Still, the process of learning, has provided me amazing tools for facing a world that is indeed rich with limitless possibilities. I didn’t step into this journey with any real intention to acquire another degree. Though as the founder of JMSI presented each of us (there were only five in my class), with our degrees, I was proud of what we had accomplished over the years.

This is not a school that many people have heard of or likely will decide to attend. Why? Because the learning is not main stream. The answers are not finite and linear. The process is odd to surreal at times. Plus those who have started and left the program, all came looking to change the world and at some point along the way got frustrated with the lack of tangible, third-dimensional results. No this work is about something beyond our current mental, spacial construct. If you don’t believe in magic, alchemy and non-physical forces – well, it’s pretty hard to stay engaged. Even if you do and assume your job is to convince or ensure others come along at some point the program will disappoint you. It seems illumination comes from within and no amount of shining lights on others to get them enlightened will work. Still even for those who left along the way, the school offered many tools and opportunities to discover ways of tapping into energy and viewing the universe from a variety of different story lines and teachings. I still see many of those folks and from my view what they are currently doing in the world has indeed been illuminated by their time with the school.

Over the seven years, I had many moments myself where I did really wonder and question why I was continuing. I wanted more clear signs that this map and body of work we were pulling together really did make sense or mean something. I am still not sure how much of what we talked about or pulled together really did answer the big questions of the universe, but I did get clear signs at various points that my own inner universe was better and more illuminated. To me this means I have become better at recognizing when I am caught in my story, appreciating that there is so much I don’t ‘know’, but could access if I suspend my mind and trust my heart.

Plus I have seen signs that little things that seemingly insignificant people do can have even greater impact than they will ever know. These little seemingly small shifts may impact just one life but that one life could set up something that will change the planet. You just never know.

During my years of studying I have worked on my diet, changed the way I dressed, learned to play more, tapped into intelligence way beyond my own (meaning being able to fully understand quantum physics, spoken languages I didn’t know, created music beyond my day-to-day abilities). I have also played with a variety of religious and philosophical ideas in a way that connected and synthesized these diverse teachings into a map that I do not pretend to fully understand but can appreciate and utilize. I know now I am not alone. We are in so many ways ONE. That in and of itself is worth all the effort!

Feel free to check our JMSI. Indeed when I started it wasn’t on the web, but now there is a website. Go take a look. Maybe you’ll get intrigued. May be you will re-member. May be it won’t be for you. That’s all okay!

www.jwalan.org

Dad,

Likely, I am either sitting in an airport or somewhere in the sky between Montana and Baltimore. I am hoping you are celebrating your 92nd birthday either biking to McDonald’s for breakfast or taking an afternoon ride to the ice cream parlor.

Bkng Jon Holding Court!

I believe I took my first bike ride to Aunt Sarah’s Pancake House with you around the age of five or six. It was the family Saturday morning breakfast ride. As a family we regularly rode to places for breakfast or ice cream – two of your favorite motivators.

Biking is a passion of yours, and I have no doubt, a big part of why you are still ticking and riding well into your senior years. There are many who ride faster and some who have covered more miles, but few who have been as passionate promoting the benefits of biking as you.

Back in Richmond, Virginia you started many standing club rides that are still going long after you moved to the west coast. Your bike got you on the cover of Bike Magazine, riding your three speed wearing your suit to work at Ginter Park, elementary school. I think this also gave you a good story on the Bill Crosby Show. I even remember you making it into the Seattle Times newspaper after the earthquake. As I recall, you were thrilled and a bit relieved, to learn from a crowd outside of the capital in Olympia, that there had been an earth quake instead of your fear that you had just had another stroke while out riding.

You have many fans on both coast who tell stories of riding with you. My stories are mostly positive. Of course, there were a few times when we got lost, or I thought you took the longest route possible; but honestly, I am incredibly proud and inspired by your passion and commitment to biking.

We are very different types of riders. I prefer getting from point A to B as fast as possible, and you, I think enjoy the scenery. I also believe biking is social for you since you have friends all over the country who will tell a story of riding some where, usually for food or drink with you. I tend to go solo.

As bring this post to a close, I find myself wishing I was there in Olympia with you riding to celebrate your life! Instead, I am sending this out to all the folks I know. Letting them know what an inspiration you are to me. I hope you are riding for many more years!! Happy Birthday Dad!!

Note The Virginia Tags

That being said, I did recently attend a writing workshop and one of the facilitators offered a wonderful gem of wisdom. For all of us in the crowd, who would writing about our own life experiences, she said, “Your own life experience, well that is area you can each say you have 10,000 hours of experience in.” Therefore, I am a master of those stories. Writing them down is another skill all together – but it was good to know I at least have the hours covered to I have mastered the content of my book!

So indeed I have been writing down my stories. This is a slow process and not one I am prepared to share yet with the world wide web. However, I am beginning to tap into another potential area of mastery for myself. I think I could say I am a master in surviving.

First let’s look at the definition of survive.

v. sur·vived, sur·viv·ing, sur·vives
v.intr.
1. To remain alive or in existence.
2. To carry on despite hardships or trauma; persevere: families that were surviving in tents after the flood.
3. To remain functional or usable: I dropped the radio, but it survived.
v.tr.
1. To live longer than; outlive: She survived her husband by five years.
2. To live, persist, or remain usable through: plants that can survive frosts; a clock that survived a fall.
3. To cope with (a trauma or setback); persevere after: survived child abuse.

Indeed, I have ‘survivied’ a good deal longer than expected. The simple stories of this come from reviewing the years of dealing with cancer, (four times); there’s the ‘surviving’ child trauma (no need to go into details); then surviving ‘remembering the flashbacks’ etc.. from those younger years; also, there were my years as ‘only one of two white kids’ in my high school. I have a long list of these type of experiences. The one thing that I learned through all of that was: when faced with life or death, the best strategy is to be in the moment and access some sense of faith, well-being and humor, at least that has carried me through.

Even today, when my life is not really about that degree of drama, I can see the signs of my mastery when it comes to preparing for a colonscopy. I had to have one just recently. Those types of test bring up lots of things for me with my medical past dealing with cancer. So I do get myself into that life/death mentality and in that space, I shine. I find a way to take care of myself and be good at setting boundaries around what I need. I also am comfortable with the people I interact with. Meaning all the medical folks, the insurance folks, the people in the waiting room. Suddenly, I am at ease in this environment.

I am also good at coping with a setback. It is possible that without a setback I get a bit lost. I don’t like admitting to that. In many ways, I have been creative in ensuring that I regularly have enough drama in my life. I work with leaders and in organizations most often when they are in a crisis. At The Haven, the group work is primarily drawn from strong emotional events in people’s lives. I am am comfortable there.

In my own life, I struggle with the ordinary day-to-day. Generally speaking, I do my best work when pushed or at the last minute. I would really like to shift that. However, I first may need to really honor my ‘outlier’ skill set.

There may be a way to more creatively and consciously draw upon this skill set. Yes – I can honestly say I have 10,000 hours of practice in ‘surviving’ – remaining functional and useful against the odds. Yes, that was even how I got on my high basketball team. Not because I was a great basketball player but by selling my coach on how slow I was and that he needed that skill set. Indeed, survivial at it’s best. I knew I couldn’t out shoot or out run anyone on the court – but I also knew they needed someone to slow down the run-and-gun scorers – that was me.

I am good when things seem the darkest. I seem to see the stars in the blackest of nights. I like that about myself. Thus this blog is to honor my outlier skill set of surviving!!

I signed up for this program when I was competent, confident consultant/coach/counselor. I signed up to enjoy the work that my partner had found so beneficial, and I wanted to join the tribe of folks she was finding so supportive and fun.

Yes, I signed up just to learn a few new things and may be start a coaching practice.

But no, that’s not what’s happened since. Martha talks about this idea of following your north star. In many ways I really do believe I have been there and done that. Problem though is that my north star keeps offering new possibilities. I sort knew that when I left living on Gabriola Island after 14 years to move back to Seattle and start a partnership and business with CrisMarie. I knew that when we packed up our business and home and moved to Montana to be a part of a spiritual community here. I had hints of another shift when we signed on as Table Group Consulting Principal to launch a stronger brand around some great simple business wisdom. In that moment, we let go of our business brand and aligned ourselves with others. I sort of knew we were shifting to make room for something that was coming. I just wasn’t sure what.

Then life started presenting a series of catalytic events (another Martha term for those things that throw you into the Change Cycle). First, our closest friends were suddenly no longer a good fit. That was a heartbreaking process for us all, I believe, and who knows if those fractures will ever heal. Next, we got clarity that even though we LOVE our boxer Bailey, he needs a different home. We travel too much and he is simply a dog that wants his people close by and a buddy who will play with him. Again my heart was/is broken, and we are looking for that perfect, forever home for him. Honestly, I can’t imagine not having him around – so I may be making this harder. Then came the real kicker, our business leader decided he needed to align the brand and business around his faith, which doesn’t fit for us. Suddenly, our plans to shift our business and our life direction was thrust upon us much faster than expected.

So instead of being a new cadet just interested in learning some new things about myself, I enter this new journey with a broken heart and a spinning compass (not sure where north is right now).

Martha uses a metaphor of a caterpillar changing to a butterfly in explaining her change process. The caterpillar gets a calling to make a cocoon, but honestly, one has to wonder if when she heads to the tree to start making that cocoon if she really has any idea what will happen once she’s in there.

Apparently, she turns to goo! That’s right. It’s really the only process like it in the living world of organisms. That caterpillar sets herself up for a major meltdown. Right now, I can relate. I feel a bit like goo. Plus, I don’t really want to go out into the world and connect. I want to hide inside even though it is a gorgeous day out there. I want to be angry at my friends, my business colleagues and even CrisMarie for suggesting Bailey isn’t a good fit. But the truth is, anger is simply a way to avoid what is really happening. I am being called to change – to sink into letting go of what’s been comfortable and secure and look inside and find my inner compass.

Sure, I want this to be easy. I want to figure out quickly who will be my new best friends and what our business will be called. I don’t want to feel the sorrow of saying good-bye to my buddy Bailey or the stabbing pain when I see his playful face on a flyer looking for a new home. I don’t want to feel the ache in my chest when I bump into someone who asks how my friend’s new book is coming, and I realize I have no idea because we aren’t talking anymore.

No, I don’t like this goo place. I want to escape. That sure would have been easier to do if I hadn’t signed up for this coaching program. Because now instead of simply being along to learn a few new things, I find myself living what I learning – goo and all.

It seems now, I can only hope in the end, I come out a butterfly!!

On a personal level I am having to re-define relationships because our differences are no longer open for dialogue and more about black/white and right/wrong. Of course, in this course of re-defining I am having to look at how I am holding on to my position or presenting what is important to me. In the past, I would say I have always been a bit like my boxer, Bailey. People know where I stand, and I can look tough. However, equally like Bailey, I am not nearly as tough as my bark.

I have been learning that indeed I am quite an open-heart-ed person, who cares more about the relationship than my own point of view. Most of my life I think I have covered up this softer side because I really did believe that a tough front would be safer and create less pain. If no one ever knew that I cared deeply, they would more likely give me an honest opinion. Plus, I grew up watching lots of strongly opinionated people sit around a dinner table and wrestle with politics, religion and various other intellectual challenges, and it seemed to me, the best at it, were the most opinionated and loudest. So I went that route.

Many years later, a few health challenges and lots of deep emotional de-armoring, I am realizing that there is indeed another path. One that isn’t easy for me but much more fulfilling and quite frankly, honest. That path is one of vulnerability and intimacy (into-to-me-see). The problem with the new path is that I often have a shaky voice and don’t sound quite as solid. Also I cry. I am not comfortable crying. Just doesn’t come easy. Plus, big tears for me is usually not so obvious to anyone else. Inside I am wailing, but outside I think I look a bit more tight.

Still, I like me better this way. I like being able to finally say to the world – I care more about you and I connecting, having an honest dialogue than I do about a truth, or any one opinion.

Of course, I am also learning that this is not a value that everyone has or is interested in considering. Some folks really are all about finding ‘a truth’ – or the ‘truth’.

I work in relationship to a very charismatic leader who has become quite respected for some very simple and practical wisdom when applied to business, teams and leadership. I love his message – well the message in the books. It seems he is becoming more interested in including his strong religious values as part of his message. He has a platform from which to speak and wants to speak about what matters most to him. On one level that is great. However, his religious beliefs are not mine. At first, I thought this wouldn’t be a problem. I respect differences and have always loved working with teams, people who are very different than me. However, I am getting the message that may be my belief – but not his. He believes in one truth and that truth quite clearly makes some people ‘wrong’ or eliminates the values of others. That’s not okay with me.

So now both on a personal and a professional level, I am being challenged to stand forth. To show up and not fight about these issues but to speak from my heart, my heart that feels a bit broken right now. Much like the Leonard Cohen lyrics, “a crack in anything is where the light gets in”, I believe this broken heart of mine is an opportunity to discover what is next for me. To find my own words and message.

I do have something to say about all this. The message is forming. When I am ready, I plan to step up and without the heavy armor of my past and say what I think. Sure my voice may crack and likely I will have some moist eyes (that you might just think are tight) but I will be strong – not tough – strong.

I do hope the message will be the one my life has been crafting since the beginning. Because I think I came into this world wanting to bridge differences, not knock them down. I think bridges are for crossing over and seeing what life is like from someone else’s perspective. Sure I have an opinion and it is quite likely a good one for me – but it isn’t the only one. That much I do know for sure.

What does that mean? Well, I know that music is the one thing that gets inside my walls and leaves cracks that let in enough light to change my story and open new ways of thinking.

Music gets me moving even when I am convinced that I can’t move. Slowly a rhythm will get my head nodding or my feet tapping. Before too long I am up dancing.

Music reaches across languages. I can listen to music from around the world, never understanding one word but fully connecting on an emotional and physical level to a message that is universal.

When I think back over the years there are songs that mark many of the significant events of my life. Some happy, some sad, some joyful and some still filled with pain and heartache. However, when the music takes me back to the many stories of my life, it’s sort of like watching a film or reading a great book. I find my way through, the notes and the cords allow feelings to flow and I seem to be able to let go and just ride the waves.

Though I enjoy the present moment. I am glad I have the past at my disposal to drop into periodically. The past reminds me there are reasons for these aches, pains, wrinkles and scars. So I collect the music that makes it easier to draw from my past. Music makes the sticky spots much more creative and fluid.

So music is a sensual experience. I feel music through every cell in my body. Music dropped me into a deep sound sleep for some necessary surgery. Music kept me focused on the present and a future when chemotherapy was burning through my veins. Music kept me company when I was not sleeping due to some flashbacks from the past. Music cracks open my heart when I pretend I don’t care and get caught in my old armor.

I have a new playlist blasting into my ear buds now. I hadn’t really planned on writing about my love of music. Actually I was getting pretty down about my writing. So I plugged in my ear buds and sure enough my heart started pumping and my body rocking. So once again music provides that crack that lets just enough light in to get a new post completed!!

I have admired Steve Jobs because, well, I love my ipad and iphone. I appreciate Apple ads and like what seems to be the simple, yet artistic nature of all that Apple offers. I get now that it isn’t all the doing of Steve Jobs. Honestly, it seems as though the best of the engineering and anesthetic nature of Apple products was the result of others like Steve Woznick and Jonathan Ive. Still it is very clear without Jobs, Apple would not be the Apple it is today.

I have friends and colleagues who hate the guy because of his narcissistic style and mean, tyrant-like leadership. I guess I would argue that at least with Steve Jobs you knew where you stood. He may have had two faces (or more) but it seems as a leader everyone saw all of the options – the good, bad and ugly. I don’t think that is the norm. Most of us try to hide the ugly. Even though it might be less attractive, I admire the straightness and integrity of someone who is simply out there.

I have my own issues around the narcissism. I struggle with relationships where I judge someone to be so involved with themselves that others don’t exist. However, I am also very aware of my own narcissistic tendencies. I can indeed assume at times the world revolves around me.

I am also aware that a healthy does of narcissism makes for a great story-teller and leader. Of course, I want the positive qualities and would prefer to disconnect from the less attractive aspects.

Well, that is not so easy. I guess that is what I am appreciating about exploring Steve Jobs. As a public figure, he remained quite private. As a leader he was quite self-absorbed. As a creative wizard, he left behind friends. He was so human. May be that is what is so appealing to me. Here is a man he was for some was a hero, for some a jerk but willingly left us with a story that reveals the man behind the hero. It may not be pretty, or nice – but it does seem real.

I have a lot of Steve Jobs in me, minus the billions, the public persona and the great products. I am creative and a jerk. I can be loyal and mean. I cry and at times I appear uncaring and cool. I am human. I hope I can be as okay with myself as Steve Jobs seemed to be. He asked that his biography reflect only what was shared – that whatever his friends, his enemies and his family had to say, not be censured. That, I believe, is courageous and real. As a result some of my admiration has been wiped away. I see more of the man less of the hero. Yet in the end I like that. I myself prefer being human to being a hero. I believe it is a much harder path to follow and definitely a road worth traveling.

So I decided to hire a coach. CrisMarie had the name of someone who was known for coaching writers so I decided to set up a chat. Honestly, I had no idea what to expect but what I thought would be an easy call turned into something else entirely.

It isn’t that this writing coach said anything too harsh. She simply wanted to know why I wanted to write a book, and as I rattled off the many things that seemed like good reasons, she kept pointing out that my responses seemed to have more to do with what others wanted than what I wanted.

At one point on the call I started down the path of sharing that I wanted to write my story. The journey I had been on through cancer and through dealing with my history which was filled with stories that never could be confirmed as fiction or non-fiction. She was relentless in trying to re-focusing me on the question of “why write a book?” and “who is audience?”. I found myself and tears and quite fragmented by the end of the call.

So I wonder what is it about writing a book that remains untouched on my list of lifetime goals and causes such fragmentation with simple questions like why do you want to write? and who are you writing for?.

As I told the coach, there is some part of me that simply wants to say “I did it. I started and I finished.” I have a history of believing I am not very good at that. I tried making that I worthwhile reason for why on the call by sharing my childhood experience of having an unfinished box of craft projects that haunted me. The coach didn’t fall for that. She pointed out that that still wasn’t about my reason now for writing and would not likely carry me through the mess and hard work of completing a book.

She wanted to know why, if I enjoyed blogging, didn’t I do more and make that a path for my writing. I had shared that I loved blogging but was not as disciplined as I wanted to me. Again, I tried using the ADD, distraction excuse, but I was not going to get off that easy. So instead, I dug deeper and that is how I found myself talking about my history. Dealing with cancer and my memories from my childhood. The story came out quite scrambled in my opinion. At some point, I shared my fears of getting lost again in the past and the compelling possibility of wholeness I imagined might come from successfully accomplishing the task.

Indeed, I believe the chat did help me focus and find my reasons for wanting to write. I also think I understand why blogging fits my style more than writing a book. Blogging let’s me come up for air and step into my present. A book would be a path I imagine having to take alone. That terrifies me. What if I go back there and get lost?

It’s funny, my past is what makes me a great counselor and coach. In listening and being present with someone who is courageously stepping into their own mess, I am quite competent and able to hold a space for them. I am able to easily stay on solid ground with whatever comes up or gets thrown my way. I can use my own journey to keep the faith that even in the blackest moments there will be a path. I trust my ability without doubt to stay present for the traveler even when the traveler doubts themselves.

Yet I am terrified of my ability to hold that same faith and solidity for myself. I have equated the hard, long road of writing a book about my life as a path to holding that space for me, and I have been unwilling to commit as fully to that task as I have to other more relational goals.

Maybe that is okay. Maybe knowing why I want to write will ignite my will, and I will go forward. For now this blog is my first pass at taking a step.

May even become a way to take the journey without being so alone.

The coach did say she wasn’t really interested in simply being an accountability coach. She believed I could find other ways to create the structure I needed and a way to stay accountable. Maybe she was right.

The workshop was just two days. We had many interactions with the horses. Koelle had us jump right into the first experience with very little direction. We were simply asked to step into the Round House (paneled, small coral) with a horse and establish trust and leadership. I volunteered to go first primarily because there wasn’t anyone else jumping up and I thought “go for it!”. Of course I had not yet seen the horse that entered the Round House ahead of me. As I was just about to head in, I heard the sounds of a very lively, large animal bolting around the space. I must admit at that point I wanted to bolt myself. I had all sorts of stories running through my mind about this wild animal on the other side of the door. Interestingly, I wasn’t thinking much about my own level of anxiety and just how that might be contributing to the craziness in the ring.

I entered. Though will confess not alone. We had been offered the option to take one of the leaders in with us. Koelle was right there at the door when I was wavering. From a leadership perspective I had some fears that I might be showing sights of weakness but I decided for once it was okay to ask for help. Once inside the horse continued to bolt around, at times coming closer than I wanted into my space. Koelle, simply stayed close by and her calm presence slowly and without words, became a bit of a beacon for both me and the horse. That is really all I clearly remember about my first pass with one of the horses.

We had two more opportunities to enter the Round House with a horse. Each time with a bit more information about how to read the signals the horse was giving and also with some background on just how horses work. As herd animals, they are looking for a leader. In nature, that leader is a mare. (now that came as a surprise to me). It seems the mare is the one who is best tuned into the greater environment, meaning herself, the herd and everything around. She is generally pretty calm and gives subtle signals that allow the entire herd to pick up the clues without a panic. Obviously I was not coming into the Round House with anything close to that level of inner calm or providing subtle clues of my discomfort. Pretty much everything was LOUD.

However, by my third trip into the round house, I was beginning to get the message. First, get in touch with me and from there be clear about my message without big, loud gestures or effort. My last interaction with one of the horses was awesome. I found ways of leading the stallion around the ring at various speeds, turning him with ease. But the best part was when I dropped the usual activities and invited him to move with me. At one point I was skipping and he was following without any fear of my ‘bigger gestures’. Needless to say, he wasn’t skipping but he had no problem keeping up. Interesting though how in that moment it wasn’t so much about him following as it was about me simply being me.

I know I am sort of a high energy, easily distracted type of leader. I often work really hard to tone myself down or stay focused. The horses taught me the value in being me. I discovered it wasn’t my high energy that was a problem it was my high anxiety, resulting from my inner fear of being too much. If I was simply high energy the horse was fine – thus the skipping and at one point running together around the ring. I also learned that one of the greatest gifts of the mare is that she too is easily “distracted”. She is tracking everything and that gift allows her to discover problems early, chart new paths and find what seem to be hidden options. May be distraction isn’t so bad after all.

In the end I came away from the weekend wishing more leaders had a chance to learn from horses. There is such an honest, simple way in which these big, powerful animals communicate what is working and what is not. We have the same potential but so often our words become our primary message and we stop really owning all the non-verbal messages that are being broadcast louder than the words on the surface.

There was much more that happened in the two days. I highly recommend anyone who leads people and is curious about discovering more about what messages they may be broadcasting to consider taking Leading from the Inside Out with Koelle and Diane. I would even recommend going first!!

We are engaged in three quite large projects related to work. Two are with large companies that require us to say NDA’s (non-disclosure documents) meaning that even the interesting aspects of the work is best not included in my blog. The third project is interesting as well but we are just getting started and not really ready yet for prime time.

I guess I could write about the start of hunting season. Yes – in Montana that is a big deal. For me, basically it means pulling out everything orange I can find so that when I take the dogs out for a walk or run we are bright and obvious.

Hunting is one of those sports I simply don’t get. I had a cousin who was a bow hunter and I did come to believe that bow hunting is very, very different then using a rife. Plus he ate everything he killed. Somehow that made more sense to be. The skins on the floor and the heads mounted on the wall seem totally absurd to me. I have no doubt that are hunters out there that may be annoyed at my lack of understanding or support for their sport.

Hunting and car racing are sort in the same category for me. With auto racing I get the element of speed and risk. Flying around in a large metal machine has some clear challenges that might merit skills beyond the average Joe. But the fact this is such an incredible waste of fuel at a time when energy is an issue seems totally insane. Hunting – especially rife hunting – seems as crazy. Where’s the sport in aiming at an animal from so far away that the animal has no clue anything is happening and killing an opponent where the odds of your success are overwhelming. Wouldn’t it be more sporting to have to somehow face your opponent and use your own strength to kill it.

I am sure I am missing something. Still even as I sit here on my deck I hear rife rounds off in the distance. It isn’t rife hunting season yet so either someone is practicing or there is some illegal hunting going on. Personally I am rooting for deer, elk or quail.

I realize though that I live in a state that enjoys hunting season. I actually believe folks here at least attempt to make it a real sport. People actually really know how to use a gun or a bow. In general, I think most only kill what is allowed. Folks get a license and train younger kids how to stay safe while hunting.

I also have no doubt some things I believe and practice, others think are equally crazy. Still I stay a bit on my morale high ground because yoga, biking and personal growth groups don’t usually result in deaths. Still my righteousness is still just that. A way to stay separate. So all my desires for unity and oneness sort of go right out the window.

It’s hard staying open and compassionate to the choices of others. Especially during hunting season!