A year ago the world went into shutdown. Here in Montana it didn’t really hit for another week or so. Even then it wasn’t so much Covid as trying flatten the curve. We didn’t have cases for quite a while or if we didn’t we didn’t know. 


So much has happened since.

Yes, there was Covid, then there was George Floyd, social injustice and then an election that was divided and charged. We still have people fighting about who won or if Covid is real. But somehow things are moving towards a new normal or at least the end of the Pandemic.

There’s a vaccine and some signs that soon we’ll meet in person again, hug our friends and relatives and gather for a holiday.


Personally I didn’t mind moving online. I am fortunate enough to have the resources to work from home. I also live new state lands and could walk, run and bike – easily six feet away from everyone. 


Truth be told I didn’t mind being six feet a part – my old survival skills came in handy.


CrisMarie and I found creative ways to connect through things like The New Morning Show, puzzling through Zoom with my family members or playing games House Party or Among Us. 


We offered our take on how to deal with Stress, Crisis, Conflict and Change. I loved working with Chambers, businesses and leaders to find ways to make remote working doable. Help people process the challenges.


I don’t really believe we are quite through this yet. Even with vaccines and a feeling of safety to gather won’t resolve the grieve, stress and lingering ‘trauma’ that has been created by the events over this last year.


It is amazing that we have created a vaccine and some path towards recovery so quickly. However, there is more than just the physical contagion to be dealt with. There’s loss and there’s pain that has mostly just been driven over to survive.


I want to know what we have really learned from this and that we will do things differently. That the things we discovered that mattered while locked down in our houses will still matter. That we’ll find ways to connect and deal with differences better. 


We’ll figure out how to begin to have real conversations about racism, sexism and systems that are no longer serving us and need to be modified and changed. 


But I’m not sure.

I wonder if when I get my shot I’ll feel ‘safe’ again. I sort of hope not. Sometimes being uncomfortable and vulnerable is critical to making real change. 


Of course I can practice being more vulnerable without it being driven by fear, shame or pressure. It is hard sometimes and I know so worth it. My mind wants safe. My heart wants to be open, even if it may still get broken.

I am going for the heartbeats not just the safety.

Anyway this what’s on my heart and mind. What’s on yours?