I am doing a little bit of everything BUT writing. I imagine if I look back to last year at this time, I might discovery that there was a similar pattern. Having just returned from a very intense month of contact and engagement. I am now home.
Don’t get be wrong, I LOVE being home. However, there does seem to be some sort of adjustment process I go through that is a touch painful and difficult. I just can not seem to find the right rhythm. Plus this year I have returned and Bailey is gone.
Some of you may not be familiar with Bailey. Bailey is our boxer puppy of 2.5 years. I wrote many blogs about our dynamics. In many ways he was my buddy and a lot like me. Demands tons of exercise. Loves to play and has a bit of a stubborn side. Though underneath is a sweetheart. (may be not totally like me – not sure about the sweetheart part). Already some folks may be concerned that this is going to be a sad story of a puppy that died. NO! Bailey is just fine. Actually I think very happy and as playful as ever.
Bailey has a new home. Early this year CrisMarie and I had a very tough conversation about how our life was unfolding. Though we both loved Bailey. He did demand a great deal of attention and energy. For CrisMarie there was an added burden of being the one in charge when I was off at The Haven. She courageously shared her need for something different. To her credit she tried lots of things. Like more dog obedience. Finding boxer buddies for play dates, especially when I was away. But it just wasn’t working.
Of course if I were more of an alpha-type may be things would have been different. I’m not. So even with the extra classes and even more runs in woods, it was clear Bailey was a great dog but we were not the best buddies for Bailey.
So we agreed to look for a new home for Bailey. I struggled with this decision. Because Bailey was so much like me and I sort thought I was giving up on him. Fortunately we found Rick. Actually friends identified Rick as a possible Bailey buddy. We knew this was a good fit when after a four day visit with Rick. Rick’s comments were, “Bailey is such a mellow dog.” Okay there are many ways I would describe Bailey but mellow was never one of them.
Rick was the alpha that Bailey was looking for. Rick took his time because he was clear he wanted to be sure Bailey would have a forever home. Now he does. So Bailey is in great hands. They are hiking, biking and apparently even out on the water. (bailey would not get close to the water with us.) So Bailey is in very good hands.
Still the transition happened while I was away. So coming home and now settling in, the reality of Bailey being gone is upon me. I miss him. He was SO full of life and demanded I join him! He was my energizer puppy!
So without my distraction and energy fixer, I am drowning in this transition. There is a ton of things I can do. The weather is becoming something other than wet – so the great Montana outdoors is calling. I have a great bike just waiting to discover new routes. I have writing that needs to get done. Of course there work which involves some cool new projects. Yet I am sad. Bailey’s gone and I miss him.
I have been wanting to writing about Bailey for a while. But just couldn’t without welling up in tears. Maybe posting something about just what a good life he is living will help move this letting go process along.
I know it’s not really all about Bailey. I am home and it always takes me a while to find my footing after a month at The Haven.
This too shall pass and may be I’ll go hiking with Rick and IO (yes Bailey has a new name – pronounced EE-O!). I’m not ready yet – but soon.
At least I have started writing again!!