Category Archives: Life Experiences

Life Experiences

The Many Life Lessons of Golf!

“Golf is deceptively simple and endlessly complicated. It satisfies the soul and frustrates the intellect. It is at the same time rewarding and maddening—it is without a doubt the greatest game mankind has ever invented.” ~Arnold Palmer

My friend, Jim Sellner, sent me this quote this morning.  I have no doubt because I have become a touch obsessed with golf.  Yes, the Ladies League Night has led to practicing, lessons and early morning golf tee times!  In many ways I am having a blast.  I am also fully realizing the maddening aspects of the game mentioned in the quote.

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May be I shouldn’t have taken the short cut!!

Just last night, I found myself having what I thought was one of my best games yet.  I was hitting the ball longer, straighter and indeed started off with far fewer shots on each hole.  However, in the end three very bad holes totally overtook all the good stuff in terms of my score card.  My brain was screaming, “loser”, but my soul was singing with the satisfaction of progress and a few wonderful shots!

I don’t know that I agree that golf is the greatest game, but I do totally get the rewarding and maddening aspects as well as satisfying the soul while frustrating the intellect.  Plus, I have come up with my own life lessons that a summer of golf is teaching me.  These lessons do go well beyond the fairway.

  1. Loosen my grip.  That may be obvious for some, but honestly I never knew that was why I was topping the ball or more importantly ‘coming in a situation well over the top!’
  2. Don’t think to much about it.  Indeed another obvious one and still one of the hardest to break.  I am masterful at reliving, well re-thinking over and over something and it generally leads to trouble!
  3. One short putt is just as powerful as a 220 yard drive.  Those little things do count, even though to often the big things get way more focus and attention!
  4. Hitting over the trees (or water)  may be a short cut but only if I really can hit over them!  I love this one.  There are signs on the course encouraging golfers not to take the short cut – but honestly most of us over-confident drivers – go right for the straight line and must of us aren’t really skilled enough to get there.  Thus hacking our way out of the trees or worse hitting though a window of a house just on the other side!  (this explains two of my three horrible holes – no broken windows but water and lots of trees! )
  5. Be willing to shift your weight.  In any swing, except putting, there is a need to shift your weight from one foot to the other.  Too often I find myself either hacking with just my arms or getting stuck with my weight on one side.  This one may be even truer off the golf course:  I need to be willing to shift off my own fixed position!

So golf is teaching me many lessons!  Plus I am meeting new folks and enjoying some community building.  I doubt I’ll ever be good, but my soul is still singing with the satisfaction of making a few great shots!  Some short and some long!!

 

 

 

Life Experiences

Don’t Blame Shame!

I do not like it when I am flooded with shame.  Having said that, those are some of the most profound and valuable choice points I have ever had to face.

Caught!
Caught!

Shame is a feeling – not a mental activity.  It is that flood of heat that comes when I am exposed, standing naked in whatever it is I have done.  Maybe I got caught in a lie or said something mean that clearly upset someone.  Yes, I am someone who can tell a ‘white’ lie (see, already I want to spin lying into something less severe, not so bad).  Yes, I am someone who blurts out defensively when upset not fully aware of the impact it might have.  In that moment, when someone catches me or I catch myself, I feel shame.  The raw rush of energy that erupts when I am faced with myself.  That feeling is a wonderful opportunity to choose.  I can either try to cover it up by saying, I am not the type of person who would do that, or I can be vulnerable and own up to what I have done.  In the former, I step away from my vulnerability and hide in guilt or denial.

So for me shame is never the problem.  The problem lies in the choice.  Do I try to control myself and the outcome, or do I step into that moment of exposure?  I want to be fair to all of the various articles, books and literature about shame.  Actually, I love Brene Brown‘s work on vulnerability in Daring Greatly. However, I disagree with her definition, and what sounds like her dislike, and blame of shame. I have to admit, I feel a touch of shame just saying that, and I will still “step into the arena” as she encourages us all to do.

I don’t believe she is talking about a feeling at all when she talks of shame.  No, I think she is talking about the mental pathway that can so easily be engaged once I recognize that I am someone who can do ….. (whatever that horrible thing is).  That mental process is what I call “self-hate” or “shaming myself.” Now, that is one bad-ass challenge. Not to mention that we, as people in our efforts to look better, cover up, take control, have learned ways of ‘shaming others.’  Though again this has very little to do  with the feeling of shame, much more to do with mental pathways that allow us to take down someone else so we feel okay.

Too many feelings get bad raps. Anger is another that gets all sorts of bad press.  Mainly because people associate angry with violence – two very different things.  Anger, the feeling, much like shame – is simply energy in motion.  Anger can be an amazing opportunity to step into aliveness. Again, it offers a rich moment of choice. There are definitely things I am glad I get angry about, such as, sexual violence, people bullying other people, people hating someone simply because they are different – these are things that stir up anger in me.  Now, if I lash out myself, well that simply isn’t the noble choice.  (And honestly, I have done just that and felt some particularly painful shame about it.)  But I don’t want to lose my anger.  When I know it and embrace it, I can use my anger for good. I have energy that drives and motives choices in my life to stop violence, stop prejudice or whatever cause gets me angry.

It’s the same with shame.  No one wants to say – I am a liar.  But frankly, most of us are at some point – actually many times a day.  That moment when we own all of who we are, the good, the bad, the ugly and the beautiful – well, we become whole, alive, real, authentic.  It won’t last forever.  We are human, not simply divine.  We make make mistakes and shame is actually a wonderful reminder that we can self-correct.  Stay in the shame as a feeling (meaning only seconds of a flood of energy) and say, “I am someone who lied, blew up at colleague, cheated on a spelling test in 3rd grade.”  Yes, I am that person.  I feel hot and a touch embarrassed writing this out on my blog; however, I also believe that as I become okay feeling my moments of shame – I am less likely to ‘shame’ someone else.  I am also much more likely to realize that I make mistakes, and feeling guilty or beating myself up about those mistakes simply takes me out of the game, the present and opportunity to choice vulnerability and more on.

When I choose to be vulnerable and reveal who I am, I can, in that moment, do something different.  I can ask for help. I can cry or say I regret what happened.  I can be present and possibly shift the outcome because I’m not controlling, denying or hiding.

So next time you feel shame welling up – don’t run, don’t hide – don’t blame shame.  Step into that feeling and find out who you really are, and then choose what you do next!  It isn’t comfortable, but shame also isn’t the problem – it is just a feeling, energy and an opening for you.  Step in, own and be vulnerable! It is amazing what can happen after that!

 

Communication, Connecting, Life Experiences

Doggy Facebook

sooke“World’s most awesome stick – take a right at the tree near the skunk trail – left it there for you!” – Dusty

“Long time – no word – you doing okay? Leave a trace – miss the chase!” – Nico

“Don’t even think of taking my treasure – deer bone is MINE!!” – anon

I am fairly certain now that this is what totally slows Sooke, my wonder dog, down when we are heading into the woods for a run.  She has to check Doggy Facebook.  The first 50 feet of trail are just like 6PM on Facebook.  Every dog has left some sort of post with details of their canine experience. Usually, once past the initial trail head, she settles in for the jog.  However, like my friends, she is not able to stay off Facebook for long.  I imagine much like the sound of an incoming new Facebook post on my cell phone, Sooke gets a strong hit of a recent doggy post through her nose, and off she goes. First, she checks out the latest news and then finds any reported treasures.

Sooke, unlike me, seems to enjoy posting as much as she does following her friends.  I have no doubt her frequent stops have less to do with need to relieve herself and much more to do with passing on important information to the rest of the canine world that frequents our woods.

I have never really given it much thought until I began to compare her need for gathering information and passing on her own personal notes, to my own current interest and experiences on Facebook.  I realize that dogs have been facebook’ing much longer than their human counterparts.  It’s clear that animals, and especially dogs, thrive on incoming input from their buddies, posting seems to be their way of life.

Often CrisMarie is bugging me to get off Facebook to chat with her or fix dinner.  I am thinking it really is no different than when I am yelling for Sooke to catch up.

“I want to run – hurry up, Sooke!”

“I want to post – you’ll have to wait!” – screams Sooke!

Facebook has definitely taken over the world and it seems the woods as well!

Life Experiences

A Point of Reflection – Mid-Phase

The Living Alive Phase has begun!  I must admit as I was leaving home for the month, I was quite sad and wishing that the timing was different.  CrisMarie’s play, Private Eyes, was opening after my departure, I had just returned from a wonderful writing weekend inspired to write daily.  We also were only part way through our web site design.  So the timing was less than ideal for me.So I was a bit distracted when I arrived.

As the first evening begun, I did wonder how would I get myself fully engaged.  Of course I enjoyed seeing Carole Ames (my co-leader) and connecting with the rest of the leader team, but I still wasn’t ready to say – yes, I am here for the month.  However, as each person in our circle spoke about themselves and how they got to the Phase, I found myself totally transformed.  Their courage, excitement and curiosity about the journey they were imparting on was a call to my heart.  I was reminded of why I love this work.

Now at the half-way point, I find myself settling into a day off.  This post has been left unfinished for well over a week.  My writing has been very limited.  My own story has gone background unless touched by something someone shared.  However, I am quite full from the many stories, emotional moments and connections I have been privileged to witness.  However, those stories are not mine to write or post.

This morning before our break we invited folks to journal about where they started and what they have learned about their patterns and the landscape in which they live.  As always I found myself reflecting on my own journey thus far.  I have noticed I am way more relaxed than I have been at other times in my life.  Sure I can be intense and definitely have fiery moments, however, my shoulders are looser.  I think I laugh more and cry easier.  I find myself more willing to pause and stand in stillness, wait and have faith in the process that is unfolding in front of me.  Of course my desire to participate and engage are far from muted, so I often do jump in.  Though I am far less convinced I have an answer.  Having said that I have also caught myself in my defenses and been humbled as I worked to take back down the walls that can come up so quickly when I have stepped into a righteous place.

I am curious about those who so freely touch and hug.  This is simply not a part of the landscape I move to often.  I like a bit of space between me and another.  I use to fear physical contact – now it is far less about fear and more about a richer connection I find in acknowledging that space, being curious in our differences and how we each wish to build a bridge.  I wonder if others find that clarity in a hug or in touch itself.  It is a question I often ponder about and rarely ask.

I have loved being more at ease and familiar with what is happening in my body.  I’d like to think I am often tracking what I am feeling, but the truth is, I am more frequently engaged through my mind.  I can easily get caught thinking through my life.  However, this work demands that I pay closer attention to more than my thoughts.  So each morning as a breath and settle into my body for the day, I find I am more attuned to the ques coming from a broader spectrum.  Yes, I am thinking, I am feeling and I am spiriting – instead of doubt or asking ‘why’, I am freer in using the all of my resources.

So this is a bit of my world this month.  In a day or so I will be taking myself out of this space and popping into a corporate event.  I imagine it will be quite different.  Yet I am wanting to continue to bring all of me to the moment in front of me.  I am excited to connect with CrisMarie and look forward to us working together for a couple days.  I’ll miss the circle here.  Yet I am confident that the connection will not be lost.  May be that is what is most exciting about my current experience, I feel more connected even when I am far, far away.  What has at times seemed so separate or different – now seems simply unique – yet still part of a whole or a oneness.  I am grateful for this expanded experience of life even though I know that this too will shift and that too is okay.  I have faith – in me, in us, in ALL.

 

 

 

Life Experiences

There’s No calling “CUT” in Theater or in Life

CrisMarie is deep into another play, Private Eyes by Steven Dietz produced by Stumptown Players and directed by Scarlett Schindler here in Whitefish, MT. She is playing Lisa, the female lead in a five person cast. (Meet the cast here.)

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This is always an exciting time.  I enjoy the energy and aliveness that reverberates around the house, as she becomes her character. First, there’s the initial thrill of getting the part! That generally doesn’t last too long. Because within a few days of the first rehearsal, there is that moment of awakening, when the workload becomes clear and the calling to dive into the part, sort of takes over everything else.  For CrisMarie, that’s usually when she’s getting down her lines.  This involves hours of walking and listening to the ipod with her lines and cues recorded.  Sometimes, it’s me that takes on all the other characters and makes sure each line is perfected.  This can be a very trying experience.  I am not always the best at reading through the script over and over. I tend to get distracted. Plus, I am also not always thrilled to give up hours of our days for her ‘extra’ rehearsal time.  The evenings are already a given. So I like having the daytime for us and our work.  Still, I know it’s the actor’s calling, and she loves it.

The second phase is really the hardest for her.  This is often when she may start to doubt herself or realizes that there is some greater challenge to this part that she may be avoiding while memorizing lines.  In some ways, I like this phase the best because there is the dive she takes into having to face her fears and challenge some part of herself.  Acting simply never seems to just be about lines and becoming a part outside of yourself.  No, I think that good actors always know the work comes from inside.  Discovering how the character is like some aspect of them and demands pulling from a well deep inside.  The vulnerability and courage it takes to not just do that work but also put that out on a stage.  Well, that is awesome. It also very similar to the work of leading a Come Alive or a Phase program, where people are diving deep into themselves and discovering the choices they make and how that impacts their world and their relationships.

Private Eyes Poster

It is why I often end up attending the show night after night.  Because it isn’t the same every night.  The script generally stays the same (though there are almost always a few dropped lines) but the people don’t.  There’s a chemistry that gets set-up with each show.  Not just between the actors but with the people in the audience watching.  It’s magical.  Some nights are awesome and others may be not quite so grand.  With theater there isn’t a safety net. So when it works, it’s amazing, and when it doesn’t, well it’s not like anyone can call “cut”.  No, when the chemistry is off or different, the actors have to dive deep, depend on each other, work together even if the lines are off or the moment gets lost.  That too is very similar to being a part of a month long intensive program where some days the magic isn’t happening but you still have to show up and count on the team and the people around you to hang in.

This time I won’t be here for opening night.  I won’t even be here for one of the shows.  I am heartbroken.  I love seeing CrisMarie on the stage, and I enjoy watching the team effort and commitment that goes into making Community Theater.  This show, Private Eyes, is on while I am up at The Haven leading a Living Alive Phase program.  This time we will each be doing work very close to our hearts but not together on the same stage.  So I am reaching out to all my friends, both here and outside Montana and inviting folks to come and see the show!  It’s a comedy. Based on the fun ride I have been having as CrisMarie preps for her role as Lisa, I have come to enjoy the variety of characters and the interesting twist the storyline takes.  I think it will be a great show, and I know it will be heartfelt and real, because that is simply the nature of Community Theater!!

For more details on dates and show times visit: Stumptown’s Online Ticket Sales    It at Kalispell’s historic KM building, which has an intimate charm.  Come to Montana.  Come see the show.

Life Experiences

Bone Weary, Spirit Filled

I just returned from a wild, flurry of travel, work, family, friends and connection. I don’t know the miles covered but I did fly, drive, ferry and taxi – on either side of the country and across the border into Canada. I am bone weary. I am also spirit filled.

Baltimore, Vancouver, Nanaimo, Seattle, Lacey & Home!!
Baltimore, Vancouver, Nanaimo, Seattle, Lacey & Home!!

The trip was designed around a client event outside of Baltimore. It was a one day strategic session with a power company. What was best about the work event was that we got to witness and see the transformation from where we first met with them and now. The day was excellent and very full.

Baltimore was buzzing. With the Ravens playing for a spot in the Super Bowl and Obama just a short hop away signing on for another term. Celebrations and good cheer were easy to come by in the inner harbor area. We had planned a strategy session for Thrive! with a Boston colleague, Jessica Steward. The time spent was awesome. We dove into some great dialogue and I believe crafted a clear path towards our new refresh and Whole Person/ Whole Team approach to our business.

Aside from the work, we had great fun and deep dive discussions between sessions. When we got on our plane to Minnesota, we were both thrilled with the effort and excited about the next steps.

Our paths divided in Minnesota, CrisMarie came back to Whitefish for play rehearsals. I headed towards Nanaimo for a Faculty Steering Group meeting at the Haven. The ease and grace of the trip fell a part a bit at this point. My flight was redirected to Great Falls, MT for refueling due to some concerns about Vancouver weather and a possible diversion. We did make it, but two hours late. I still thought I would easily make the late night flight to Nanaimo but at the last minute the flight was cancelled due to FOG!! OMG! I was stunned. I found a bed and tried to pretend the fog would lift by morning.

No – when I woke at 4AM, I knew I had to make my meeting. I gathered my things and dashed downstairs and convinced a taxi to race to the ferry terminal across town. I just made the 5:15 AM ferry to Nanaimo. Me and ten other truckers. Two hours later, I arrived. Exhausted but ever so grateful to see Cathy, there to meet me and give me a big hug.

The meeting started quickly and we dove right in. I thought we had an awesome day. Mostly because we had the time to really have deeper dialogue and wrestle with our concerns and our direction. Sure, it wasn’t all easy but by the end of the day we had a strong plan for moving forward. So again I was fulfilled.

Next stop Seattle. But first a foggy drive south with another dear friend, Susa. It wasn’t an easy drive with all the fog and having had a long day.

Bone Weary, Spirit Filled
Bone Weary, Spirit Filled

But we had some great time to just chat and catch up. I landed at my sister’s totally wiped.

Normally, I would try to visit a bit but I was too tired. My plan was to get up the next day and drive down for a visit with my folks. My dad, 92, was under house arrest from his doctor – for two weeks. He was not thrilled. And honestly I think we were all a touch worried about how they were doing. I had a nice visit. Had the chance to fix lunch and take a walk with my mom. Mostly, I just liked the contact. At this point in their lives they live fully, and I think they are both aware that life isn’t a long- term guarantee. Each day and every hug a bit more important to stay in for.

I did get to visit with my sister and brother-in-law for dinner before catching a late flight home.

I’ve been home for a 24 hours now, and I am just very grateful for the trip. Bone weary from the travel, the distance and the effort but fulfilled by the wonderful connections and real, raw work that got done along the way. I call that spirit filled.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Life Experiences

Are you ready? – To Be Living Alive!

Back in the early 80’s, I arrived at The Haven for a Come Alive.  That five-day program changed my life – I did literally come alive.  I arrived with a belief that I had about three to six months to live due to an advanced cancer process.  So I had nothing to lose.  I discovered and witnessed something that ignited health, well-being and possibility inside of me.  There’s a story to tell but honestly it’s not the one I want to write now. (Though I did write an earlier blog on that.) No, I want to write about what happened after Come Alive.  Because Come Alive was like being shocked back into my body.  However, I don’t believe I learned much in those five days about how to sustain that aliveness.  Sure the tools were there but five days is five days.  I tasted life and there was something I discovered worth living for, but I didn’t really get how to live that day-to-day.

No, that came later to me.  Again another program at the Haven, this one Living Alive, also know as the Phase program.  This program is a twenty-five day intensive.  Yes, it can be taken in two parts.  However, I recommend the twenty-five days if at all possible.  This program takes the Come Alive and breaks it down.  Suddenly, I’m responsible for breathing every day, speaking up and checking in.  I have to do the working to relate and discover the richness in my follow travelers.  No one is pushing me.  I really get to see how I opt out or jump in.  I discover patterns that get in my way of creating the relationships I want, the life I want.  In twenty-five days I really cannot hide from myself.

Now, twenty-five plus years later, I lead the Living Alive Phase I. Over the years between interning, assisting and leading, I have taken this journey many, many times.  Yet, I don’t think I often market the program.  I do recommend it to folks but probably not as much as I could.  Why?  I don’t know.  That’s really why I wanted to write this blog.  I wanted to tell people about this amazing offering that truly is life-changing.

Living Alive Phase I – Participants’ Stories from The Haven on Vimeo.

I don’t know why The Living Alive program is not always filled.  There seems to be so many people who are dissatisfied with their life in some way – either work or relationship or health.  I hear and see many people looking outside of themselves for answers and frustrated by the results, yet continuing to spend lots of money asking someone for the ‘right answer’.

Living Alive isn’t about giving answers.  Basically, the premise is that you have the answers inside of you, and you just need to learn your path to access your wisdom.  In addition, in relationship to others, there is a tremendous amount that can be learned and discovered about yourself and the patterns and things you do that hinder or help you find that fulfillment.

Living Alive is journey of self-responsibility, choice and curiosity, not about the ‘right’ answer, but the process, the pain the joy in being fully alive even when it hurts.  That may not be for everyone.  But if you do want that, I say put you money into spending twenty-five days exploring the amazing possibilities that exist when relational health becomes the avenue to transformation.  Step in and invest in your own inner wisdom and finding the answers that fit for you.

Yes, this is a bit of a marketing pitch.  I am leading the next Living Alive Phase I starting April 17 (less than a month away!!) and I am excited about a great group of people who are interested in self-discovery and aliveness.

Are you? So I am putting my voice out there and calling those who are looking to sign up.  I would love to see you there!!

Susan Clarke is a long standing faculty member at The Haven.

Life Experiences

An Olympian Takes Her Stage

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Tonight CrisMarie’s show, Looking opens. This is her fourth show and each part has been more challenging and interesting. This time the play is about middle-age dating. CrisMarie is the sexy, somewhat defended police officer, who isn’t looking and of course …. well I don’t want to give anything away.

Community theater actors and directors are truly inspired folks. Without any promise of a pay check and a small support staff, the actors/director, spend weeks in rehearsal, build the set, move it into the theater (a full day job) and take it down at the end. Not to mention, sell ads and get show sponsors. Indeed it takes a lot to put on a show.

Back on the home front, my job is relatively easy. Make sure everything at home runs smoothly. For the most part that isn’t to much to ask. However, I notice as opening night gets closer, I see less and less of CrisMarie and much more of Nina. Living with a sexy, defended police officer isn’t all bad. At times she’ll share how she trying to relate to a piece in the play and all too often I find myself laughing because in my mind she is so like Nina!! I have heard many of those lines directed at me earlier in our relationship.

I like this play. I read it early on in rehearsals and found it smart, funny and very engaging. Sure I can get a little jealous knowing there are some passionate moments where all that passion is directed towards someone other than me. But honestly, I enjoy seeing CrisMarie, alive and embodying her passionate and sexy self.

Truth is the hardest part is watching how hard she can be on herself. She’s an Olympian and that same energy that makes her an elite athlete gets channeled into Whitefish Montana’s community theater. She expects GOLD. So of course when she’s less than perfect, she’s back to running lines, practicing and making sure the next time she takes the stage, she’ll be ON.

This is what it’s like BEFORE the show opens. Once the show begins, well, that focus is even greater.

Fortunately for me, I love live theater. Each night is different and I can see a play many times and enjoy the different energy. However, I do have my own anxiety about how well things are going. Do people like the show? Is CrisMarie on? Are they laughing enough? The worst is when I come with friends because I want them to like the play and especially CrisMarie. Of course none of that is really any of my business.

This show is running right alongside the summer Olympics in London. I doubt CrisMarie has even noticed. She is so involved in her Show. But for me, I watch the Games and think about the fact, this too, is a stage she has played on. What I love most is that I know she puts the same heart, soul and dedication into both. For her, theater is just another team sport. Just like rowing, she knows the job isn’t just for her to shine but for her to do everything she can to ensure the four stars of this show work together to deliver a strong performance each night!! She will do her Olympic best to make sure that happens. That is just who she is.

So tonight instead of the Olympics I will be watching CrisMarie take the stage in Whitefish, MT. I’ll likely be just like family and friends of those Olympians. Holding my breath and hoping for a strong performance.

That’s what is cool about being married to an Olympian. Be it a local play or a national stage, she will give it all she has and I will be proud!!!

Go Team USA and go Team Looking!!

Life Experiences

Hacked

It happened to me. Yes, apparently quite easily, someone got into my blog and inserted a virus. Thanks to a regular reader I got the news quickly. But discovered, this is not an easy problem to solve without computer code knowledge. Besides I found myself dealing with all my own shame and embarrassment at the major warning signs that were showing up with any attempt to visit my site. Google sited me as a hostile and I believe it triggered all my insecurities. Who knew google was going to provide an opportunity for personal growth and development

It has taken two weeks to get things turned around. After trying a service designed to do the dirty work of cleaning my site and having that fail, I turned to a friend who offered her computer wizard. Within a day, he let me know that indeed I had been hacked and that my site needed more security and screening going forward. He also got right to fixing the problem!!

I am hoping none of my favorite fans or new readers have been exposed to any serious problems. I was informed that any virus screening would ensure a healthy system on your end. I also hope that you are still around to read this humble apology should there be any virus detection associated with having read my blog.

Likely there will be more changes coming to my page. Since I needed to invest in cleaning and security I also got the bonus of a possible new look. I haven’t made any major decisions on that but do hope to create a new look that launches my coaching practice.

Again sorry for any hostile warning signals you may have received. I have been cleared now. Which is quite a process. I am glad to be back up and running and will commit to greater security and prevention going forward!

Communication, Connecting, Connection, Life Experiences, Valuing Differences

I Remember. Come Alive, Rocks!

1 Comment

I just finally watched the new Come Alive video on The Haven website. I thought it was awesome. I wanted to find a way to share it with everyone who has ever asked me, “What is it you do at The Haven?”

Yes, I have taken the Come Alive journey many times. Twice as a participant and countless times as a leader during the last twenty two years.

I still remember my first Come Alive. I came with my sister, Penny. I thought I was dying. I had been given three months to live. My doctors were not too happy when I announced I was going across the country to take a five day program called Come Alive. They thought that was a waste. Of course, for me, I had nothing to loss. So I went.

I believe those five days turned my life around. I was so inspired by the leaders – their caring – their open, honest way of being with people. They were not trying to fix me or others, but simply listening, supporting and modeling vulnerability, curiosity and faith. I wanted what I was witnessing. I wanted that more than I wanted to cure cancer. I wanted to learn to relate with that level of authenticity and alive-ness even if it only lasted three months.

I was encouraged to breathe every day. Jock was often dropping by to offer acupuncture. His visits were short, frequent and just the right amount for me to gradually open up to what was happening. I witnessed people sharing a depth of feeling and vulnerability I had never seen before. Of course, I had moments where I totally doubted the process, even got angry about the fact that I was just getting this now with only a short time to live. The beauty of the program was that I traveled to so many places through listening to different stories than my own and never once thought I had to change or be different. I was simply invited to be me and to be curious about how I had gotten to where I was – not as a victim but as a response-able person. It was exciting to have people not feel sorry for me but instead hold me as able. They believed in me and with that invitation I came alive!

I didn’t really remember the models. But I did remember Jock’s tears, as far as I knew, no one had ever cried with me. Here was this doctor with big salty tears running down his cheek. This gave me the permission I needed to cry as well. We did this together, and I will never forget what that felt like. I remember the honesty and warmth of the group as each person revealed some aspect of their life that was raw and new to them. We each held an open space for whatever someone needed or wanted to explore.

Yes, I remember. That first five day program turned my life around, and I have never gone back to the lonely place I knew before arriving on Gabriola at The Haven. So I will gladly share this video and hope it goes viral. There is place, and it is worth visiting. Pass this on!!

Here’s the link to the new Come Alive video!!

Susan Clarke