Monthly Archives: September 2016

Vision

How To Build Your Mojo and Accomplish Your Dreams

14355106_1447679188581726_6618664619152362553_nI get incredibly excited when I get the opportunity to help someone shift from “I must be doing this wrong,” or “I’m broken,”  to engaged, embodied living!

It’s what I am passionate about – because PEOPLE – YOU ARE NOT BROKEN nor are you doing everything wrong! This is simply a crazy story line that you have somehow gotten stuck believing.

Sure, sometimes the outside results are not indicating the success you imagined, and maybe there are some ways to tip things in the your preferred direction.

Building Your Mojo is for you if you:

  • Keep procrastinating on something that means a lot to you
  • Go forward then stop and give up on your dreams
  • Self-sabotage your success
  • Long for the ability to bring your great ideas to fruition

Let’s be clear, with my clients it’s not about a lack of competence or some fatal flaw that stops them from moving forward and succeeding.

No, most of the time it’s got a more to do with owning and opening to your increasing velocity and using your own brand of genius (or as I call it Mojo) to get to the next level.

Let’s face it – many of us are wary and afraid of abundance, unlimited possibilities, loving and shining brightly, thinking thoughts like —

  • OMG if I shine, I may leave people behind
  • if I succeed, I will fall harder later
  • I’ll become too full of myself
  • I’ll become one of those obnoxious happy, positive people

These are all tapes I have running through my mind. I haven’t gotten rid of them. I know there are some folks that have, but not me.  I have discovered ways, however, of letting the tapes run without losing my larger connection to source, magic and my mojo!

If you struggle with your own version of “I must be doing this wrong!” Or “I’m broken” and you want to try something different – Mojo Coaching might just be for you!

So let’ s talk about what Mojo Coaching has to offer right now!

Right now I am test-driving a new 3 part online Building Your Mojo Group, and I want you to sign up to try this out with me!

What’s in it for you:
• Practical tools you can use to build your Mojo immediately!
• Feedback and support as you take Mojo action in your life!
• Fun learning and relating with me and other Mojo seekers!

This will be a one hour group meeting on October 5, 12 and 19 at 1:30 PM PST

This one will be FREE!!! What have you got to lose?

  • What I am looking for from you:
  • That you can identify an area in your life where you are stalling and know you want to explore how to take action.
  • That you are game for test-driving a new online group process on Zoom. You will need computer access and a willingness to ride the waves of a new medium.
  • A willingness to practice some new tools, meaning homework!
  • You are open and willing to share your experience with others as a way of learning and supporting each other.
  • Plus, you’ll give me straight feedback about what works and what doesn’t for you as we go!

If this is you, email me right now at [email protected]. Tell me why you want to try Build Your Mojo. I would love to work with you!  I will let you know if there are open spots.
Let’s do this!

One of My Favorite — Mojo Magic Stories:

My body is a problem

Sally’s initial reason for stepping into Mojo Coaching was around her slower than desired launch of her new service line in her coaching business. I know you are probably wondering what her launch success has to do with her body being a problem.

Well that’s the cool thing about Mojo Coaching. Finding your Mojo to move to a new, uncharted possibility, rarely comes from where you think it will. Most often it comes from tapping into unknown, or exiled parts of yourself, and bringing new breath and life to what has been shutdown or unconsidered.

In looking at her focus area, the launch, it was clear that she had everything in place, yet she was stalling. She had a strong belief that the slow movement was due to her incompetence in one of the business target areas. However, I am a strong believer that often it is important too not get too focused on just the surface but go deeper and broader.

So I asked Sally, “When you think about the launch what do you notice in your body?” Sally shot back quickly, “My body isn’t a resource. It’s a problem.”

She and I both noticed the amount of energy she had in that statement. Sally was curious about the belief and also about how that might actually be related to the launch success.

The big shift came during a ten-minute session. On a call she had scheduled, right when she was packing and heading out on an important trip. Being the responsible person she was, she had given some thought to canceling but did not want to inconvenience me.

About five minutes into the call, I asked, “Would it be better to cancel?”

“Well, I thought about that yesterday…and decided “No, I can not do that.”

I commented, “Instead of thinking about it – how about feeling about it right now.”

She laughed, “Of course, I did not do the breath, feel and check in with my body.” She did and decided to finish the session right then.

Later she shared how powerful that one shift had been. Not thinking, but breathing and using her body as a resource, was not only useful to make the best decision regarding our session, but as result, she was more regularly stopping the habitual – think it through – and instead started taking a breath and listening to her body.

It didn’t have to be a big deal and she was amazed at the quick and valuable input offered!!! She had more energy and vitality as a result!

Valuing Differences

Dear Donald Trump

Dear Donald,

I have been wrestling with the best way to handle the mix of emotions I have coming up related to November’s election.  I doubt that writing and sending a letter directly to you would have any impact.  However, trying to have dialogue and debate with people supporting your ticket has not proven to be particularly productive either.

I am a believer in using dialogue to talk about difficult issues in order to avoid getting into right/wrong positions, working towards understanding people who live by different values than me.  Don’t get me wrong, sometimes I come into a dialogue quite heated and very unhappy with what I think is another person’s ‘deplorable’ position.

However, I have found that when I listen and make space for someone’s opposing views, I learn something.  Also, I don’t generally walk away thinking they are evil, narcissistic or a sociopath.  I have more space, compassion and even if I still disagree have confidence we can live together with our differences.

The problem currently is that I am having a very hard time thinking of you as anything other than militantly ignorant (In case you are not familiar with that term, read Scott Peck’s, People of the Lie where he provides his definition of evil), narcissistic and more recently have wondered about the label sociopath.

I must be wrong.

I hope I’m wrong.

I must be missing something.

At parties and dinner conversations I have attempted to make a case for where you might be coming from.  I admit most of my friends, family and colleagues, who are Democrats, Republicans or Canadian, are very put off by your bullying, ranting, raving style and your need to incite violence in a crowd of people who are already revved up.  So the conversations have been one sided, and people have at times been upset with me for even attempting to understand your position.

I can’t say I blame them.  The things you say you stand for make very little sense to me.  Building a wall along the border of Mexico, getting rid of all Muslims are just two that seem frankly, crazy.  If not crazy at least anti-social, mean and considering Mexico is a neighboring country and most Muslims are not terrorist, militantly ignorant on your part!  Around other issues such as foreign policy, taxes, the economy, I hear you say, I quote, “I am very, very flexible on many issues.”

Really?! What does that even mean!

I don’t know your position or believe you have one. In other elections, I might disagree with a Republican point of view, but this time, I don’t know your position, other than to inflame.  That really concerns me.

When I read the paper or watch the news, I am left thinking, you seem to like being overly aggressive, you cut people off when they are talking so you can make your own point,  you yell and scream frequently, and you say mean things about almost every race, sex or opponent who has crossed your path.

So I am left thinking…maybe you are a sociopath.

Definition of a sociopath: someone who can be defined as a person with markers of Antisocial Personality Disorder, which is characterized by a disregard for the feelings of others, a lack of remorse or shame, manipulative behavior, unchecked egocentricity, and the ability to lie in order to achieve one’s goals.

I sort hate to agree with what I have heard others say about you, but it fits what I see, hear and read regarding your run for President.

So what gives?  I think you must be a sociopath? Or tell me what you do stand for?

I don’t want a sociopath as a President.  But the biggest problem is a sociopath makes for a very difficult opponent to beat.  Because underneath, I don’t really think you care and you will lie and manipulate to achieve your goals.

What is worse is I believe you are very good at using the fear of people to get their vote.  That is what bothers me the most, because I don’t really believe you are on their side.  You just know that you can use their fears about the state of the world to get a vote and put yourself in office.

Maybe all politicians do this.  I hope not.

I know this letter sounds mean, but I don’t know what else to do.  I have not heard any information to refute this conclusion, and I’m looking for it.  When I listen to your strong supporters they are either screaming or also saying something  hateful about another group of people. That just doesn’t fit for me.

Okay you people out there who are voting for Donald, maybe you can help.  But I will just say up front, screaming back at me won’t be very effective. I want to hear something genuine, real and heartfelt.   Something other than a hateful reason for wanting to put this man in office.

I will listen to the debates, but unfortunately I doubt it will be any different than the ones I have already seen.  I am actually concerned these will be worse.

I can only hope I am wrong or that others will decide having a sociopath for a President is not helpful.

Hate and anger will never make America strong and those are the most consistent messages I have heard from you, Donald.

America or Donald yourself, please stop this madness.

 

Life Experiences, Vision

The Secrets About Boundaries and Me

I consider myself someone who is quite good at speaking up for myself in general.  As a result, I have spent years working with clients, supporting and encouraging them to find their own voice and risk speaking up even if it may create conflict in their most important relationships.

Truth is, surfacing conflict really did save my life.  So I have been passionate about it.  It’s not that I love conflict.  I don’t.  However, a lack of conflict and overly nice and calm is way more of a safety issue for me than loud and messy.

Why?

The easy answer is simple.  Not speaking up can and does lead to health issues.

Stay silent long enough and your body talks, in the form of headaches, backaches, joint pain, and even cancer.  If you want references check out Dr. Gabor Mate’s book, When the Body Says No.

My personal experience is that my cancer began to resolve when I found my voice and spoke up.  I believe staying silent creates ‘dis-ease’ in you, negatively impacting your health.

But please don’t misunderstand me, I am not saying if your are ill you must not be saying something.  It is not that simple!  However, speaking up and speaking your truth does help your sense of well-being and life energy.

But there’s more to it.

I’ve been in relationship now for over 16 years with a classic Conflict Avoider, CrisMarie. Yes, she has good reasons for having developed a super power in navigating and defusing conflict.  In many ways, it has served her well.  However, there has been a tremendous cost to her.  You can hear her story in our TED Talk, Conflict Use It, Don’t Defuse It.   It’s also been hard for me and our relationship.

See I do not pick up on her subtle cues. I am also the first to own up to being blunt, persistent and persuasive about my ideas.

As a result, I have gotten upset when I learned later that CrisMarie was quite uncomfortable with my strong debate style, but didn’t say anything at the time.

I am sad when I realize she was asking me questions and working to meet my needs without ever bringing up what she wanted.

I feel blindsided and betrayed  when she has addressed her unhappiness and even once thought she might want to end our relationship because she wasn’t sure there was room for her.

Wow!

That particular situation was a horrible moment for me.  In my past, I would have quickly tried to change and  stopped speaking up.  Although, having done that before and knowing it did not work,  I chose I different path.

I stayed with me and my style, and I also encouraged her to do whatever it took to find her voice even if it might meant leaving me.

So far, that has not happened.  She’s been working on her own track for a while now and yes, it has impacted our relationship.  She is speaking up. We fight more or at least differently.

Things get tense we sometimes separate and each take space to settle ourselves.  When we’re with others she doesn’t often come to my defense when I get into my own reactive style. No, instead, she usually tells me what she really thinks.  Sometimes that stings.  Yet, I know I am getting straight feedback from her these days, and I like that – even when I hurt myself with it.

As a result, I have also discovered my own issues with boundaries.  For me, it’s not so much saying something I don’t like or think differently about. No. It’s often more about saying, “Ouch! That hurts.”

I tend to have a protective layer that can be more like a wall than a boundary.  I have a fight style that served me well in my past and now can be hard to dissolve.  So people may not know that they are having quite a significant impact on me, and my angry face or silence is a mask.  Underneath, I may be swimming in uncertainty or worse hurting myself with something they’ve said.

When I am at my best I drop the wall and stand forward in my vulnerability.  However, that’s at my best, and I am far from perfect.  I do still wrestle with my walls when I interpret an attack. It is often worse when I am blindsided by a situation where I thought someone was standing beside me, and later learned they were just too afraid to speak and tell me they didn’t like what, or how, I said something.

That moment.

When someone finally finds their voice after long time, and I didn’t know they were being silent to avoid conflict with me.

That moment.

When that truth surfaces, is the most painful for me and yet, the most valuable. It’s the reason I believe surfacing conflict, speaking your truth in real time and hanging in through the messy is so worth it.

I also know I have my own work to do.  Because when I don’t say, “Ouch!” or own up my wobbly vulnerability,  I am really just as dishonest and in avoidance for being real in that moment.

Walls are not boundaries.

Boundaries are not about defense but about self-definition.

Boundaries are for defining me and showing up – not about changing you.

When, and if, me and you ever learn that lesson – well may be then we can live in a more self-responsible relational world!

Do you recognize yourself in any of the above?

CrisMarie and I started Be BRAVE, a six week virtual program, because we believe that speaking up, learning to self-define and stay in your own shoes is critical for aliveness, health, success in business and in any significant relationship or partnership.

If you want to learn more join us for our FREE Training, September 14, How To Set Boundaries that Stick!

Also, we are so excited because we have added a 3-Day In Person Retreat for Be BRAVE!! It is right here in in our charming town of Whitefish Montana.

I’ll be working with you on boundaries using a horse in an arena! You’ll meet a real life cowgirl, horse whisperer, there will be a photo shoot with you and the horses, and mind-body work to help you settle your nervous system in the midst of conflict!

Plus you’ll be eating organic and gourmet food, staying in luxurious accommodations!

You just get yourself to Whitefish and we take care of the rest! Sign up now there are only 6 spots left!!

Check out our three options for Be BRAVE if you are ready to find your voice and speak up!