As I mentioned I am just returning from being fully engaged leading an intensive program at The Haven. Now back home I find myself feeling a bit lost and disoriented. It’s not like there isn’t tons to do. I have bills to pay, household projects friends to catch up with and Thrive! work such as coaching and consulting. Yet I am still swimming and uncomfortable. I know this is classic transition stuff.
I love the work I get to do at The Haven, being present and engaged with people , not to mention I get fed and all basic needs met while I do what I am passionate about. Back home I don’t have the same structure and though I have a great partner both at home and work, the practical day to day things like food, bills, marketing and financial oversight, don’t happen unless I play my part.
So I miss the ease of having all the basics taken care of and I miss the intensity of a residential program. Indeed there is a letting go process that is happening. I also believe being away, my homo status shifted and I find myself in chaos or the neutral zone. A wonderful time for creativity and new possibilities but equally filled with uncertainity and discomfort.
I don’t have the answer or the ‘right’ path yet. I want to find a way to bring some of the energy and juice I generated while working at The Haven back into my life and work here. I don’t want to change everything and I don’t want to lose the new seeds of possibility that got planted.
I guess I believe this happens whenever we go through an intense emotional experience. There’s often a wow! moment and then there the re-entry back into our more familiar world, “whoa”. I believe it is that phase when “wow!’ meets ‘whoa’ – that has incredible potential for change and transformation. I also know it’s not easy staying in the chaos and discomfort long enough to really listen and figure out what needs to stay the same, what needs to change and what is up for creative synthesising.
What I do know is I am in that phase now. The writing is helping and I want to figure out an answer. Best that I wait but that isn’t easy!
Still I do think ‘being’ not ‘doing’ in the change is what will create the more creative, intersting outcome. For now Wow! meeting Whoa is a touch uncomfortable – best I breathe and stay with it!! I’ll keep you posted!!
Interesting – I believe this happens for me over and over again when I have what you call re-entry. I am seeing it now with my son who has just returned from a Vision Quest – I think the key for me is to bring the energy and juice into my everyday and recognizing that with breathing and the creativity piece – writing, painting I stay connected to myself. As Rumi so aptly puts it, “Don’t go back to sleep”.
The honesty and realness in your words is so comforting. I so relate…to the initial discomfort in taking care of all the basics in life and how having those needs met at the Haven was so pampering….to missing the “intensity” of the residential program..to the “being not doing” and the staying with breathing also reasonates. Thanks for putting it all down in words!! Your blog is acting as a powerful dock for me right now and I am grateful that you are willing to share your insights with us all!