Tag Archives: susanbclarke

Communication

My Cardinal Rule: Own My Gossip!!

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Couldn’t sleep. Lots of thoughts running through my mind and it is a full moon. I have also heard that Mercury goes to retrograde sometime very soon and even though I do not live my life dictated by star charts I do respect the fact that anything as vast and uncharted as our universe can indeed impact and breakdown communication channels. I do not know know enough about astrology to make that a subject of this post, however, I do have some thoughts about communication.

What’s foreground for me today is some crucial conversations I need to have. I like to think of myself as a fairly good communicator willing to engage in tough conversations as needed and equally willing to be vulnerable and own my part in communication breakdowns. People often tell me this is a strength of mine. However, my sleepless night tells me that I am resting on my laurels so to speak.

I know this because I am breaking one of my cardinal rules for keeping my energy clear.   The rule:   Own my gossip.  Meaning if I am saying something about someone else I want to know inside myself that I have, would or will say that same thing to them in person directly when I get the chance.

Living by this rule as been instrumental in keeping me healthy and in building better relationships.  But like anything good for me it is not always easy to live by.  I have many ways of rationalizing my need to gossip.

  • I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings
  • I need to clear this up myself first and really it is no big deal
  • I’m not gossiping I am just venting
  • Mercury is in retrograde so it’s not a good time to have this conversation

There are more I could add to this list and each of us has our own spin on the reasons we don’t clean up our gossip.  The point is, I know that when I start drawing on this list I’m walking the slippery slope down a path that leads to broken down communication, dishonest relationships and unhealthy, sleepless nights for me.

I know people have all sorts of reactions to the word gossip.  Personally I think we all do it and that gossiping isn’t the problem.  Gossiping can actually be a very good thing.  I often talk about folks who are far away with friends that are present and we laugh and get in touch with our warmth and feelings for the person we both know.  That’s one form of gossip.  In other words, of course I talk about my friends, colleagues and family ‘behind their backs’ (when they are not around)   I would hope so,  they are the most important people in my life!  The real issue is have I had the conversation I need to have directly with them.  Shared directly the good stuff andthe not so good stuff.  When I have,  gossiping is a great way to keep my heart open to those I love who I don’t always get to speak too directly.

Back to today and me:  I am not owning my  gossip.  I am saying things about someone I care about that I know I have not said and don’t really want to say directly to them.

Yes having the conversation now will be harder because I broke my rule so the job just got tougher.  Still the sooner I have the crucial conversation the better.

I am hoping by tomorrow’s post I will have cleaned up my communication channels and if not I sure hope I am not blaming Mercury.  This is my own doing.

writing

Blogger’s Block!

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I seem to be suffering from bloggers block.  Honestly I don’t know how ‘real’ bloggers do it – write daily, some multiple times a day.  I will say I am enjoying the process.  I love getting comments and thoughts from readers.  I enjoy writing when I have an idea.  But sometimes I am just sit staring at the screen or worse typing and deleting without ever landing on something worth finishing.

I know this place when it comes to exercise or learning a new sport.  I seem to easily find the discipline and commitment to go for a run and know it’s okay even if it is a slow jog or get on my bike after a few days without riding and overcome the critic and my head that says -” you’re never get better like this – you must ride every day.”  In that world I seem to be able to laugh at the tyrant and stay true to my real goal of exercising to connect to my own flow and aliveness.

Writing isn’t quite like that yet. The tyrant seems to have a bit more power.  I listen and start to believe that indeed I have failed because I missed a few days or that this little piece about Blogger’s block is stupid and a waste of time.  It is usually about know that I select all and delete.  But I am going to stay with this, ride through my critic.  I am guessing I am not the only one that faces some type of inner dialogue that stops forward progress.

Back when I was an avid and quite talented  tennis player I still had days when I would walk on the court and instead of the seamless relationship I generally felt with my racket, the ball and my body I would be caught in the separation and not be able to hit anything well.  Those moments (and sometimes longer periods) were very challenging.  But because I had a felt sense of grace not to far in the past I could laugh at myself and carry on.

I am guessing true writers are like me when I was playing tennis.  They are enough in touch with a ease of grace and ease with words and story that they ride through the rough spots.  They laugh at the less the perfect blogs and they wait for the next moment when the words come with ease.

Maybe tomorrow!

Vision

The Green Tea House Opens!!

Today is the first official day that The Green Tea House (TGTH) in Whitefish, MT is open for business.   TGTH is not my business though I am very excited and engaged in making it a success.  My friend, Vickie Kelson, had the inspiration for TGTH over ten years ago.  Last year she really started raising cash and breaking ground.  Over this past year there have many, many reasons why TGTH was not practical or viable.  TGTH is a gluten-free, organic, vegan cafe and tea house in the center of Whitefish, MT.  Nothing about the place is cheap or inexpensive.  In the current economy it is not looking like the best time for such an endeavor.  However, the opening day is proving that it is worth holding on to a dream even when the winds of resistance and frequent storms and obstacles get in the way of manifestation.

TGTH, is bright and colorful, the food is wonderful and I do believe it will inspire even the dieheart meateater to try a few vegan meals.  For anyone who has discovered the importance of taking in healthy food that nurtures the soul,  TGTH will be a naturally sweet surprise in a world too focused on fast-food, refined sugar, carbs and red meat.  For me it is the energy of a dream that I tap into whenever I come through the doors.

As I sit here today with the doors open and folks coming in for tea, I actually believe I will write my book.  I may just do it sitting here.  The place is alive with excitement.  Of course there are still many bridges to cross before The Green Tea House is solidly on it’s financial legs.  That the doors are open is a miracle and reminder that we do live in a world of unlimited possibilities.  I want to celebrate and spread the word – miracles happen when someone has the inspiration and courage to dream and stay with the dream through the storms that come with bringing a new idea to life. Way to go Vickie and all who have been a part of making The Green Tea House possible!!!

If you are interested in learning more or even in offering financial support to The Green Tea House you can find out more at www.thegreenteahouse.net.

Of course what I most highly recommend is stop by for tea!!

Uncategorized

Balance = Alignment + Flow

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Today, I attended a great workshop combining the Ancient Teaching of Traditional Chinese Medicine and Yoga.  I have had an interest in Chinese Medicine for many years and though no expertise, love the concepts of Chinese Five Elements.  These days I have become interested in yoga.  I admit I have had resistance to yoga – primary because I have interpreted yoga’s emphasis on ‘balance’ as a transcendence of the ‘ugly and messy’ aspects of being human – such being angry, jealous, pissy or proud.

However, I have been practicing more recently with a friend who has helped me get over my own judgments and give it a try.  She also happens to be a masterful teacher who is okay with not being a ‘perfect’ yogi.

Today I got that the definition of balance is not some inner peace – no – balance is simply aligning so that flow happens.  In our dualistic universe that means movement or energy flow between opposites such as positive/negative, hot/good, perfect/imperfect and even balance/imbalance.  There is not one without the other.  Yoga is about alignment, which allows the free flow of energy or ‘en-ligten ment‘,  or enery flowing at the speed of light.   Buddha did have negative thoughts, however, he was aligned so that the energy  flowed so fast, there was no internal resistance (i.e. judgment) so no external visable evidence.

So a true ‘yogi’ isn’t without the ugly and messy but is simply aligned and allowing the flow of energy to happen so fast,  the experience is quite different.

Now that idea excites me.  I think of child that ‘flows’ through emotions rapidly without getting ‘stuck’, one minute crying and another laughing.  We come into this physical form with that type of flow and aligning much more gracefully.  Then we get more caught up in the dualistic mental constraints and before long our bodies are far from ‘balanced’.

In Chinese Medicine the information is systemic, dynamic and when I was dealing with cancer I discovered the Five Element Model allowed for me to see the patterns and energy flow or lack of energy flow in my life that was contributing to my “stuckness”.  The ancient model allowed me to discover a story and way of looking at ‘cancer’ that allowed for unlimited possibilities and engaged my curiosity. I was no longer attached to a ‘cure’ but to discovering how my energy was flowing or not.

Now I see yoga offers a new level of discovery in the realm of alignment which allows  increase in the rate of energy flow.  I don’t have to be flexible and graceful, perfect and peaceful.  I simply need to be willing to practice noticing when I am aligned and when I am not and through that awareness, acknowledgment and acceptance, I can discover an action that allows for greater flow.

In closing I leave you with the quote offered by the day’s instructors:

‘Water that flows does not decay’ .  Balance is embracing the dualist universe we live in through aligning and allowing the free flow of all energy.

Communication

My 3 C’s: A Recipe for Overcoming Obstacles

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I generally like to keep things simple.  Often that means boiling down and summarizing what I know and belief into three steps.  I was told three steps is the magic number for success.  So when I am struggling or find myself in fear and doubt I like to go back to the basics – my three c’s.

  • am I curious about what’s happening
  • am I willing to use my courage
  • am I committed

Curiosity is the magic ingredient for me because when I become curious my energy shifts and the striving, driving part of me relaxes and I become more playful.  It is amazing how much more information is available when I am playful and relaxed then when I am striving and driving.

Often through being cuirous I recognize something I am not doing.  Then it becomes an issue of courage.  Will I step in and do what’s new, or what’s uncomfortable.  I use to think of courage as being tough and never letting on that I am struggling.  However, now I belief toughness does not take much courage at all.  Let’s face it – it is easier to fire someone and never see them again – then it is to have a crucial conversation, give feedback and then show day after day working with someone you may not always agree with or even like.  Courage is about not being tough but about being ‘real’- showing my vulnerability and staying in.

Which brings me to commitment.  Am I willing to stick it out.  I’d like to think of myself as a very committed person to things I say I will do.  But I know I can easily get distracted or decide the pain is not worth the gain and then my commitment wavers. Take this Blog – I said I wanted to write daily in the beginning.  It’s easy to let a day go by without writing because maybe I have nothing to say or I am busy doing other things.  But really how long does it take to write something – to stick to my commitment.

Indeed the 3 C’s are just one quick recipe for challenges and obstacles.  Let me know what you think or what simple recipe you use to kick start yourself out of the pit or over a stuck point.