Your boots sink into the rich, moist soil as you walk through the trees. The spongy feel is uplifting as it supports your movement. You can smell that fresh hay, grass and the earthy, healing smell of horses. Overhead, the big, blue, cloudless Montana sky stretches. Far away, the whinny of a horse punctuates the beauty of the moment.
Every ounce of tension and stress slips away as the horse next to you sighs deeply. The feel of their soft, fuzzy nose on the back of your hand is grounding. The crisp, clear October breeze caresses Montana’s vast land and brushes against your cheek.
Tonight, you’ll sit by the firepit, surrounded by the women who have been part of your reconnection experience. The air might have a chill, but you’ll be warm as you enjoy the smoky smell and crackling of fire.
What does it mean? I know many are sad, dishearten, and see this as an ending. I don’t actually know.
The Haven is For Sale
What came up strongly for me, when I saw the reality of The Haven being on the market, was a desire to make the experiences I do have at Haven as meaningful as possible.
With that in mind, I am calling ALL COUPLES who’ve benefited from the rich, enlivening Couples Alive, (and/or any relationship program at the Haven) to come back this summer to have what might be a last blast!
My dream for this August Couples Alive is a room filled with couples who love and have benefited in their relationship from all their time at The Haven. We once thought that was going to be the 4th segment of the Couples Alive Series. It didn’t happen.
So why not create that experience now? This summer. Maybe the last summer of Haven.
Our August Couples Alive brings together two things I just love about Haven.
The opportunity to engage in revitalizing my relationship
Being on beautiful Gabriola Island in the summer!
CrisMarie and I both plan to bring all our deep loving and joy to this program. It may be a last one we lead at The Haven. We want to make it extra special.
I am calling out to all you people who want to join us in for a special summer run of Couples Alive. I know every time CrisMarie and I have taken, or lead, one of these programs it has a transformational impact both my ME and in our WE.
Maybe you are in a relationship that has become flat or transactional.
Maybe you want to relive the resonance that the Haven property brings forth in you and your honey.
Maybe you want to apply the Couples Alive tools to revitalize where you two are now.
Maybe you want to just come out and hang with us and others who deeply value intimacy and relating.
Maybe you want to say goodbye to the Haven property.
Join us for possibly the last Haven property Couples Alive August 18-22! There’s still time to sign up, but don’t wait too long…Sign up NOW!
Leading up to Crazy, Cracked, Warm and Deep launch day is an interesting mix of excitement, fear, doubt, excitement, fear, doubt….. excitement, joy, doubt…. I’m sure you are getting the idea.
I am not great at getting all the pieces ready early. Maybe it’s my MyersBriggs. I prefer to wait to the last minute. Now add to that all the undercurrent of publishing a memoir about my Crazy and what that brings up. You can imagine.
I have been making steps and I do have a launch party set – both virtual and in-person.
One of my favorite moments over the holidays was getting to share some stories with family. It was real. We laughed and I cried. Not because I was sad but because my sisters and mom listened and we connected.
I’m not looking for a best seller here. What I want is the book to be one people relate to and resonates with their own less than perfect process of showing up out in the world.
I know how writing and sharing stories has been the way I have journeyed on my path to becoming whole.
My writing has gotten better over the years I think. But ‘better’ isn’t really the point. The writing is how I crack my armor. Some stories are very, very old and have been held tightly. Mostly out of fear or uncertainty.
There was a time when sharing my story was about being validated or proving something. That has long since passed.
The fractures from trying to find facts was incrediably painful and creating a lot of suffering – for me and for others.
However sharing stories, listening and not getting caught in right or wrong – but listening and feeling. That is healing. That is the reason I want to share Crazy, Cracked, Warm and Deep.
I have a vision of people sharing the book in their book club. Using the book to talk about their own crazy and cracked, warm and deep.
Six months ago I got invited to speak at Ignite Your Life. The invite came at the perfect time. I was wrestling with my chapters and had another calling to get the stories out into the world AND I was spinning.
So I said yes to speaking and decided my book launch would be a part of the event.
Today I am stepping out on the stage. The book is close behind. Not launched but out of my hands and in the hands of a proofreader and my publisher.
Today I’ll be standing and sharing some of the pieces. This talk is deeply personal and if I am honest has me anxious, excited and terrified.
It’s an hour talk and yes, I’d love to just have it be interactive and more of a workshop. But I also now I want to use this opportunity to share the stories – my story.
I hope these stories will inspire. I want the women listening to be able to relate. I want them to use my frame to support living their fractal forward. I want to connect
Maybe I want to be Crazy, Cracked, Warm and Deep on the stage. (Well let’s be clear I’m in a Zoom box so stage isn’t quite the right word) )
I noticed as I was preparing and using some of the stories in the talk. I found myself not liking the way the story was written. My internal dialogue was something like this:
“This book sucks. Really? This is Velcro Shoes – I really could have done more editing” “Maybe I should stop the press and rethink this – this is crazy – this isn’t a book”
I could feel the grip of what I call – my crazy.
It’s ever present. Holding me back from being me.
I sure can feel the pull. These stories can still suck me in. I keep wanting so desperately to rewrite them so they sound okay, not crazy, even good. As though some form of editing or grammar will make them easier, relatable, likeable…. Worth existing in the world.
I take a breath and settle into my mantra – “I’m not crazy”.
I have invited friends, readers, editors to help put the book together. The feedback was valuable. People encouraged me to keep going. So the book isn’t a best seller – that’s not my intent.
I won’t stop the press – it’s a tiny book and it is me.
So today, even though the book is not yet in my hands, I’ll be sharing my stories.
I’ll be giving the book it’s wings and letting it fly. I’ll also be setting me free. I think we both are worth fully existing out in the world.
So maybe not the only top of the world- but damn close!
Our dear friend, garden mentor and awesome playmate, Robin Kelson invited us to two nights at Sperry Chalet in Glacier National Park. I admit I mostly said yes because Robin was going and how could that be anything but fun.
When Robin busted her knee cap and had to stay home I was ready to cancel. I am so glad I didn’t!
The trip to Sperry could not have been more magical and perfectly timed.
The funny thing is that I was grumbly pretty much until we stepped on to the trail. From that moment on I was smiling.
For anyone who hasn’t heard of Sperry Chalet it is a favorite of many locals here in Whitefish. In 2017, the Chalet burned down in a wildfire. It got rebulit and that was quite an undertaking. I now get that this invite for two nights was pretty special and a hard reservation to get. The chalet is only open for two months!
First peek of Sperry Chalet on our way up
I loved hiking and being offline, with new friends and finding a our cadance. I had forgotten how much I enjoy being out in mountains!
The hike was steep but a great way to get to know each other. The lemonade that greeted us at The Chalet was perfect.
Each of the three days of hiking offered so many magical moments!
Going up the stairway to heaven. Another one of those pretentous names that is pretty impossible to live up to – but stepping out on that view – well it lived up to it’s name.
If that wasn’t enough, well diving into a glacier lake was super cold and inspiring! I have to say, Ivalu, was so clam and cool. Not me, I was making some sounds! So worth it!
Aside from the daily dose of lemonade, we also had amazing meals! The hotcakes were awesome and our bag lunches had more than enough to keep us hiking. Each
Plus, due to having a birthday girl with us, her amazing friend hiked up wine, special cheese, spread, crackers and great brownies (for all ten of us!)
The brownies!!
We made the decision to take the longer hike out. Another great -YES!
I learned I am not that great at goat whispering. Especially when Mommas are cuddled up to their little ones, smack in the middle of a trail without much room on either side. Glad Joe stepped in to take the lead! Here’s the link if you want to watch the goat drama: https://www.facebook.com/100000077222134/videos/552827056046942/
Towards the end of the hike we got graced with moose. Three separate sightings!
An Incrediable three days of being out in nature, with new friends, great food, offline and lots of stories to share.
Back home there have already been some challenges. I didn’t even get to finish this post before saying good bye to a family member who’s been fighting her batte with cancer for seven years.
Life goes on.
I am glad though that I took the time to hike and visit the top of world. I really did want to finish this post before getting too caught up in everything else.
Sometimes nature does call and it is important to listen.
I have to say I am so grateful for the hearts and hands that have been helping me bring my writing together.
I am aiming to have Crazy, Cracked Warm and Deep released out into the world by November. That date was set to inspire me and keep me going. I was invited to speak at a cool workshop for women, Ignite Your Life. That seemed like a great point on the map for the book to make it’s release out into the world.
However, what has really kept me going has been the hearts and hands of people who have been there to hold gently this emerging manuscript.
Some literally holding the pages, reading and providing me feedback. Others listening or encouraging me to find my words and way.
There have been many.
Circles of people who have shared their stories and inspired some of my words. The writers along the way who have nudged me to find my style and voice. Experiment with showing not telling. Dropping so, just, really ,and all those extra words. The song writers who I use regularly in the background as I edit and rewrite.
This tiny book has been held so sweetly; as have I.
Not to long ago in a psychic reading the message to give this book it’s wings and legs was delivered. I set the image on my desk to remind me as I was editing. I complimented it with another special image of inspiration from a dear friend. That little girl has wanted her words shared and it seemed like the perfect combination.
This book has always been about connection. My path in finding a way out of separation, desolation, isolation and back into wholeness.
Some of these stories/fractals have been like riptides that can grab me and pull me back into the past or that place of separation. However, the hands and hearts holding the pages or the words have been gentle in bringing back to the present. Reminding me I am not alone and my why for this book
I do remember years and years ago, returning from my first Come Alive with a image of the closing circle. Those hands, hearts and the music an invitation to be relational and have faith. That circle was a place of awakening my own desire to live.
This book has a much larger circle holding for it’s flight and commitment to life and loving.
I received that loving long ago and now I hope this book will shine that loving out to others who may be caught in their riptide.
There are many hands strteched out and heartbeats calling and reminding each of us that we are not alone.
Maybe you are in your riptide and need to recieve. Maybe you are in a place to reach out with you hand and heart.
I know it’s not one or the other. We are all need a hand sometime. We all need to be the one holding out our hand sometimes as well.
Heart handprints art sign color. Vector illustration
Lately I have been out working and playing with the horses more. Indeed the horses have huge part of my transition back out into world of relating and working beyond the Zoom screen.
There’s no doubt that being out at the ranch and out in the pasture with the horses is calming. Here’s a little of the science regarding horses from HeartMath that I believe is very compelling:
“Recent studies conducted by the Institute of HeartMath provide a clue to explain the bidirectional “healing” that happens when we are near horses. According to researchers, the heart has a larger electromagnetic field and higher level of intelligence than the brain: A magnetometer can measure the heart’s energy field radiating up to 8 to 10 feet around the human body. While this is certainly significant it is perhaps more impressive that the electromagnetic field projected by the horse’s heart is five times larger than the human one (imagine a sphere-shaped field that completely surrounds you). The horse’s electromagnetic field is also stronger than ours and can actually directly influence our own heart rhythm!
A coherent heart pattern is indicative of a system that can recover and adjust to stressful situations very efficiently. Often times, we only need to be in a horse’s presence to feel a sense of wellness and peace. In fact, research shows that people experience many physiological benefits while interacting with horses, including lowered blood pressure and heart rate, increased levels of beta-endorphins (neurotransmitters that serve as pain suppressors), decreased stress levels, reduced feelings of anger, hostility, tension and anxiety, improved social functioning; and increased feelings of empowerment, trust, patience and self-efficacy.”
Taken from: https://www.taoofhorsemanship.com/heart-math
So that’s pretty good reason to consider getting out with some horses.
There’s more.
Leadership Benefits
To be an effective leader one of the most crucial skills is our ability to build relationships. Most of us focus that effort on building relationships with others. Of course, that’s important, but what might be even more critical is our relationships with ourselves.
Whatever we are saying, thinking, or feeling about ourselves is the filter through which we see, interpret and interact with others. Too often though, we think because those thoughts and feelings are in our heads, invisible, no one else knows what’s going on.
There are days when I walk into a situation thinking:
• “I sure hope no one knows that I don’t really know what I am doing.”
• “I am totally pissed about what’s going on, but no one can know that, it’s not the right message.”
• “I sure hope I don’t make a fool of myself today.”
Often these types of thoughts are such a common thread I may not even know it’s running. Yet these internal messages are impacting how I experience our world, how I relate, and how I make decisions and lead.
Bring in the Horses
Horses are big biofeedback machines. They are constantly sensing our breath rate, our heart rate, and arsenal and cortisol levels. They notice any changes and though they may not know what stress I am under or what that inner dialogue is, they have a keen sense when my inner critical comes online.
Usually as leaders, parents, role models we have learned to pretend that everything is just fine. We come by that naturally because we are taught to show confidence, control, be professional, strength – that’s leadership – right? Basically, though we’ve learned to be incongruent!
Maybe you can remember being told, “Never let them see you sweat, cry or rage.” That is not okay or unprofessional. Of course, you learned how to cover it up.
But here’s the deal, horse’s pick up that incongruence immediately. They know when we are incongruent or masking what is really going on for us. The horse finds that uncomfortable and awkward. They don’t trust the incongruence and move away because it doesn’t seem safe.
We are fascinated by how the horse ‘just seem to know’.
Truth is people do to. I’m sure you have had those moments with someone:
“Wow, something is up with _ I am going to stay away.”
“No way do I trust that information – something is off.”
But we human beings tend to play the social game. We do nice and polite or pretend everything is good. That ends up having a big ripple effect on all our interactions and decisions.
Going out with the horses, provides a safe space for you to go out and discover what is going on. Making shifts as you go and owning what is. Being vulnerable and really showing up. Getting that feedback from the horse that can support you in developing a stronger relationship with yourself.
Developing a better relationship with yourself is not about getting rid of that inner critic. It’s about developing a larger self and presence, or your own somatic (body-based not just story running) awareness.
When you can notice and sense what is really happening inside of you, you have choice and more influence with others.
Why?
Because people, like horses, trust and want to follow someone who knows themselves and is congruent.
Most of us keep looking outside, reading, studying, observing others – but until we get a strong somatic awareness all that knowledge hasn’t yet landed in our whole-ness.
So you see horses have a great deal to offer us. Just being around horse helps our hearts and they are great at providing compassionate, straight feedback for effective communication and leadership.
Come play!
I am encouraging my clients to get their company to sponsor a trip to Montana – big sky, horses and some awesome coaching. Check out Find Your Mojo in Montana or make date for a personal intensive.
I took up my guitar during my year of Covid. I am not a real guitar player. I think some might call me a campfire player.
However, I started some lessons and got to pick my own song. I picked Indigo Girls, Closer to Fine. I love this song.
My instructor didn’t blink and just started in with the chords and strum pattern. Within seconds, I knew it’d be years before this song would be one I included in any campfire situations.
However, I have been working my way through learning the strum pattern, developing my chops for new chords and not giving up.
Just last week, I decided that I was making no progress and just stuffed the song into my notebook of guitar songs and decided – hell I am just going back to EASY guitarsongs.
Well damn – I had a blast playing those songs I love and even picking a few. I for sure was Closer To Fine – maybe not the Indigo Girls version yet – but I was a better guitar player!!!
There’s that Crooked Line!!
This is such a metaphor for my life.
I did have a plan that I might just be good enough to play the song and share – but like I said that’s a ways off. However, I am going to include alittle youtube link below so you an listen if you don’t know this great song!
My Equus work has some of the same crooked lines as I have evolved my Equus coaching and my programs. The horses come into my practice in magical ways.
Sometimes that magic is a new addition to my familar herd out at Stillwater HorseWhisper Ranch. Sometimes it’s a horse that shows up in m meditation or what I refer to as my invisable herd. Most recently it was a new offering: Re-Entry with Grace and Ease.
Sometimes there’s music involved and sometimes there’s a connection that just totally comes out of nowhere.
Definately a crooked line.
This is also very true in my writing. That book of mine has some amazing arms and legs. It’s been in the making well before the Beauty of Conflict was put out into the world. It may likely be still in it’s journey – popping into the public in little bits for while longer.
A crooked line – but as long as I don’t get to assuming that’s right or wrong. There’s many answers to those questions and none are definate – I will remain Closer To Fine!
What about you? Are there some crooked lines in your life! Just know life is NOT about getting from a A to B (or Z) – it’s about the crooked lines and not taking life too seriously! That’s what I call Closer to Fine!
I watched a short clip of a Republican Senator yelling at Dr Fauci about the timing for lifting the face mask directive. His position was clear that people’s liberties have been taken away for long enough.
Fauci responded saying for him the face mask mandate had nothing to do with people’s liberties but was related to public health.
The stand off. Different values and different perspectives.
I admit I don’t understand the liberties side of the this argument. I don’t believe asking someone to wear a mask takes away their liberties. I believe it protects our freedom. Does wearing a seat belt take away liberties? Do speed limits take away liberties?
Do I like wearing a mask? Not so much. However, I do want to protect people from the spread of disease and a virus out of control.
I am also not a vaccine fan. But I did get mine. Why? Because where I live people don’t wear mask or stay six feet a part. We have lots of tourism and we don’t seem to think it matters that we contribute to the spread of the virus by the choices we make.
I am glad that I live in a place where I can be outdoors. Lots of space. But I also realize I want to travel. I want people to visit. If this virus continues to run wildly through cities and areas where the impact is greater and there may not be the same resources – I don’t want to contribute to that spread.
I’d wear a mask anytime to protect more big outbreaks. I also though wear my seat belt and drive mostly at the speed limit.
I consider doing all three of these things very much a part of supporting freedom and the liberties of ALL PEOPLE.
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