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Holiday Habits: Movies & Dogs

Holidays, a time to kick back and enjoy friends, family, food and as many movies as possible!!  A few years back we started the tradition of going to a movie on Christmas day.  We found we were not alone!! I am always amazed a the lines and all the people who come to see a movie on Christmas.  I thought it was a Seattle thing.  But even here in Montana where generally a movie is not packed,  on Christmas day Whitefish broke all of it’s records for movie attendance.  For me the entire holiday season is a wonderful time to catch up on all the good movies.  So it starts Christmas day and continues through the week if there are enough good films to see.  I have to admit it is a bit harder here in Whitefish to find enough films but this year I am behind and so I do have a solid series.

Today we plan to go see Avatar.  A movie with a mix of reviews.  Of course the Sci-fi folks are thrilled, as are the lovers of special effects.  I have even heard from some more serious film types that the storyline is one that spurs the viewer to thoughtful consideration of the world we live in.  All I am really certain of at this point is that it is the sold out show here in Whitefish and Kalispell and that is not something that happens to often!

Yesterday’s movie was less popular.  Up In The Air, has been around a while.  Still I doubt it was ever a Montana favorite.  I liked it.  May be because my life keeps me up in the air a lot.  Although I rarely travel alone and I am not close to any major mile markers.  Still I was all too familiar with the insider travel talk as well as being someone often hired to tell someone bad news because someone else is not willing to do it.  What I liked about the film was the fact that it became obvious that Clooney’s character had no personal life; however, was amazingly real and effective in his job.  My favorite scene was when told the guy his kids should be disappointed in him – not because he was fired but because long ago he gave up his dream – french cooking.  That scene was awesome. He was real, honest and gave the man a path to get his life back.

In the end I liked the non-Hollywood conclusion.  He didn’t get a girl, nor totally transform to some new guy, instead he connected to his family through giving away miles, he gave the awesome recommendation that got the girl the ‘right’ job and went back to doing what he did better then most people. I’m glad firing or laying off people did not become an ichat process.  There were a lot of messages in that movie worth considering.   So far the best film of the holidays – but I still have the week ahead.

In case you are wondering what happens to Bailey with all the movies.  Bailey is spending every third day at Stoltle’s where he is having the opportunity to play with a variety of dogs who are all teaching him more manners then I had been successful at doing.  He seems to love it and sleeps like a baby afterwards!  Also Bailey and Sooke are slowing become better pack mates.  Of course Sooke still rules and must sleep on all the beds, steal the toys and get the first chew on any chew bone; however, I am noticing she sleeping closer and leaving things behind more freely for Bailey to enjoy.  I am confident they will soon be buddies!!  In the mean time I am going to the movies!!

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A Tribute to Tom Who Lived Strong!

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We came wishing for a better outcome.  After three days of a hospital vigil, ending with a very moving hour with family and friends, toasting Tom into his next adventure, we left the hospital Sunday saddened to have said goodbye to Tom. Today we’ll be a part of the Catholic Mass created by Father Berg and Tom’s parents.  We hope to also make it back for the less formal service offered later by Jan and the boys at their home and in the shop that Tom loved and was the place he designed and built from scratch, his red sports car, the Campbellini .

I loved hearing so many stories about Tom, and what I will remember most is his love of cars.  As a little guy, age four, he owned one of those red cars that runs on leg power.  One day he informed his mom, Julia, he was off to visit  Dad.  Not thinking too much of the comment, Julia assumed he was playing as he usually did in the yard.  The family lived a ways off the base so visiting Dad was not really an option.  However, after a bit of time passed, the silence concerned Julia, and she went looking for Tom.  He was no where to be found.  She ran through the neighborhood finally asking a postman if he had seen a small boy.  The postman shared that indeed he had seen a boy pedaling his car out on the highway with traffic moving around him towards the base.  They took off to find him.  He was determined to  visit with his Dad.  Fortunately he was fine.  The story is one that set the stage for the two of Tom’s true passions in life; family and red sport’s cars.  Just before he died he finished his twenty year effort to design  and build his own sports car, the Campbellini.  He had won a very prestige award just months into his chemotherapy and as the story goes for a few weeks after that the cancer seemed gone.

Jan, his wife, and his boys now have the car, the trophy and the priceless memories of his work in the shop behind their home, with them at his side, he brought the Campbellini to life.  The shop will continue as a place for the many friends and colleagues Tom touched in his career as an engineer.  Jan and the boys want those close to him to come and build their dreams.  I have no doubt at some point the boys will have their projects our back.

Personally, I hope Tom is enjoying whatever red wheels are available beyond the limitations of this physical world and have no doubt he will be making sure he can visit family as needed to let them all know he’s out there and doing just what is perfect for him now.

I have learned a great deal over these past few days.  People all grief differently, and it has been special to see the Campbell’s make sure each of them will have  a way to let go of Tom.  Today,  it will be the Catholic Mass.  In a couple weeks, it will be the Shop party.  For CrisMarie, I think it has been the opportunity to be present and with her family through it all.

For me, it has been knowing that Tom lived and loved fully right until the end.  Some may see his passing as cancer having won.  But not me.  Cancer may have shortened Tom’s life, but it’s clear to me that the quality in which he lived it was never compromised!  His boys, his partnership with Jan and that red Campbellini are clear proof that he did indeed Live Strong!!


Life Experiences, Uncategorized

More About Bailey!!

The Bailey, aka Moose, story continues. I now understand why there are so many dog stories out there.  We have yet to have our final interview before being officially allowed to adopt boxer Bailey.  In the mean time we have been allowed another visit.  Today’s visit was challenging.

We thought we were prepared.  We were rested and ready to walk and play first thing so that Bailey could spend the rest of the morning becoming more familiar with our home.  The walk went pretty well except for the part when Bailey needed to be on the leash.  He’s obviously new to the leash and does just fine for brief periods until he moves in such a way that the leash catches his attention.  When that happens he does one of two moves. One is the classic chewing process clearly intended to rid himself of this annoying line that is slowing down his forward progress.  The second move is when the leash seems to totally surprise him and he proceeds to jump around in such a way that the leash pulls on his collar so tightly that he thrashes even harder in an effort to figure what the hell has him trapped.  The second move is much more difficult to watch and even harder to sort out.  Of course we know it is our job to teach him differently but we are not there yet!

Overall though,  the walk went well.  Back at the house it seemed he was content to wander around and finally drop down at our feet for a nap.  This is part where he is  the adorable puppy and isn’t it great to have him in our lives moment.  Then he woke up.

We missed getting him outside fast enough so there was the little accident on the carpet.  Once out he seemed confused why we were staying out when he was complete with the task.  Back inside it was clear he wanted our undivided attention.  Actually he really wanted Sooke’s attention and she was not into playing.  After a number of play bows, some barking and a few right hooks thrown gently at Sooke’s face, she let him know she was not going to be the one to entertain him.  Next he started working on us.  We did give it our best shot and for a few minutes I thought we were doing okay.  But the phone rang and one of us needed to cover that.  You would think one of us could entertain the puppy but may be that is the problem we simply are trying to hard and he knows it.    Shortly we felt quite defeated and decided we’d end our visit a bit early.

When we dropped Bailey off at his foster home we asked how she did it.  We then got the chance to see Bailey with his three adult boxer buddies and realized he was getting tons of attention that was never really going to be available at our house.  It was fun to watch one adult dog after the other tag team Bailey’s needs for play.  I was exhausted watching!!   Foster mom, Tracey, let us know that really he would settle in.  Routine and knowing us would eventually help him settle into our lives.  Still I left wondering if I was the best owner for Bailey.

After getting home we had another chat about our decision. I am beginning to wonder if this is why the adoption process is taking so long.  The process will determine how committed we are or wear us out trying.  We are not giving up on Bailey but after I write this blog I am heading to Petco for more toys and supplies.  Tomorrow he is coming over for a sleepover and we are determined to be prepared.

Of course having Bailey in our lives has changed the focus of everything.  Even blogging seems difficult.  I wasn’t going to keep writing about Bailey but he is so BIG in the picture thus for a better writer a book becomes a easy outlet for the amazing level of focus this job requires.

I am sure any parents reading this blog are laughing.  Indeed Bailey and previously Sooke are the closest thing to child rearing I have ever done.  Well not totally true I did teach, and at one point, was responsible for a room full of first graders. I also have a niece and nephew who survived living with me for short periods when they were young.  I don’t need to be reminded this is not the same.  I know from talking to many new parents when they were exhausted and wondering, “What made me ever think I could do this?” It is not uncommon to question and even wish for a way out.  It is a significant life change be it a child or a puppy – both are a handful of joy, energy and constant demands.  I just hope I am up to the job or up for being honest and making the right choice.  It is clear this is not an easy logical choice.  This type of decision is riddled with emotions.  It may seem obvious to an outside observer but for me I am not so certain.

In the mean time, I will keep giving this my best shot and likely you will keep hearing more about Bailey.  He really is a cute puppy and he does deserve the effort!!


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Creative Tension is Good Medicine

Last Sunday I read an excellent article in the NY Times magazine about the head of InterMountain Health Care,  Dr. Brent James.  He is highly regarded doctor by his peers who has put InterMountain Medical on the map because of his success in reducing mortality rates by evidence based protocols and extensive data collection on best practices.  Basically he believes too much medicine is practiced based on a doctor’s story and beliefs and not necessarily on the data or science.  It seems he has a very solid base of evidence to support his assumptions and is doing some great work at assisting other doctors in discovering their own biases and agreeing to try set protocols for certain types of illnesses.

I am also reading a book recommended by a friend dealing with Breast Cancer, When the Body Says No, by another doctor Gabor Mate.  His research is about how stress is the underlying cause of many immune related illnesses and how medicine refuses to embrace the mind/body connection.

In some way the two reads are directly opposed.  Dr James is all about evidence, science, practicing only what which can be proved and not veering into subjective, intuitive wisdom or ‘story’.  While Dr Mate’s book is about listening to the stories of many of his patients, his experience with these patients and pulling together research that supports the idea of stress as a major factor in illness and a much more psychological approach to healing.

Some might wonder why I am so interested in both ideas.  First, I truly believe the most creative and innovative solutions arrive out of tension, ambiguity and even conflicting or opposing forces.  So I like the idea if evidence based research that continually pulls data and observes the data with a keen awareness of how easy it is to impose judgment, interpretation and personal screen on the data.  This is really the point of Dr James’ article.  He seems willing to continually ask himself and his teams of medical providers to be aware of their own screens while practicing medicine and whenever in doubt rely on the protocol not just the ‘story’.  He does not punish non-compliance but instead asked any variation to be documented so that it becomes part of the data. He then can review and use the data to influence compliance going forward.

My medical insurer is a large HMO and is strongly based in offering only evidence-based research.  At times, I am frustrated by the less than flexible response of my medical care provider in offering alternative solutions.  This is the potential problem with a strict protocol of only evidence based medicine. However, I have found an MD who I believe is a very healthy mix of James & Mate.  I have come to her with some thoughts about my needs that were outside of her evidence-based model but she listened and then went about doing her own research.  She decided to step out of the set protocol (of course documenting that).  Later she told me she even did some trial and error on herself.  Of course, this is not a full body of research that would prove she practices with this level of protocol and flexibility across the board, but I liked the way she approached that situation and a few others  – both as a science and an art.

I wish there were more people who had strong beliefs and opinions but also were willing an able to have those beliefs and opinions challenged.  Whether it is medicine or politics – religion or education – our tendency is a avoid the conflict, the tension and get set in our own ways.

I would hope folks like Dr James and Dr Mate could easily sit down at a table and openly discuss their different approaches to medicine.  I would hope a medical training program would make sure anyone going through that program had to wrestle with the tension of evidence vs. intuition, science vs. story and never rule one out completely over the other.

It’s easy to stay within my own comfort zone.  But vibrant health seems to exist outside of any set point.  It would seem vibrant health care must reside outside of any set point as well.


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Balance = Alignment + Flow

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Today, I attended a great workshop combining the Ancient Teaching of Traditional Chinese Medicine and Yoga.  I have had an interest in Chinese Medicine for many years and though no expertise, love the concepts of Chinese Five Elements.  These days I have become interested in yoga.  I admit I have had resistance to yoga – primary because I have interpreted yoga’s emphasis on ‘balance’ as a transcendence of the ‘ugly and messy’ aspects of being human – such being angry, jealous, pissy or proud.

However, I have been practicing more recently with a friend who has helped me get over my own judgments and give it a try.  She also happens to be a masterful teacher who is okay with not being a ‘perfect’ yogi.

Today I got that the definition of balance is not some inner peace – no – balance is simply aligning so that flow happens.  In our dualistic universe that means movement or energy flow between opposites such as positive/negative, hot/good, perfect/imperfect and even balance/imbalance.  There is not one without the other.  Yoga is about alignment, which allows the free flow of energy or ‘en-ligten ment‘,  or enery flowing at the speed of light.   Buddha did have negative thoughts, however, he was aligned so that the energy  flowed so fast, there was no internal resistance (i.e. judgment) so no external visable evidence.

So a true ‘yogi’ isn’t without the ugly and messy but is simply aligned and allowing the flow of energy to happen so fast,  the experience is quite different.

Now that idea excites me.  I think of child that ‘flows’ through emotions rapidly without getting ‘stuck’, one minute crying and another laughing.  We come into this physical form with that type of flow and aligning much more gracefully.  Then we get more caught up in the dualistic mental constraints and before long our bodies are far from ‘balanced’.

In Chinese Medicine the information is systemic, dynamic and when I was dealing with cancer I discovered the Five Element Model allowed for me to see the patterns and energy flow or lack of energy flow in my life that was contributing to my “stuckness”.  The ancient model allowed me to discover a story and way of looking at ‘cancer’ that allowed for unlimited possibilities and engaged my curiosity. I was no longer attached to a ‘cure’ but to discovering how my energy was flowing or not.

Now I see yoga offers a new level of discovery in the realm of alignment which allows  increase in the rate of energy flow.  I don’t have to be flexible and graceful, perfect and peaceful.  I simply need to be willing to practice noticing when I am aligned and when I am not and through that awareness, acknowledgment and acceptance, I can discover an action that allows for greater flow.

In closing I leave you with the quote offered by the day’s instructors:

‘Water that flows does not decay’ .  Balance is embracing the dualist universe we live in through aligning and allowing the free flow of all energy.

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Being in the Change – When Wow! mets Whoa!

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As I mentioned I am just returning from being fully engaged leading an intensive program at The Haven.  Now back home I find myself feeling a bit lost and disoriented.  It’s not like there isn’t tons to do.  I have bills to pay, household projects friends to catch up with and Thrive! work such as coaching and consulting.  Yet I am still swimming and uncomfortable.  I know this is classic transition stuff.

I love the work I get to do at The Haven, being present and engaged with people , not to mention I get fed and all basic needs met while I do what I am passionate about.  Back home I don’t have the same structure and though I have a great partner both at home and work, the practical day to day things like food, bills, marketing and financial oversight, don’t happen unless I play my part.

So I miss the ease of having all the basics taken care of and I miss the intensity of a residential program.  Indeed there is a letting go process that is happening.  I also believe being away,  my homo status shifted and I find myself in chaos or the neutral zone.  A wonderful time for creativity and new possibilities but equally filled with uncertainity and discomfort.

I don’t have the answer or the ‘right’ path yet.  I want to find a way to bring some of the energy and juice I generated while working at The Haven back into my life and work here.  I don’t want to change everything and I don’t want to lose the new seeds of possibility that got planted.

I guess I believe this happens whenever we go through an intense emotional experience. There’s often a wow! moment and then there the re-entry back into our more familiar world,  “whoa”.  I believe it is that phase when “wow!’ meets  ‘whoa’ – that has incredible potential for change and transformation.  I also know it’s not easy staying in the chaos and discomfort long enough to really listen and figure out what needs to stay the same, what needs to change and what is up for creative synthesising.

What I do know is I am in that phase now.  The writing is helping and I want to figure out an answer.  Best that I wait but that isn’t easy!

Still I do think ‘being’ not ‘doing’ in the change is what will create the more creative, intersting outcome. For now Wow! meeting Whoa is a touch uncomfortable – best I breathe and stay with it!!    I’ll keep you posted!!

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The Haven Communication Model

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This summer a spend over a month at The Haven, an amazing center for personal and professional development.  I have been a part of The Haven for close to 30 years and I believe the learnings there turned my life around.  But that story is a bit long for a morning blog. Still there are some elements of the story worth revisiting and today’s topic is The Haven’s Communication Model it is a simple model offered generally towards the beginning of every core program.

The first time I learned about it I hardly noticed it and definitely did not practice it enough to have any idea of the possibilities for a richer life I could discover once I put it into play.  Indeed I now refer to the practice of the model as my spiritual practice, meaning the model assist me in connecting to a larger reality and allows me to connect to people with greater depth then I ever dreamed possible.

I realized the magic in the model pretty early on.  I found myself talking with someone about my life, sharing a very horrible event in earlier childhood and instead of having the usual response of “wow, it’s amazing you survived, that’s horrible what happened to you”,  he started laughing.  I was so surprised I looked up at him instead of wallowing in my sad story.  Immediately I was intrigued.  “Why are you laughing?, no one has ever done that.”, came out with a bit of energy.  His response was tears and laughter with the comment, “honestly your story is so outside of my reality and I just could not think  of anything else to do and I started laughing because I felt so helpless.”  Instead of getting angry I continued to look at him and saw he was quite sincere and curious about his response and me.  He wasn’t laughing at me.  even more important I had a moment of being outside of my story.  In that moment I got how trapped I was inside my own self-generated horror story.  Reliving over and over and generally getting the same response of ‘poor me’.  May be that was one of the first moments I really got how I create my own reality – and then go about believing it is the only one.

Having the awareness that each of us constantly creating our own experience through the way we take in data through our senses, interpret the data and then generate a internal response, intention and action – (the key pieces of the communication model) was huge.  That I could alter my story through the willingness and courage to expose my inner authorship and ‘check it out’ with someone else – turned everything around.

Now it sounds simple but still not always so easy.  Stories are addictive and sometimes I like to have people feeling sorry for me.  However, the price I pay is too great.  I prefer to think I may not be able to control everything or everyone – but I can take charge of my responses, reactions and reality creation.

This summer was a great refresher.  Thirty years later and I still can learn so much just by engaging my curiousity and using the model – how cool is that!!

For more information on The Haven or The Haven Communication Model visit:  www.haven.ca.

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Getting Started – The Pressure Is On!

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I had the idea for a blog months ago.  I had just completed a wonderful writing project where I shared my thoughts weekly with a group of folks and got some great feedback.  I had said then I would get this blog going and did not.  Now I am set but after watching Julie & Julia have put tremendous pressure on myself.  I loved the movie and no way can my little blog compete with Julie.  Still I am committed to get started!

What you need to know about my style of writing is that sometimes I am short and to the point and other times I ramble.  I will do my best to keep it simple but I’m going to be learning along the way.

Second thing you need to know is  that I am doing this in hopes that I will hear from you.  I write because it gets me thinking and I like it when folks read and share the impact my words have in their world.  I encourage you to agree, disagree – just let me know when I have made an impact.  I anticipate that impact being both positive and negative and highly value both.

The third thing you need to know is that I am dyslexic and messy. I don’t always have someone to edit my work so it might be misspelled, missing words – but hopefully you can get the gist as you read.

Last comment – though I work with Executives, teams and corporations, my passion is people.  I was a therapist but did not really fit in that world.  Coaching is a better fit but still not quite right.  Bottom-line I got my health back through becoming curious about life – all aspects of life and my relationship to the world around me.  These days I know keeping that curiosity engaged and active is a critical key to my aliveness – so I work to stay curious about pretty much everything and everyone.

So the pressure is on! And I am up for the challenge – let the Blog begin!!!