Category Archives: Connecting

Connecting, Life Experiences

Finding My Joy Through Horse Play!

Horses really are a joy to work with and amazing teachers!

I know I say that a lot.  I also share stories, pictures and videos of the fun we are having here in Montana with the horses.

However, I am not sure I have done the best job sharing with you just why I think this work is so rich, valuable and worthy of your time, money and energy.

There are lots of ways you can learn, grow and transform.

I, myself have tried many paths:

  • Create an crisis and have to change – be it health, money or relationship related.
  • Decide to get a honest 360 round of feedback (or have to get one) – from working colleagues, friends and family
  • Attend a personal or professional training programs like those offered at The Haven – Living Alive Phase, Come Alive, Couples Alive or a program like Passionate Ease.  (just to name a few favorites of all time) 

Of these paths I have taken, all bought about significant, deep, valuable transformational growth in my life.  Some of them I have done or would do over and over again.  Other paths (like the crisis route), I’d prefer to say one and done. (Although I think I have done that 4 or more times – at least). 

Even the ones I do over – like Couples Alive, Come Alive  or Passionate Ease – are in some ways a conscious effort and some hard work on my part to stay and and really show up.  I don’t regret the effort or the work and the reward is worth it – but it’s hard!

Here’s the thing for me about a workshop or an intensive experience around horses – it’s not hard!

Even when I was terrified of being around them – which was the case when I started in my training.  I definitely drop my armor faster, open my heart and feel joy more than pain in every experience I have.  Even when the lessons were HARD ones.

So what have been some of the lessons I have learned or witnessed others learning from the horses:

  • Boundaries and boundarying – how important it is to be able to show up and be clear in self-defining.  Dealing with push back and staying in.  (Of course a 1500 pound horse is great in teaching that! )
  • What it means to be embodied and not just a walking, talking head.  Yes – there lots of programs about embodiment – but horses live it every moment and they love to provide you feedback when you are thinking too much!!!  ( a little nudge or they simply aren’t inclined to play!) 
  • The joy that can come from another living, breathing being holding a space for you – wanting you to be present and being okay with whatever you show up with as long as you are congruent!
  • The importance of play and sometimes just moving, dancing and finding your jig. (May be I should have said this one first!)

These are just some of the lessons I see that are a regular part of Equus coaching sessions.

All this feedback and interaction occurs and it’s offered in an amazingly warm and nonjudgmental way.

Horses are not story makers.  They come into the moment with each session waiting to see who and what shows up and working to create a relationship that ensures they stay safe and have some fun.

Horses enjoy the sessions and like moving and participating.  Some maybe more so than others and when that isn’t their thing they are usually quite clear in letting you know.

I know I will keep going to programs like Passionate Ease and Haven’s offerings – indeed I’ll enjoy my time in the circle and connecting people.

However, I do want to spend more time with the horses.  I encourage you to try it as well.

Besides discovering the joy in playing with the horses, if you come to Montana you will get an amazing experience – beautiful place, great people and CrisMarie and I bring all the other aspects of what we’ve learned to help you get the most of your lessons from the horses.

Intrigued?

Curious?

Want to experience more joy in your own transformational journey!

Come play with the horses!

Are you local? – Well join us for one of our Come PLay With The Horses Events – here’s the latest link – Come Play With The Horses August 12

Connecting, Vision

Our Un-United States

Enjoying a bit of downtime after two very full weeks up at Haven.  In just a couples days we’ll be celebrating the 4th of July here in the USA.  I have noticed a number of postings related to how hard this 4th of July will be as we here in the United States seem riddled with uncertainty and divide.

I have to say, I totally get how there is a bit of a challenge in how to best celebrate our country’s freedom with so much devision constantly making the headlines.

I find myself wrestling with my frustration with our current President and what seems like daily headlines demonstrating the irreconcilable differences between decision-making parties and elected officials.

Indeed at times it is heartbreaking to read stories of people’s lives impacted by decisions being made often based on a desire to just overturn policies made by the previous administration. Or creating new policies out of fear or threat.  It seems as though our politicians have lost the connection to the people and the impact of these sweeping changes.

It’s also hard to read almost daily about another shooting involving someone opening gunfire in a public place.

Yes, our country currently seems very wobbly and quite divided.  Not much to celebrate in terms of a United States.

Yet somehow I find myself wanting to connect.  To share why I do love this country inspite of the politics and the current direction.

Deep down I do believe in the people.  Even the people who think very differently than me!

I have sat in circles at The Haven where people from very different lives have found pathways for bridging differences and creating relationships that last through pain, sorrow, anger and joy.

I have worked with leaders and teams where the anger and the frustration was creating division and with support, these teams dive into the mess and new possibilities emerge.

It’s the work I love.  Not avoiding the messy but owning it and working through to new possibilities.  However, those new possibilities won’t come without embracing  both our shadow and our light!

What I’d like to do for this 4th of July is identify and share what I do love about this country and what I find difficult.

I love that I live in Montana – it’s beautiful and somehow even with our differences, people come together here to support each other when there’s a call for help.

I love that even with some horrible political stuff happening – communities across the country are gathering and standing forward together.

What I find difficult.  The current political fighting between the right and the left.  The rising levels of violence and the fact that it is hard to sit and talk about our differences.

I imagine I’ll have more to reflect on in terms of my answers over the next couple days.  In the meantime, I’d love to hear from any of you celebrating this 4th of July – what do you love about this country and what are you finding difficult!  (to my Canadian friends feel free to join in since you just had your big 150 – what do you love about Canada and what’s do you find difficult)

That I can even put this out as a question and almost guarantee I will get some very different types of responses is another reason I do love this country.

I think the 4th isn’t just a time to celebrate what’s beautiful but to also celebrate and reflect on the good, the bad, the ugly and the beautiful.

I do think that is the only path to re-uniting us!

Connecting, Life Experiences

My Fear of Fat

Just recently I stepped onto the scale and discovered that I had gained five pounds. Now I knew it had been a while and that I had been allowing myself some space to enjoy the Flathead Valley’s craft beers and various Whitefish food fare.

I was also skiing regularly, walking or running with my dog Rosie and was diligent with my home yoga routine. As I digested the new number on the scale, I reminded myself that muscle weighs more than fat. Therefore, I didn’t need to panic.

But within a short period of time, panic was in full pursuit, screaming a need to fast immediately. I was ready to apply whatever sum of cash was required to get into a 10-day cleanse, juicing experience, or something that would deal with my surfacing FEAR of FAT!

To distract myself, I turned to social media. As if in answer to my needs, what should appear on my newsfeed but an Ad with an incredibly buff woman in a fitness bra, tights, and doing a move that required great strength and flexibility. What was loudest for me was her rock-solid abs and perfect dimensions. Right there on the Ad was the statement: The 10-day yoga program that will make you look like this!!

You may be thinking I signed up. But no – I blew up! I went into a full-on rage. Bullshit! Her body was not the result of any damn 10-day program!

I really, really hate that type of Ad campaign. It’s possible that with her genes and diet, at some point, she did ten days of intense yoga that shaped her into something even better than she already was. She may even believe her yoga routine maintains her excellent balance between muscle mass and flexibility. Well, let’s not forget her perfect bone structure, great hair and flawless young skin. But I can tell you one thing for sure: no 10-day program – be it yoga, fat camp, fitness boot camp – is going to transform my genes, scars, wrinkles and body into that!

The idea that Facebook decided this advertisement was best for me pissed me off! However, this Facebook Ad did knock some sense into me. I didn’t make any radical decisions based on my Facebook feed or my visit to the scale. Nor did I rant and fire off hate mail to that perfect looking yogini.

Instead, I decided it’s time to face my FEAR of FAT! Not run. Not stop eating. Not do a new intense exercise program. But stop and face my fear.

What you need to know is I was a fat kid. Since the age of 11, I started putting on weight, and can honestly say, with a touch of flush as I write these words, that I weighed more between the ages of 12 to 14 than I ever weighed as an adult.

Not only did I have weight issues, I did nothing to improve my looks. In fact, related to clothing, hair or make-up, I went the other way. I dressed more like a boy than a girl. My shoulder-length hair was either scrappy and full of tangles or cut short like I was wearing a soup bowl on my head. You could’ve read the invisible sign on my forehead that shouted: “Stay the f*ck away from me!”

I know now that kid had a whole bunch of reasons for getting fat, keeping everyone away and doing her damnedest to project “Don’t mess with me!” But I also know that young girl cared very deeply and had simply given up on humans.

Food was something that was comforting and relatively safe. Being called fat was simply a cost factor for a very reliable line of defense: fat, ugly and untouchable.

Then I discovered sports. I was a pretty good athlete – a fat one but a good one. I could play a mean game of tennis, and when I decided to make sports my new refuge – hockey and basketball became favorites. I wasn’t great, but I was determined, and underneath all that fat was some rock-solid coordination and tenacity.

Sports became my lifeline to human contact.

I soon discovered I could, with enough running and working out, stop the rising scales. I found a way to protect and guard myself that did not involve being fat! Exercise replaced food as a way to get far, far away from my fears, my terror and my demons, which made it critical to not get to close to people!

However, back to our perfect yogini. Even at the pinnacle of my athletic career, which involved playing three sports and practicing four to five hours a day, I never ever looked anything close to her – NEVER!

With all my exercise, I ran myself smack into the hospital in my early 20’s. I hadn’t noticed I had lost almost 60 pounds, which tells you about my relationship with my body. At 5’6” I was just under 100 pounds.

You might be thinking, eating disorder, and there’s some truth to that. But the real factor of my weight loss was cancer. Yes, the fight to not feel my fear, my terror and my demons had run its course. There’s a lot more to the cancer story but that’s a book, not an article on my FEAR of FAT.

Let me just say, in losing all that weight and even being very, very ill, I started to get lots of attention. Men suddenly found me attractive. I was boney and skinny and wearing a size 6. I was a piece of nothing, but there’s something about any woman that slender that attracts a certain response from men. I had never had that type of attention!

Sure, the dying of cancer wasn’t so great – but skinny – well, there was something about that I liked.

Seven years later, after a clean bill of health from cancer, I realized I had a new problem.

I was terrified of going back to FAT! This new problem has now been going on for the better part of twenty-five years. I don’t talk much about it. It’s not like cancer. It’s not the thing friends want to support you in facing. It’s a bit like mental illness, which I could write about too, but I’ll stick to fat.

When I saw the perfect yogini Facebook Ad, my rage exploded. I let myself feel fully. The rage turned into a deep grief and I wailed.

Then I realized my fear of fat would never be resolved by being thin.

Being fat was not the problem. I’m not ugly, and I am not even fat. I do, though, have trouble feeling fully. I don’t particularly like crying or feeling deep grief. Yet, life, and being in relationship with people and this world, does offer a lot to feel deeply about, and it is not all happy and positive!

I won’t be going on any radical diets or fasting for now, nor will I go on a Facebook fast. I just need to be kinder to myself and maybe stop running and exercising so much to the point of not noticing when my body, heart, or spirit needs some attention.

I simply need to feel deeply.

My fear of fat is not over. But I am much more committed to turning towards the fear and facing it rather than running to get further and further away from myself and my feelings.

Connecting, Valuing Differences

FINDING THE FIELD BY RIDING THE WAVES

IMG_0621I wish I could say I was busy fighting for what’s right, taking a stand or working towards something that would somehow make a difference in what seems to be our country’s current trajectory.

I read the news and I am upset by what seems like a surreal demonstration of either a dictator in the making or a immature boy trying to puff-up and run the government. What is even odder to me than watching this wild display of immaturity and bullying is seeing others go right along with it – support it – and ignore the very people who our government is designed to represent.

Oddly though I am not compelled to protest, march or actively rage against the unfolding political path.

Why?

I am not sure but something in me just doesn’t think that is a solution that will work. I notice I find much more possibility and encouragement through engaging in diverse groups of people working towards creating a path forward in their community, organization or family.

I find myself listening more and discovering that there is a very deep level of discontent that has now surfaced through this election process and is even louder now that the administration has changed hands.

I have believed for a long time that there isn’t such a thing as righting a wrong done. It’s just not that simple. The very nature of the statement suggest that there is a right or a wrong – a black or a white. This, I think, is the biggest pain point of being human – polarization.

We keep trying to figure it out. To right wrongs or fix the problem. Oddly though that effort just doesn’t make the gap between you and me smaller or any less of a gap. I can not fix what I may have done to you. You can not fix what you may have ever done to me.

I can find peace but oddly that does not come from the outside. It comes from within – when I get beyond my own right/wrong thinking.

I don’t want to sound too Rumi-like here though I love that poem – beyond right and wrong – there is a field – I will meet you there.

I know that field is out there. I also know I live in this very human experience that is you, me and other.

Both things are true – we are one – there is not an other – and yet there is.

The paradox, the pain and yes, the pleasure of that very human dilemma is always present.

So though I don’t know that there are really victims and perpetrators – I do need to own that I am both if indeed there are and not simply try to rise above that agony – but tolerate the pain of being one or the other and both!

That’s really the only path through this current trajectory for me.

I can’t make Trump wrong. Because his very transparent display of child-like narcissism is simply a huge projection of my own narcissistic qualities.

I don’t like what I see and I really would like to rage against what seems like a mad man – but all that I keep hearing is that mad man is me.
Find my own intolerance and work with it.
Be in my world and listen, engage with my neighbor.

When I hear what I judge to be prejudice or bullying – speak up.
Not necessarily to say – “you are wrong”.
But to say – I don’t like that and stand along side with as much compassion and curiosity as I have to offer myself or another – instead of right or wrong.
That journey for me is much harder than fighting a monster on the front page or in a White House.

I know that isn’t the journey for everyone. Some are called to speak out and play on much larger stages.

It will take all kinds to somehow ride this wave.

But I am convinced building a platform of any type of righteousness isn’t going to work. Being ‘right’ isn’t going to get rid of ‘wrong’.
Frankly in my righteousness I believe I may just be making the wave bigger!

It’s time to ride the wave (s) – on a surf board, in boats, maybe a yacht or bigger vessel should you be so inclined or able. But don’t put down an anchor – not yet – stay open – listen and see those riding around you – see the water – not the difference between your boat or mine.

May be we’ll get through this. May be we won’t.

I want to believe we can make and we can do this together – let’s work to get to that field out there beyond right/wrong.

Connecting, Valuing Differences

Hold Your Fire, Please

My chest aches. I’m not finding much comfort in my furious friends who are ready to fight back. Which is odd because generally I’m the first person to fight for the underdog.

But as I listen to the anger, projected on the people who didn’t vote, the people who did but voted for Trump, I don’t feel good. I feel icky.

When I watch the American flag being burned by people in one of our ally countries – I feel sad.

I want to write my international friends be they in Canada, UK or Mexico and ask that they hold their fire, please.

Yes, we are a country in deep conflict right now. The full extend of the division of our united people is easily seen through the election where Trump won as a self-proclaimed racist, xenophobic, sexist white male by getting the electoral vote. However, Hillary won the majority vote of the people. One a neo-nationalist, Trump and one a neo-liberalist, Hillary.

I like Hillary. Where I may have failed my neighbor is not going below the vicious hate I saw being directed at her. I didn’t like the delivery and so just dismissed it without speaking up.

With Trump, I haven’t been able to get beyond the vile presentation – the bullying, child-like behavior whenever there’s negative feedback and a general lack of respect for the job is being asked to take on, the Presidency of the United States.

As a result, I did not hear the real pain of half of my country.
That’s on me.

I am getting an understanding of it now. There are people who sit in the middle of our country who don’t believe their opinions and views are being heard. They believe government is focused on programs for people other than themselves, and they are being asked to pay for those programs when frankly, they are not making enough money to do it.

There are people who carry guns and use them well and don’t want gun controls that will infringe upon their rights to responsibly bare arms.

There are people who live on the border of Mexico that have had to face and deal with challenges due to illegal immigrants, and worry that if they say anything they’ll be called a racist.

I think white men and yes, some white women, feel threatened by being told they’re privileged. These people are told to shut up, it’s no longer your turn and they just don’t understand the impact of their so-called privilege.

These are just some of the issues I think Trump spoke to and as a result this LARGE group of people felt heard.

Do I agree? Well, that is not the important point.
The real question for me to be asking is, “Did I even listen?” and “Will I listen now?”

We all want to be heard. Often we can live without getting our way if we believe someone has truly heard us and considered our point of view with real interest and regard.

I am not sure I have done that to those people, which is why my heart aches.

Because now I will be living with a President that did listen. I’m not really sure I believe he has good intent for those that he stirred up, but he did listen and did it better than most of us.

So for all my desire for equality and freedom for all – I failed.

I don’t want to keep failing. I also don’t want to see us lose the ground we have gained because we have made progress. I will still speak up to racism. I will speak up to sexism.

But I want you to know, if you don’t realize already, that racism, sexism is within each of us. It’s not relegated to privileged, the rednecks, or Trump.

In my opinion, we’ve got to start really listening to each other and not just fighting back and continuing the cycle of winning and fighting again.

Yes, be angry and find ways to express that anger responsibly and then get back up and relate to each other! Because “We The People” are ALL people – not just the ones who agree with me and even those people who hate me because of who I am. I know that is painful.

I’m not great at listening without defending myself especially when someone is attacking. It is hard to stay open and be curious. However, I can’t just keep saying my own point over and over again. Or run the people I hate out of town.

Frankly, I think the only way to break out of this hell we are now in is to actually try to listen. Not to the press, not to the media but to my neighbor, your neighbor who very well might have voted for Trump.

Connecting, Valuing Differences

Breathe, Feel the Cracks, and Let the Heart Open

Today as I read the news and the sad storyline out of Paris France, I just find myself wrestling with how stuck we are in a world of right and wrong.

It seems so easy to just say terrorism is just wrong. But I just can’t help but think those people deciding to bomb or fire into a crowd, somehow think they are right.

So much about the world these days is based in right or wrong. What does it really mean to take right action or wrong action? The underlying assumption is that there is a right or wrong action.

Well, I am here to say ‘right’ action is sometimes just all ‘wrong.’ Right-wrong is just getting old and way past its time. The idea of – do the right thing – is just a bit too narrow and a mental construct.

Yes, our minds are one of our greatest assets. You won’t hear me suggesting that we shouldn’t use our minds. However, I don’t think our minds are of much value without the wisdom of our most inspiring asset – our heart.15845528_m

Yes, I am speaking of that somewhat fragile, pumping organ sitting just left of center in our chest and much more spoken of in metaphor than in words or facts.

We are in awe of someone’s mental abilities, terrified by another’s mental illness, and doubtful of, or overly confident in, our own intellectual capabilities.

But we are moved and inspired by the human heart’s capacity.

Art, music, poetry and inspiration are the outpouring of the heart – not to be measured but to be tapped – an unlimited expression of spirit.

When we go for ‘right’ action – our breath restricts and we narrow and focus in on what is ‘right’

When we go for inspired action our breath deepens and there is a bridge. As a result, the mind is inspired by the heart.

What becomes possible isn’t a linear, right-wrong answer or solution. When breath bridges the distance from our minds to our hearts there is an opening into infinite possibilities.

We can’t explain, define it, or measure it – but we know, feel, and recognize it. We live and revel in those moments.

However, the courage it takes to live an inspired life is not easy. There is not a book or a ‘right’ way to get there. There is no there. Just breath, just a pumping heart, and a story that isn’t set, but flexes with the input of another, and notices and responses to the amazing world and all the diversity and possibility.

Today I reminded, I do not know what is right. I do not know what is wrong. I just know my heart has been cracked. I could focus and use my mind to figure out what action to take, or I can just breathe and feel the cracks, fears, and uncertainty. Let my heart inspire my actions, my stories, and my next steps.

Hearts will continue to be cracked, even broken, and with breath old stories will be inspired and possibly shifted and changed. Morphing into genius and new possibilities – inspired by the fragility and vastness of the heart!

Listen, breathe, and allow your stories to be inspired by your cracked and open heart. Only then will you, and we, find an inspired life and action worth taking – not for the outcome, but for the connection and untapped creative potential that can come when the mind and heart work together!

Today hearts are broken on all sides of old stories. Let the breath in, feel the cracks, keep your heart open, and soak your stories before taking your action.

Connecting

Oops! I Missed The Relational Part!!

Image 2It’s hard to believe I posted my blog about the Living Alive Phase 1 and somehow forgot to mention the most critical relational part.  This past month I have been working with Toby Macklin.  This is the first time we have worked together leading a Phase and it has been quite enjoyable!

There have been a few near misses due to both of us being more big picture and less detailed oriented.  However, we did find a way to ensure that all bases (well most bases) were covered. It helped that we had a great team and even a few with strengths in the area of process and structure!

We are different and I am certain that there were moments when Toby may have wished for someone a bit less chatty.  Just tonight at dinner with Wayne Dodge (another Core Faculty leader who also leads the Living Alive Phase 1 with Toby at times), I had to laugh,  as they dove into a rich dialogue about the  Latin roots of a word. No, I have yet to have that type of word play with Toby and enjoyed seeing the two of them banter.  I imagined their evening reflections on the day to be  slightly different then ours have been.  Which of cause is the real essence of relational.  Finding our differences, our similarities and accepting and working with and through both.   I like that we often had slightly different perspectives on something and yet our styles seemed to be complimentary overall.

In the end I discovered what might be our true common link – we both have a love for Harry Potter books and films!  How perfect is that!

I am enjoying laughing, learning and leading with Toby.  He even does an amazing impersonation of CrisMarie that wish I had captured on video!

 

 

 

 

 

Connecting

Home, Sweet Home

Home, sweet home.  I have been away since April 7.  Most of my time away was up at The Haven leading a Come Alive, followed by Couples Alive I & Couples Alive II.  It was a very full stretch.  Of course, I loved the work and the wonderful people I had the chance to meet and work with.  I am very fortunate that I get to do work I love.  We finished off the trip with a two day corporate client event down in Portland.

Couples Alive & On the Edge!
Here are just a few of the great couples having some fun!

There were many moments where I had some great ideas and/or experiences I wanted to share.  However, there wasn’t much free time so the imagined blog post were never completed. Now home, I have the time but not quite as inspired!

Currently, the biggest thing on my mind is my desire to create community and connections for myself here in Whitefish.  See, I found myself thinking about moving, and when I mentioned this to CrisMarie, she wisely pointed out that my solution might not really be solving my underlying dissatisfaction.  In the past six months I have been living on Gabriola Island BC more than I have been at home. Prior to that six month period there were some key changes in my connections here.  We finished our Masters program at Jwalan Muktika School for Illumination (JMSI) my term on the JMSI Board ended, my favorite hangout The Green Tea House closed, and we had a major break with some of our closest friends here in Whitefish.  Suddenly, Whitefish, though gorgeous and quite wonderful, seems more like a tourist stop than home.

After getting the first dose of wisdom from CrisMarie, she let that settle and delivered the second bit of input. Though she thought I thrived while engaged in a community, she didn’t think I was all that good at creating one.  Again, the feedback stung but had a lot of truth in it.  When I moved to Seattle, I did struggle to create the connections I wanted.  Mostly, I blamed that on traffic and too many choices.  Looking back more closely at my patterns, I noticed that I am great at jumping into groups and structures already in place, but may not be so great at building those connections myself.

So home again and this time without any long periods away for a while, I am hoping to break through and build the community I want here.  I know there are lots of possibilities. My first step is Whitefish Ladies Golf Night.  There are six of us who are game for being part of a team.  We play once a week on Tuesday evening.  I am not a great golfer, but the team agreed, this was for fun and connecting.  It’s okay if we lose or have big handicaps!

I would also like to start a monthly Body, Breath and Energy evening or Relational Health night in the Flathead Valley, bringing a bit of The Haven to Whitefish.  Of course, that will involve some marketing and may be more than I am up for.  Still, I would love to find some ways to do what I love right here at home.  Home, Sweet Home

I was happy to land back here in Montana.  Loved sleeping in my own bed and picking up Sooke, our most amazing dog.  Indeed, home is sweet. I just want to put a bit more effort into making it even better.  I’ll keep you posted along the way.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Connecting

The Richness in Couples Alive!

We are preparing to lead the next Couples Alive I & II, April 15-19 and April 19-23.  These programs are part of the Couples Alive Series that is offered up at The Haven.  We love leading these programs!! One, because we get to work together and two, because we can deeply engage with people who share our passion for relating, loving and living with a partner, friend and lover on this human experience journey.

In preparation for the Couples Alive I:  Foundations – Communication & Boundaries, I received a call from someone who was considering the program.  They shared that as individuals and a couple, they were deeply skilled in psychology and relationship skills and were wondering if this Foundation program would be the best choice.  The easy answer was to simply say it was required.  (Which is true – but I am never fond of getting a ‘rule’ thrown back at me. So I wanted a better response.)

When we were designing this series as a three couple team, CrisMarie & I, were quick to volunteer to take all of the series as participants when each program, I, II and III was launched.  We wanted to fully emerge ourselves in the material both as a way to prepare for leading and also to test our theory that the models and material is powerful and useful for couples at all stages of relationship.

Indeed, when we took each of the programs, we had no problem using the tools and experiences offered to explore the landscape of our relationship.  Though I have close to 30 years of experience teaching the communication model, I always find rich new depth in applying it to my own world and relationship.  That one model alone is the best tool I know for peeling back the layers of my life and bridging the gap between my world view and that of another.  Besides there really isn’t ever an end or finish-line when it comes to intimacy.  I know I am always evolving, involving, shifting and sticking and there’s enough discovery there for a lifetime.  As a couple there’s infinite possibility.

I also reflected on the couples who had been with us in the Couples Alive I, Foundations that we have led.  Again, I was struck by the variety and diversity.  We have had newlyweds to couples married for over 40 plus years. We have had same-sex, heterosexual, monogamous and poly-amorous couples all in the same group.  We have had couples who were thinking of separating, who live a part and one couple, that was separated but wanted to try again.  Yes, there has been an amazing scope and range in the couples who have been in the Couples Alive I, Foundations program.

It works because we designed it so that the couple gets to work on their issues, whatever they may be. Concepts and models are introduced (or refreshed). Then the truly rich possibilities come through applying these ideas within the container of each unique couple. The models are simple, universal and deep. They can be utilized at any stage in the life-cycle of a couple: from romance to power-struggle through to co-creation, over and over again.

Add to that, the opportunity for couples to learn from and share with other couples and the possibilities are endless. One of the richest parts of the series is watching couples learn and grow through simply knowing they are not alone, the the couple journey is really not a formula. It’s alive, organic and riddled with highs, lows and status quos.  Sometimes, the best learning is simply that there isn’t really something wrong!

Yes, the Couples Alive I is called Foundations but it isn’t simply for those Couples just starting the journey. Foundations are worth exploring anytime.  Come and join us!!

 

 

 

Communication, Connecting, Life Experiences

Doggy Facebook

sooke“World’s most awesome stick – take a right at the tree near the skunk trail – left it there for you!” – Dusty

“Long time – no word – you doing okay? Leave a trace – miss the chase!” – Nico

“Don’t even think of taking my treasure – deer bone is MINE!!” – anon

I am fairly certain now that this is what totally slows Sooke, my wonder dog, down when we are heading into the woods for a run.  She has to check Doggy Facebook.  The first 50 feet of trail are just like 6PM on Facebook.  Every dog has left some sort of post with details of their canine experience. Usually, once past the initial trail head, she settles in for the jog.  However, like my friends, she is not able to stay off Facebook for long.  I imagine much like the sound of an incoming new Facebook post on my cell phone, Sooke gets a strong hit of a recent doggy post through her nose, and off she goes. First, she checks out the latest news and then finds any reported treasures.

Sooke, unlike me, seems to enjoy posting as much as she does following her friends.  I have no doubt her frequent stops have less to do with need to relieve herself and much more to do with passing on important information to the rest of the canine world that frequents our woods.

I have never really given it much thought until I began to compare her need for gathering information and passing on her own personal notes, to my own current interest and experiences on Facebook.  I realize that dogs have been facebook’ing much longer than their human counterparts.  It’s clear that animals, and especially dogs, thrive on incoming input from their buddies, posting seems to be their way of life.

Often CrisMarie is bugging me to get off Facebook to chat with her or fix dinner.  I am thinking it really is no different than when I am yelling for Sooke to catch up.

“I want to run – hurry up, Sooke!”

“I want to post – you’ll have to wait!” – screams Sooke!

Facebook has definitely taken over the world and it seems the woods as well!