my co-leader) and connecting with the rest of the leader team, but I still wasn’t ready to say – yes, I am here for the month.  However, as each person in our circle spoke about themselves and how they got to the Phase, I found myself totally transformed.  Their courage, excitement and curiosity about the journey they were imparting on was a call to my heart.  I was reminded of why I love this work.

Now at the half-way point, I find myself settling into a day off.  This post has been left unfinished for well over a week.  My writing has been very limited.  My own story has gone background unless touched by something someone shared.  However, I am quite full from the many stories, emotional moments and connections I have been privileged to witness.  However, those stories are not mine to write or post.

This morning before our break we invited folks to journal about where they started and what they have learned about their patterns and the landscape in which they live.  As always I found myself reflecting on my own journey thus far.  I have noticed I am way more relaxed than I have been at other times in my life.  Sure I can be intense and definitely have fiery moments, however, my shoulders are looser.  I think I laugh more and cry easier.  I find myself more willing to pause and stand in stillness, wait and have faith in the process that is unfolding in front of me.  Of course my desire to participate and engage are far from muted, so I often do jump in.  Though I am far less convinced I have an answer.  Having said that I have also caught myself in my defenses and been humbled as I worked to take back down the walls that can come up so quickly when I have stepped into a righteous place.

I am curious about those who so freely touch and hug.  This is simply not a part of the landscape I move to often.  I like a bit of space between me and another.  I use to fear physical contact – now it is far less about fear and more about a richer connection I find in acknowledging that space, being curious in our differences and how we each wish to build a bridge.  I wonder if others find that clarity in a hug or in touch itself.  It is a question I often ponder about and rarely ask.

I have loved being more at ease and familiar with what is happening in my body.  I’d like to think I am often tracking what I am feeling, but the truth is, I am more frequently engaged through my mind.  I can easily get caught thinking through my life.  However, this work demands that I pay closer attention to more than my thoughts.  So each morning as a breath and settle into my body for the day, I find I am more attuned to the ques coming from a broader spectrum.  Yes, I am thinking, I am feeling and I am spiriting – instead of doubt or asking ‘why’, I am freer in using the all of my resources.

So this is a bit of my world this month.  In a day or so I will be taking myself out of this space and popping into a corporate event.  I imagine it will be quite different.  Yet I am wanting to continue to bring all of me to the moment in front of me.  I am excited to connect with CrisMarie and look forward to us working together for a couple days.  I’ll miss the circle here.  Yet I am confident that the connection will not be lost.  May be that is what is most exciting about my current experience, I feel more connected even when I am far, far away.  What has at times seemed so separate or different – now seems simply unique – yet still part of a whole or a oneness.  I am grateful for this expanded experience of life even though I know that this too will shift and that too is okay.  I have faith – in me, in us, in ALL.

 

 

 

These Boots Were Made For Writing!

“Fearlessly writing down the crazy…”

This has become my new mantra.  I have been at a wonderful writing workshop in Sedona, AR with Betsy Rapoport and Pam Slim.  Wow! I am leaving determined to call myself a writer, and ensure that I put my butt-in-the-seat daily to write something, anything.  That may not sound like a solid clear intention.  But one thing I took from this weekend is that all writing counts – even the sh*t*y first, second, third or fourth drafts!

Yes, I have a story to tell.  I am not that concerned, at this point, if anyone else thinks it is critical for the world of readers. This is really just for me.  I have a very old belief that I am touch crazy and have been fearful of revealing that possibility to the world.  Oddly, my silence and vague drops of information may have made the crazy more of a consideration than simply telling the damn story.  So what the hell?!

I bought these awesome boots before I was heading off to Sedona.  They were not my normal style.  These were red leather, fancy cowboy style boots.  I had my moments of doubt before the final purchase.  Wore them around the house for My Writing Bootsthree days, wondering if I should invest the money or not, fearful I was spending too much and wouldn’t wear them enough.  Well, I finally decided to purchase and of course wore them the next day on the flight to Sedona.

They have now become my writing boots.  I love them.  In one of the many prompts we used for writing, my boots became the metaphor for finding my voice and stepping out of the crazy, quiet zone of fear and doubt.  So the boots have already gotten an awesome ROI.

There are many things I could share about the weekend.  However, I don’t want to reveal others or commit to more than is realistically possible for me to do.  So let me just say, I am writing.  I am a writer.  Stay tuned.  No worries – most of my crazy will never make this page.  However, when I am ready to share those stories, you can count on the fact I will be wearing my red boots!!!

There’s No calling “CUT” in Theater or in Life

CrisMarie is deep into another play, Private Eyes by Steven Dietz produced by Stumptown Players and directed by Scarlett Schindler here in Whitefish, MT. She is playing Lisa, the female lead in a five person cast. (Meet the cast here.)

DSC_3216

This is always an exciting time.  I enjoy the energy and aliveness that reverberates around the house, as she becomes her character. First, there’s the initial thrill of getting the part! That generally doesn’t last too long. Because within a few days of the first rehearsal, there is that moment of awakening, when the workload becomes clear and the calling to dive into the part, sort of takes over everything else.  For CrisMarie, that’s usually when she’s getting down her lines.  This involves hours of walking and listening to the ipod with her lines and cues recorded.  Sometimes, it’s me that takes on all the other characters and makes sure each line is perfected.  This can be a very trying experience.  I am not always the best at reading through the script over and over. I tend to get distracted. Plus, I am also not always thrilled to give up hours of our days for her ‘extra’ rehearsal time.  The evenings are already a given. So I like having the daytime for us and our work.  Still, I know it’s the actor’s calling, and she loves it.

The second phase is really the hardest for her.  This is often when she may start to doubt herself or realizes that there is some greater challenge to this part that she may be avoiding while memorizing lines.  In some ways, I like this phase the best because there is the dive she takes into having to face her fears and challenge some part of herself.  Acting simply never seems to just be about lines and becoming a part outside of yourself.  No, I think that good actors always know the work comes from inside.  Discovering how the character is like some aspect of them and demands pulling from a well deep inside.  The vulnerability and courage it takes to not just do that work but also put that out on a stage.  Well, that is awesome. It also very similar to the work of leading a Come Alive or a Phase program, where people are diving deep into themselves and discovering the choices they make and how that impacts their world and their relationships.

Private Eyes Poster

It is why I often end up attending the show night after night.  Because it isn’t the same every night.  The script generally stays the same (though there are almost always a few dropped lines) but the people don’t.  There’s a chemistry that gets set-up with each show.  Not just between the actors but with the people in the audience watching.  It’s magical.  Some nights are awesome and others may be not quite so grand.  With theater there isn’t a safety net. So when it works, it’s amazing, and when it doesn’t, well it’s not like anyone can call “cut”.  No, when the chemistry is off or different, the actors have to dive deep, depend on each other, work together even if the lines are off or the moment gets lost.  That too is very similar to being a part of a month long intensive program where some days the magic isn’t happening but you still have to show up and count on the team and the people around you to hang in.

This time I won’t be here for opening night.  I won’t even be here for one of the shows.  I am heartbroken.  I love seeing CrisMarie on the stage, and I enjoy watching the team effort and commitment that goes into making Community Theater.  This show, Private Eyes, is on while I am up at The Haven leading a Living Alive Phase program.  This time we will each be doing work very close to our hearts but not together on the same stage.  So I am reaching out to all my friends, both here and outside Montana and inviting folks to come and see the show!  It’s a comedy. Based on the fun ride I have been having as CrisMarie preps for her role as Lisa, I have come to enjoy the variety of characters and the interesting twist the storyline takes.  I think it will be a great show, and I know it will be heartfelt and real, because that is simply the nature of Community Theater!!

For more details on dates and show times visit: Stumptown’s Online Ticket Sales    It at Kalispell’s historic KM building, which has an intimate charm.  Come to Montana.  Come see the show.

Family Dynamics – the Magnetic Pull

Family dynamics. Just when I think I have grown up and figured out how to be with my family, meaning I know how to show up like a whole person, not simply react and get angry, I find out, I was wrong.  That magnetic pull back into old patterns and old stories comes crashing back as I find myself dealing with my dad’s fading health.

Honestly, I thought I could handle this and that in so many ways we were clear.  When I visited, I stayed more current and primarily interested in my parent’s as people now.  Yet, my father’s declining health and the fact that we as family are being called back together, has me spinning.  I am not as good at staying out of the old stories or patterns.

Last weekend my father, at 92 years old, was admitted to the hospital with chronic heart failure.  It looked like he might not make it through the night.  Now, about a week later he is stable and wants to come home.  The problem is that he isn’t quite that strong, and my mother, though a nurse and quite willing to do all she can to make that happen, isn’t young (she is now 86) and strong enough to do that on her own.  We are all trying in our own way to figure out what is best.  There’s this timing piece of when to come to visit.  There’s fears that coming to visit may imply we are assuming he is dying.  However, not coming may mean not being there if he does die.

Of course, there are a number of difficulties here.  One, I don’t think we do a good job of talking about death and dying.  Honestly, for ten years my father has been going through near-death experiences and my mother has become more responsible for his care.  We don’t really talk about that.  Then there’s our own dynamics that come up.  Personally, I would prefer us all be together – Mom, Penny, Melissa and I – and Dad, if he is up for it, talking about death and dying. Yet, I know, or believe, others prefer to wait until after he dies or right when he is dying.  At that point, I think the conversation is very different. Still, as the youngest, (OMG, is that really still the card I am playing? You see it’s the family magnet!) I don’t say what I want.  I wait.  Oddly, I am not really certain what would happen if I just asked for what I wanted.  I am often the one outside of my family system known for starting the tough conversation, saying what isn’t being said. So it seems the family magnet is at play once again.

It’s all so hard.  Last week, I was saying good-bye to a friend, fifty-four who passed away.  In the past couple years, a number of friends between 55-65 have died.  Now, my father at 92 in so many ways has had an amazing life.  I hear so often how awesome it is that he keeps going.  Yet – I do wonder and feel guilty when I have a moment of wishing he was closer to simply letting go.  Okay, I said that, wrote it and feel horrible seeing it out on the page.  But I am not going to hit delete because I am not trying to be mean.  I just don’t always believe living longer is better.  I am not certain my dad’s holding on doesn’t come at a cost – may be a cost that is too great.

So many of my friends are facing similar situations with aging parents.  I do wonder if anyone else has those moments when they feel as I do or do most people just want their parents to live forever? Last night, I went to a silent auction for a the Tamarack Grief Resource Center here in MT.  There were a number of stories shared about how families deal with the loss of loved ones.  I had bought the ticket a while ago, mainly because a friend asked, and I thought a worthy cause.  Little did I know I would be comforted myself as I listened to the many ways people grieve and the importance of making space for that.

I do hope I can make that space for my family and for myself.  It seems my dad will be riding this wave for a while.  I must find the best way for me to take the ride as well, and we may not always agree on what that looks like.  What I do know is that this is not simply about my dad and his transition. This is really something that is impacting all of us.  That larger impact, I think, can so often be forgotten.  I don’t want to forget that. I also don’t simply want to live at the mercy of the magnet.  Sure the pull is there and may be worth looking at, but I don’t want to get sucked in or totally repelled away.  During this time, I want to stand in my own shoes, with family, family dynamics and all.

 

 

 

A Hero Gone, David Sobba

There are those folks who’s lives include so many challenges that you wonder how they have time to create a fulfilling relationship, raise children or help friends when their knees need fixing.  David Sobba was one of those people.  He faced more health issues over his lifetime, any one of which might have left a lesser person a victim or at least afraid of what’s next.  Not David.  He faced every medical crisis head on and still made time for friends, family, biking, skiing and yoga.

Yoga at Haramara
Yoga at Haramara 2009 – A healthier David

David died this week.  As a distant friend I wasn’t aware that he was once again so close to death.  Each time I checked-in with folks I would hear about another close call but that he was doing better.  Maybe I started to believe this could go on forever.  Here was a man who had been fighting cancer since I had met him five years ago.  Prior to cancer, he had faced a number of other often life-threatening and altering types of challenges.

Our connection had been around cancer.  There was a period where we were quite close.  I think he’d call because as a doctor his training and mindset wasn’t quite as open to miracles and crazy, less than scientific approaches, to cancer and medical issues.  My mindset is way more comfortable on the less scientific side, yet still not too woo-woo.  So we connected and had cancer chats.  I, of course, encouraged him to go to The Haven.  He did.  He also was willing to try many roads less traveled.  All the while staying in his practice as an orthopedic surgeon.

He fixed my knee when it needed mending and helped me get back quickly to yoga, biking and running.

David was a hero.  Maybe in some ways that made his cancer harder.  I don’t believe it was easy for him to rest, stop, slow down and sometimes see himself as un-able to keep doing it all.  I am not sure if he ever totally reconciled that piece for himself.  I think he was proud that he could head up the mountain even after chemo.  At some point I know he had to face that moment when the body buckles.  I also know that wasn’t easy.

For all the stories of Lance Armstrong and his seven Tour de France victories, I thought David’s RATPOD (a major bike ride to rise money here in Montana for Make-a-Wish) was much more heroic and noteworthy.  (Visit here for more on his amazing efforts: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iI0owVOrKyg)

I also believe in the end, he found some peace in a dear friend and the relationship they created.  As well, he took the time to really connect with his kids and those that were close to him.

No, I never said good-bye.  But I think that wasn’t the relationship we had.  There are many there to say good-bye.  Still, I wanted to find some way to say something.  Though my heart aches, I think David truly was bone weary and spirit-filled.  That was just how he lived.  I believe he took pride in that, and many were served with his efforts.  Rest now David, after a amazing fight and a heroic ride through life!

 

Bone Weary, Spirit Filled

I just returned from a wild, flurry of travel, work, family, friends and connection. I don’t know the miles covered but I did fly, drive, ferry and taxi – on either side of the country and across the border into Canada. I am bone weary. I am also spirit filled.

Baltimore, Vancouver, Nanaimo, Seattle, Lacey & Home!!
Baltimore, Vancouver, Nanaimo, Seattle, Lacey & Home!!

The trip was designed around a client event outside of Baltimore. It was a one day strategic session with a power company. What was best about the work event was that we got to witness and see the transformation from where we first met with them and now. The day was excellent and very full.

Baltimore was buzzing. With the Ravens playing for a spot in the Super Bowl and Obama just a short hop away signing on for another term. Celebrations and good cheer were easy to come by in the inner harbor area. We had planned a strategy session for Thrive! with a Boston colleague, Jessica Steward. The time spent was awesome. We dove into some great dialogue and I believe crafted a clear path towards our new refresh and Whole Person/ Whole Team approach to our business.

Aside from the work, we had great fun and deep dive discussions between sessions. When we got on our plane to Minnesota, we were both thrilled with the effort and excited about the next steps.

Our paths divided in Minnesota, CrisMarie came back to Whitefish for play rehearsals. I headed towards Nanaimo for a Faculty Steering Group meeting at the Haven. The ease and grace of the trip fell a part a bit at this point. My flight was redirected to Great Falls, MT for refueling due to some concerns about Vancouver weather and a possible diversion. We did make it, but two hours late. I still thought I would easily make the late night flight to Nanaimo but at the last minute the flight was cancelled due to FOG!! OMG! I was stunned. I found a bed and tried to pretend the fog would lift by morning.

No – when I woke at 4AM, I knew I had to make my meeting. I gathered my things and dashed downstairs and convinced a taxi to race to the ferry terminal across town. I just made the 5:15 AM ferry to Nanaimo. Me and ten other truckers. Two hours later, I arrived. Exhausted but ever so grateful to see Cathy, there to meet me and give me a big hug.

The meeting started quickly and we dove right in. I thought we had an awesome day. Mostly because we had the time to really have deeper dialogue and wrestle with our concerns and our direction. Sure, it wasn’t all easy but by the end of the day we had a strong plan for moving forward. So again I was fulfilled.

Next stop Seattle. But first a foggy drive south with another dear friend, Susa. It wasn’t an easy drive with all the fog and having had a long day.

Bone Weary, Spirit Filled
Bone Weary, Spirit Filled

But we had some great time to just chat and catch up. I landed at my sister’s totally wiped.

Normally, I would try to visit a bit but I was too tired. My plan was to get up the next day and drive down for a visit with my folks. My dad, 92, was under house arrest from his doctor – for two weeks. He was not thrilled. And honestly I think we were all a touch worried about how they were doing. I had a nice visit. Had the chance to fix lunch and take a walk with my mom. Mostly, I just liked the contact. At this point in their lives they live fully, and I think they are both aware that life isn’t a long- term guarantee. Each day and every hug a bit more important to stay in for.

I did get to visit with my sister and brother-in-law for dinner before catching a late flight home.

I’ve been home for a 24 hours now, and I am just very grateful for the trip. Bone weary from the travel, the distance and the effort but fulfilled by the wonderful connections and real, raw work that got done along the way. I call that spirit filled.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Are you ready? – To Be Living Alive!

Back in the early 80’s, I arrived at The Haven for a Come Alive.  That five-day program changed my life – I did literally come alive I arrived with a belief that I had about three to six months to live due to an advanced cancer process.  So I had nothing to lose.  I discovered and witnessed something that ignited health, well-being and possibility inside of me.  There’s a story to tell but honestly it’s not the one I want to write now. (Though I did write an earlier blog on that.) No, I want to write about what happened after Come Alive.  Because Come Alive was like being shocked back into my body.  However, I don’t believe I learned much in those five days about how to sustain that aliveness.  Sure the tools were there but five days is five days.  I tasted life and there was something I discovered worth living for, but I didn’t really get how to live that day-to-day.

No, that came later to me.  Again another program at the Haven, this one Living Alive, also know as the Phase program.  This program is a twenty-five day intensive.  Yes, it can be taken in two parts.  However, I recommend the twenty-five days if at all possible.  This program takes the Come Alive and breaks it down.  Suddenly, I’m responsible for breathing every day, speaking up and checking in.  I have to do the working to relate and discover the richness in my follow travelers.  No one is pushing me.  I really get to see how I opt out or jump in.  I discover patterns that get in my way of creating the relationships I want, the life I want.  In twenty-five days I really cannot hide from myself.

Now, twenty-five plus years later, I lead the Living Alive Phase I. Over the years between interning, assisting and leading, I have taken this journey many, many times.  Yet, I don’t think I often market the program.  I do recommend it to folks but probably not as much as I could.  Why?  I don’t know.  That’s really why I wanted to write this blog.  I wanted to tell people about this amazing offering that truly is life-changing.

Living Alive Phase I – Participants’ Stories from The Haven on Vimeo.

I don’t know why The Living Alive program is not always filled.  There seems to be so many people who are dissatisfied with their life in some way – either work or relationship or health.  I hear and see many people looking outside of themselves for answers and frustrated by the results, yet continuing to spend lots of money asking someone for the ‘right answer’.

Living Alive isn’t about giving answers.  Basically, the premise is that you have the answers inside of you, and you just need to learn your path to access your wisdom.  In addition, in relationship to others, there is a tremendous amount that can be learned and discovered about yourself and the patterns and things you do that hinder or help you find that fulfillment.

Living Alive is journey of self-responsibility, choice and curiosity, not about the ‘right’ answer, but the process, the pain the joy in being fully alive even when it hurts.  That may not be for everyone.  But if you do want that, I say put you money into spending twenty-five days exploring the amazing possibilities that exist when relational health becomes the avenue to transformation.  Step in and invest in your own inner wisdom and finding the answers that fit for you.

Yes, this is a bit of a marketing pitch.  I am leading the next Living Alive Phase I starting April 17 (less than a month away!!) and I am excited about a great group of people who are interested in self-discovery and aliveness.

Are you? So I am putting my voice out there and calling those who are looking to sign up.  I would love to see you there!!

Susan Clarke is a long standing faculty member at The Haven.

with Susan Clarke